Boy Meets World, Season 4

Eric:
[eating pie] Oh, oh, that is delicious! What kind is this?

Guy:
Pie.

Amish Man:
Young friend, how far art thou traveling?

Cory:
Me?

Amish Man:
Yes, thee.

Cory:
Ah, well I'm going to Philadelphia.

Amish Man:
Well, I'm going as far as that farmhouse, there.

Cory:
That farmhouse there?

Amish Man:
Yes. That farmhouse, there.

Cory:
I see. Well I'm going to Philadelphia.

Amish Man:
Well, I could take you as far as that farmhouse, there.

Cory:
And that's very nice of you, but maybe I'll just wait for some form of transportation that involves...combustion.

Amish Man:
I understand. But if you change your mind, I'll be at that farmhouse, there.

Cory:
Yes, but see if that's as far as you're going then it does me no good.

Amish Man:
That is true. But my intent was just, and my heart is pure. [rides off]

Cory:
Also does me no good.

Cory:
Eric we have to go home and here's why, I'm completly out of clean underwear.

Eric:
Eh' Big deal, I ran out a week ago. I'm sittin' pretty.

Cory:
Yes but you see, I don't know if you've noticed, but I've also run out of pants.

[Eric screams]

Cory:
I want to go home.

Eric:
I want you in pants!

Eric:
Check it out, I already made up a theme song. [singing]

When a crime breaks out,

All the cute girls shout

"Get the good-looking guy"!

When there's a crime out there,

He's gonna comb his hair,

'Cuz he's the good-looking guy!

[stops singing and winks]

Book 'em, good-looking!

Cory:
Every time I get a haircut, it looks terrible for about six weeks. Then it looks good for, like, a day, then it's time for a new haircut. It's what I call the "Haircut Cycle of Shame."

Topanga:
Cory, it's just a haircut, it's just some make-up. It's not gonna change me.

Cory:
Where're you going?

Topanga:
This outfit with this hair? Hello, buh bye, I am so at the mall.

Eric:
Dad? You can't quit! I can't support this family! I am not a monkey!

Shawn:
Wow! And to think you were my only rich friend.

Cory:
Comfortable. Never rich.

Shawn:
Indoor plumbing? Rich.

Shawn:
That's okay. You're my friend, and I'm gonna teach you how to be poor.

Cory:
Would ya?

Shawn:
Well, it's not gonna be easy. You come from a world of many pants.

Feeny:
Might I suggest, for the sake of communal bliss, that you outfit yourselves with one of those two-person sleeping bags that are currently on sale at Kendall's?

Alan:
George, you rascal!

Feeny:
I go camping...I don't fish...You do the math.

Feeny:
Eighteen dollars for socks? Come on, man!

Store Owner:
They are thermal, they are double-layered, and they are moisture-proof!

Feeny:
They're eighteen dollars, and they're socks! I'm a teacher, not a heart surgeon!

Frankie:
I am here with a heavy heart to reveal that somebody has something he would like to return to you.

[Herman steps up and pulls a shampoo bottle from behind his back.]

Chet:
Of all the valuable things we have in this trailer, and you steal our shampoo? What kind of little weird thief are you?

Herman:
I am sorry for my transgression and the betrayal of your trust. With that said, I return your Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific.

Chet:
[smelling Herman's hair] You used some, didn't you?

Herman:
I am shamefaced.

Cory:
Eight lanes and not one stinking island. You gotta be Moses to get across that highway!

Topanga:
You think this is funny?

Cory:
No, Mistress Topanga, I think this is the opposite of funny. I think it's...wood.

Corinna:
I'm surprised you had the guts to show up.

Eric:
[seeing her Goth look] I'm surprised you're out when the sun is up.

Corinna:
You don't want to see me any more, do you?

Eric:
Oh, oh, it's more than that. I want to put you on a rocketship and send you to planet Flaflooga.

[After seeing Corinna's new song Shallow Boy]

Eric:
Oh, that could be about anyone.

Shawn:
Well the next song is called Eric Matthews, You're So Vain You Probably Didn't Know This Song Before It Was About You.

Eric:
I'm famous!

Shawn:
Mr. Feeny, you're on my side?

Feeny:
Frightening, isn't it?

Virna:
What did you say?

Chet:
What did I say?

Virna:
You said "We work." We don't work, I work. I work like a pig!

Chet:
Good thing, because we got a whole microwave full of bills to pay.

Cory:
Shawn, I refuse to believe anything from those stupid tabloids.

