American Horror Story, Season 1: Murder House

Gynecologist:
So are your periods regular again?

Vivien Harmon:
Every other month! Not that I'm really complaining. After all that blood. Ben hates blood.

Gynecologist:
You having issues with arousal?

Vivien Harmon:
Not when I'm by myself.

Vivien Harmon:
The light is different out here. It's softer.

Violet Harmon:
It's called smog.

Dr. Ben Harmon:
You should be excited, Vi. You can stop sneaking cigarettes and just start taking deep breaths.

Violet Harmon:
So we're the Addams Family now.

Constance Langdon:
Adelaide, I put on Dora the Explorer for you, so you would sit and watch it.

Adelaide Langdon:
It was Go (Go, Diego, Go!). It was Go, I don't like it.

Constance Langdon:
Oh, brown cartoon characters--you can't tell the difference.

Constance Langdon:
[on Adelaide] That girl is a monster. I love her and I'm a good Christian, but Jesus H. Christ.

Vivien Harmon:
Can I ask you a personal question? Do you ever get tired of cleaning up other peoples' messes?

Old Moira O'Hara:
We're women--it's what we do. I just get paid for it.

Constance Langdon:
[to Moira] Don't make me kill you again.

Constance Langdon:
Is there anything more wonderful than the promise of a new child... or more heartbreaking when that promise is broken?

Dr. Ben Harmon:
What do you want?

Larry Harvey:
Well.. more than anything, I guess, to be on the stage. You know what stopped me? Fear of what my family would say. But... now that they're, well, you know, dead, and, uh, I have terminal brain cancer, I figure... maybe I should just go for it, you know? Chase that dream. What about you? What dream are you chasing? Or should I say, what dream is chasing you?

Larry Harvey:
I'm trying very hard not to judge you.

Dr. Ben Harmon:
Me? You murdered your entire family.

Larry Harvey:
Yes. But I was never unfaithful.

Vivien Harmon:
Well, I appreciate it. I'm not usually much of a cupcake girl myself...

Constance Langdon:
Oh! They're not for you. At your age? You might as well just Krazy Glue a stick of butter to your ass.

Marcy:
I'd kill to live in this house, regardless of the history!

Old Moira O'Hara:
I don't want to be here anymore! I'm frightened! I miss my mother!

Constance Langdon:
You think I want to stay in this world of death and rot and regret? Try to find some dignity in the situation. Move on, missy.

Old Moira O'Hara:
I can't. I want to, but I can't.

Constance Langdon:
Every time I find my heart breaking just a sliver for you, I suddenly remember. You made this mess for yourself. And I also remember every time I see that ghostly eye, that I was and continue to be a hell of a shot.

Old Moira:
I'm not naive to the ways of men. Their need to objectify, conquer. They see what they want to see. Women, however, see into the soul of a person.

Dr. Ben Harmon:
Okay. But if you ever want to talk to somebody...

Violet Harmon:
Dad...

Dr. Ben Harmon:
I mean, not me. You know, I'm way too expensive.

Dr. Ben Harmon:
I didn't do anything. You heard it on the tape. She did it to herself.

Colquitt:
Right. It's not a crime to be an asshole.

Violet Harmon:
I love our house, it's got soul. It's where you and I kicked some ass, Mom. You say we were victims of something bad there. I say that's the place where we survived.

Chad Warwick:
And pick me up some Gala apples. I thought these Golden Delicious would look dramatic in the bobbing bucket. They just look dull and depressing. There's no contrast.

Chad Warwick:
I am trying here! I am trying to make this place warm and inviting and spectacular and have this Halloween party shot by Elle friggin Decor so someone will see it and sweep in and take this place off our hands, and then I can feel free to fall in love with a 25-year-old who has great biceps. So get off my back, carve a goddamn pumpkin, go get a goddamn costume, and man up.

Vivien Harmon:
We have style.

Marcy:
Everybody thinks they have style, and everybody thinks they're funny. Most people aren't.

Chad Warwick:
I think you should just leave.

Vivien Harmon:
You think we should just leave our house?

Chad Warwick:
It's not your house. We know it, you know it, and the house knows it. Frankly, you don't deserve it.

Larry Harvey:
The one thing about the dead is they've got nothing left to lose.

Dr. Ben Harmon:
You see that crazy bitch, you tell her we're done. I'm not playing your games. You come back on this property, and I will kill you. You hear me? I will kill you.

Larry Harvey:
Promises, promises.

