Bones, Season 7

Booth:
[notices Brennan crying while examining a body] Everything okay, Bones?

Brennan:
Of course. I'm merely experiencing emotional inconsistencies due to hormnes secreted during pregnancy.

Hodgins:
Angela used to cry at the ShamWow commercial.

Booth:
Maybe the dead bodies are finally getting to you.

Brennan:
Of course not.

Booth:
Let me get a picture of this one. [takes out his cell phone and starts taking pictures]

Brennan:
[still crying] Stop it, Booth!

Booth:
Relax, okay? It's just -- you're normal.

Brennan:
I'm not normal! I'm extraordinary!

Hodgins:
[looking at the beetles crawling all over the corpse] Come to papa, my little friends!

Cam:
Really? They’re beetles. Not puppies, Dr. Hodgins.

[Booth and Sweets are walking to Booth's office]

Sweets:
So there's no extra stress between you and Dr. Brennan because of the pregnancy?

Booth:
[chuckles, turns around the face Sweets] We're not gonna talk about that.

Sweets:
Why not? It's shrinky stuff!

Booth:
[smiles] We're fine. We're fine!

Sweets:
All right, ok, I'm not trying to be pushy here but it must be very difficult that you and Dr. Brennan haven't agreed on a living arrangement yet.

Booth:
Ok, you know what, I've been shot at, I've been stalked, I've been kidnapped, I almost drowned, ok? I'll be able to find a place for us to live. [pats Sweets on the shoulder] So go have some coffee, all right?

Angela:
Is it true that you were crying at the crime scene?

Brennan:
Only as a result of increased hormonal output, not at sadness at the victim's death.

Wendell:
Probably chorionic gonadotropin.

Brennan:
Exactly.

Wendell:
Still, I mean, you crying. I would have loved to see that.

Brennan:
Why?

Angela:
It's sort of like an eclipse. It doesn't happen that often.

Brennan:
Booth took a picture of me, but since I have a picture of him cooking an omelet naked he agreed never to show it to anyone.

Wendell:
Smart move.

Angela:
[stunned, somewhat amused] I'm sorry. Naked? Wow. [Brennan looks at her and smirks] Okay, listen, I am your best friend, so I think I should take a peek at that.

Brennan:
Violence would be a logical extension of his belief. The Bible features a vengeful God who capriciously slaughters the creatures he creates. Sweets would characterize him as a sociopath.

Booth:
Wait! God is not a sociopath!

Brennan:
Let's just say, I don't want him babysitting for our child.

Cam:
[walks into Hodgins lab to see him holding his and Angela's son] What is this?

Hodgins:
[surprised, grins at Cam] Uh, it's a very small, bipedal primate from the Hominidae family.

Cam:
You both know the rules.

Angela:
Yeah, we do, but he doesn't. He missed his dad, so --

[...]

Cam:
He's not allowed in the lab. I don't want to see him here again.

Angela:
Your daughter visits.

Cam:
She's eighteen! She's not going to spitup on the mass spectrometer. [Michael smiles at her] Tell him to stop looking at me like that. [Michael continues to smile] Would you tell him to stop?

Angela:
He likes you.

Cam:
Well, don't let the smile fool you. I'm still very upset. Sweet, baby boy. [Michael smiles]

Angela:
Who's that?

Hodgins:
That's my boy.

Booth:
I also did some research on the Internet and I found about 20 tribes that say you would have to move in with me. And one where I actually get to shoot you in the leg with an arrow.

Booth:
Look, Bones. I love you. That's not rational. Us having a kid, that's not rational. But here we are.

Hodgins:
So, I was sifting through the soil at the bottom of the grave and I found fibers coated in linseed oil.

Wendell:
You said her clothes had absorbed the oil.

Hodgins:
Her clothes are made of polyethylene terephthalate.

Wendell:
Can't you just say polyester?

Hodgins:
I did.

Booth:
I just...I want our kid to know that I'm not my dad. I just want him to know that I was a good dad who gave him a real home. Our home.

Brennan:
Why didn't you just say that?

Booth:
Just didn't think you'd understand.

Brennan:
[shakes head incredulously] I don't. I know you're not your father.

Brennan:
What are these x-rays?

Wendell:
The paint had hardened, so I x-rayed each glob to see if there was anything inside.

Hodgins:
We didn't want to break it open in case it would destroy evidence.

Brennan:
What about 6F3?

Hodgins:
It looks like tree sap or resin.

Brennan:
Enlarge the image, please.

Wendell:
That's not sap.

Cam:
It looks like chewing gum.

Hodgins:
Okay, even if it is, the dye and the polyethylene, the paint would have destroyed the DNA.

Brennan:
We don't need DNA, do we Mr. Bray?

Wendell:
Of course not. I should have seen that. I'm sorry.

Cam:
Excuse me, the boss here needs an explanation.

Brennan:
Look at the image. There is a clear impression of the tooth in the gum. That's as clear as a fingerprint.

Hodgins:
If I freeze the paintball I should be able to extract the gum without compromising the shape.

Brennan:
I'll tell Booth.

Wendell:
She's having that baby so the next generation will have someone to make them feel dumb.

Hodgins:
Seriously.