Shawn:
It's the New York Times, baby.

Cory:
This is New York Times Trailer Park edition!

Shawn:
It's exactly the same, except you can eat it!

Cory:
For once, just listen to me, man. In the classroom under my desk is a key. The key will open airport locker number B-378. In the locker, you will find a tattered plaid valise. In the valise, you will find my homework for five years. See, for all these years I understood everything. I'm actually a brilliant student.

Feeny:
What is the capital of Montana?

Cory:
You're not going to the airport, are ya?

Cory:
You know we've lived in the same room for 15 years and you never even told me about your first time.

Eric:
Remember Mitchell Davis?

Cory:
That's an unexpected surprise- how 'bout your second time?

Eric:
Bear with me. Now, you know that Mitch and I were always competing: Who could- who could run the fastest, who could shoot the most baskets, who could catch the most flies...

Cory:
Oh, please, get to it.

Eric:
Well, one day Mitch shows up here with a brand new bike; three-speed, emerald green, speedometer on the handle.

Cory:
Wait, that's the same one you had.

Eric:
Right that's why Mitch got his but you see, to show me up, Mitch's didn't have any training wheels on it. So I beg Dad, "Dad you gotta take these training wheels off". Dad said I wasn't ready. Well apparently Mitch wasn't either because one day we're riding down Oakhurst Drive...

Cory:
Ah, Dead Man's Hill.

Eric:
Right. Mitch falls off his bike, slams his head into a couple of trash cans, and that my friend is why Mitchell Davis repeated the sixth grade eleven times.

Cory:
Eric what could this possibly have to do with me and Topanga and moving past kissing?

Eric:
Cory, sex is like a bike without training wheels. Try it before you're ready, you're gonna fall off and break your head.

Cory:
You're my girlfriend and I love you and... and... God we should be at, like, ninth base by now.

Turner:
Hey, Hunter! [walks over to Shawn, who is sleeping] Hey! [taps Shawn] How were you affected by that reading?

Shawn:
[in his sleep] I don't wanna go to school, Daddy. Cory's reading poetry.

Turner:
You get your butt out of that bed and get to class!

Shawn:
[still sleeping] Okay... okay. [eyes closed, stands up clumsily and stumbles out of the class]

Turner:
[deadpan] Gee, I wonder what's gonna happen.

Vader:
[to Cory] I remember you, little man. You're in my son's poetry class. You're a bad influence! [leans in closely] I should crush you like garlic and put you in my spaghetti!

Cory:
I told you this was a great idea

Shawn:
It's an episode of Cops waiting to happen.

Cory:
So, the Hunters' trailer is right over there.

Eric:
The one that looks like all the other ones?

Cory:
Yeah, that's it.

Feeny:
I'm sure you're all aware of the conflict in Burundi, which is now spilling over into Rwanda and Uganda.

Cory:
He's making these names up.

Shawn:
He's finally run out of stuff to teach.

Feeny:
The Burundian conflict centers on class differences between the poorer Hutus and the richer Tutsis.

Shawn:
We're gonna have to put a bag over him and drag him out of the room.

Cory:
That way we save his dignity.

Feeny:
[reading from Eric's one-man play] "There I was on the dusty, dirty highway. The hot wind howled like a kind of howling, hot, windy thing."

Eric:
June 24, 1978: I... am... BORN! Sadat and Begin win the Nobel Peace Prize. John Paul II (eye-eye) is elected the new Pope. And a new dance craze sweeps the nation. [strikes a disco pose] Remember? Remember? 1984: I poo-poo on a bus. Nobody likes me.

Topanga:
If it's any consolation, I think you can do a lot better than Jennifer Bassett.

Shawn:
You think so?

Cory:
Wait a minute, Topanga, have you looked at her?

Topanga:
Okay, so she's pretty, she's tall, she drives a red new convertible, heck, I'd go out with her.

Eric:
I am five again, and I don't know which cubby is mine! Crossroads...nap time.

[Shawn and Cory are sleeping in Turner's class. Shawn is snoring and Cory is making a yipping noise.]

Feeny:
Interesting. In my class, Mr. Hunter handles the yipping.

Cory:
[wakes up] Shawn! It's both of 'em!

Shawn:
[wakes up and looks around, nervous] Oh, no. Now I don't know which class I slept through.

Shawn:
Mr. Turner, what if my choice is to not do the assignment?

Turner:
You want this one, George?

Feeny:
No, no, your class. I get them after lunch.

