Camp Lazlo, Season 4

Samson:
[to one of the trouts] Here, do that thing you do with the paper, come on! Do it!

Trout:
[reading the diary page] Dear Diary, I want to be Lazlo's friend so...

Samson:
[interrupts and snatches the page back] Give me that!

Alien 3:
I have an idea! Lets hold him hostage until they give us chesse!

Alien 1:
[watching other campers beat up the Samson rock] Somehow I don't know if that will work.

Alien 3:
I indicate cheese in 24 hours!

Alien 2:
Is it safe to stay with the earthling?

Nina:
[enters dressed in a spacesuit] Ta-da! What do you think of my space jumper?

Alien:
It's weird. It's harmless. We'll stay.

Almondine:
Is she okay?

Patsy:
[dizzy with her hair in a mess] I'm okay.

Amber:
[laughs] Look at her hair!

Patsy:
My hair? [gasps in shock, screaming] MY HAIR!!!

Gretchen:
[while she and Patsy are by the window, lonely] No cheese, No Nina.

Lazlo:
[as he and his cabin mates show up] Hi, ladies! I Know how to turn those long faces short- a preview of my Hungarian Cheddar?

Patsy:
[exclaims in shock as she turns away from Lazlo's cheese] Get away, get away!

Lazlo:
[nervously pulls the cheese away] Oh! Um...Sorry.

[Patsy cries emotionally and runs away]

Gretchen:
[to Lazlo, annoyed] Smooth move, jellies. Everybody knows she's allergic to cheese! She bloats, she turns into- [gasps in realization as an idea gets into her head] Aha!

Nina:
[realizes the alien was her two friends] Gretchen?! Patsy?! [runs to Patsy] What happened to you?

Patsy:
[voice breaking] I...ate...all the...cheese!

Nina:
[tearing up] But why, Patsy? Why?

Patsy:
[gulps, tearing up] Because you...you prefer disgusting mutants with lasers...over me.

Nina:
[smiles hopefully] You had a severe allergic reaction just for me? Come here, you two! [group hugs Patsy and Gretchen as the audience awws]

[Last lines; after the aliens flew back to outer space in front of the campers and citizens]

Jane:
Um...Folks, [chuckles] there's just a little bit of bad news: [chuckles again] there is no cheese.

[Everyone gasps and runs away screaming to their homes]

Lumpus:
I don't know why you don't just go in the lake.

Lazlo:
The Lake [his eyes are watering. He jumps in and urinates in the lake]

Red Fish:
I don't swim in your toilet, so please don't whiz in my home.

Lazlo:
[sucks up the urine and runs off] Sorry!

[The fish is revealed to be a puppet controlled by Edward, who comes up out of the water and chuckles]

Lazlo:
Come on, give me a sign. [sees a tree with a bull's-eye on it] Perfect...

Edward:
Lazlo! Don't tell me you were going to go on that defenseless tree, are you?

Lazlo:
Well, there's nowhere else to go in camp!

Edward:
Did you try Acorn Flats?

Lazlo:
Girls have bathrooms?

Edward:
Girls have bladders too.

Patsy:
Okay, Lazlo, but tell me again why you are using our bathroom?

Lazlo:
BECAUSE I HAVE TO GO!!!

Patsy:
Whoa! That is definitely the wrong way to ask someone to use their bathroom.

Lazlo:
I'm sorry. Please? Uh, pretty please with a P on top?

Edward:
Hold it, Lazlo! Isn't that a girls' bathroom?

Samson:
Hey wait, they're just trying to distract us from the real funny. Lazlo's still wearing a diaper!

Lazlo:
Huh, oh this isn't a diaper.

Raj:
Really?

Clam:
Denial.

Samson:
It's not? Well then what is it?

Lazlo:
It's a tinkle-tog, just like the astronaut's wear.

[All campers gasped]

Samson:
So, you're actually wearing some sort of futuristic space diaper?

Lazlo:
Yeah, kind of.

