Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Season 6

Meatwad:
What are we looking for?

Master Shake:
[Digging through trash dump] Shh. The Jewels!

Frylock:
Or, any can that says 5 cents redeemable in Connecticut.

Master Shake:
But I'm still looking for Jewels.

Frylock:
Yes, we know, Shake, you said it a number of times already.

Master Shake:
Well that's because that's my preference.

Meatwad:
Mine, too.

Frylock:
[Annoyed] Jewels would be great, Shake, but right now we need money.

Master Shake:
Jewels are worth money!

Meatwad:
Mmm-hmm, lots of money.

Master Shake:
That's why I want to get married, so I can get one of them big rings. You know, the man gets it now.

Master Shake:
What's the problem? He's tiny and cute!

Frylock:
He's homeless and drunk!

Master Shake:
Calm down, Hitler! You think Ron Howard just WISHED 'Willow' was great? No, and yet it WAS.

[Carl arrives in the house, having been shrunk to less than a foot tall. His voice is high-pitched and squeaky.]

Carl:
Anyone see a little three-inch dude running around in curly shoes? Smells like Schnapps? Gonna get his ass wrapped around his head? Manually?

Frylock:
Carl? Carl where are you?

Carl:
I'm down here, jackass. Where are you?

Frylock:
Oh, we're right here. But don't be alarmed; we're just invisible.

Carl:
Oh!! Come on! That's what I asked for!

Meatwad:
Ooh, Carl. You tiny!

Carl:
Oh, you THINK?!

Meatwad:
You lost some weight! And height!

Carl:
Jeez, your breath is awful.

Meatwad:
I will eat me some dog crap.

Carl:
Yeah, I've seen you do it.

Meatwad:
Mostly empty calories. It ain't gonna keep you goin' through the day.

Carl:
Ugh! You need to find Gene. And you find him now!

Frylock:
Carl, I'm afraid Gene's dead. I thought I could create a visibility vaccine from his genie gland, but then I realized that I don't know anything about genies. Do you...know anything about - ?

Carl:
I STUDIED ELEVATOR REPAIR!

Frylock:
Just asking. You know.

Meatwad:
Well I was told that they was going to get a trampoline. You know, maybe I was just projecting my desires onto them.

Master Shake:
I jump on a tramp every night. That's how I roll. The juice just keeps on flowing. Who is writing this down? This is gold.

Master Shake:
Means depth for flips and twist. It means this pools poorly contructied. At Bast!

Meatwad:
I wanna trampoline.

Master Shake:
Ya heard him?! The boy's want your trampoline!

Meatwad:
And I want a SpongeBob bounce house, and a petting zoo with real llamas. Not the stuffed llamas you win at the ring toss at the fair, but--but I want a fair too. Have them have a fair.

Master Shake:
So you're gonna hop to it? Or will I have to beat you down in front of the child?

[As Master Shake bleeds while the worker bites him in the shoulder]

Master Shake:
(as the worker bites him) AAAAHH! What are you, a Vampire?! (Continues screaming) Why didn't I get that tetanus shot?!

(At Carl's swimming pool after Master Shake became Mocha Shakah)

Frylock:
Go on. Swim.

Mocha Shakah:
No.

Frylock:
(to Meatwad) You're right, he's black.

Mocha Shakah:
Aww, DAMN!!

(outside the house with the spinning rims)

Mocha Shakah:
I put a spell on them hoes ya'll! I'm hell on them hoes yo.

Meatwad:
What hoes?

Mocha Shakah:
Just...hoes in general. You know...fly honeys...that I would hit...with my genitals.

(Mocha Shakah reverts back into Master Shake)

Master Shake:
Dammit! I can't freestyle anymore!

Frylock:
'Cause I created a blaccine. And I injected it into your orange soda when you weren't looking.

Boxy Brown:
Aw, man! The hell you say! Mocha Shakah don't listen to the lies!

Frylock:
Oh, really? Shake, what's the boss up to nowadays?

Master Shake:
Springsteen? Man I love the E Street Band! You know he's doin an album with Pete Seeger? All acoustic. OH, GOD, NOOO!!

Frylock:
YES!

Master Shake:
Hey what did the Dow do today? DAMN IT!

Frylock:
Down over 60 points.

Master Shake:
My 401K! (kicks over Boxy Brown while running off) When do the Simpsons come on?!

Master Shake:
Cut him down!

Terry:
Hold on there, tough guy. (Terry and Dante appraoch the pool with a dead body rolled up in a carpet)

Carl:
Oh, hey! Terry... I thought we were conducting this, uh, "conference call" tomorrow morning?