Tate Langdon:
I used to come here... when the world closed in and got so small I couldn't breathe. I'd look out at the ocean, and I'd think... "Yo, douche bag, high school counts for jack shit." Kurt Cobain, Quentin Tarantino, Brando, DeNiro, Pacino, all high school dropouts. I... hated high school. So I'd come here and I'd look out at this vast, limitless expanse. Then it's like, that's your life, man. You can do anything, could be anything. Screw high school. That's... it's just a blip in your timeline. Don't get stuck there.

Constance Langdon:
One of the comforts of having children is knowing one's youth has not fled, but merely been passed down to a new generation. They say when a parent dies, a child feels his own mortality. But when a child dies, it's immortality that a parent loses.

Billie Dean Howard:
I used to be like you. Until I was 25. When out of the blue my cleaning lady shows up as I'm brushing my teeth. Except she's got no toilet brush and rubber gloves, she's naked and bloody. Her husband murdered her with an ice pick.

Constance Langdon:
It's hard to keep good help.

Billie Dean Howard:
You think I wanted a bloody Mexican ghost in my bathroom? All I wanted was to improve my tennis game and unseat Charlotte Whitney as president of my book club. I was chosen. And when you're chosen, you either get with the program or you go crazy.

Dr. Ben Harmon:
We need the money.

Vivien Harmon:
I'm finding it really hard to look at your face. 'Cause I really, really, really want to bash it in. I find you disgusting... and disappointing as a man. and we're gonna end this marriage and we're gonna sell this house and I'll let you be a father to our kids because I happen to think that you're a good one. But I'm not going to be your friend. I will merely tolerate you.

Leah:
The Devil is real. And he's not a little red man with horns and a tail. He can be beautiful. Because he's a fallen angel, and he used to be God's favorite. Have you read the Book of Revelation?

Violet Harmon:
No.

Leah:
In Heaven, there's this woman in labor howling in pain. And there's a red dragon with seven heads waiting so he can eat her babies. But the Archangel Michael, he hurls the dragon down to earth. From that moment on, the red dragon hates the woman, and declares war on her and all of her children. That's us.

Violet Harmon:
Why are you bullshitting me?!?

Teacher:
If the bullet had been an inch to the right, it would've missed my spine and I would have walked out of here. Might have even been able to stop him. An inch higher, it would have killed me. Sometimes shit just happens.

Violet Harmon:
Good people don't just have a bad day and start shooting people.

Teacher:
Maybe he wasn't a good person.

Billie Dean Howard:
I see it all the time. The dead can hold a grudge better than most Scorpios.

Marcy:
No matter how gruesome or horrible the murder, you can always find someone who'll buy the house.

Vivien Harmon:
You know, we want to make sure everything's okay with the baby. You didn't see anything unusual--hooves or anything?

Dr. Ben Harmon:
What?

Marcy:
Everything was meticulously restored by a couple of the previous homos. Owners. Homeowners.

Joe Escandarian:
Fags have such a great eye for detail, don't they?

Marcy:
A queer eye.

Larry Harvey:
Oh, I see. It's because of my affliction, isn't it. Sometimes I wonder, if I knew how much I was going to be shunned, if I would have run back onto that burning school bus to save those children. Now this crudité is making my mouth dry. I'm going to have a little glass of this Chardonnay, and then you may show me the house.

Marcy:
[drawing her gun] Put down the stemware.

Vivien Harmon:
What are you doing?

Marcy:
A woman in my line can't be too careful. There are a lot of minority men in this city who would like nothing more than to ravage me on this countertop.

Young Moira O'Hara:
As you can see, this room belongs to a sad, depressed teenager. But it has real potential. I'd paint it a deep, dark red, clear out all the furniture and hang a sex swing.

Constance Langdon:
Used to be no one was from here. People came here to escape their pasts. find a plot of land that not even a red Indian had set foot on and make a new life for yourself.

Joe Escandarian:
Give me a number. I want history, I'll talk to Gene Autry.

Constance Langdon:
But now there are no more virgin plots. We live on top of each other. That's California now... and that's the world. there is no more space, and yet it it's human nature to want to claim your own turf. So build away, we do. every time you put up one of these... monstrous temples to the gods of travertine, you're building on top of someone else's life.

Joe Escandarian:
I'm a developer. I improved on the past. I build a new future.

Constance Langdon:
You should show some respect. You're not an archaeologist. You should stop unearthing while you're ahead. It only brings a haunting. We have a responsibility as caretakers to the old lands... to show some respect.

Old Moira O'Hara:
That's what men do--they make you think you're crazy so that they can have their fun.

Peggy:
Look, Pat's obviously got some interests that he doesn't feel free sharing with you.

Chad Warwick:
Ugh!

