The Big Bang Theory, Season 3

[Howard's phone rings]

Howard:
Damn, it's my mother.

Bernadette:
Are you going answer it?

Howard:
I'm torn. She might be dying. I wouldn't want to miss that. On the other hand, if I let it go to voice-mail, I could play it over and over.

Bernadette:
I know how you feel. My mother makes me crazy.

Howard:
Not as crazy as my mother makes me.

Bernadette:
Oh, yeah? Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you've had a healthy lunch?

Howard:
My mother calls me at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.

Bernadette:
Okay, well, does she lay out your clothes for you in the morning like you're 9 years old?

Howard:
You live with your mother?

Bernadette:
No. That's the sad part.

Howard:
Okay, check this out: my mother made me wear rubber gloves to kindergarten so I wouldn't pick up a disease from the other children.

Bernadette:
That's nothing! I couldn't ride a bicycle because my mother was afraid I'd hit a bump and lose my virginity.

Howard:
Oh, wow. You didn't, did you?

Bernadette:
Not on a bicycle. In a Camry. [short pause]

Howard:
Corolla! More wine?

Bernadette:
I'd love some!

Howard:
Listen, you have to come to Shabbat dinner at my house sometime.

Bernadette:
Why?

Howard:
Well, a Catholic girl like you, wearing a big cross like that, might just give my mother the big brain aneurysm I've been hoping for.

Bernadette:
Okay. But only if you come to Sunday dinner at my house wearing a yarmulke.

Howard:
It's a date.

Penny:
[aside to Leonard] Am I a matchmaker or what?