Dante:
Boss says he wants it done now.

Terry:
Or he'll take your OTHER nut.

Carl:
Hahaha! Listen to this guy, bustin' my balls. Balls. I got two... We gotta talk about this publicly!

Dante:
You know, maybe you oughtta think about that the next time you bet 20G's for the Jets to cover.

Carl:
Well, you told me the inside dope was that the other team had the flesh-eating virus...

Terry:
You gettin' smart with me? (Holds a pistol in Carl's face) Huh? Smart guy!

Dante:
Wanna trip down a flight of stairs, huh? Have an accident in your pathetic life?

Terry:
You're pathetic. Say it.

Carl:
I-I'm worth nothing in your eyes, sir.

Terry:
I knew that. Now get your monster up here to take care of this trash.

Carl:
Say, before you guys go, who do you like in the AC Beach Invitational?

Dante:
AC Beach?

Carl:
Women's billiards. You guys do book on that, right?

Terry:
JESUS, you're a fuckin' loser! (Looks at Frylock suspended above pool) Hey, scuba guy - you ain't seen nothing, you aint heard nothing.

Carl:
See, Fryman, let that be a lesson to you. If you see someone racketeering, you let it go - they're diggin' your own grave.

Frylock:
Look, Carl, I know it's none of my business, but gambling is a dangerous addiction.

Carl:
All I need is one run, and I'm back! You follow women's billiards? Wait, I got an idea. How much money you got?

Frylock:
No, Carl.

Carl:
It's a proven system!

Frylock:
No.

Carl:
You're throwing money away!

Frylock:
Nuh-uh.

Carl:
Yeah-uh! Fine! Stay a sucker!

Carl:
What did you do to my pool?!

Frylock:
We cleaned it. Now it's gonna be ready for the bitches we got comin over this summer.

Meatwad:
Frylock!

Frylock:
Sorry, I meant to say hoes.

Meatwad:
There we go.

Frylock:
Sorry.

[The mobsters return to Carl's house at night, this time carrying a heavy body wrapped in a plastic bag]

Terry:
Ugh! Fuckin' sumo wrestlers. When I say take a dive, you take a fuckin' DIVE, you fat fuck!

[Terry and Dante throw the body into Carl's now-clean pool]

Dante:
I don't think he understood English.

Terry:
Well, he's about to be sushi, so blow the fuckin' horn.

[Dante blows the shellfish horn, but nothing happens.]

Terry:
What the fuck is this... the water looks clear! Hey, where's that big fuckin' fish?

Frylock:
You rang?

[Frylock fires his eye lasers and hits the gangsters, knocking them unconscious]

Carl:
Take your eye lasers, and cut their heads off!

Frylock:
Carl, they have your number. They know where you live, and you still owe them money. Hell, they'll send someone else! That's why it's called a MOB!

Carl:
Oh, yeah. Good point.

(The Aqua Teens witness Carl explode and release several eggs after the mermaid disappeared into his penis and implanted her eggs in him)

Frylock:
Oh, damn it! I slept with her ass, too. (Frylock explodes the same way)

Meatwad:
Oh, Shakey, I told her I was saving myself for marriage and that it would screw up our friendship, but she got me drunk on red wine and... well...

Master Shake:
What are you trying to say? (Meatwad explodes as well) AH! Well, just for the record- (Proudly) I did her, TWICE! All over my jock! (Shake awaits to explode, however he shows to have lied and rejected by her as he doesn't explode) I cannot believe I haven't exploded yet.

[Frylock is planting a row of trees to block the view of Carl's pool]

Master Shake:
What the hell are you planting?! This a rental! You don't get your money back! Plus, I'm just gonna chop those down! (Pause) I may, if you don't turn your back on me!

Meatwad:
[looking at a large crate] What in the hell is—

Master Shake:
[smashes Meatwad] Mine is what it is! You don't touch it or look at it…but if you would be so kind as to plug it in, please?

Meatwad:
Okey-dokey, Smoky.

Master Shake:
Are you getting smart with me?

Meatwad:
No.

Master Shake:
You better watch your mouth or that mouth will come off!

Meatwad:
Okey-dokey, Smoke- um, artichoke-y.

Master Shake:
Now, that's better, 'cause vegetables are the core of the universe.

[in the dance club; "I like your booty, but I'm Not gay" from ATHF the movie is playing; Master Shake enters]

Master Shake:
How's it going? Anybody see an outlet?! I know they're getting electricity 'cause, uh, frequently these lights they run on it! [chuckles] Yeah, I'm an engineer. You know I have electricity back at my pad. And! I got the mad cash to PAY for it, too! I'm into sex! [leaves angrily] MY PLACE IS THE SAUSAGE FACTORY!!!

