Columbo, Season Eight (1989)

Lt. Columbo:
Always remember, it's a trick. Keep that in mind and you can figure out how it's done.

Lt. Columbo:
[referring to the workship, and demonstrating one of the tricks] The whole place is one big magic trick. You can't believe anything you see.

Max Dyson:
"Elliott Blake?" I've been reading about you. European journals. When did you change your name?

Elliott Blake:
When I got out, Max. Three years ago.

Max Dyson:
A hundred and twenty degrees in the shade, or an afternoon of poker in the Ungandan prison.

Elliott Blake:
I read that in your book "Dyson on Mind Reading". You're giving away our secrets, Max.

Max Dyson:
We survived in the African slammer, together. You were a very good student.

Elliott Blake:
Why not? You taught me everything you know. Everthing I know.

Elliott Blake:
Out Mr. Harrow is not impressed by statistics. This man is the market for miracles. I have the power to astonish him, you, and the entire world, Paula, but I am NOT a dancing dog in a carnival.

Dr. Paula Hall:
[referring to Mr. Harrow] Elliott, he will be back tomorrow. We have to show him more. God, we never should have started this!

Elliott Blake:
We "started" this for you. To maintain your funding, my dearest doctor.

Mr. Harrow:
The Soviet Union is deeply engaged in psychic research for intelligence purposes. Now, either they're a pack of fools, or we're missing a very important vet.

Dr. Paula Hall:
Our position is obvious, Mr. Harrow. In terms of practical results, Elliott's scores are the highest ever recorded at this institute.

Mr. Harrow:
In that case, the next time we suspect a double agent in our midst, I'll frighten him to death with your test scores.

Elliott Blake:
Exactly what do you want of me?

Mr. Harrow:
Hard proof of your abilities.

Elliott Blake:
The impossible on demand.

Mr. Harrow:
That's a fair description.

Colonel Eckherdt:
For a subject of your qualifications

Elliott Blake:
What flavor impossible?

Mr. Harrow:
In general terms, a demonstration that you can telepathically and precisely intercept the thoughts and actions of an enemy. Fair enough?

Mr. Harrow:
I'm sure you're both familiar with Max Dyson.

Max Dyson:
April Fool, Paula. Say hello to the boogeyman.

Dr. Paula Hall:
THIS is your authority? A fake magician?

Max Dyson:
Fake? I'm a magician, "Max the Magnificent", a pretty good mentalist in my time. I certainly learned all the tricks.

Bert Spindler:
He was loved. Well, not by those mind readers and psychics; they weren't so crazy about him, once he got on their case. But magicians loved him. I loved him.

Lt. Columbo:
I've never seen so many wonderful tricks. Those beautiful Chinese rings, and that terrific birdcage. Once, on a vacation with Mrs. Columbo, I saw a magician make a tiger disappear right out of the ring, but I've never seen a trick like that guillotine trick upstairs. That must be some dangerous trick.

Bert Spindler:
Not if you're careful. Max built in some safeguards, made it all foolproof.

Lt. Columbo:
What happened to Max, that you didn't look very foolproof. How do you explain that.

Bert Spindler:
Are you sure you won't join me, Lieutenant.

Lt. Columbo:
No, thank you very much, sir.

Bery Spindler:
Max must have gotten careless. Forgot to lock in the safety bolt.

Col. Braley:
I'm curious, when did you first suspect me?

Lt. Columbo:
Well, as long as you asked, sir. That first night. When I found you scrubbing my mud off the floor. I thought that was unusual, for someone as arrogant as you are.

Col. Braley:
Unless you're implying that I was the target of that blackmail.

Lt. Columbo:
Oh, I'm implying more than that sir. I'm implying that you murdered the man.

Lt. Columbo:
There we go again sir, agreeing with each other. It's interesting how often we agree with each other; considering the fact that we really don't like each other. Would you agree with me on that sir?

Col. Braley:
I think I'd have to agree, Lieutenant.