The Young Ones, Series 2

Bambi:
So, starter for ten, fingers on the buzzers. Who is the richest person in the world?

[Vyvyan unwittingly buzzes in while tampering with his microphone]

Voice-over:
Scumbag, Vyvyan.

Vyvyan:
[pause] What?

Rick:
[to his team] We're getting thrashed! We're getting completely thrashed! Isn't there some way we can cheat?

Neil [feeling desperate for the toilet]:
Guys, guys, look. It's beginning to seep out, guys. Please!

Mike:
It's very simple, Neil. Use the jug.

[Mike pours the water out of the jug, and onto Lord Snot]

Bambi:
Now, I'll have to hurry you, I'll have to hurry you. Who is the richest person in the world?

[Lord Snot buzzes in]

Voice-over:
Footlights, Snot.

Lord Snot:
It's me, isn't it?

Bambi:
No, I'm afraid not. Your father's multi-national collapsed early this morning.

Lord Snot:
Oh, damn!

[The jug that Neil was using to urinate in falls on top of Lord Snot's head]

Bambi:
So, with the score... with the score still standing at 25 to nothing, here goes...

[Vyvyan buzzes in]

Vyvyan:
I'm completely bloody sick of this!

[he stamps a hole in his booth and knocks out Kendal Mintcake]

Vyvyan:
Give us some easy ones, Bambi, you big bottom boil!

Mike:
Relax, we can handle this. Vyvyan?

Vyvyan:
[whilst getting a German World War II grenade ready] Achtung!

[he throws the grenade into Footlights' booth; Ms. Money-Sterling buzzes in]

Ms. Money-Sterling:
It's not an automatic...

[the grenade explodes, blowing Footlights to smithereens]

Mike:
Okay, Bambi. Let's hear another.

Bambi:
So here goes with the starter for ten: What is the record number of marshmallows stuffed up one nostril?

[Mike buzzes in]

Voice-over:
Scumbag, Mike.

Mike:
Er, 604, Toxteth O'Grady, USA.

Vyvyan:
I told you that, Mike, you bloody cheat!

Bambi:
Ten points, Scumbag, and your question. Who produced the world's stickiest bogey?

[Mike buzzes in again]

Mike:
Toxteth O'Grady.

Bambi:
Correct, five points.

Vyvyan:
[to Mike] You bum-bag!

Bambi:
The world's stupidest bottom burp?

[Neil buzzes in]

Neil:
Rick, Britain!

Bambi:
Correct, five points.

Rick:
It is not!

Bambi:
And finally, for five bonus points to take you into the lead - who's been tampering with my question cards?

[Rick buzzes in]

Rick:
It was me! It was me! [the audience boo at Scumbag] Damn! Damn!

[Scumbag are constantly booed at, and pelted with rubbish, until they're crushed by a giant éclair. The scene changes when a doctor picks up the éclair]

Doctor:
Oh no, this sticky bun's covered with human beings the size of amoebas. [he feeds the éclair to an elephant] Here, Jumbo. Get that down your esophagus.

Elephant:
Very good.

Doctor:
Anyway, as I was saying, the most interesting theory...

[End credits roll as he is talking]