ALF, Season 3

[ALF comes in the kitchen with a razor while Willie is fixing a machine that has a banana peel inside]

ALF:
Hey, Willie. When's the last time you changed the blades in this razor?

Willie:
Oh, my razor is- [he grabs the razor from ALF and sees ALF's hair on it] Why were you shaving?

ALF:
According to Shelley, women like clean-shaven men.

Willie:
[he furiously looks too close at ALF's face] Don't ever touch anything that touches my face.

Lynn:
ALF! [comes in angrily] How could you do this to me?

ALF:
I couldn't find my own roll-on.

Kate:
Lynn, what's wrong?

Lynn:
I have got a date to go bowling with Donny Ducksworth, the geekiest guy in school, thanks to my brother, ALF.

Willie:
Your brother?

Lynn:
That's what he told Donny when he called him on the phone.

ALF:
You wanted me to.

Lynn:
[angrily] I DID NOT WANT TO!

ALF:
Well, you said you liked the guy.

Lynn:
I said I liked Danny Duckworth. You called Donny his cousin.

ALF:
Danny, Donny, Florence, Shelley, I'm getting a headache. I think I'll go lie down.

Kate:
Hold it right there bro, I think you have one more phone call to make this thing straighten down out.

Lynn:
It's too late, Mom. Donny has already bought us matching bowling shirts.

ALF:
That was my idea! I hope you like paisley!