Raj:
Lazlo, can you hold my seat while I go to the bathroom?

Lazlo:
Sure, Raj.

Raj:
[goes in his tinkle tog] Okay, I'm done.

Samson:
Look, Raj just went to the bathroom like the astronauts!

Raj:
[dreamily] Just like the astronauts

[Dave and Ping-Pong sigh of relief]

Chef McMuesli:
[gives out sigh of relief then looks down] Forgot I wasn't wearing tinkletogs.

[Last lines; Edward's brothers have arrived]

Alpine:
EDWARD!

Edward:
[turns around to see his four older brothers standing at the door of the mess hall] It's not what it looks like!

Alpine:
Oh, really? So I guess you didn't lose the lemonade drinking contest? And now I suppose you're gonna tell us that you didn't just admit to inventing these lame fashion diapers? [scoffs as Edward's eyes starts welling up with tears of sadness] Can you bring more shame to our family?

Phillip:
I can't believe we're related. [he, Alpine and Cheesly walk out the door]

Fancy Pants:
Oh, Edward, honey, fashion diapers are so last year.

Edward:
But...it's not a diaper, it's a TINKLE TOG!

[The scene started typically with lazlo and the calendar thinking of what kind of event would be in June 1st]

Lazlo:
No holidays,Too gloom! Well we can't have a date without something...Now what would make a good holiday that everyone enjoys. [starts to get surprise by giving an idea. Which he looked at the gooseberry shrub and writes "Goose berry shrub whoreshipping day"] Lazlo-Goose berry shrub worshipping day! Clam can get the kick out of that! He loves gooseberries!

[Everyone worships the gooseberry shrub]

Lazlo:
[meditates] Ooommmm...

Campers:
[meditate] GooseBerries!

Edward:
[walks over] Get up Laz! You make an idiot of yourself!

Lazlo:
[while meditating] Edward...we're in the middle of worshipping the gooseberries here. Ooommmm...

Edward:
[groans] I cant even look! Why praise those gross things when you got a lovable platypus right here! [everyone didn't listen but worships the goodberry shrub. leaving him annoyed] Hello?! Anyone? [groans] Stupid Lazlo Holidays! [then rips off calendar just to make it June 2nd and the next holiday was "Edward Day" His own day] If there gonna worship! They might as well worship something worth worshipping!

[Edward wakes up and tries to make his so called "Cloth" and so called "Crown" making him a special pathetic scout]

Edward:
This is it folks! The day were all been worshipping! [evil Laugh] Its...EDWARD DAY!!!

Gordon:
[imitates Edward] Keep it down! You Weirdo!

Norman:
[imitates Edward] Hey look its the queen of England!

Mort:
[imitates Edward] What is he suppose to be?

Ping Pong:
[imitates Edward] A loser!

Edward:
Lets try this again. Its...EDWARD DAY!!!

Raj:
[confused] Umm...Yes umm...I am surrounded by! "IDIOTS!!" [laughs]

Edward:
Lazlo!

Lazlo Yes, Edward?

Edward:
What day is it today?

Lazlo:
Why it's Edward Day, silly! I mean... [imitates Edward] Its Edward day can't you read your loser! [laughs] How'd I do?

Edward:
[groans in anger] Come on, Lazlo! What does that sign say?

Lazlo:
[didn't read the calendar but Lost Scab Collections] Lost Scab Collections C. Samson-

Edward:
[starts getting mad even more] No! You dimwit, Above it the calender.

Lazlo:
Oh! June 2nd Edward day!... [starts to criticize Edward too] TODAY'S THE DAY WHERE WE ACT LIKE YOU GARBONZO-BRAINS!!!

Edward:
THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENS ON MY DAY! I'LL TAKE THIS TO THE HIGHEST AUTHORITY!!!

[Edward talks to Slinkman]

Slinkman:
So it's Edward Day and you don't want it to be Edward Day?

Edward:
No! I mean yes! Look here Slinkman. Today is the day that everyone worships me! Me!

