ALF, Season 3

[ALF wakes up and gets ready to meet Eric]

ALF:
Holy stork invasion, Batman! How'd that get in here? Willie!

Willie:
[comes inside the nursery] Oh, you're awake. You're finally awake. Are you alright?

ALF:
I'm fine. But that thing in the crib looks an awful lot like a B-A-B-Y.

Willie:
I know. ALF, I'd like you to meet my son Eric William Tanner. We just brought him home this morning.

ALF:
Did I miss something here?

Willie:
You sure did. Lynn tried and tried to wake you up when we left for the hospital but you, you were out like a light. You know, you've been asleep for almost 2 days?

ALF:
You mean, I slept through the whole thing?

Willie:
I'm afraid so.

ALF:
Well, Kate couldn't have waited until I woke up?

Willie:
It seemed impractical.

ALF:
I can't believe it. Guess you guys really didn't need me, after all. I'm such a mokes.

Willie:
It's not that you weren't needed, ALF. It's just that when a woman starts to actually have a baby you're not, needed. You understand?

ALF:
Yeah. I guess so. What are you thinking about, Willie?

Willie:
Oh. I was just remembering the first day we brought Lynn home from the hospital. And then Brian, and now this little guy.

ALF:
I've never seen you this happy. I've never seen anybody this happy.

Willie:
Well, of course I'm happy, ALF. We've helped to create a brand-new life here. I think maybe that's the most important thing a person ever gets to do.

ALF:
Guess I'll never know, will I?

Willie:
Oh, I'm sorry, ALF. In all the excitement, I didn't think about that.

ALF:
On Melmac, I never thought much about having kids. You know how it is when you're in your 220s. You think you have all the time in the world.

Willie:
I can imagine.

ALF:
But now, when I realize that it's never gonna be possible for me to be a father.

Willie:
Don't say that.

ALF:
LA's a lonely town when you're the only orange boy around.

Willie:
You can't give up hope, ALF. If it's that important to you, you can never give up hope. In the meantime, we're gonna need your help bringing up Eric.

ALF:
You are?

Willie:
Well, sure, who else is gonna teach him about boo-yah baseball, and pasta polo and other sports involving the hurling of inappropriate objects?

ALF:
Like gerbil hockey?

Willie:
No.

Brian:
[comes in the nursery] Hi, ALF. You finally woke up, huh?

ALF:
Yeah. Hey, guess you got a brother now?

Brian:
Yeah. Mom says it's time to feed him.

Willie:
Okay. Tell her we'll be in a minute, B.

[Brian leaves]

ALF:
[while staring at Eric] Looks like you.

Willie:
Thanks.

ALF:
On the other hand, all white babies look like you.

Willie:
Say hi to ALF, Eric.

ALF:
Hey, Eric. How you doing, Eric? He smiled at me.

Willie:
I'm sure he did.