Turner:
Well, then you would get an F, not get into college, and spend your time hanging out at the local convenience store waiting for them to bring in a new batch of lottery tickets.

Shawn:
And that would change my life... how?

Shawn:
So I show up this morning and the wind chill factor is, like, Jupiter.

[Shawn is heard screaming upstairs]

Cory:
Shawn?

Shawn:
It's okay, it's okay. I thought I saw a poster of myself, but it was just a mirror.

Feeny:
What are you doing in Beantown?

Eric:
Hiding from you; and I fail. Why must you stalk me so?

[Cory is driving]

Shawn:
Cory, can you drive a little faster? 'Cause there's like twenty cars jammed up behind us.

Cory:
Shawn, I happen to be cruising at - what's it say? I can't look down or we'll crash.

Topanga:
Eighteen miles an hour.

Cory:
I'm up to eighteen? I hope this thing has airbags!

Shawn:
Cory, a bicycle just passed you.

Cory:
[Motioning with his arm out the window] Come around me! Come around me, please!

[Cory is driving]

Topanga:
Cory, I don't get it. You and your father have always gotten along great.

Cory:
Yeah, cause I've always been safe and dependable Cory. Well, tonight a new Cory is born. Dark, wild Cory; built for speed. 24, 25, 26. Look at me, I'm breaking the law.

[Sirens and flashing lights appear behind them.]

Cory:
Well, we all saw that coming.

Alan:
Hey, son! How was your day?

Cory:
Fine.

Alan:
What'd you do in school?

Cory:
Nothing.

Alan:
Hey, hold on! Wait there! You know, every day I ask you, "What did you do?" and every day you tell me "Nothing." Well, I'm tired of nothing. I mean, we both know something happened in school today and I want to know what it is!

Cory:
I decided to be a girl.

Alan:
Well, you taught me a very valuable lesson there, son.

Cory:
[dressed as a waitress] And tipping is not a city in China.

Cory:
So I would be correct in assuming that this wonderful meal is one of those, um, condemned-man, death-row, last-meal kinda things. But that can't be, because there's no cake. [Eric lifts the top of a platter to reveal an ornately decorated chocolate cake]... Dead man walkin.'

Cory:
So, you mean that Topanga can't move!

Shawn:
Not if TV is the true mirror of our lives.

Eric:
Y'know something, Cor? He's absolutely right. I mean, I had this same problem when I broke up with Francesca. There's a lot of pain, there's a lot of heartache. But eventually time stepped in. And I got over my devastating loss.

Alan:
Who's Francesca?

Eric:
[whispering loudly] There is no Francesca, I'm just trying to help.

Alan:
[whispering loudly] Nobody wants that.

Amy:
I had relationships with four other men before I met your father.

Alan:
I know three...

Cory:
We haven't been together for 22 years, but we have been together for 16. Okay, that's a lot longer than most couples. When we were born, you told me that we used to take walks in our strollers together. When we were 2, we were best friends. I mean, I knew everything about this girl. I knew her favorite color, I knew her favorite food. Then, you know, we got to be 6 and Eric made fun of me because it wasn't cool to have a best friend who's a girl, or even to know a girl. ...So for the next seven years, I threw dirt at her. I like to call those "the lost years"...then when I was 13, she put me up against my locker and she kissed me. I mean, she gave me my first kiss. She taught me how to dance. She always was talking about these crazy things, and I never understood a word she said. All I knew was that she was the girl I sat up every night thinking about. And when I'm with her, I feel happy to be alive, like I can do anything. Even talk to you like this. So that's what I think is love, Mom. When I'm better because she's here. And now she won't be. So I'm finished.

[Car horn honks.]

Eric:
Oh, there's Kelly. Better get going.

Amy:
Whoa, wait a minute. You guys have been going out for a while and we still haven't met her. You should invite her to come in.

Eric:
Uh, you know, Mom, we're really in a hurry.

Amy:
[calling out the door] Kelly, hon, come on in.

Eric:
You know something? We're really in a rush.

Alan:
What's the matter? Afraid I'll say something to embarrass you?

Kelly:
[enters] Hi, I'm Kelly.

Alan:
[looking her over] Atta boy!

Kelly:
Diana is the baby-sitter.

Eric:
Ooh, role-playing. Okay, I wanna be the commander-in-chief of the allied armies.

Feeny:
I trust you've studied for tomorrow's quiz?

Cory:
Gutenburg invented the printing press in 1445 and began the spread of ideas and the written word throughout the world. Please don't tell anyone I know that.

Topanga:
Where does milk come from?