Slinkman Okay? Well since it's your day.

Edward:
Edward Day!

Slinkman:
[writes down a note and gives it to Edward] Right. Now I want you to take this not to Mr. McMuesli.

Edward:
What is this? [reads the note] Edward is allowed to jump to the front of the mess hall line. Finally, a little respect to the Ed man.

[Next scene at the mess hall. Edward enters]

Edward:
Ta da! [no one didn't pay attention to him] Some people just had no class. Is someone gonna take my cloak or am I just gonna stand here all day?

Louie:
Glad to, Edward. [takes Edward's Cloak]

Edward:
This is what I'm talking about.

Louie:
Nice cape.

Edward:
It's a cloak, you peasant.

Louie:
[imitates Edward] Look at me. I'm the king of Camp Kidney.

Edward:
I know where you live, freak! You stain my cloak, you buy my cloak. Capisce? [give Chef McMuesli the note] Chef McMuesli. Chef McMuesli. Look what I got.

Chef McMuesli:
Oh it's Edward Day Huh?

Edward:
Go ahead, McMuesli. Surpise me.

Chef McMuesli:
[imitates Edwars] Give me my lunch and make it snappy, broccoli breath!

Edward:
Just give me some lunch, will ya?

Chef McMuesli:
[still imitating Edward] Coming right up! One macaroni surprise! Next!

Edward:
[sits right next to Samson] You have the honor of sitting with me peasant

Samson:
[imitates Edward] What do you want to see me? Get sick or something?

Edward:
[annoyed] Listen up people. I don't know what you think you're all doing. You should be worshiping me! [everyone imatates Edward] Enough already! I hear by declare Edward Day finished!

Clam [sounds like Edward] But I love being Edward.

[Everyone is stunned]

Edward:
Alright, who's the wise guy? Well, where are ya?

Clam:
Well, where are ya?

Edward:
Wha? [everyone likes Clam's impersonation of Edward] You're supposed to worship me, not imitate me!

Clam:
You're supposed to worship me, not imitate me!

Edward:
GRRRR!!!

Clam:
GRRRR!!

Edward:
That's it!

Clam:
That's it!

[Everyone Laughs]

Edward:
[walks out of the Mess Hall] I'm gonna end Edward Day once and for all! [plays the bedtime bugle]

Clam:
So I say to the guy "what am I, a duck?"

[They hear the bedtime bugle]

Raj:
It's bedtime already?

Lumpus:
[from the window] Trying to nap here!

Edward:
That's the bedtime bugle, Lumpus. Go back to bed!

Lumpus:
Oh, daylight savings time, huh? Well, keep it down anyway!

Edward:
There. problem solved. Edward Day is officially over.

[Everyone goes back to there cabins]

Lazlo:
Wanna play shadow puppets?

Samson:
I just drop teddy at the Laundromat.

Edward:
[goes into his cabin] Phew! Goodbye camp Hello dreamland. [noticed Clam was in his bed and screams] WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BUNK?!

Clam:
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BUNK?!

Edward You heard the Bedtime Bugle! Edward Day is over!

Clam:
But I Love being Edward.

Edward:
You're not Edward, I'M EDWARD!

Clam:
You're not Edward, I'M EDWARD!

[Both breathing hardly]

Edward:
Grr! Hey, stink sacks!

Clam:
Hey, stink sacks!

Edward:
Will you tell this fruitcake who Edward is?!

Clam:
Will you tell that fruitcake who Edward is?!

Skip:
Are we dreaming?

Chip:
I think so.

[They went back to sleep]

Edward and Clam:
See?!

Clam:
[from inside] Nobody's interesting!

Edward:
[from inside] Don't copy me!

Clam:
[from inside] Stop doing that!

Edward:
[from inside] Why are you such an idiot?! [the Bean Scouts wake up and goes to Edward's Cabin and complain] You can go to sleep after you tell this imitation who the original Edward is!

Clam:
Not in this lifetime, butterball!

Samson:
Okay, now that is Edward.

