The Big Bang Theory, Season 3

'[Howard enters Leonard's laboratory to mock him for his unsuccessful date the previous evening]

Howard:
Hey.

Leonard:
[handing him a pair of glasses] Laser.

Howard:
Had a great night last night. I don't like to kiss and tell, but... [puts glasses on] somebody made it to eighth base!

Leonard:
The hell is eighth base?

Howard:
Seventh base with shirt off. Well... My shirt. How'd things go with Penny?

Leonard:
[sarcastically] Oh, yes... Couldn't be better.

[He fires up the laser, igniting a Cylon action figure in its path and startling Howard]

Howard:
Are we taking our relationship frustrations out on innocent Cylons?

Leonard:
[extinguishing the fire] It's not just Cylons. Superman's next.

Howard:
Alright. I was gonna try to squeeze in a little more mocking before lunch, but I can come back later, when you don't have a high-power weapon.

Leonard:
How can I go out with a woman who believes in psychics?

Howard:
Hey, I once dated a girl who believed she was abducted by aliens.

Leonard:
And that didn't bother you?

Howard:
Au contraire. It meant she was gullible and open to a little probing.

Leonard:
What am I supposed to do, pretend I believe something I don't whenever I'm with Penny?

Howard:
Hey I'm sure Penny fakes all kinds of things when she's with you.

Leonard:
Do me a favor. [points to the area in front of the laser] lean over and put your head right here.

Howard:
Let me show you another way to look at this. [Draws a large box on a dry-erase board] Here we have the universe of all women. [Draws one large circle inside the box] These are the ones you want to sleep with. [Draws an equal-size circle slightly intersecting the first] These are the women who believe exactly what you believe. [Draws a very small circle at bottom of the intersection] These are the women who would be willing to sleep with you. Right there at the little triple intersection is your ideal mate. Odds are she's a short physicist with low self-esteem who lives in a government research facility in China.

Leonard:
What's your point? In order to keep having a sexual relationship with Penny, I have to give up everything I believe in, my intellectual integrity, the very nature of who I am? I can't do that, Howard.

Howard:
I respect that. [takes Leonard's hand and dots his palm with the marker]

Leonard:
What is that?

Howard:
Your new girlfriend. Have fun tonight.