Booth:
We can have whatever life we want. You know that, right?

Brennan:
[smiles] New memories, new life.

Hodgins:
Dr. Brennan, are you sure you don't want a chair? The way you're squatting, I'm worried that little guy in there is going to drop right out.

Brennan:
Thank you, but my uterus and cervical plug are quite healthy. Also, I'm not having a boy. It's a girl.

Booth:
[smiles] A girl. [becomes alarmed] Excuse me?

Brennan:
The fetus inside my womb has female genitalia.

Hodgins:
You guys are having a girl? That is so awesome!

Booth:
Okay, wait. Just wait one second. Can I have a word with you here? You're guessing, right? What we're having?

Brennan:
No, I had an ultrasound at the doctor's this morning. Are you displeased with the results?

Booth:
No, I'm thrilled, but you can't just spring something like that on me in public. Why didn't you tell me that you had a doctor's appointment?

Brennan:
Ultrasounds are poorly pixelated and black and white. You only like movies that are in color.

Booth:
I would have loved this movie! It would have been my favorite movie of all time!

Brennan:
I had no idea that our child's genitals were so important to you.

Booth:
[annoyed] Bones, I am the father.

[In the interrogation room]

Tobin:
[to Booth, glances at Sweets] What's with the scrawny guy? Thought he'd be dealing with that pregnant chick who took me down. [smirks] I liked her.

Booth:
You really don't wanna go down that road, buddy.

Sweets:
No, you really don't. The little girl she's carrying is his daughter.

Tobin:
[smile fades from his face] Oh.

Brennan:
Did your interest in forensics stem from a plan to murder your stepfather?

Finn:
Yes, ma'am, it did.

Brennan:
Dr. Saroyan mentioned that he was physically abusive to both you and your mother.

Finn:
He had a temper. Probably why I behaved like I did. I could never find a way to make the mad go away.

Brennan:
So did you murder your stepfather, Mr. Abernathy?

Finn:
No, ma'am. I did not.

Brennan:
What stopped you?

Finn:
I read a paper you wrote: postmortem dismemberment analysis. I knew no matter how careful I was I'd never get away with killing him. At least not with ya'll around.

Brennan:
I like to think that's true.

Finn:
I took it as a sign from above to keep me on the straight and narrow. I haven't so much as talk in church since.

Brennan:
What happened to your stepfather?

Finn:
Last time I saw him I told him he was a dead man if he ever touched my mama again. I guess the son of a bitch didn't know I was bluffing.

Brennan:
I can imagine how it must feel to know people are thinking that you did something like that.

Finn:
I appreciate that.

Brennan:
[affects southern drawl] You must never walk out again, you hear? There ain't gonna be no more second chances. [smiles at Mr. Abernathy] I love John Wayne movies.

Brennan:
I owe you an apology.

Booth:
An apology? Wait a second, is this you apologizing to me or me apologizing to you for something that I don't understand?

Brennan:
I understand how upset you must have felt not to be included at the ultrasound. While I wish I could undo what I've done to you, I can't.

Booth:
That's okay. An apology is enough.

Brennan:
Really? Because I have more.

Booth:
Oh. I'll always take more. What do you have in mind?

Brennan:
Well, the doctor made me a DVD of the ultrasound. While the resolution is not ideal, I feel certain that you will enjoy seeing this.

Booth:
Of course I'm going to enjoy seeing it. [whispers] Oh, wow. [He stands up] Look, that's the heartbeat.

Brennan:
[smiles] You're happy.

Booth:
Of course I'm happy! Look at that! She kicked!

Brennan:
[laughs] She has your prominent mental protuberance.

Booth:
Is that a good thing?

Brennan:
Yes. It's a very good thing.

Cam:
(freaking-out on seeing a python emerge from the intestines of a dead woman during an examination) Somebody kill that thing!

Brennan:
(wide-eyed,on her cellphone to Hodgins) You can come back to the lab. We discovered the warm place where the python was hiding. (Finn pulls the python from the corpse, and holds it up to his face.)

Finn:
(to Cam) Oh, I got to say, Ma'am, this is the best damn job, ever.

Angela:
(to Hodgins) You! You're a genius scientist person, right? So get over here and put this thing together, or there will be BLOOD.

Brennan:
(about their living arrangement) We're still arguing about it. I want at least an acre of land, and he wants something called a man cave.

Booth:
Wait, really? Really. You really want to get him involved?

Brennan:
He asked a question.

Booth:
Just tell him that it's crazy for him to carry a gun, that's all.

Brennan:
But it is not.

Booth:
It is.

Sweets:
(to Brennan) Thank you.

Brennan:
At the very least, he could draw fire away from you and get shot himself, which would reduce the likelihood of me becoming a single parent.

Sweets:
We, we, we don't have to go through every eventuality.

Booth:
You're not getting a gun.

Sweets:
Then I'll make sure you don't get a man cave.

Booth:
You're not going to get a gun.

Sweets:
Well, then, you won't get a man cave.

Brennan:
I'm not good playing with toys. What if I can't connect with our child?

Booth:
Okay, you connect with me, right?

Brennan:
You know I do.