[The bean scouts all talking at once]

Lazlo:
[walks up to Clam and Edward] Excuse me. Pardon me Fred. Pardon me hippo guy. Uh beg pardon pig character that I've not met until now. [chuckles] Looks like we've got ourselves a little mix up. Hmm. What we need here is a good old fashion face off to find the real Edward. Let's start with Edward on the Right.

Edward:
Edward on the right?! THERE IS NO EDWARD ON THE RIGHT!!! I'M THE ONLY EDWARD!!!!

Bean Scouts:
BOOOO!!!!

Gordon:
Too wimpy!

Lazlo:
Well, I guess that was pretty good.

Clam:
I'm surrounded by idiots!

[The Bean Scouts Cheer]

Lazlo:
Yeah that's him!

Edward:
This camp is only big enough for one Edward!

Bean Scouts:
Edward on the right! Edward on the right!

Edward:
[leaves his cabin] If he's Edward then who does that make me Clam? Ugh can't think of the worse...Wait a minute. Wait just one minute.

[Time card that says One Minute Later. Edward blows the bugle. Lazlo wakes up and Edward dressed like Clam]

Lazlo:
Oh, um, hello there, Edward. What can I do for ya?

Edward:
[imitating] Duh, me Clam.

Lazlo:
Do you have something stuck in your throat, Edward?

Edward:
No [grabs the picture] Duh, Clam. I am Clam.

Lazlo:
Oh, I get it. He likes our picture.

Raj:
Oh, flattery will get you everywhere, Edward.

Edward:
Clam!!! I'm impersonating Clam, you idiots!!!

Raj:
Okay, is he still doing Clam?

Lazlo:
I think he's trying to do Edward again. Oooh, look what time it is. Well, Clam, we better get down to the mess hall. We don't want to miss breakfast.

[Next scene where the Bean Scout are in line at the Mess Hall at night]

Dave:
How come we're having dinner for breakfast?

Ping Pong:
This is highly logical.

Lazlo:
Good morning, friendship campers!

Raj:
Good morning, Camp Kidney!

[Edward walks in]

Lazlo:
Come on! You can do it.

Edward:
Uh, I'm Clam.

Raj:
Ooooh, he's really improving.

Chip:
Are we asleep?

Skip:
I think so.

Samson:
Hey, Ed Man. Why don't you cut in front of me?

Clam:
Don't mind if I do.

Chef McMuesli:
Oh, hey, Edward. That was a lot of fun yesterday. How about a second helping?

Edward:
Hey. Uh who cares about Edward? He's a jerk.

Chip:
Is your dream about Edward?

Skip:
I think so.

Clam:
And I said to the guy "what do I look like a Squirrel Scout?"

[Everyone Laughs]

Edward:
Uh, Clam no think new Edward is so funny.

Samson:
Who's that supposed to be?

Clam:
Well, if it isn't Clam. Clam here is so short when it rains. He's the last to know.

[Everyone laughs]

Edward:
[voiceover] That should be me up there getting all that attention. Getting laughs at someone else's expense. He's already had his day with the gooseberry. [gets an idea; spoken] He's not Edward and I can prove it! [laughs] Clam loves gooseberry bushes! [eats gooseberries out of a bush] Mmm gooseberries! Who can resist them?! [eats more gooseberries] Too bad you can't eat any of these delicious gooseberries! Edward hates goose berries! [spits out gooseberries]

Clam:
Gooseberries?

Edward:
I can't even remember when I last had gooseberries this good!!

Clam:
[normal voice] Duh, gooseberries! [drooling]

Samson:
Please tell me that's not drool.

Clam:
Not Edward anymore! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! [eats the goosberries]

Edward:
I win! I'm the king of the Edwards! EUUUUUUUUAGGGH!!! [starts to have his gooseberry allergy] Gooseberry hives?! Well at least I'm still Edward.

[Episode ends]

[Last lines; during the credits]

Edward:
Vamoose, pelican. It's my day and I'm going to the top.

