WWE SmackDown!, 2003

Vince McMahon:
Well, well, well, well. Lookee here, it's me, Vince McMahon. You remember me, Vince McMahon, chairman of the board? Yeah, I'm sure you do. And I am proud to stand here--next to Sable--proud to stand here and say to each and every one of you, that I beat the snot right out of my very own daughter, Stephanie McMahon. Boo all you want. Hey, boo all you want, it doesn't matter to me, hell, nothing bothers me. I know where I'm going when I croak. I know where I'm going when I kick the bucket. Hey, I'm going to hell in a handbasket. I know that but I'm not dead. I'm very much alive and... well, we're celebrating tonight. Matter of fact, maybe even kinda like, I celebrated after No Mercy. After I beat my daughter, after I shoved my wife down onto the mat, I celebrated unlike all the rest of you henpecked husbands and boyfriends who do exactly as you're told. You know, how I celebrated after No Mercy, you heard the expression, "Spare the rod, spoil the child." Well, I assure you, I didn't spoil the child but I didn't spare the rod either, did I, Sable? Oh no, I used it all night long. Quite frankly, I accomplished the two things I wanted to accomplish. One: Stephanie McMahon is, as we speak, unemployed. And the second thing I accomplished, equally important, if not even more so, is that Brock Lesnar remains your WWE Champion. Hey, listen, I admit, Brock needed a little assistance in this match but why wouldn't he? Brock's a professional wrestler. He's not a barbarian. He shouldn't have been placed in this biker chain match by my daughter to begin with. So, I mean, when Undertaker somehow was reaching up for that chain and Brock was down to the canvas, well, somehow conveniently the lights were turned out. And then, when Undertaker was reaching for the chain again, somehow someone told the FBI to come down and kick the hell out of the Undertaker. And then, when all else failed, and Undertaker got the chain and he turned around at the top rope, who was there rolling out from underneath the ring to give the Undertaker the ride of a life he'll never forget? Me! Me, Vince McMahon! You see, the Undertaker has to learn the hard way, just like some of these other superstars, although he has to learn even harder and that is that, and the one thing Undertaker learned is you don't cross the boss. You don't...you don't give grief to the head chief. Wait a minute, wait a minute. But you do have sex with the man who signs your checks. Oh, yeah, I'm on fire tonight! No doubt! Yeah! But, quite frankly, enough about the celebration, we now need to get down to business. I've thought long and hard about who should be our next general manager here on SmackDown!. But it's not you, Sable, that's not your job. I have some other jobs suggested for you. No, as a matter of fact, the person I'm about to name as your new general manager, well, he's someone who quite frankly tried to put me out of business. He's someone that if he's around you for a lengthened time, you find yourself reaching for his throat just so you could strangle him. But... but, nonetheless without a doubt, this person is one of the most ingenious, creative, and manipulative minds in the history of this business. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you your new general manager of SmackDown!, I give you Paul Heyman!