All in the Family, Season 3

All in the Family (1971–1979) was a groundbreaking television sitcom starring Carroll O'Connor as Archie Bunker and Jean Stapleton as Edith. Airing on the CBS television network, the show finished at number one in the Nielsen ratings for five conse… more »

Edith:
I wonder what they say when they sneeze...

Archie:
Who's that, Edith?

Edith:
The Chinese. I mean, do they say "God bless you" or "Buddha bless you"?

Archie:
You really wanna know, the Chinks just sneeze and say nothing. They can't speak English.

Mike:
Why couldn't they say "Buddha bless you" in Chinese?

Archie:
Because they don't say that, that's why. If they say anything at all, it's "Sayonara".

Mike:
That's Japanese.

Archie:
Same thing.

Mike:
It's NOT the same thing.

Archie:
You put a Jap and a Chink together, you're going to tell me which is which?

Mike:
That's right, because I find out about them. I talk to them as individuals.

Archie:
Sure, you'd talk to them. You'd say, "Which one of you guys is the Chink?"

Mike:
I'd explain it to you, Arch, but first you'd have to move your brain ahead two centuries.

Archie:
Why don't you take a short walk on a long pier?

Mike:
You can't even get THAT right! It's "Why don't you take a LONG walk on a SHORT pier?

Archie:
Then do THAT.

Mike:
C'mon, Archie, two measly dollars. Didn't you ever bet on anything?

Archie:
Yes... I bet that my daughter would marry a human being and lost!

Henry Jefferson:
Bunker, you ain't going to get away with this. You've been cheating us for 400 years!

Archie:
What are you talking about? You've only been on the block for two years.

Henry:
I'm talking about how you white people come to Africa to steal us, and then when you was through stealing us, and when we went around to watch you, you stolen our whole country!

Archie:
I've never even BEEN to Africa!

Henry:
Neither have I, and THAT'S your fault, too!

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Submitted by wikidude on June 03, 2024

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