[the fight between Frylock and Master Shake close to the end of the episode]

Frylock:
Well, fuck you too!

Master Shake:
No! Fuck you! Bastard!

[Meatwad is seen outside moving the Chick Magnet]

Frylock:
No, 'cause it's 'fuck you' time!

Master Shake:
You got a problem with it! You say it TO MY DAMN FACE!

Frylock:
Oh, I said it to your face! A number of times!

Master Shake:
Well, my face wasn't looking, and my ears weren't fucking listening!

Frylock:
And your teeth are about to stop chewing, too! [pause]

Master Shake:
And what's that mean, Big-Man?!

Frylock:
[punches Master Shake in the face] It was an awkward attempt to tell you, that I'm about to kick the teeth out your head!

Master Shake:
Well, I did not… I did not get that initially!

[the fight between Frylock and Master Shake during closing credits]

Frylock:
Oh, no, don't you walk away from me! Where you goin'?!

Master Shake:
Well obviously I'm gonna tape up my hands... to not ruin my meal ticket WHEN I'M BEATING YOUR FACE SO HARD!!

Frylock:
I used up the tape. I taped a present for ya. It's a knuckle sandwich!

Master Shake:
Well. I'm not hungry!

Frylock:
Well you wrap it up and eat later then!

Master Shake:
You wanna step to me?! What are you, a wizard? Let's go!

Master Shake:
Tooth Fairy. Hand over all that change, bitch! (gets shot with a dart and passes out).

Frylock:
Dumbass, ain't no toothfairy.

Mysterious man:
What do you think you're doing?

Frylock:
Whoa! Well I just-

Mysterious man:
Drop that tooth and back over to the wall!

Frylock:
Okay, okay, just take the TV, take the quarter, take whatever you need.

Mysterious man:
Ha ha ha. Fools! I don't want your money! (takes Meatwad's tooth) I have this tooth; and it's all I need!

(to the tune of The Safety Dance)

Shake:
You can fart if you want to! You can fart out of your behind! (farts) You can fart real cool and make your butts rule with the gas that's inside of you! You can fart (farts), you can fart (farts), everybody look at your butt! Fa-a-art!

Meatwad:
It's a safety fart! Well, it's a safety fart!

(Shake kicks Meatwad off screen)

Frylock (sarcastically):
That's real mature, Shake.

Shake:
Thank you very much.

(Frylock looks out and sees Drew mowing his lawn while listening to very loud Star Wars music.)

Frylock:
Hey! Shut that off! Hey!

Drew:
Hey! How's it going?

Frylock:
Shut that off! Will ya?

Drew:
I said, how's it going?

Frylock:
Hey, shut that fuckin' thing off! (swear censored out by farting sound.)

(Drew shuts the lawnmower off.)

Frylock:
What the hell are you doing?

Drew:
Your lawn. So that means I can crash in your house for an undetermined amount of time hmm?

Frylock:
No!

Drew:
Okay, but I did just mow your lawn.

Frylock:
I didn't ask you to do that.

Drew:
(waving his hand, attempting a Jedi mind trick) You let me stay in your house for as long as I choose. (nothing happens)

Frylock:
Will you stop that? No I won't. What... What are you doing?

Drew:
Nothing look. Do you know anything about wiping the moon from the face of space at all.

Frylock:
Get. The fuck. Off my lawn.

Drew:
So where are you from?

Frylock:
uh uh ain't about where I'M from, it's about where YOU'RE going!

Drew:
Okay, fine. let's do a thousand for the lawn and say five thousand for edging.

Frylock:
How 'bout 3 dollars for everything and I won't call the police?

Drew:
3 sounds good. For now. But tomorrow, I'll be back. To rake the mulch, and maybe I can just stay for the night.

Frylock:
Look man, don't make me get my gun okay.

Drew:
(attempting another Jedi mind trick.) You will not go get your gun.

(Gun raised toward his head)

Drew:
(walking away) I'll just be over there. In the rain. If it rains. No pressure.

(Drew now mowing Carl's lawn, but getting hit by batteries)

Drew:
Hey! It's raining batteries!

Carl:
Yeah! (throwing batteries) An alkaline front is pushing through. (continues to throw batteries) We're expecting a couple of inches of concussions on your head! Running out of batteries here. What are you doing?!

Drew:
Your lawn. But I am out of gas so it's a little difficult. So where are you from?

Carl:
Oh, we're not having a conversation.