Mort:
[imitating Edward] In your dreams, you platypus!

Edward:
[to Raj] Hey, Regina!

Raj:
What did you call me?

Edward:
Let me ahead of you in line, will you?

Raj:
[imitating Edward] Yeah, sure! Wake up and smell the pinecones!

[Two guys laugh]

Edward:
[growls, frustrated] Fine way to treat me.

Lazlo:
Here you go, Sheldon. [hands Sheldon an award]

Sheldon:
Best performance from an incidental character. Wow, thanks Lazlo!

Raj:
[about the wood glue] Peww, Lazlo, that smells terrible.

Lazlo:
Really? I kinda like the smell of wood glue.

Samson:
Ah, Merp! The only reason the cave bean listens to me. Now, that Lazlo took him I have no one to talk to.

Edward:
Who are you talking to?

Samson:
Nobody.

Slinkman:
[walks into the living room] Alright, Scoutmaster Lumpus! Ready for your- [notices he is injured violently, surprised] Oh, my! Your back, it's all in knots.

Samson:
[walks into the plains, sadly] I can't have anything they can! You meet a frozen caveman, they become friends and BAM! Somebody wants to thaw him out! He was my... [sniffles] ...friend. He'd listened! [starts crying] Now there's no one to listen no one in the whole...wide...world. [sits down by a lake] There's just me, listening...to me...

Samson:
[with binoculars staring up at the sun] Is it bad to stare directly at the sun?

Clam:
[looking directly at the sun with binoculars and getting his eyes slowly burned] Yes.

Edward:
[panicking over the egg] WHAT AM I GONNA DO?!

Chip:
Aren't you gonna lay another one?

Skip:
We don't have to watch.

Edward:
The Ed-man is going to calmly walk over here...he's going to close his eyes...and when he opens them, he's going to wake up from this nightmare. [shuts his eyes tight]

Skip:
Sneaky!

Edward:
[to himself] WAKE UP, EDWARD! There, it worked!

Edward:
HOW?! How can you eat eggs?!

Milt:
Uh, with a fork?

Edward:
You...you animals! [stomps around the mess hall, furiously]

Slinkman:
[talking about a great scout] That was back when beans were beans. Way back...last week.

Lazlo:
Mr. Slinkman, where would are society be without books? Think of the notebook, think of the phone book...and the most greatest book of all...THE COMIC BOOK!

Lumpus:
I don't like meat. I LOVE meat!

Lumpus:
[after the steak grows a little bigger; shocked] What happened?!

Lazlo:
It must be the growth hormones.

Lumpus:
Growth hormone?

Lumpus:
Wait, Lazlo, if I eat one more bite, I'm going to explode!

Professor Lion:
[off-screen] Hey, Edna, would look at this, they finally put Camp Kidney on the place mad map. That's perfect!

Edna:
Just what we've been waiting for.

Professor Lion:
Now our life has purpose beyond the early bird special.

Edward:
Wait a minute.

Raj:
What?

Edward:
Flying marshmallows?

Raj:
True story.

Edward:
Well that was the best story I ever heard!

Harold:
I like bananas! Also, I looked at my toenail once and I think I saw it grow. The End! [smiles hesitantly]

Edward:
[believing that was the worst story he'd ever heard; annoyed] Ugh! Losers!

[Later… Harold, Milt, and Larrison, all walk back to their cabin]

Milt:
[to Harold] I loved your story! [playfully elbows him] The part about the toenail was like, WOW!

Harold:
It was stupid. [sadly] Why can't I tell cool stories like Raj?

Milt:
Hey, why can't I get a life? [he and Larrison both laugh hysterically]

Harold:
I'll tell you why! All we do is stand in the background and watch the cool guys do stuff. I'm sorry but I'm gonne be cool, or my name's not Harold.

Milt:
But your name's not Harold.

Harold:
Well that's what the cool guys call me!

Raj:
Got any marshmallows, Samson?

Samson:
[walking by] Nope. Quit three weeks ago.

