Are You Being Served?, Season 2

[Captain Peacock arrives in the lift wearing a suit and bow tie]

Mr Mash:
Captain Stephen Peacock, RASC, C of E, hero of the Battle of Catterick NAAFI, holder of the Hot Cross Bun and Bar....

Captain Peacock:
That will do, Mr. Mash. (Mr. Mash gives him a glass)

Mr Mash:
Here you are, Captain.

Captain Peacock:
Thank you.

Mr Mash:
Hey, take it easy. We ain't got no reserves.

[Madame Trixie introduces herself to Captain Peacock and Mr. Rumbold]

Madame Trixie:
Good evening, I am Madame Trixie, and this is the Trixie trio.

Mr Rumbold:
Welcome to Grace Brothers.

Madame Trixie:
Ooh, champagne!

Mr Mash:
Beer for the band's behind the piano. (Walks away)

Madame Trixie:
Where do you want the orchestra?

Mr Rumbold:
Uh, well over here, ladies, I think. By the, er, pianoforte.

Mrs Slocombe:
[Drunk] Well, Captain Peacock, it looks as though we're going to be able to trip the tight lanfastic...

Captain Peacock:
I beg your pardon?!

Mr Humphries:
She wants you to rip her tight elastic.

Captain Peacock:
Perhaps you'd better sit down, Mrs. Slocombe, we're starting in less than an hour.

[Young Mr. Grace arrives in the left lift]

Captain Peacock:
It's young Mr. Grace.

Mrs Grainger:
Is that Young Mr. Grace?

Mr Grainger:
Old Mr. Grace doesn't get about much.

Mr Rumbold:
Good evening, Mr. Grace.

Young Mr Grace:
I hope I'm not too late.

Captain Peacock:
No you're not too late, Mr. Grace.

Mr Lucas:
Nah, there's still plenty of cabinet pudding left, Mr. Grace.

Captain Peacock:
I suppose he's come to hand over the clock.

Mr Rumbold:
Yes, just in time. (Goes over to Mr. Humphries and Mr. Lucas) Ahem...

Mr Humphries:
(Stands up) Ahem...

[Mr. Lucas stands up while Mr. Rumbold and Mr. Humphries sit down. Mr. Lucas goes to the counter, picks up something and sits on it]

Mr Rumbold:
Shall I continue, Mr. Grace.

Young Mr Grace:
Oh, please do, Mr. Rumbold.

Mr Rumbold:
Well, I was about to remark how very much we appreciate the long years of devoted service, the great consideration that you've always shown for all those with whom you have worked.

Mr Grainger:
Thank you.

Young Mr Grace:
Thank you.

Mr Rumbold:
We... We feel... We definitely feel that after all these long years, you have truly earned a rest. And therefore all that remains... (Picks up the cuckoo clock) ...is for this to be presented. (Gives the clock to Young Mr. Grace) Here you are, sir.

Young Mr Grace:
Oh, thank you. This is a surprise. How very nice of you all. I've given a lot of these away, but I've never got one. Well my doctor says I shouldn't be out, so I'm now going. (to Mr. Grainger) Another five years, and you'll be getting one of those, Ernest. (to the rest of the staff) Well, goodbye, all.

Staff:
Goodbye, Mr. Grace.

Young Mr Grace:
You've all done very well.

Staff:
Thank you, Mr. Grace.

[As Young Mr. Grace leaves, the staff sit back down at the table]

Captain Peacock:
Well, Ernest, it looks as if you're staying on.

Mr Grainger:
Yes, it does. Of course, I'm very happy about it, but I - I should have liked a bit more leisure. (Turns to Mr. Rumbold) Could I have Monday off?

Mr Rumbold:
Certainly not.

Mr Lucas:
Well if he's not leaving, he won't be needing his presents, will he? (Takes a present away)

[Mr. Mash arrives with a big cake]

Mr Mash:
For...

Staff:
(sing together) He's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow... and so say all of us!

[Captain Peacock is showing the ladies some photographs in the ladies department]

Captain Peacock:
These were taken on my holiday last year.

Mrs Slocombe:
Oh, doesn't it look hot?

Captain Peacock:
Oh you're right, yes. Yes, that's the worst of the desert.

Miss Brahms:
Doesn't Mrs. Peacock look well?

Captain Peacock:
Yes, she does, yes. We went back to Bessamachu, where we scored our first big victory.

Mrs Slocombe:
Oh, that was where you had your honeymoon.

Captain Peacock:
No. No, that was where... That was where we pushed Rommel back. Yes, I was dug in at this very spot for about seven whole days. It's a motel now, you know. Oh it was absolute hell, you know. The heat, the sun, flies, the sandstorms, the monotonous food.

Mrs Slocombe:
Oh what you poor boys must have suffered.

Captain Peacock:
No, that was last year at the motel.

[Mr Rumbold arrives]

Mr Rumbold:
Hope I'm not interrupting anything, Captain Peacock.

Miss Brahms:
No, he's just showing us his holiday pictures.

Mr Rumbold:
Well, perhaps we could look at those after the store closes. Now, I'd like a word with everybody if you could get them to gather round.

Captain Peacock:
Yes, of course, sir.