Drew:
Well I'm from Mos Eisley. Just like in the movie.

Carl:
Yeah knock knock, who cares? I don't.

Drew:
Hey, quick question: Can you help me blow up the moon?

Carl:
No, no, I can't. I'm more of an expert at, uh- EXPOSING the moon. (Chuckles, turns around and moons Drew, unaware that he is transforming into a werewolf) Get out your telescope! See if you'll find, uh, the one crater! (Continues chuckling, but stops and finally notices Drew's transformation) Wait a minute- No, no, no! It's cool! It's all cool here! NO! NO! (Drew leaps into Carl's window; blood is shown gushing out)

Meatwad:
You guys see what I saw? Well, I did. Carl showed that tall pink man his heinie, and he grew fangs and fur and claws, and they went inside and had a heated discussion.

Frylock:
Yeah, we're not gonna get involved with that.

Master Shake:
He is a werewolf, Fryman. He saw Carl's full moon and it changed him.

Frylock:
Shake, they are no such things as werewolves.

Master Shake:
I think I know someone who would beg to differ. And I think we both know who I'm talking about.

Frylock:
Don't you say, Kate Beckinsale!

Master Shake:
But she was in that movie!

Frylock:
Fake! Fake! Fake!

Master Shake:
You gonna sit here and tell me that the Lyken have not been waging war against the vampires for centuries?

Frylock:
Hollywood, Shake!

Master Shake:
You do know I own the cardboard cut-out?

Frylock:
Yes.

Master Shake:
That means I like this movie.

Frylock:
I know!

Master Shake:
Good. We've established that. Meeting adjourned.

Meatwad:
So what we do now?

Frylock:
We wait till you lost interest and forget about it.

Meatwad:
Alrighty, then.

(24 hours pass. Frylock is asleep with Meatwad on top of him.)

Meatwad:
I ain't lost interest.

Frylock:
You haven't slept either, Meatwad.

Meatwad:
Well, neither has Shake.

(Shake on the phone)

Master Shake:
Are you or are you not Kate Beckinsale?! (voice-over phone talks) Well, describe your body. In leather. Well, I heard you had a winner hoe here!

Meatwad:
Ask her if she has a port in her chest to drink fluids.

Master Shake:
Do you have a port in your chest to drink fluids?

Meatwad:
Like plasmas and such.

Master Shake:
Yeah, like plasmas and such. (Hangs up.) Uh hello? Kate? I lost her. She must have gone through a tunnel. You know, cell reception is not good... in the underworld.

(Meatwad is being questioned by the police about where "his friend" is)

Meatwad:
What friend? I ain't got no friends!

(One of the cops holds a sketch of Frylock up for Meatwad) Oh Frylock. Yeah, he's my friend.

(Meatwad points to mace on the officer's belt)

Meatwad:
Wait, is that deodorant?

Master Shake:
Yes, it's deodorant. They get hot and sweaty chasin' robbers.

Officer:
Yeah! Yeah, it's deodorant. Try some! (Maces Master Shake and Meatwad)

Master Shake:
(He and Meatwad have red eyes) Ahh! That is not deodorant! Oh God!

Meatwad:
Needs a little more pepper.

Hitler:
(Pulls up with a mask in a balloon car) Ah, what a wonderful day for a balloon. here, let me place my suitcase full of money next to you and purchase one.

Frylock:
They're free of charge sir.

Hitler:
These are not happy and floaty like we discussed.

Master Shake:
There exactly what you asked for, now if you will excuse us. (Shake and Frylock try to leave).

Hitler:
No, I think the product needs to be tested. On your kosher friend! (Pulls out Meatwad with who is dressed like a rabi and is holding a menorah and a box of matzoh).

Frylock:
Meatwad!

Meatwad:
They took all my pork and they de-circumcised me and they gave me the cowboy hat! Mazeltoff, I'm dang jewish now.

Inflatable Hitler:
What about- Tom Hanks?

Frylock:
Tom Hanks isn't Jewish.

Inflatable Hitler:
So, he HATES the Jews!

Frylock:
I can't speak for Tom Hanks, but he seems pretty likable. I doubt he flat-out HATES Jews.

Master Shake:
So you see, not EVERY Jew is evil, right?

Frylock:
Shake, that's not the message here.

Frylock:
NO!

Master Shake:
I'm just saying... We get people off drugs! We don't kill Jews!

Carl:
Truly, they were.... an Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

(as the Aqua Teens drive away in the moving truck)

Carl:
Your emergency brake is on!

Master Shake:
Don't tell me how to drive, jackass!