Raj:
Wait a minute. Are you laughing like me?!

Harold:
[with his face like Raj's and talking in his impression] Whatever do you mean?

Raj:
[screams] Harold, you are a nice guy but hanging out with you is like, hanging out with myself. And I'm surprised by how pretty that is. Let's not hang out anymore. Don't call, don't write, don't drop by unexpectedly.

Harold:
But Raj, I thought...

Raj:
Great, bye! Nice knowing ya! [walks off, leaving, as Harold looks on, teary-eyed and heartbroken]

Samson:
[walking by] My allergies are really acting up today.

Harold:
[infuriated] I got allergies too! [breathes heavily] Can I be your friend hamster boy?! [Samson just walked away; to Chip and Skip, wrapping his arms around them] How 'bout you fellers? Can I be like you?! Heck, I'm dumber and stinkier than the two of you combined! [Chip and Skip walk away as well; breaks down in tears, bawling, as the other bean scouts surround him] I just wanted to be cool and do fun stuff! [Raj walks up to him] Well, look who decided to drop by unexpectedly!

Raj:
Can I, um, talk to you for a sec? [Later in the Jelly cabin…] You can't be cool if you don't know who you are. Who are you?

Harold:
Uh… can you give me a hint?

Raj:
How about this? Tell me who you want to be and I promise I'll help you be it.

Harold:
Well… No, you're gonna laugh at me.

Raj:
I won't laugh.

Raj:
Um, Harold, I do not think you are a superhero.

Harold:
My name's not Harold either. I'll never know who I am.

Edward:
[laughing] What a loser! [gestures to Milt and Larrison] And if that loser was too cool to hang out with guys, what does that make you?

[Milt and Larrison look at each other, hurtfully insulted over being made fun of]

Harold:
[stomps over to Edward and faces him; vengefully] You can't talk to my friends like THAT!

Edward:
Well, if ain't Captain Banana-Pants.

Harold:
There's no Banana-Pants here! [strips off his clothes, leaving him only in his underwear] Just me.

Edward:
And what are you gonna do?

Harold:
I reckon you're about to find out.

[In his office, Scoutmaster Lumpus is watching a commercial on T.V. On the T.V. is a banjo-playing rooster dressed as a sherrif]

Deputy Doodle-Doo:
♪ Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell... ♪ [throws his banjo off-screen] Howdy, partners!

Children:
Howdy to you!

Deputy Doodle-Doo:
Bet you're feelin' hungry.

Children:
You know that we do!

Deputy Doodle-Doo:
Well, my name is Deputy Doodle-Doo. Make the best frozen dinners especially for you! [A pie gets placed on the table and then cuts to him coming out of a saloon] But if you don't believe me or you think it's a lie... [the pie on the table bursts open and a baby chick pops out] There she blows!

Baby chick:
Try our chicken pot pie!

[Lumpus drools while watching this]

Deputy Doodle-Doo:
Big ol' chunks of chicken with gravy. All wrapped up in a deep-dish prairie-style pie. [four pies with arms and legs dance behind him] But if you don't believe me or you think it's a lie... [the chick pops out of the pie] There she blows!

Baby Chick:
Try our chicken pot pie!

T.V. Announcer:
Available in your local frozen food section. Additional gravy sold separately. Get some now.

Lumpus:
Will do!

Samson:
Can't you see I'm a walking health hazard?!

[First lines; the Bean Scouts stand outside Scoutmaster Lumpus' office]

Dave:
Oh. They're in for it now.

Slinkman:
[scolding Chip and Skip] I am ashamed of you two! You know that having candy in camp is against camp rules! And if Lumpus ever found candy on the premises...

[Imagine spot of Slinkman being salted by a very furious Lumpus]

Lumpus:
I SAID NO CANDY, YOU WORM!!!

