ALF, Season 1

[the Tanners and the Ochmoneks are in the plane going home thanks to ALF for kicking them out of the hotel]

Trevor:
I tell you Tanner, I thought only rockstars got kicked out of hotels.

Willie:
Yeah, I can't imagine what causes that toast to the short circuit. But I'm gonna find out.

Trevor:
Sure stunk up the place. Smelt the burnt fish all the way to the lobby. By the way, how's that smell back in the cargo section?

Kate:
I for one miss the pigs.

Trevor:
I'm sorry I meant the host down to Jackals. Hey Raquel, I feel a little woozy. Get me a broom will ya?

Raquel:
I warned you about that shellfish Trevor.

Trevor:
Just get it, alright?

Raquel:
I'll get it in a second! I have to put oil on my shoulders that hotel ought to warn their guests about the sun. [she head to the bathroom]

Willie:
[sits down next to Kate] Quite possibly the worst weekend of our entire lives.

ALF:
[pops up] You haven't stopped complaining since I burned down that room!

Willie:
You, back with the jackals.

ALF:
They're hyenas. And I don't like them.

Willie:
They're jackals.

ALF:
But why are they laughing at? [he hides away]

Trevor:
Lieutenant McIntosh? Give me the coordinates. We're almost over enemy territory.

Willie:
What enemy territory?

Trevor:
What enemy territory? What do you think that is the Mississippi River? Those are the bridges at Toko-ri.

Willie:
Trevor. Snap out of it, Trevor, the war's over! the trip of the war is over

Trevor:
Boy, I did overdo the shellfish.

Kate:
Willie? Willie, what's wrong?

Willie:
I'm not sure. Trevor, how serious is this allergy?

Trevor:
It's nothing. Listen, would you switch on the autopilot?

Willie:
Where is it?

Trevor:
It's right down there. Thanks. [he gets up] I'm gonna get up move around a little stretch for a minute so I don't pass out. [he passes out when he develops an allergic reaction with shellfish and starts acting loopy]

Kate:
Trevor! Trevor! Trevor, say something!

Trevor:
[acting loopy] Oh good, the USO.

Brian:
Is he okay?

Lynn:
Oh my gosh, what are we gonna do? Who's gonna fly the plane?

Brian:
Dad, you fly it.

Willie:
Now, relax everybody. NOBODY is gonna fly this plane!

Lynn:
Uh, dad. [points down]

ALF:
[comes out] I'll fly it!

Willie:
You!

ALF:
We have an emergency! I'm the logical choice. Oh, by the way, you were right. They're not hyenas but they are laughing!

Brian:
ALF can fly a plane?

Willie:
Oh, he can't even work the toaster.

Kate:
Well, he did fly a spaceship.

ALF:
Yeah, how different can it be? What does this do? [he speeds up the plane that makes it go faster] I see.

Raquel:
[offscreen] TREVOR! STOP FOOLING AROUND!

Kate:
Oh my gosh! Raquel!

Raquel:
This door is stuck, somebody help me!

Kate:
Oh, oh, oh, she'll see ALF. Help me block the door. Help is on the way, Raquel! Brian, sit down fasten your seat belt.

Raquel:
WHAT'S BLOCKING THE DOOR?

Lynn:
[while blocking the door] A hyena.

Kate:
Well, did you figure it out? Can you fly it?

ALF:
[while flying a plane] I think so! I need to see an owner's manual!

Willie:
There's not an owner's manual!

ALF:
Then, I can't fly it!

Willie:
The laws of aerodynamics are the same everywhere in the universe

ALF:
Yeah, that's right. What are they?

Willie:
We're heading straight for that mountain! ALF! ALF! Do something! Quick!

ALF:
Alright, alright! Easy, easy. Up, up, up, and over! Yeah! This flying's a piece of cake!

Kate:
Oh, a piece of cake? That was a piece of luck.

ALF:
Luck! [laughs] Check this out! [he makes a turn as Willie and Kate turn down]