ALF, Season 3

Willie:
Thank you, thank you. And welcome to the 2nd Annual Tanner Invitational Croquet Tournament. [everyone cheers] Ok. Introducing the defending champions, Lynn and Brian Tanner.

Lynn:
Whoo!

ALF:
Alright! And the challengers, Kate and, of course, Willie tanner. Boo! Hiss! Murder the bums!

Kate:
I thought referees were supposed to be impartial.

ALF:
[blows whistle] That's it. Mouthing off.

Willie:
You're out of here.

ALF:
I think we need a referee with at least a nodding acquaintance with the rules. Now, see here. Croquet happened to be Melmac's biggest sport. Only there it was called muck sucking.

Kate:
ALF!

ALF:
Hey, I didn't name it. Is it played the same?

Lynn:
Exactly.

ALF:
Except you need and Bob Eubanks. Oh, oh. And the swing was slighty different. Here, I'll show you. Block me, Willie.

Willie:
[gets knocked down after ALF hits him] Uhh!

Kate:
Willie!

Willie:
Ohh! [groaning]

ALF:
Now you see why it was called muck sucking.

Kate:
Lynn, help me get your dad in the house.

Lynn:
Put him on the couch.

ALF:
I'll have a look at him there.

Willie:
Stay away from me!

ALF:
I just want to help.

Willie:
I just want to be a safe distance from you. If there is such a place. [he, Kate, and Lynn leave the backyard]

ALF:
Guess it's just you and me, you little muck sucker.

Brian:
I don't want to play with you, ALF. You're too dangerous. [leaves]

ALF:
Oh, what a day. First I broke Willie's windshield, then I broke Willie's power saw. Now I broke Willie. Sometimes I think the Tanners would be better off without me. Sometimes I wish I'd never come here. [throws croquet stick up in the air] I wish, I wish, [the croquet stick hits himself knocking him unconscious] I wish I could figure out this thing called gravity. [falls down to the ground]