ALF, Season 3

Willie:
[laughs and tickles in his sleep] Kate, cut it out!

Kate:
Huh?

Willie:
Tickling me.

Kate:
No! I'm not touching you.

Willie:
[wakes up and finds ants on him] There are ants on me. There, there are ants in my pajamas.

Kate:
[sees ants on the bed] There are ants everywhere.

Willie:
Yes, yes. I can see that, dear. I'll just get the bug spray.

Kate:
I'll help you. [he and Willie go out from their bedroom] Why are there so many ants in the house all of a sudden? [she and Willie find food in the kitchen that ALF left on the floor]

Willie:
Perhaps these strategically placed dishes of food might give us a clue.

Kate:
Just once I would like to walk into this kitchen and not find something all over the floor.

Willie:
Just go into the other room, Kate. I'll spray in here.

Kate:
Why don't we just burn the place down and start over?

Willie:
That'd be plan B. Plan A is, where's the bug spray?

ALF:
I threw it away!

Kate:
[mad] Why did you do this?

ALF:
Do what? Throw away the bug spray? Or set up the teeny-weeny truck stops?

Willie:
Eventually, you're going to have to explain both so start where you like and stop when I tell you.

ALF:
I'm dedicating my life to the care and preservation of the ant species.

Kate:
If you leave food all over the house, we are going to have ants everywhere!

ALF:
It's the least I can do for them after I wiped out their kinfolk and everything.

Willie:
ALF, inviting the remainder of the Earth's ant population into our house isn't gonna bring back your ant farm.

ALF:
But I'll feel better.

Willie:
ALF, you've got to get over this.

ALF:
I failed to protect my pet ants, Willie. I'm not gonna fail with the general ant public.

Kate:
Trust me, ALF. Your ants stand a much better chance of survival outside of my kitchen.

Willie:
Wait a minute. I've got an idea.

Kate:
Nothing doing. This time he's mine.

Willie:
No, wait, wait Kate. ALF might not feel as bad about losing his ants if he just had a chance to say goodbye to them formally like, you know, like a memorial service.

Kate:
A funeral for ants?

ALF:
What a lovely idea. But I don't think it'll help.

Willie:
Well, sure it will, ALF. Rituals are a very effective way of dealing with grief.

ALF:
I'm just not up to it.

Willie:
You'll have a funeral, we'll all come it'll be very touching! And it'll be over, right?

ALF:
Right.

Willie:
In the middle of a picnic.