Booth:
Okay, our child is half of me, so at the very least, you can connect with the me half. Get it, right? Listen, you're gonna be a great mom.

Bianca:
And I'm going to need each of you to sign a non-disclosure form before we enter.

Booth:
Oh, I can't do that. I'm with the FBI. What we do is disclose.

Bianca:
Well, then, I can't allow you to stay here.

Daisy:
Well, we can always shut the building down while we wait for a warrant if that's what you'd prefer. I'm sure the press would love a story like that. [Booth glares at Daisy]

Bianca:
Fine.

Daisy:
[to Booth] That was relevant, wasn't it?

Booth:
[glares at her] I cop, you squint.

Daisy:
Well, then permission to squint, Agent Booth.

Booth:
Squint away.

[Booth and Sweets are in the car waiting for their suspect]

Booth:
It's not that I don't want you to carry a gun, Sweets. Do you understand that? It's just that I am concerned about your welfare!

Sweets:
Yeah, 'cause you think I'm incompetent. Guess what? I aced my last practice round at the range.

Booth:
That's a practice range, all right? There's a difference. But you know, when the real guns come out there's no time for thinking. It's just reaction. You understand? That's why they put people through Hogan's Alley.

Sweets:
You think I'm not aware of that? [Booth gets out of the car] Oh, what, you're just gonna walk away? End of discussion?

Booth:
[pokes head through the window] Perp. [points to suspect] Huh? You see what I mean Sweets? You're too busy talking.

Sweets:
I'm here for my test, sir.

[The range master turns around and is revealed to be Booth.]

Sweets:
What, what are you doing here?

Booth:
Called in a favor. I'm running this one.

Sweets:
Booth, that's not fair. You don't want me to have a gun. It's gonna affect my performance.

Booth:
That's the point. You wanted to have my back. If something like this rattles you, I can't trust you. [smiles] So, ready?

Sweets:
Let's rock and roll.

[Two postal workers are pilfering items from the dead letter office. One of them, Ronald, opens a box and finds some remains.]

Tom:
That's an animal. I found a dead cat once. Early retirement is looking good. [Ronald finds a skull and screams] That's it. I retire. Welcome to the US Postal Service, kid.

Cam:
The body fluids, along with the packing materials, transformed the tissue into an adipocerous gel.

Clark:
I'm pretty sure my middle school served this for dessert.

Cam:
Unless we can separate them, the packing material is going to contaminate any tests I run on the tissue.

Clark:
And I need to separate these bones before there's anymore chemical damage to them.

Hodgins:
I have got just what you need, Clark. This little puppy is a plycimer laser. Now, who wants to hear it bark?

Cam:
Aren't those used for eye surgery?

Hodgins:
There's gotta be an eye in here somewhere, right? Now, I've set it so that it'll zip through the goop and separate it from the cardboard.

Cam:
Can't we just cut the box open?

Hodgins:
But I already signed this out, and it's much cooler. Trust me.

Booth:
You really want to help? I got a great idea. What do you say we talk about something else? Let's talk about you.

Brennan:
[pause] My breasts are very sore. Would you mind if I spent the evening naked?

Booth:
Sure, yeah that's fine with me. No complaints here, that's great. See, now, isn't this a better conversation?

Brennan:
I should be able to help Booth, shouldn't I?

Angela:
Yeah, but what he's going through... [shakes head] It's not your fault.

Brennan:
But you would be able to help Hodgins. Booth could help me. [Angela looks up at her] What would you do?

Angela:
[smiles] Booth loves you, Brennan, not me. It doesn't matter what anybody else would do. You have to figure out what you can give him that nobody else can.

[Booth is cooking in the kitchen while Hank is sifting through documents.]

Hank:
Probate forms, insurance claims, pension documents, social security forms. You gotta sign these.

Booth:
Me? Why do I have to sign these? I haven't seen him in twenty years

Hank:
You're next of kin.

Booth:
So are you, so is Jared.

Hank:
Your father made you sole executor and beneficiary.

Booth:
[scoffs] Huh. Beneficiary. Having him for a father wasn't exactly a benefit, Pops

Hank:
Seeley...

Booth:
Look, you were my father, all right? He was never there for me. You raised me, not him. He was never there. Understand? You don't have to defend him to me.

Hank:
I wasn't. I was just trying to remind you that he was my son. [Booth looks up at him] Good or bad, he was my son. I gotta tell ya, I'm a little disappointed that you don't seem to see the hurt I'm feeling.

Booth:
[mumbles] Sorry, Pops.

Hank:
You don't think I know what it was like for you? You don't think I don't feel responsible? I raised him. Don't you feel responsible for your boy? Now, Seeley, we're family. We're gonna get through this together.

[Sheila Burnside is in the FBI Interrogation Room with her lawyer Bob Fisher.]

Bob Fisher:
Do not talk! Not... one... word!

Sheila:
[regarding herself and Oliver] We did it a few times, but it didn't mean anything!

[...]

Sheila:
[to Booth] I'm a slut, not a killer.

Bob Fisher:
[to Sheila] Shut. Up.

[...]

Booth:
Where was your husband the night Oliver died?

Sheila:
Hugh wouldn't kill anyone.

Bob Fisher:
[grumbles] I hate my job.

