The Ren & Stimpy Show, Season 4

[Ren is playing blackjack with his three personalities.]

Ren:
Hey! You're trying to cheat!

Ren's Anger:
Yeah? Your whole life's a cheat!

Ren's Fear:
He's the cheat!

Ren's Ignorance:
Did somebody say cheese?! [belches]

[The argument intensifies, causing Ren to go mad.]

Ren:
STOP!!! [flips the table] Who are you? You're not my friends. You're just here to trick me, so you can steal all my stuff. Well, I'm onto ya. [grabs the mummy] Stand back! One false move, and the mummy gets it! I know all about your plot. Yeah, yeah. You're all in it together. Each and every one of you... Sleepin' in my gravel bed! Eatin' all my SAND...! Well, here's somethin' you can REALLY have! HIIII-YAH! [starts smashing the mummy apart]

Stimpy:
[comes to Ren] Ren, what are you eating?

Ren:
[gulp] I was eating some delicious chicken sausages. [uses a toothpick.]

[The camera zooms to Stimpy for being sad and the backround blue. Cuts at bed Stimpy cries. "6 Months Later..."]

Ren:
[opens the door] Stimpy? [Stimpy is lazy, cuts to Ren] I'm sorry I ate your chicken, it wasn't that good, I wasn't so glad to ask. [smiles]

Ren:
Hammering my eggs just doesn’t thrill me like it used to. [bird squawk] I put off the eggs off the crumb-heads to their Asia, and yet I’m not thrilled… (cries) Oh, father. Why not I will blast within air… That’s when you came in my pet project! [pulls off the fabric] Oh my beautiful account of yolk, [hugs a bunch of scrambled eggs] I will mole you and make me do my old dreamy image! [The eggs fall. Fades to Black, then Ren makes a son out of eggs] Come, my child. I will help you… so that you’ll have sight and snitch to see, I give you a splendid press eyes. So to keep your head warm so it’s not to catch a chill, I give you a lock of my- [pulls off his hair] Chum! and so you’ll have wisdom and witch to think: [scoops out his brain] Lock off my- brain! But you are incomplete... Wait! of course I forgot: My assistant Stimpy will complete the final edition. Stimpleton! [Stimoy runs all the way to the Egg Smithee, while carrying a man, back at the Egg Smithee as Ren looks at Stimpy] Finally, do you have that man?

Stimpy:
Yes, friend... [lifts up the fabric and yanks out the man's clothes] Ah, here are those cleaning tips that you wanted, Renwaldo!

Ren:
[wakes up] Uh-oh. [sniffs] That snmells like- Bacon! Egg Yölkeo! Oh... No-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho...

[fades to black as the title says "TO BE CONTINUED..."]

Stimpy [after waking up in the hospital after their second accident]:
Where's Ren?

Ren:
Here, you idiot! [We see what's left of Ren stitched together on Stimpy's behind] My face is killing me!

Doctor:
The important thing is, you are alive, and you have each other. Have some lunch.

Stimpy:
My favorite! Barbecued Boston baked beans!

[Iris out as Ren quivers with fear, then we hear a farting noise.]

(After Ren takes Stimpy to "someplace where [he] won't hurt [himself] any longer", [i.e., their house's basement] he has a nightmare about Muddy Mudskipper and TV)

Stimpy:
Hey, Muddy, what are you going to do with that mallet?

Muddy:
AH-HA! [hits Stimpy with the Mallet, hard, resulting in a cranial eruption, with Stimpy groaning in pain] Give the bum a big hand! [Audience laughs]

[cut to Stimpy tossing and turning]

Stimpy:
What...are...ya?...

[cut back to Stimpy's nightmare]

Muddy:
You're a bum!

Stimpy:
But Muddy, I love you!

Muddy:
A lousy, stinkin' BUM!

[cut to Stimpy tossing and turning again, followed by cutting back to his nightmare]

Muddy [who has turned into a TV set]:
You're, a BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM... BUUUUUUUUUUUM!!!!!

(Stimpy falls helplessly into Muddy's mouth, followed by Muddy chomping his mouth shut)

Stimpy:
[as he wakes up from his nightmare] MUDDY!!

[Stimpy then runs up a winding staircase to the attic, which has a barred window]

Stimpy:
Lord, Help me. [Stimpy begins to cry] I WANT MY TV!!!!!!

[cut to Ren, who doesn't hear him as he's fallen asleep]

Ren:
[laughs] That's very funny. Creamed corn... AND MORE CREAMED CORN... I can't eat this SLOP!!! There's only one thing I hate more than creamed corn, and that's...

Fire Chief:
Cheese?

[Yak goes crazy and grates his butt clean off.]

Ren:
Look at you! You're freaks! You guys aren't crazy! You're just stupid! I got it all figured out! You're all prawns on the chess board!

Yak:
Gee!

Ren:
[to Fire Chief] And you! You're not mad! You're just suffering from a post-dramatic schizoholic brain blister!

Fire Chief:
Wow!

Ren:
[to Muddy Mudskipper] And you! Just a mere victim of an undissolved childhood hemorrhoidic offense mechanism!

Muddy:
Say!

Ren:
Gentlemen, start your embolisms!

[Baboon has become Ren's co-star; during the taping of an episode, Ren is trembling with fear.]

Ren:
Who left this wildebeest carcass on my good sofa...? [gulps] This really makes me mad... Baboon...?

[Baboon runs up to Ren.]

Ren:
You've really made me angry this time...

[Baboon growls.]

Ren:
I'm gonna have to hit ya... You... stupid...

[Ren covers his eyes and smacks Baboon's nose. Baboon roars and starts mauling Ren.]

Ren:
Is that my beef carcass?

Stimpy:
Yes it is, Ren! Beef carcasses are very lucky you know, once we immerse it in common house o-bile!

Ren:
WHAT?! THAT MEAT GOES IN MY MOUTH, NOT IN YOUR BILE!

Stimpy:
[stammers] But... but, Ren...Tuesday...17!

[Ren punches Stimpy to the ground and proceeds to lift up the beef carcass and, with a grunt, tosses it back in the house through the window, where it lands on their bed]

Stimpy:
NOOOO!!! You've done it now, Ren! It's TERRIBLE bad luck to toss your carcass on the bed!

Ren:
I wave my shiny red keister in the face of you and your stuper-stitions!!

Stimpy:
[horrified] No, Ren! It's bad juju to blaspheme!

Ren:
[evilly] Juju, eh? Ooh, I'm so scared! The big bad juju's gonna get me. COME ON, JUJU! I'M CALLING YOU OUT!!! [gets struck by lightning] Ow, ow, ow, ow...

Stimpy:
Ha, ha. Gee, Ren, I guess you didn't know it was unlucky to---

Ren:
GET IN THE HOUSE!!!

Stimpy:
[scared] Yes sir! [runs back into the house]