Baby Blues

Bizzy:
Come on, I need another knuckle bone for my necklace.

Darryl:
[talking on the phone] Hello? Oh, hi. I was just thinking about you. Yeah, we made some magic last night, didn't we? Yeah, I'm glad you liked the present. 'course I'll see you tonight. Eh, don't worry, I'll feed the wife some excuse. Okay, bye.

Wanda:
So!

Darryl:
Wanda!

Wanda:
Who is she, Darryl?!

Darryl:
Rodney?

Melinda:
Hi Wanda, how's the baby?

Wanda:
She's fine. It's Darryl I'm worried about. I think he might be having an affair!

Melinda:
Oh, Wanda! Darryl wouldn't cheat on you!

Wanda:
Really?

Melinda:
'course not. He's the type who's so grateful somebody actually married him, he'd never do anything to blow it.

Wanda:
Bizzy, how could you leave us for another family?

Bizzy:
Look, it's not about you, okay? It's about me.

Wanda:
What does that mean?

Bizzy:
I don't know. It's what I say to blow off math geeks.

Darryl:
I thought that sounded familiar.

Kenny:
You're kidding! Darryl McPherson went to a strip joint?! Which one? Cumber Buns? Chilly Willies? I'm surprised our paths didn't cross...

Darryl:
Well, I wouldn't call it a strip joint.

Kenny:
I'm gonna have to stop calling you a bottle warming baby toting wuss.

Darryl:
You never call me that.

Kenny:
[under his breath] Not to your face.

Darryl:
Geez, Carl, how do you stand this place?

Carl:
Ya gotta come prepared. [brings out two cartons of milk]

Darryl:
Don't they sell milk here?

Carl:
Not this kind. [opens the cartons, which give off a slight spritz]

Darryl:
Hey, is that -

Carl:
Does a body good! Cheers! [they both have a drink] Hits the spot, eh?

Darryl:
Don't ever sell that cow! [both chuckle] I gotta hand it to you, Carl. I never would have thought to smuggle alcohol into a kiddie fun center.

Carl:
Eh, don't feel bad. I've been a father a lot longer. Hey, I've got a chocolate milk if you'd like a margarita.

Melinda:
Ooh, padded walls. The kids have wanted these ever since we visited Grandpa.

Wanda:
Yeah, Darryl thought the house should be safer.

Melinda:
Carl's a safety nut, too. He puts the loaded guns on the top shelf -- no exceptions. You can't be too careful with your most precious possessions.

Zoe:
Ah-choo!

Wanda:
Uh-oh. I think Mommy better take your temperature.

Melinda:
It's just a sneeze.

Wanda:
Yeah, and before I would have let it pass, but Darryl's got me spooked. Here we go, Zoe.

Melinda:
Oh, you do it _that_ way.

[Wanda hums]

Melinda:
So, you see the Richard Gere movie?

Wanda:
No. What made you think of that?

Melinda:
I don't know.

Wanda:
[pause] Wasn't Richard Gere in Deliverance?

Melinda:
I think that was Ned Beatty.

Wanda:
Ohh, that's right.

Melinda:
[pause] By the way, how long is the Chunnel?

Wanda:
About 50 kilometers.

Melinda:
Huh.

Wanda:
You know, I never woulda thought it, but being the bad family is kinda fun.

Darryl:
Yeah, you don't waste half the day with boring small talk.

Rodney:
I know where babies come from.

Darryl:
Good for you.

Rodney:
Megan and Shelby came out of my mom's stomach, but I came out of her butt!