Hank:
[reading a letter from his son - Booth's father] "I didn't write a letter to Seeley because I knew he'd rip up anything I sent him - and he should. If you can find a way, let him know ... I love him. He and Jared deserved a better father than me. A father ... a father as good as I had. Thank you for raising him to be the man I could never be."

Hank:
[to Booth] Son, listen. I know you wish some things could've been resolved. Closure, they call it. But life is just a lot of loose ends. So smile, love that woman you have and love that new little girl that you're gonna have.

Booth:
[to Agent Shaw] What we do is teamwork. You thinking that the only way I'm going to respect you is if you hand me this "final piece of the puzzle" is not teamwork. It's ego.

Brennan:
Do you miss your father, Booth?

Booth:
Why? He's been gone for twenty years. No.

Brennan:
Are you going to open the box?

Booth:
You know I don't really want to talk about this.

Brennan:
But I do, and I might say the wrong thing, but for the time being we're sharing our lives and that means you can't shut me out, Booth.

Booth:
What's the point? [Brennan retrieves and places the box in front of him] Seriously? Bones.

Brennan:
Quantum physicists have postulated that the way we experience time is an illusion; that it doesn't happen in a linear way. That past and present, in reality, there's no difference.

Booth:
Bones, what are you trying to get at?

Brennan:
You do have some good memories of your father. You told me that. There was the time when the river froze and he woke you up at midnight to skating, and the time you were sweeping up at his barbershop when he put on Louis Prima and pretended that the electric razor was a microphone. And the World Series, your one perfect day together. Those good times with your dad are happening right now. They'll always be happening. You deserve to keep those alive.

Cam:
[spies Hodgins yawning while examining evidence] Is death getting dull to you, Dr. Hodgins?

Hodgins:
Oh sorry, it's Michael. Apparently our baby believes that sleep is only for the weak.

Cam:
[watching Angela swiping a card over and over again] Um, is she trying to get on the platform with a buy ten get one free yogurt card?

[Fisher, Angela and Cam are discussing a victim.]

Fisher:
The only difference between "try" and "triumph" is a little "umph".

[Angela and Cam look at Fisher strangely]

Fisher:
My mom puts motivational sayings up on the fridge. Oh God, she's destroying me. [walks out]

Brennan:
[opening the tornado cover door] You lied to me! I could have missed this!

Hodgins:
[sees the "Gramps" tattoo on Michael's arm] He's tattooed? You tattooed MY CHILD?

Billy:
Relax. It's a press on. For now.

Hodgins:
Look, all I'm saying is that John Wilkes Booth was secretly a member of Knights of the Golden Circle affiliated with Rome. [shrugs and smiles at Cam]

Cam:
Ok...a little friendly advice. Do not mention Booth to Booth. They are related and he'll shoot you. [Hodgins turns and sees Booth and Brennan walking in]

Booth:
What've we got here?

Hodgins:
[awkwardly] Hi!

Booth:
Hi.

[Booth and Sweets are interrogating Sam]

Sam:
I have an important job preserving our national heritage.

Booth:
[deadpan] You kill cockroaches.

Sam:
Obviously you don't understand museum hygiene. Mama roaches, they have like forty babies a pop. They eat the paint, the wallpaper and drop their roach feces all over the historical artifacts.

Sweets:
No kidding.

Sam:
I'm our nation's front line of defense.

Booth:
Against roach poop.

Sam:
It's very stressful, which is why I need my smokes.

Caroline:
[frustrated at a journalist] I have a whole bunch of comments and they all have four letters!

Brennan:
The mighty hut appears to be leaking.

Pelant:
It's the giant flaw in our system: trying to make the system more secure, we make it more complex. But the more complex we make it, the more insecure we actually are.

Booth:
Well, it turns out I'm not a complex guy. I'm a simple guy. And simple guys take down guys like you.

[Sweets has walked in the Jeffersonian lab wearing a bright blue motorcycle helmet]

Caroline:
Why is that man wearing an Easter egg on his head?

Caroline:
This set of orders was passed down through channels that even the Almighty Himself would need an atlas and a double-shot of bourbon to navigate!

Brennan:
We have a house, Booth. You found our home. [smiles]

Booth:
We have a home.

Brennan:
(taking a hospital tour) I want a home birth where I can control things.

Booth:
Lot safer in the hospital, Bones.

Brennan:
No, on the contrary hospitals are breeding grounds for antibiotic-resistant super germs leading to a high incidence of E coli and staphylococcus infection.

Pregnant Patient's Husband:
I'm sorry, is that true?

Booth:
No, no, no.

Brennan:
(taking out UV light and shining it on the hallway) Based on the spatter pattern and viscosity, I see indications of blood, blood, cerebral spinal fluid, amniotic fluid, blood, more blood...

Nurse:
Is there a problem back there?

Pregnant Patient's Husband:
(taking magazine away from his wife) Don't touch anything.

Brennan:
At this stage of my pregnancy, my IQ could be anywhere from eight to ten points lower than normal.

Daisy:
Which is why we all need to pitch in every way we can. I'm becoming a certified doula. [squints as Hodgins' headlamp shines in her eyes]

Brennan:
You aren't getting anywhere near my cervix, Miss Wick.

