Becker, Season 6

Chris Connor:
Just to set the record straight, I don't love you!

Dr John Becker:
Well I don't love you! I don't even know what made me think I could like you: you're so cute and sweet and nice and perky!

Chris Connor:
Well it's better than being a cranky old fart!

Dr John Becker:
I'm not cranky! There are just certain things that irritate me!

Chris Connor:
Yeah, everything irritates you! You wouldn't know happiness if it bit you in the ass!

Dr John Becker:
Oh why don't you bite me in the ass!?

Chris Connor:
Oh, why don't you bite yourself in the ass!? Your head's right there, anyway!

Dr John Becker:
[outraged] Just go away, would you!?

Chris Connor:
Ah, I'm going! Goodnight!

Dr John Becker:
Good night!

Chris Connor:
[stutters angrily] GOOD NIGHT!

Dr John Becker:
YOU WANNA HAVE DINNER WITH ME SOMETIME!?

Chris Connor:
I'D LOVE TO!

[Becker walks into Ming's Chinese restaurant]

Dr John Becker:
Hey, Ming! How's it going, buddy?

Bill:
Becker, there are 5,000 Chinese restaurants in this town. You wanna be a buddy, try one of them!

Dr John Becker:
Nice attitude there. Is that how you treat all your good customers?

Bill:
When you come in at 5:59 just to get the 'Early Bird Special', and then use so many coupons I end up owing you money, you're not a good customer, you're a pain in my ass!

Jake:
I told you I don't wanna sell these.

Hector:
You're not, they're selling themselves.

Jake:
Get rid of them.

Hector:
You don't want me to do that. Look how much money you made.

[Hector hands a big wad of money to Jake]

Jake:
Hey, you know, I don't care. Listen, what I have on display up here reflects who I am, all right? And I want this to be one corner of the world where decent people can by and not be offended. So unwrap these magazines and put 'em down there.

Hector:
What about your "corner of the world"?

Jake:
Oh, my corner of the world is still gonna be pure. However, down there in Porn Town, that's where Jake pays the rent.

Dana:
What do you have against the New York City Marathon?

Dr. John Becker:
The Marathon just gets my hopes up. At first it seems like 20,000 idiots are leaving the city, but then they just make a big loop and come right back.

Dr. John Becker:
Look, someone in your department shut down a residential care facility in my neighborhood and threw everyone out into the street. Now I'm here because I want something done about it!

Deputy Secretary:
Wow. You sound pretty upset.

Dr. John Becker:
Well, I am. You know, I've been on the phone all afternoon calling every city agency I can think of, and all I got was the typical beureaucratic runaround.

Deputy Secretary:
Well that's terrible, you shouldn't have been treated like that.

Dr. John Becker:
At least you see that.

Deputy Secretary:
Well of course I do!

Dr. John Becker:
Then you'll help me?

Deputy Secretary:
Oh dear no.

Dr. John Becker:
...Well, maybe you didn't understand me...

Deputy Secretary:
No, I understood you perfectly. You've discovered a social injustice, and as a concerned citizen you've come to your government to demand some action.

Dr. John Becker:
Exactly!

Deputy Secretary:
It's not gonna happen. But that look on your face, oh, that took me back! What was that, righteous indignation? I used to feel like that when I first started working here forty-two years ago.

Dr. John Becker:
Yeah, well - you've been in this office forty-two years?

Deputy Secretary:
Yeah. Same desk, same fake plant, same window. Doesn't open. None of them do. Otherwise we'd all jump out. But you were saying?

Dr. John Becker:
Look, I told you! Either reopen the facility, or make some arrangements to take care of these people!

Deputy Secretary:
And I told you, I can't help.

Dr. John Becker:
But you're the deputy secretary of social services!

Deputy Secretary:
It's just a title.

Dr. John Becker:
Dammit! Look, listen - you're in charge here, you're responsible, you work for the city!

Deputy Secretary:
You're not listening! I can't help. Nobody can help. That facility is not going to reopen, and I'll tell you why: there is no money! There's no money because the federal government cut taxes, which is all anybody seems to care about anymore. That means less money for the state, which means less money for the city, which means we had to cut services, which means fewer cops, fewer firemen, bad air, bad water and crappy schools which will turn out another generation of voters too stupid and greedy to care about anything else besides cutting taxes! So don't you come in here and tell me to fix your problem, because there's not a DAMN THING I CAN DO ABOUT IT!... Where did that come from?

Old woman:
He would have been 40 today.

Becker:
Who? Who would have been 40?

Old woman:
My son...

Patient:
[guest star Mary Steenburgen, Ted Danson's real-life wife] You arrogant bastard, if I say I know the Roosevelts, I know the Roosevelts.

[leaves the office]

Dr. John Becker:
I pity the poor bastard who's married to her.

[last lines]

Chris Connor:
Well, then... then... then just tell me what's going on.

Dr. John Becker:
Nothing's going on, nothing's going on. At least, I don't think there is. I don't know, it's just... I feel different.

Chris Connor:
What do you mean, "different"? Are you okay?

Dr. John Becker:
Yes, I'm okay! It's... at least, I think I am, you know? I... I don't know, I just... lately, I've been thinking about a lot of things. You know, my work, my friends, you. None of it's perfect, but... none of it's exactly horrible, either.

Chris Connor:
[smirks] I know *I'm* flattered. John, what are you trying to say?

Dr. John Becker:
It's... it's like all the irritating things that people do - you know, cutting me off in traffic, disagreeing with me - it just doesn't seem to bother me as much. And then tonight, the patient I've been visiting, Mr. Gordon, he passed away.

Chris Connor:
Oh, I'm sorry.

Dr. John Becker:
Uh, thanks. I mean, it happens. But, you know, the point is that he was... he was okay with dying. He was able to look back at his life and feel good, you know, content. Lately, I think I... I think I've been feeling... kind of that way, you know? I guess what I'm trying to say is I... I think I might be... I don't know... happy.

Chris Connor:
Wow. No wonder you've been so upset. Bet this is really hard for you, isn't it?

Dr. John Becker:
Well, it is new.

Chris Connor:
You do understand that most people work their whole lives to feel happy. It's considered a *good* thing.

Dr. John Becker:
I know, I know. I'm dealing with it.

Chris Connor:
I'll help you any way I can.

Dr. John Becker:
Thanks. I don't know, I guess we'll just take it one day at a time.

[looks down at a man in the street]

Dr. John Becker:
[shouting] Hey! You moron, what the... How'd you like it if I took a whiz on your front porch? Go pee in the park like everyone else!

Chris Connor:
Feel better?

Dr. John Becker:
Yeah, a little.