[Back to reality]

Slinkman:
I mean, look at this stuff! Fizzy Stix, bubblegum, lollipops, taffy, pure cane sugar and... [notices two strips of bacon covered with sugar] Sugar-coated bacon?!? [Chip reaches for a strip of bacon, but Slinkman slaps his hand] Stop that! This is exactly what I'm talking about! No self discipline! It's times like these when I wish I could take Old Spankful out of retirement. But at least I have Old Shredful. [turns on a paper shredder and dumps the candy into it, shredding it to pieces, causing Chip and Skip to cry]

Edward:
That's it, fellas. We're doomed!

Lazlo:
Don't worry, Edward. It's not the end of the world.

Edward:
Not the end of the world?!?! Those were the last pieces of candy in the entire camp!

Raj:
Without Chip and Skip, the whole entire camp will be dry by snack time.

Ping-Pong:
What do we do now?

Dave:
Yeah. How will we get our sugar?

Samson:
Hey, you guys! I have an idea! Uh, Edward I have an idea. Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward? [Edward starts to make furious and jealous] Want you my idea? Wana Wana Wana Wana. This is my idea Edward. Edward.

Edward:
[furiously yells Samson] SAMSON!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT?! WHAT?! WHAAAAAAAAAT?! Can't you see that we're busy over here?!

Samson:
[gets jealous and he goes to his cabin, the group except Samson stay argumentative] Oh, forget them, it was a good idea Samson. [gasps happily]. Oh, my little bean chemistry set. At first, I thought this idea would be impossible, I mean using my chemistry set to make candy, it just sounds so absurd, but then occurred to me. If I can get luscious, to grow six times, its size with just a cup of water, then I'm sure I could make a piece of candy. [starts to make candies with his chemistry set] It's working. [laughs and making candies at same time. When he finishes making candies, he arrives to the Jelly cabin] Hey guys.

Lazlo:
[not feeling happy] Oh, hi Samson.

Raj:
How can be so happy when there's no candy in camp.

Samson:
What if tell you I had some candy?

Raj:
Oh, stop your fibbing Samson, I'd give my entire record collection for just one piece. But we all know Slinkman shredded the last of the candy.

Samson:
That was before I made all THIS. [shows the candies made himself. Raj looks the candies made by Samson with his eyes] All is real alright.

Raj:
[excitedly moves his bookcase] Here, here, take it.

Samson:
Ah, ah, ah, ah. [refusing for more candies] Only one piece.

Raj:
But I'd give my entire record collection.

Samson:
[giving Raj one condition] Only one piece portrayed.

Raj:
FINE! [accepts his condition]

Clam:
Abacus

Lazlo:
My harmonica.

[Everybody come to Samson because knew that he has real candy cheerfully. Montage of the Bean scouts doing things for Samson for Candy:
Milt massages on the Samson's back; Samson plays volleyball with Ping-Pong]

Samson:
Yeah, I won. In your face Ping-Pong, oh yeah I won! [celebrating]

Ping-Pong:
Ahem!.

Samson:
Oh, there you are. [gives Ping-Pong a piece of candy]

Ping-Pong:
Thanks!

[The next day finishing the Samson's making candies job]

Samson:
Boy. How could making candy can be so loveliness? [happily bringing trash] Next stop: Cool Town. Doo. Doo. [throws the trash to the garbage]

Chip and Skip:
[appear, in the garbage looking for Samson's candies] Hi, Samson!

Samson:
[greeting shyly] Oh, Hi, Chip. Hi, Skip. What are you doing in the garbage?

Chip:
Looking for you.

Skip:
Yeah, we want candy,

Chip:
We want do anything.

Samson:
Sorry guys, but I really don't think you have anything I want.

[Chip and Skip are overwhelmed after hearing Samson telling that]

Skip:
Wait right here.

[Chip and Skip are searching in the garbage things for doing anything]

Chip:
[finds a dirty griddle] I can iron your clothes.

Skip:
[finds a dirty toothbrush] I can brush your teeth.

Samson:
No, leave me alone! [runs away crying]

Chip:
Samson! We just want some candy.

Skip:
We'll do anything!

