ALF, Season 2

[ALF and Jake get ready to meet each other]

Jake:
Get away from me! Just stay away from me!

ALF:
Wait! You can't leave. They'll think I broke the telescope.

Jake:
Okay, I'll fix it. Just don't bite me.

ALF:
Bite you? That's a good idea. I'll bite you, if you don't fix this. [snaps jaws]

Jake:
Alright! Just don't tell my aunt and uncle I was taking it.

ALF:
On 1 condition. You fix this telescope, and don't tell anyone about me.

Jake:
That's 2 conditions. [ALF growls] Alright! You've got a deal. What are you, anyway?

ALF:
I'm an alien from the planet Melmac. I have powers that you can only dream about.

Jake:
Like what?

ALF:
[thinks for a moment] I can watch television for 10 hours straight and not get up to go the bathroom.

Jake:
You're the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

ALF:
You should see me with my hair wet.

Jake:
Do the Tanners know about you?

ALF:
Yeah, they know all about me. Well, they don't know that I've had liposuction. Where'd you learn to fix telescopes? Cal tech?

Jake:
No, my dad taught me. We used to find things in the trash and fix them. My dad could fix anything, especially horse races.

ALF:
Wild guess. That's why he's in jail?

Jake:
Yeah. Well, I'm done.

ALF:
Wow! You're good! And fast!

Jake:
It's no big deal.

ALF:
No big deal? On Melmac, we only had one guy who knew how to fix things. They put him on display in a zoo, but the cage door was broken, so he walked away.

Jake:
Good story. Is it okay if I go now?

ALF:
Yeah, but remember our deal. You can't tell anyone about me.

Jake:
Hey, don't worry. I live by the Ochmonek code. We don't squeal or tip.

ALF:
The name's ALF.

Jake:
Jake. [leaves] Bye.

ALF:
Bye.