Daisy:
Just saying. Should you find yourself in need, I could stop at the perineum.

Booth:
Sweets, just get on with this so we don't have to look at that thing.

Sweets:
[surprised] What do you have against a cappuccino machine?

Booth:
This is a diner. I come here because there is no cappuccino machine. [Sweets looks at him in bewilderment] [continues ranting] And some things, they need to be sacred, right? Preserved. All right? In this country, there is a line between coffee and foamy crap. And when that line gets blurred..people, they just become animals.

Sweets:
You ok?

Booth:
[raises voice] No! No, I'm not ok! I'm not dunkin' my donut into some cappuccino. [other customers start looking at Booth] That's not why I joined the Army. [Sweets is looking very embarrassed and puts his hand on Booth's shoulder attempting to calm him down] I didn't join the Army for that.

Sweets:
[sheepishly grins at the waitress] I'll take two regular coffees, please. Thanks. Two black.

Cam:
I ran a tox screen on the ocular fluid and it came back negative, which eliminates poison as cause of death. Do you have anything?

Brennan:
There's a fragment of the right ninth rib with striations that are consistent with a stab wound, but there's so little evidence it would be irresponsible of me to form a conclusion at this point.

Angela:
Come on. Just this once.

Brennan:
[wriggles under the pressure] No.

Cam:
[grins, goading] You can do it. Just say it's a stabbing.

Brennan:
I can't.

Angela:
We'll think you're cool if you do.

Brennan:
Well I want to be cool, but I can't.

Angela:
It's okay, honey. We still love you just the same.

Booth:
[looking at welcome home sign] What is that? Welcome stapes?

Brennan:
[laughs] It's the smallest bone in the human body.

Angela:
We didn't know her name, so --

Brennan:
Thanks. She's so lucky to have all of you.

Angela:
So, what is her name?

Booth:
Well, we named her after Bones' mom.

Brennan:
Christine. Our daughter's name is Christine. Christine Angela.

Angela:
Oh my God.

Booth:
[cradling Christine, excitedly] She winked at me!

Brennan:
She probably has something in her eye. Do you have the shopping list?

Booth:
Yeah I have the shopping list right here. Why do you have to be like that, huh? She could've winked at me.

Brennan:
She's six weeks old, Booth. She's developmentally incapable of making the decision to wink at you.

Booth:
Well, she could be just like you, you know, brilliant and crazy about me. [grins at Brennan]

[Brennan winks at Booth mischievously, Booth winks back.]

Booth:
Hey, that's a good one. [turns to Christine] See that? Mommy winked too!

Brennan:
Did you wash the nipples?

Booth:
Yes, I did in the shower, but I don't think day care is gonna check.

Finn:
[to his ex-girlfriend Lily] I'm sorry but I have to work all weekend. Yeah, this is my boss. [nods in Cam's direction] She says there's fields to plow. [Cam looks up in surprise]

Lily:
Oh.

Cam:
Yes. Finn has to...hitch the horses to the wagon and use that plow to....unearth the...the...he's got work.

Hodgins:
I found more papers in her bra.

Angela:
Well, these papers from her pockets are all faded. I have no idea what was written or printed on them.

Hodgins:
It must be something important.

Angela:
Why do you think that? I mean, you have papers in your pockets and so do I.

Hodings:
Yeah, but do you also stuff papers into your bra?

Angela:
[smiles] Not since high school.

Hodgins:
She was hiding it, right? That means they're important. You know, maybe even secret.

Angela:
You think this is some kind of government conspiracy?

Hodgins:
Ang, in 1963 the positions of the Soviet nuclear fleet were sewn into the lining of a hunting cap.

Angela:
The video spectral comparator should be able to tell us what was once on here.

Hodgins:
You never know, I mean, these markings could be code. See? Here.

Angela:
Yeah, it's a UPC code on a coupon.

Hodgins:
Ten cents off any three pack of tapioca pudding.

Angela:
[points at the screen, in mock horror] Oh my God. Oh my God! Terrorists are trying to corner the market on tapioca pudding and take down America!

Hodgins:
[deadpan] You're mocking me.

Angela:
[grins] You're quick.

Bates:
[embarrassed] The panties are mine, ok?

[Brennan raises her eyebrows and Booth looks at him strangely. looks around and discreetly pulls down part of his pants.]

Booth:
[shocked] Oh!! [Brennan smirks]

Bates:
They don't chafe like man pants.

Booth:
[awkwardly] Well, yeah.

Bates:
[pleads] Don't tell my wife. I only wear them on the road.

[...]

Bates:
I didn't kill anyone. I just like to feel pretty. [Booth and Brennan stare at him in bemusement]

[In Cam's office]

Michelle:
I may be your daughter but I'm also eighteen and that means if I can vote and go to war I can certainly choose who I date! [storms out]

Cam:
[calls after her] Yeah but you can't drink! You're still not allowed to drink!

Brennan:
You shouldn't hit people. You should use your words! That's what all the books say.

Chad:
[in disbelief] Are you serious?

Booth:
[deadpan, to Chad] Well, you know, she's a new mom.

Brennan:
I don't know what to wear.

