ALF, Season 3

Willie:
[comes in the garage] Hi, ALF.

ALF:
Willie, what's another word for beautiful?

Willie:
Attractive.

ALF:
What's another word for attractive?

Willie:
Alluring.

ALF:
What's another word for alluring?

Willie:
Annoying.

ALF:
What's another word for annoying?

Willie:
ALF.

ALF:
That doesn't work. It doesn't rhyme with Oh, Baby.

Willie:
What are you working on there?

ALF:
This is a missive of love onnbehalf of young Jake Ochmonek.

Willie:
Jake, is in love?

ALF:
Disgustingly so. But he thinks of himself as just another scrawny gawky, geeky kid. You remember the feeling, Willie.

Willie:
You better, uh, you better be careful, ALF. You can get into trouble playing Cyrano.

ALF:
Is that like Monopoly?

Willie:
No, I'm talking about "Cyrano de Bergerac." It's a play. I-I've got a copy of it somewhere. It's-it's a classical French play about a man named Christian who falls in love with a beautiful woman but he is too embarrassed to talk to her.

ALF:
That sounds like Jake.

Wiliie:
Exactly. So he gets his friend Cyrano to-to write a letter to the girl for him because Cyrano is-is so gifted and sensitive.

ALF:
That sounds like me.

Willie:
Cyrano's a great romantic but he is ashamed to talk to women in person because he's got a very big, [pause] and they all lived happily ever after.

ALF:
Whoa, whoa! Big-big-big, big what?

Willie:
[struggles] Nose.

ALF:
Huh?

Willie:
Umm, nose.

ALF:
What?

Willie:
Very large nose.

ALF:
Well, why didn't you say so?

Willie:
Well, I thought I, I mean, I, I thought I-

ALF:
You thought I might be offended because this Cyrano guy had a jumbo hooter and I happen to take a husky in snout warmers?

Willie:
Oh, yes.

ALF:
No problem. I'm not that vain.

Willie:
Oh, I'm sorry, ALF. I, I guess I misjudged you.

ALF:
Thanks, four eyes.