Absolutely Fabulous, Series 1 (1992)

Edina:
..And if you're a bloody psychic psychologist how come I'm always having to phone you?

Patsy:
What will you drink if you stop drinking?

Edina:
I shall drink water.

Patsy:
[Blank look]

Edina:
It's a mixer, Patsy, we have it with whisky.

Saffy:
You've been getting dressed for three hours and you still look like a bloated citrus fruit.

Edina:
You are what you eat, remember?

Saffy:
Which makes you a very large vegetarian tart.

Edina:
I mean what you two don't seem to realise is that inside of me, inside of me, there is a thin person just screaming to get out.

Mother:
Just the one, dear?

Edina:
[to Bubble] You, remember, cancel my aromatherapy, my psychotherapy, my reflexology, my osteopath, my homoeopath, my naturopath, my crystal reading, my shiatsu, my organic hairdresser. And see if I can be re-birthed next Thursday afternoon.

Bubble:
[Crossing her fingers] Consider it done!

Patsy:
The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic.

[Edina's threatening to adopt a Romanian baby]

Edina:
I wonder how you do go about it.

Saffy:
I should imagine you would have to go to Romania.

Edina:
Oh don't be stupid, darling. I'm sure they could send over a selection and I could pick one.

[Discussing the Romanian babies]

Edina:
I'll just be able to send them back, won't I sweetie? Hmm?

Patsy:
Sell 'em on. Mark 'em up, sell 'em on!

Edina:
Sweetie, don't you need some help, or something?

Saffy:
No, please don't. You've only ever used this cooker to light your fags off of!

Edina:
Darling, that is simply not... No, that is true.

[Saffy slaps Edina.]]

Edina:
Did you just hit me? That's illegal, isn't it?

Bo:
She's not handling this 40 thing too well, is she? I mean, golly, I wish I could tell her it's no big deal. I had a ball on my 40th birthday. I felt really strong, really sorted-out about it. I realized what a lucky, wonderful person I was. And whether in your 30s or your 40s, you're still the same gorgeous person. Enjoy life!

Mother:
When will you be 50?

[Bo starts hyperventilating.]

Marshall:
She hasn't started 50 therapy yet.

[Discussing Patsy's job at the magazine]

Edina:
Anyway Patsy's got that job for life.

Saffy:
You don't mean to say she's actually good at something?

Edina:
No, darling, she slept with the publisher!

Patsy:
And I'm bloody good at it!

Saffy:
So what does a fashion director actually do?

Edina:
Oh, darling, she gets a 50% discount at Harvey Nicks.

Patsy:
It's not only that, I mean there is work involved, y'know, skill.

Edina:
Yeah, course there is.

Patsy:
I decide what goes in the magazine. Y'know, one snap of my fingers and I can raise hemlines so high that the world is your gynaecologist!

Edina[to Saffy]:
Not one bloody boyfriend in the whole time that I've known you! I mean, you're not that bloody ugly! What's the matter with you? Huh? Have you read that "Karma Sutra" I gave you? No! That Dutch cap has only ever seen the light of day. I mean, God! Here I am, your mother, poised for your first sexual experience and night after night, dry bloody sheets! I'm sorry, darling, but I don't want a little moustached virgin for a daughter, so do something about it!

Eddy"Bubble, what is it you do?

Bubble " I dunno....get paid?"