Eric:
A carton!

Topanga:
Be more specific.

Eric:
A milk carton!

Cory:
That's why we're the champions.

Feeny:
Champions of what, Mr. Matthews? Of a generation whose verbal and mathematical skills have sunk so low when you have the highest level of technology at your fingertips? Gutenberg's generation thirsted for a new book every six months. Your generation gets a new web page every six seconds! How do you use this technology, to beat King Koopa and save the princess. Shame on you, you deserve what you get. *Bell Rings* Sit down! Stay where you are! For the first time, I choose to walk out on you.

Alan:
You took a job as a security guard?

Amy:
Why would you possibly want to do that?

Eric:
Oh, only for about ten reasons. One, walkie-talkies. Two, partner. Three, dog. Four, partner. Sometimes we switch partners. Five - do you want me to keep going? Six, I pack heat!

Amy:
You carry a gun?

Eric:
Nope. A heater. Gets cold out there in the shed.

Eric:
Mr. Feeny.

Feeny:
What?

Eric:
I heard you telling my parents you thought I was smart. Just hearing you say that is worth 1000 SAT points.

Cory:
Eric, listen. I wouldn't underestimate these people, okay? I mean, they did get Shawn.

Eric:
Cory, no offense to Shawn or anything, okay, but it takes a pretty weak-willed and gullible individual to succumb to this kind of blatant scam.

Alicia:
Hi, I'm Alicia. Welcome to The Centre. [hugs Eric]

Eric:
[hands Alicia his wallet] Here's my money. Where's my room?

Shawn:
All right. I always felt like there was this... hole in me, like I wasn't done, you know? And everyone could see it.

Turner:
I never saw that! If you'd just told me maybe I could have -

Shawn:
Let's not dwell on what people did or didn't do for me.

Turner:
Yes! Let's dwell on that!

Shawn:
[in Turner's hospital room] Jon, how could you be in here? How could you screw up on your bike? I've never seen you screw up on anything.I'm the screw up remember? Come on, you remember. Don't do this to me John.I don't do alone real good. [Looks at Turner's heart monitor] Look, I know you're in there, but it's like you're not really here.You're not talking, but I know you're here so I'm gonna talk and you can listen.John, even when I was at the center, it was all the things you taught me that made me wonder if it was the right place for me or not.But you didn't teach me enough.You and Cory, and my parents, and the Matthews, and the handful of people who really care about me! So don't blow me off John! Don't blow me off God! I've never asked you for anything and I've never wanted to come to you like this, but don't take Turner away from me, he's not done yelling at me yet.

Mr.Mac:
Shawn, it's obviously been a very stressful day for you and I think you should come back to the center.

Shawn:
Yeah, I think I should too.

Cory:
What?

Shawn:
I want to pick up my things and then if its okay, come back and stay with you guys.

Amy:
Yeah, it's okay.

Mr.Mac:
Shawn....

Shawn:
You know, I see you right in front of me and I hear what you have to say..and its nothing.And I was an empty person who had nothin' to believe in, I might go with you.Because that would be easy. Well, I'm done with easy. And I'm done with you.

Alan:
[to Mr.Mac] Look, you're not dealing with gullible little kids here now, buddy.Now you brought Shawn, thanks.Now why don't you just take a hike back to con-land.

Mr.Mac:
Now do you see how judgmental these people are---

Alan:
No, no, listen! [Shoves Mr.Mac into the wall] You see a judgment I made along time ago is that Shawn Hunter is the best friend my kid ever had.And I will kill to protect Shawn Hunter from people like you.

Shawn:
Cor, I can't be here.This is too intense.

Topanga:
For all of us, Shawn.But this is life and this is what's happening right now.

Shawn:
I need Mr.Mac.

Topanga:
No! He can't help you with this. Shawn, what is the matter with you?

Shawn:
I-I don't know..But I can't look at him like this.

Shawn:
Cory, come on, let me go.

Cory:
No!

Shawn:
Cory, let me go!

Cory:
Shawn, this is a hug, okay? This is a hug.And this is when you hug somebody, when you care about them and you want them to know.Now, you can not leave here.Do you hear me? Turner took care of you and he loves you and you love him. Now, is that real? Or is Mr.Mac and the center real? You decide. But you can not go.

Cory:
I do have a girlfriend, you know. Her name is Topanga.

Mary Beth:
Topanga? Sounds like a freeway exit.

Mary Beth:
You're a sensitive guy.

Cory:
Yeah, well, I wear a lot of light colors, so...