Samson:
[breathes nervously; to Dave and Ping Pong] Dave, Ping-Pong. Oh thanks goodness you're here. [shows the candy] I need your help to get out of here safely.

Skip:
[gets in to the cabin] Samson!

[Dave and Ping-Pong travel Samson out of the Fava Cabin]

Samson:
Phew! We made it. Take me somewhere safe!

Ping-Pong:
Any place in particular, sir?

Samson:
The Showers. Chip and Skip wouldn't be caught dead in there. [drinks a cup of water]

[In Scoutmaster Lumpus' office, Slinkman interrogates Milt after he caught him with candy]

Slinkman:
[demanding] No more games, Milt! [holds up a piece of candy] Where did you get this, huh?! TELL ME, MILT! [Milt frightfully shakes his head no, refusing to answer] What would your father say if he knew you had candy?!

Milt:
[on the verge of tears as he's about to cry] I don't know.

Slinkman:
Neither do I. [threateningly calls Milt's father on the phone] Hello, Milt Sr.? Yes, I have your son here in my office. It would seem…

Milt:
ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU! I'LL TELL YOU!

Slinkman:
It would seem your son is doing very well here at Camp Kidney. [hangs up] Okay, Milt. Tell me everything.

Lazlo:
I'm in love with a mermaid!

Raj:
That's great, dude.

Raj:
Well, I LOVE HER TOO, DUDE!

Lazlo:
WHAT?!

Lazlo:
[as Bill passes by] Check out this piece of work.

[Camera pans up from Bill's nostrils to his face]

Lumpus:
Hey, why the long face?

Lazlo:
Good one.

Lumpus:
Move along.

[Bill runs off, sobbing, then Edward shows up]

Lazlo:
Watch this. [to Edward] Doofus says "What?"

Edward:
What? [realizes he's been tricked; annoyed] Grrr, real mature, Lazlo.

Dave:
Samson, what are you trying to pull?!

Edward:
You know what I think?! I think that Samson doesn't even know Presto!

Campers:
What?!

Raj:
[telling the scary story to the campers] It was the coffee table that was haunted!

Edward:
This stinks. I don't need you, Beaver. I don't need friends.

[Last lines]

Edward:
Could you build the dam with me?

Lazlo:
We could build the dam, or we could play bad-breathed zombies. Wanna play?

Edward:
Yeah! [seeing the Jelly Beans playing bad-breathed zombies, much to his regret] Ugh, what have I done?

Lazlo:
[after seeing the billboard about Camp Dinkey] Hmm. A camp made just for me? What would that be like? It could be anything I want. It could have a sign, a flagpole, a mess hall, a bunch of cool campers! [claps his hands and pictures a camp exactly like Camp Kidney] And the best part of all, a scoutmaster!

Lumpus:
Lazlo! It's bad enough I got to spend reality with you! Leave me out of your twisted fantasies! [claps his hands as the lights went out]

Lazlo:
Camp Dinkey is awesome!

Samson:
This camp is filthy! I wanna be clean!

Raj:
I want to be famous!

Clam:
I wanna be understood!

Chip and Skip:
Baby cow whisperers!

Samson:
Camp Dinkey has it all! Let's go to Camp Dinky!

[After discovering the billboard was just spelled wrong]

Samson:
Camp Dinkey's really Camp Kidney?

[Except for Lazlo, the Bean Scouts all mutter and groan in disappointment]

Lazlo:
Come on, fellas. All this time, we've been imagining the coolest camp possible, but maybe it's been Camp Kidney all along.

[The Bean Scouts smile, then quickly disagree]

Edward:
Let's face it. There's nothing cool about Camp Kidney.

[A dark cloud appears and lightning strikes the billboard, setting it on fire and reducing it to ashes]

Bean Scouts:
Cool!

Skip:
Hello.

Chip:
I'm naked.

Lumpus:
[after Lazlo throws clown confetti on him, dressed up as a clown; enraged] NOT ON ME, YOU LITTLE TWERP!