Booth:
What do you mean? We're going to a garbage dump, there's no dress code.

Brennan:
Well everything I put on, all the clothes I had before the baby, I just feel like I'm not...you know what I mean?

Booth:
No, I don't. Listen, we've got to get Christine to the daycare.

Brennan:
I feel like I'm in someone else's body.

Booth:
Oh, no, you are not in somebody else's body. Trust me, I know your body. I guarantee that one. (they kiss)

Brennan:
Okay, now you are humoring me so that you can get to the crime scene.

Booth:
Yes, I am. So why don't you wear the green thingy?

Brennan:
What, this? It makes me look like a golf course.

Booth:
Bones, what's the matter? You're never like this.

Brennan:
Oh, you don't think I should care about how I look?

Booth:
Right. I get it, you're an airplane propeller and I'm about to walk into you so I am going to take a step back.

Brennan:
I don't know what that means.

Booth:
You're just feeling a little vulnerable because you just had a baby.

Brennan:
Are you saying that I resent our daughter? I love Christine.

Booth:
No, no, not at all. I just- look, what do you say we talk about this later? We really should get to work.

Brennan:
Okay, fine. Should I wear this or this?

Booth:
Uh, you know what, they're both gorgeous.

Brennan:
Ugh, you're no help at all. Absolutely no help at all! (leaves)

Booth:
Did I say something wrong?

Arastoo:
I got word that the journal isn't going to publish my paper.

Brennan:
Is that all?

Arastoo:
It got pulled in favor of a puff piece about Selena Gomez on a fossil hunt.

Brennan:
I'm not familiar with Dr. Gomez's work, but I look forward to reading about it.

[Booth has fallen down a ravine while Brennan and Hodgins are looking for the corpse's skull]

Booth:
[picks the skull up out of the water and treats it like a puppet] "Hey look, you found me!" Can we go to the airport now?

(Booth is sat on Parker's bed next to Parker who is holding his baby sister Christine)

Booth:
I'm so glad your back buddy! And so is Christine.

Parker:
She's so little.

Booth:
Yeah, Oh, I think she's smiling at ya.

Parker:
Ya think?

Booth:
Yeah.

(Booth laughs softly and looks around)

Booth:
So, what do you think of ya room, it's just like your old one.

Parker:
It's awesome.

(Christine starts crying and getting fussy)

Parker:
I think you should take her.

Booth:
Right, okay. Easy.

(Booth stands up and takes Christine)

Parker:
I don't want her to hate me.

Booth:
She's not gonna hate you. You're her big brother. Come on, huh?

(Christine starts crying)

Booth:
It's alright.

(Parker walks over to his toys)

Booth:
So, what do you think of that i got the old RC truck out. I found it.

Parker:
Do you think it still works?

Booth:
Of course it does. Me and Christine we put some batteries in it this morning, and we took it for a few laps.

(Parker scowls before putting it back)

Booth:
Look. Bones had to go to the lab, so maybe later, you, me and Christine, we can make some spaghetti meatballs, huh?

Parker:
Christine can't really do the things you say, Dad.

Booth:
I know. But we're all just really happy that your back.

(Parker smiles)

Parker:
You like her?

Booth:
I love her, just like i love you, okay?

(Booth hugs him and kisses his head, Parker hugs him back before pulling away)

Parker:
Can i just lie down? I'm tired.

Booth:
Sure. Yeah. Uh, probably just jet lag, right? Before you know it you'll be back in American time, alright?

(Booth walks out the room and stops outside, looking at him)

Booth:
Hey, buddy. i'm really glad your back.

(Parker smiles)

Parker:
See ya.

(Parker closes the door and Booth looks at the door in confusion)

Booth:
Hey, buddy? You here, just had a quick break wanted to see if you wanted to grab a bite...

(He knocks on the door to Parker's room, then opens it)

Booth:
-or something... Parker? Parker? Great..

(Booth sighs, Parker walks in)

Parker:
Dad..?

(Booth turns around)

Booth:
Yeah. There you are. Where were you.

Parker:
What are you doing home?

Booth:
I came home to see you, of course. Obviously. And i was gonna pick up my gym bag.

Parker:
I haven't seen it.

Booth:
Right. Of course you haven't seen my gym bag. Why would you of seen my bag..? Where were you just now?

(Booth looks at him in confusion)

Parker:
Uh.. No where, just out exploring the woods out back.

Booth:
Out back, exploring the woods? Right, then why didn't you tell the babysitter where you were?

Parker:
Because i'm not a baby, Christine's the baby.

(Booth's cell rings and he answers it)

Booth:
Booth... Great so is there gonna be something else or is this all about worms..? All right, so he was beaten up.

(Booth looks at Parker laying on the bed as he's on the phone and sees his shoes clean, before speaking on the phone again)

Booth:
The karate teacher, I'll tell you what, i'll come by and pick you up and we can see if his hands match his wounds and stuff. Alright, see you in 15.

(Booth hangs up and looks at Parker)

Booth:
Hey.. Buddy, i have to get back to work, okay? Stay tight and i'll see you later on. And if you go anywhere you tell the babysitter... right, sitter. You tell the sitter where you'll be.

(Parker nods)

Parker:
Yeah.

