ALF, Season 2

Kate:
[on the phone] I love you too, mom. Buh-bye. [hangs up the phone] Why are those boards in the fireplace?

Lynn:
ALF said, if you can't break 'em, burn 'em.

Kate:
ALF!

ALF:
[pops up from the kitchen] Boing!

Kate:
ALF, we are not going to let you burn perfectly good lumber.

ALF:
Oh, right, one of these days Willie's gonna build that gazebo.

[Brian comes home from school and tries to hide his face from Lynn]

Lynn:
Brian, what's wrong?

Brian:
[after getting beaten up for the 2nd time] Nothing. See you tomorrow.

Kate:
[stops Brian from leaving] Oh, no, not again.

Willie:
Brian!

Brian:
Hi, dad. Bobby beat me up again.

Willie:
Oh, no.

Brian:
I tried to walk away, like you said. But he was sitting on me at the time.

Kate:
Let me get the first aid kit. [takes Brian to the kitchen] Come on, Bri, let me clean you up.

ALF:
Alright! That's it! I say we fight violence with violence. That's how we used to solve things back home.

Willie:
But ALF, don't you remember what happened to your planet?

ALF:
Well, it blew up in a nuclear holocaust. Why?

Willie:
Don't you see the connection?

ALF:
What connection?

Willie:
I give up.

ALF:
Me too. I'm gonna lay down. My head is spinning. Maybe a cold cream sundae. [walks off]

Brian:
You should have heard what Bobby said.

Kate:
Did he insult me again?

Brian:
No. Dad.

Willie:
What did he say about me?

Brian:
He said you must have been desperate to marry someone like mom.

Kate:
I'm glad to see he's off my case.

Lynn:
Did he say anything about me?

Brian:
Yeah. He said you were cute.

Lynn:
Does he know I'm mom's daughter?

Kate:
[serious] This isn't funny! I'm sorry, Bri, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to call Bobby's mother.

ALF:
Save your dialing finger, Kate. She's not home. She went down to the liquor store.

Lynn:
Who told you that?

ALF:
Bobby's father. Oh, by the way, he's coming over here to beat the stuffing out of Willie.

Willie:
What? Why?

ALF:
Well, he didn't like the way you talked to him on the phone.

Willie:
ALF, I thought we agreed that you'd stop impersonating me on the phone.

ALF:
We agreed I would stop impersonating the cast of Green Acres. [imitating] Although, Mr. Haney could have sold Brian some revivifying potion out of the back of his truck.

Willie:
ALF, what did I say, to Bobby's father?

ALF:
You were a bit rough actually. It was so unlike you.

Willie:
What did he say to me?

ALF:
He said that. He was gonna turn your face into silly putty. Hey, look at the bright side you'll be able to reproduce the Sunday comics.

[the doorbell rings]

Brian:
That might be Bobby's dad.

ALF:
I'm outta here. Hey, and don't worry, Willie we won't let them keep you alive artificially. [hides away as Willie and Kate leave the kitchen]