Peggy:
Now, if you don't want to end up sharing him, then you need to make a preemptive strike.

Chad Warwick:
What do you mean?

Peggy:
I mean you have to fight. Pat's a great guy, Chad, worth fighting for. And if that means you have to fight with a cat-o'-nine-tails and some titty clamps, then brother, you better gear up.

Chad Warwick:
Why are you being such an asshole? This turns you on. I know it does.

Patrick:
Seriously, Chad, depressing sex is even more depressing when you try so hard.

[Violet loses her virginity to Tate]

Tate Langdon:
Did it hurt? The first time usually does.

Violet Harmon:
No, it was intense.

Tate Langdon:
Yeah. For me too.

Violet Harmon:
You really are here, aren't you?

Tate Langdon:
Of course. I'll always be here, if that's what you want.

Violet Harmon:
And they'll always be here too, won't they? The... whatever others.

Tate Langdon:
They can't hurt us, Violet. They're just trying to scare you.

Violet Harmon:
I wish i could tell my mom that.

Tate Langdon:
You can't, Violet! if you tell anyone what we know, they'll say you're crazy. They'll lock you up. They'll try to take you away from here! We'd never see each other again!.

Old Moira O'Hara:
You want them to find you?

Tate Langdon:
I'm open to suggestions.

Old Moira O'Hara:
I think you should get over your compulsive need to please the ladies of this house.

Tate Langdon:
I think I have mommy issues. You know a good therapist?

Dr. Curran:
What have you done?

Dr. Charles Montgomery:
I've bisected her body, removed the intestine, and drained her blood.

Dr. Curran:
Why?

Dr. Charles Montgomery:
A writer writes, a surgeon cuts. I think you will find these pieces more portable.

Travis Wanderly:
I really got to go. I mean, I can't leave it like this with Constance.

Hayden McClaine:
You're kidding me. I thought you said you hated her.

Travis Wanderly:
Nah, I guess I love her. And we got a baby coming.

Hayden McClaine:
A baby what, fossil?

Billie Dean Howard:
The Holy Ghost merely whispered in the Virgin Mary's ear and she begat the son of God. If the Devil's going to use a human womb for his spawn, he's going to want a little more bang for his buck.

Constance Langdon:
Now, who wants to say grace?

Tate Langdon:
Oh, Mother, may I?

Larry Harvey:
Oh, of course, son. I was hoping you would choose to become a part of this family.

Tate Langdon:
Dear God, thank you for the salty pig meat we are about to eat, along with the rest of the indigestible swill. And thank you for our new charade of our family. My father ran away when I was only six. If I'd have known any better, I would have joined him,. And, also, because she's been trying to get back into this house ever since she lost it, Lord, a big thank you for blinding the asshole that's doing my mother, so that he can't see what everybody knows. She doesn't really love him.

Adelaide Langdon:
Amen.

Constance Langdon:
[after feeding Hugo to her dogs] Once I discovered that he had cheated, Hugo meant no more to me than dog shit.

Violet Harmon:
I died when I took all those pills.

Tate Langdon:
I tried to save you. I did. I tried to make you throw them up. You threw up some...not enough. You took so many, Violet. You died crying. I held you. You were safe. You died...loved.

Violet Harmon:
So why'd you keep it a secret?

Tate Langdon:
"Hi, I'm Tate. I'm dead. Want to hook up?" I don't think so.

Constance Langdon:
I have long stopped asking why the mad do mad things.

Chad Warwick:
[to Violet] No. A very, very human surrogate. Your lovely mother.

Tate Langdon:
You think you can steal those twins? You pathetic homos couldn't steal the shit out of your ass!

Violet Harmon:
You know what, it doesn't matter! As soon as my parents get back, we're leaving here. They're leaving, so knock yourself out.

Chad Warwick:
Honey, your parents aren't going anywhere as long as you're stuck here.

Patrick:
And don't you get snotty little sister, you'd be begging to babysit. As big as this place is, it does get very lonely.

Chad Warwick:
It could get ugly though. Were you a C-section? Is there an existing zipper we might use?

Tate Langdon:
Watch it, you goddamned queen!

Chad Warwick:
I'm quaking in my loafers! What are you gonna do? Murder me?

Constance Langdon:
What you are planning to do is unnatural.

Chad Warwick:
Deodorant's unnatural, but it's a public good. We'll make excellent parents.

Constance Langdon:
Man shall not lie with man. It is an abomination.

Chad Warwick:
So's that hairdo, but I figure that's your business.

Tate Langdon:
Seriously, though, are you ready for all this? I mean, you never struck me as the diapers and midnight feedings type.