(Booth looks at him unconvincingly)

Booth:
Kay'.

(Booth looks to the bottom of his shoes before leaving)

(Bones knocks on Parker's door)

Brennan:
Parker? I was wondering if you wanted to take a walk with me and Christine?

(He knocks again as she gets no reply)

Brennan:
Parker? Parker, you okay?

(He opens up the door, and looks in confusion as she sees one of his toys that him and Booth made together, broken. She looks towards his closet and walks over picking up her lab coat, and sees his car broken and pictures all cut up.)

Parker:
I haven't done anything wrong! I swear.

Booth:
You've been destroying things, you've been lying to us.

Brennan:
You've stolen pictures.

Parker:
I haven't stolen anything!

Booth:
It's best to stop right now, bud. You don't wanna make it any worse.

Parker:
You don't understand.

Brennan:
I do. There's an anthropological necessity for you to seek superior status within the family structure.

(Booth looks at her and frowns)

Parker:
I don't understand.

(Booth looks at him)

Booth:
Well.. she just means that we understand that it's hard for you to accept Christine.

(Parker stands up angrily)

Parker:
No! No! I like her. She's my sister, I love her! You guys are ruining everything.

Brennan:
Us? What did we do?

Parker:
It was supposed to be a surprise, you would see it when you put Christine to bed! I may as well show you now.

(Parker walks off towards Christine's nursery, Booth looks at Bones and smiles softly before they follow him, they head over to the crib)

Parker:
I wanted to make her something, that's all.

(Booth and Bones smile in amazement as they look at the mobile he made)

Parker:
See? It's Christine's family.

(He points to a picture of Bones and Christine)

Parker:
Here's a picture of Temperance.

(He points to Booth's FBI patch)

Parker:
Dad, there's your FBI patch.

Booth:
That's the patch you took from my Gym bag.

(Booth and Bones look at each other and smile)

Parker:
Yeah, but it was an extra. I made sure.

(Parker points to a picture)

Parker:
See, and here's a picture of all of us.

Brennan:
It's beautiful, Parker.

(Christine moves her arm hitting the dangling stuff, Booth smiles, Bones places Christine in her crib)

Brennan:
Let's see how Christine likes it.

(Parker hands Booth the remote control)

Parker:
Turn it on, Dad.

Booth:
Alright.

Parker:
I used the motor from our truck.

Booth:
Right, from the RC truck.

Parker:
M-hmm!

(Booth switches it on and music plays and it starts moving around)

Booth:
Wow! Look at that.

(Bones smiles and places a hand on Parker's back)

Parker:
I got the music from the chip in a greeting cart.

(Christine gurgles waving her hands looking at it as it moves, Parker points to another picture)

Parker:
And i got that picture of my face in the middle. That way, Christine will know me the next time i come to visit.

(Christine giggles loudly, Booth puts a hand on his shoulder and Parker smiles)

Booth:
I'm sorry, Buddy.

Parker:
It's okay.

(Booth and Bones look at each other with a smile, before they all look at Christine giggling away)

Parker:
She likes it.

Brennan:
She loves it.

(Christine giggles loudly and Booth smiles squeezing Parker's shoulder softly, Parker smiles looking up at his father, they all turn to look at Christine giggling away)

Sweets:
What part of "stop the car" don't you understand?

Booth:
Just put your seatbelt back on! CLOSE THE DOOR!

Caroline:
[pushing in a flatbed trolley stacked full with boxes, books and files] Those hillbillies have been going at it tooth and nail since the 1800's!

Booth:
[in amazement] That's all the Mobleys and the Babcocks?

Caroline:
You know it, cher. They used to just kill each other and call it a day. Then they moved on to mule theft, aggravated assault and, lately since we're civilized, nuisance lawsuits.

Brennan:
Tribal feuds tend to be generational because the feud itself becomes a cultural identity for them.

Caroline:
For Lady Justice it's a boil on her butt. That's why she never sits down.

[...]

Booth:
[looking through the notes] Wow...look at all these weapons charges.

Caroline:
Well, you wanted to be G-Man.

[Booth is confronting an armed Nobert Mobley.]

Booth:
Norbert! Easy. Point the gun up. Up.

[Booth takes the shotgun but Mobley refuses to let go of it and they struggle over the gun.]

Booth:
What are you? Crazy?! Give me the gun!

Mobley:
No! It's my gun!

Booth:
I'm FBI!

Mobley:
It's my land! You got no rights!

[A shot is fired out of the gun. Booth wrings it out of Mobley's hands.]

Booth:
[looks at Mobley] You are crazy.

[Mobley swings a punch at Booth but misses. Booth knocks him to the ground with the butt of the shotgun. Brennan comes up behind Booth with her gun.]

Mobley:
[sees Brennan] How about you let her cuff me? [smiles at Brennan] She's pretty.

Hodgins:
You think you could drop a hint to Booth about me getting some more field work? [Caroline glares at him] What? Is it so terrible to have a dream?

Caroline:
No. Not when you're in bed.

Sweets:
You seem irritated.

Booth:
Well, you're irritating me, ok?

Sweets:
Oh.

Booth:
Didn't they teach you, you know, how not to be irritating at shrink camp?

