United States of Al, Season 2

Lizzie:
Wild guess. Al's mom found out.

Art:
Maybe we should give 'em a little space?

Lizzie:
It's not like we're eavesdropping. We don't speak the language.

Art:
Angry, disappointed parent? I am fluent. I thought I taught you better than this. I sacrificed so much. Why don't you just stab me in the heart?

Lizzie:
You're talking about Riley, right?

Art:
Oh, sweetie, I'm talking about the both of you.

Lizzie:
Hey! What's going on?

Al:
I just spoke with my mother.

Art:
Really? How is she?

Al:
I'm afraid my freewheeling lifestyle has come to a close. No need to lock up your daughters, America. They're safe now.

Lizzie:
What happened?

Al:
She says the only way to restore honor to our name is if she finds me a wife from a good family.

Lizzie:
A wife?

Art:
Can't you just do a bunch of Muslim Hail Marys or something?

Al:
No, no, no, no. If your parents are not happy with you, Mr. Art, God is not happy with you.

Art:
Are you listening to this?

Al:
She already has someone in mind. Her name is Nasim.

Art:
That's a pretty name.

Al:
She was the neighborhood bully. When we were kids, she used to hold me down and spit on my face till I cried.

Art:
Maybe I should arrange a marriage for you.

Lizzie:
Go for it.

Art:
Ooh. Called my bluff. Did not see that coming.