Patrick:
Maybe you should have taken a few minutes to get to know me before you stuck a fireplace poker up my ass.

Tate Langdon:
Fair enough.

Old Moira O'Hara:
He's the most beautiful baby I've ever seen.

Constance Langdon:
From blood and pain come perfection.

Violet Harmon:
My mom is dead.

Tate Langdon:
I'm so sorry, I didn't know you were close.

Violet Harmon:
Yeah. We were. My dad's there all alone now.

Tate Langdon:
That makes me sad. I like your dad, he was nice to me.

Violet Harmon:
He's nice to all his patients. Even the ones who lie to him.

Tate Langdon:
[confused] What?

Violet Harmon:
Why did you start seeing him in the first place? You knew you were dead.

Tate Langdon:
Cops shot me.

Violet Harmon:
Why did they shoot you?

Tate Langdon:
I don't know.

Violet Harmon:
You murdered people, Tate. Kids, like us. The kids who came to us in Halloween.

Tate Langdon:
[cries] Why would I do that? Why would I do that? Why would I do that? WHY would I do that?!

Violet Harmon:
I don't know. Why did you kill the guys who lived here before us? Why did you RAPE my mother?

Tate Langdon:
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was different then.

Violet Harmon:
I used to think you were like me. You were attracted to the darkness, but Tate, you are the darkness.

Tate Langdon:
No. Before you that's all there was. You are the only light, I've ever known. You've changed me Violet.

Violet Harmon:
I believe that. [touches his cheek] I love you, Tate. But... I can't forgive you. [moves away] You have to pay for what you did! All the pain you've caused, all the sorrows? YOU MURDERED MY MOTHER!

Tate Langdon:
No!

Violet Harmon:
DEAD! That baby... Whatever it was, it killed her. I CAN'T be with you, I WON'T be with you.

Tate Langdon:
[Moves closer to Violet] What are you saying?

Violet Harmon:
I'm saying; Go away, Tate.

Tate Langdon:
What?! NO! Don't do this, please!

Violet Harmon:
Go away, Tate. GO AWAY!

Tate Langdon:
You're all I want! You're all I have!

Violet Harmon:
GO AWAY!

Tate Langdon:
[screams] No!!

Violet Harmon:
[closes her eyes and shouts] Go AWAAAAAY! [cries]

Vivien Harmon:
Moira, would you make me a cup of tea, please?

Old Moira O'Hara:
No. Your denial is impressive. You're a ghost, Mrs. Harmon. I don't take orders from ghosts.

Dr. Ben Harmon:
What about Violet?

Violet Harmon:
What about Violet? I'm a teenage girl. Not exactly a cakewalk.

Dr. Ben Harmon:
Violet. What kind of father have I been? You weren't eating, you weren't going to school. You were already gone. I didn't get it.

Violet Harmon:
I shut you out. I was afraid it would break you.

Dr. Ben Harmon:
I've missed you so much.

Violet Harmon:
I was never getting into Harvard. But I saved you a shitload of money.

Dr. Ben Harmon:
Yeah, you did.

Violet Harmon:
Are you sure you want to be alone? They say this house is haunted.

Gabriel:
You're kind of twisted, aren't you?

Violet Harmon:
You don't know the half of it.

Vivien Harmon:
Some other poor family's just going to move in here. Suckers who will have no idea what they're in for.

Dr. Ben Harmon:
And we know exactly what to do.

Hayden McClaine:
Grow a pair. She's not into you. You're not getting back in her, she'll never talk to you again

Tate Langdon:
I'll wait... Forever if I have to [stares at Violet's smile; she meets his eyes; her smile falters]

Dr. Ben Harmon:
You're a psychopath, Tate. It's a mental disorder, and therapy can't cure it.

Tate Langdon:
So that's your diagnosis? I'm a psychopath?

Dr. Ben Harmon:
Yep, and the worst kind. You're charismatic and compelling and a pathological liar. But don't listen to me. I'm a total fraud. And by the way, therapy doesn't work.

Constance Langdon:
Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I was destined for great things. I was going to be somebody. Person of significance. Star of the silver screen, I once thought. But... my dreams became nightmares. Instead of laurels, funeral wreaths. Instead of glory, heh, bitter disappointment. Cruel afflictions. Now I understand. Tragedy was preparing me for something greater. Every loss that came before was a lesson. I was being prepared. Now I know for what. This child... a remarkable boy. Destined for greatness. In need of a remarkable mother. Someone forged in the fires of adversity, who can guide him. With--with firmness. With love.

“no matter how much you want it, I will NEVER be your perfect son.” -