Sweets:
It was a university.

[Hodgins is cooking truffles in the room using lab equipment.]

Daisy:
These two families are tearing each other apart for no reason.

Hodgins:
And you think that you are going to be able to repair the damage when no one else could in the past 120 years.

Daisy:
Perhaps it's too big of a challenge for you. Fear of failure. It happens.

Hodgins:
[pauses] Excuse me?

Daisy:
I was thinking I could see what chemicals are in the old bones and you can analyze the soil and water table. But if it's beyond you...

Hodgins:
Don't...no, that is not it.

Daisy:
Oh, it's the truffles! They take precedence! I understand.

Hodgins:
Fine. I will help you. But don't diss my truffles.

[Daisy tries Hodgins' truffles. She gags and quickly spits it back out.]

Hodgins:
Are you out of your mind?!

Daisy:
I love truffles but those taste awful!

[Hodgins tries some himself and spits it out.]

Daisy:
You are a scientist. Not a cook!

Brennan:
I don't understand. If you have a useful talent, why are you an actor?

Hodgins:
That's not fair. His ooky room his ookier than mine.

[Sweets and Booth are video-conferencing. Sweets is in his office while Booth is pacing around the set and looking at all the props.]

Sweets:
You know, the criminal records are not surprising. The entertainment industry has its own set of norms. Not only is bad behavior rarely punished, it's often rewarded. [pauses] Wow. Why does your office look like the command center in some super villain submarine?

Booth:
I guess my bubble-head bobby wasn't flashy enough.

Sweets:
I still think it's an excellent idea to question people there. The actors might suddenly see their fictional world as real. It might work to your advantage.

[...]

[While Booth is talking with Sweets, Blaine Conway, who portrays Andy Lister, a fictional portrayal of Booth in Brennan's book, comes from behind and tackles him. Booth instinctively and quickly subdues him.]

Blaine:
[groans] Woah. Wow. I do my own stunts but you are awesome!

Booth:
[annoyed] What the hell are you doing?! I could've killed you! [pulls Blaine up by his tie] Get up!

Sweets:
[in disbelief after witnessing what just happened] Unbelievable! No sense of mortality at all! Completely delusional!

Blaine:
[points to screen at Sweets] Who's the big head?

Booth:
It's the FBI shrink.

Blaine:
[to Sweets] I was just trying to show him how I'm gonna play Lister. I mean this guy's like Steve McQueen man. [points to Booth] I gotta do him justice!

[...]

[Blaine leaves after being questioned by Booth and exits the set doing an exaggerated impression of an FBI agent.]

Booth:
[to Sweets] You see what I gotta deal with? His belt buckle says "cooky".

Sweets:
I can see the McQueen thing.

Booth:
Yeah?

Sweets:
A little bit.

Liam:
Look, I would be an idiot to kill Hanson. Ok? The guy paid me buckets to write CRAP.

Booth:
[offended] Hey!

Brennan:
Crap? You're writing my film!

Liam:
Sorry to burst your bubble but the only reason he green-lighted your film was to get into Cherie Redfern's pants. So...

[Booth looks at Brennan in dismay and surprise]

Brennan:
The icepal is stupid.

Booth:
[to Liam, nods in agreement] Yeah, it is dumb.

Brennan:
So...

Booth:
It is kinda dumb.

Brennan:
...stupid.

Booth:
Looks like Mandy Oh really wanted that job.

Brennan:
[makes a face] Uh-oh! [laughs]

Booth:
[grins] Yeah, that's funny. Mandy Oh. Right.

Booth:
Hey Jocco, pal. Let's talk.

Jocco Kent:
[ignores Booth] Shooting.

[...]

Booth:
I said I want to talk to you now. That means stop.

Kent:
What are you gonna do? Arrest a man who's grossed a billion dollars in the last five years?

Booth:
Great idea. Stand up. Put your hands behind your back. Let's go.

[Kent throws a plastic bottle at Booth and does a "kung fu" stance. Booth stares at him in bewilderment.]

Booth:
Really??

Kent:
Back off!

[Blaine charges Kent down and rugby tackles him from out nowhere, to the shock of the crew and Booth]

Booth:
What are you doing?

Blaine:
I'm in character. I figure that's what you'd do.

Booth:
[in disbelief] What???

[Booth is arresting the murderer]

Barry:
[excitedly] We just caught a murderer! We just caught a murderer! This is awesome. [Booth looks at him in bewilderment] I mean, not for you.

Caroline:
[at Pelant's parole hearing] This isn't a court of law. We don't need proof. That's why I like it.

Booth:
Sometimes you gotta work a little out of the system, Bones, for the greater good.

Max:
You two don't understand what happens when the system turns on you! I do!

Angela:
I hope Cam is happy. If she had just kept things to herself, we wouldn't be in this position.

Caroline:
Angela, you listen to me on this subject. All of us did what Pelant expected, except for Cam. Because of her, you squints are all still in this, which Pelant fears above all else. As long as the Jeffersonian stays in the game, the good guys live to fight another day. My opinion, Cam Saroyan is the hero of this story so far.

Brennan:
I love you, Booth. I don't want you to think that Christine is the only reason we're together.