Doug, Season 2

Rulemeister:
Fair? Who said rules had to be fair?

Bebe:
When will I cut my hair!?

Skeeter:
When do we get a day off from school?

Doug:
Well, excuse me, sir. But, You've just broken one of your own rules: "No grabbing other people's comics".

Patti:
And according to your own rule book, the punishment is one Saturday Detention.

Mr. Bone:
But, I can't stay here. I have a yodeling class.

Doug:
It's a rule, Mr. Bone.

Mr. Bone:
But it's a silly and pointless rule.

Patti:
But that's what we've been telling you, Mr. Bone.

Mr. Bone:
I don't want to miss my yodeling lesson.

Doug:
Mr. Bone, may I suggest a new rule?

Mr. Bone:
Not another rule.

Doug:
Just one more... Rule Number 1,900,003: "No more Saturday Detentions".

Mr. Bone:
Effective immediately?

Doug:
Well, it's up to you, Mr. Bone.

Mr. Bone:
Well, I say... last one out's a rotten egg!

Doug:
[looking at Patti's painting] Maybe if you put a little more snow on top, and a couple more trees...

Patti:
Huh??

Doug:
...Or you can leave the trees off if you want. It's a perfectly beautiful mountain just like it is.

Patti:
I-I-it's not a mountain, Doug. It's my grandmother!

Doug:
Huh? [examines painting more closely and notices the peak of the mountain is actually an old woman's head] Well, of course. Heh heh. Just a little... art joke, Patti.

Doug:
Mr. Bone, I promise I had nothing to do with that story! I didn't even know you wore pink underwear.

Mr. Bone:
I DON'T! And you know what, Funnie? You're gonna write that on the blackboard five thousand times!

Doug:
That'll take me forever.

Judy:
Mother...I am not going to have fun. This is research for my part in the next school play, "Teenage Bimbos from Planet Earth." As the lead bimbo I've got to find out what it's like being a typical shallow teenager. I've got to look into their empty heads and get into the character's vacuous soul.

[Roger, who has a crush on Judy, is planning to re-enact the famous balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet.]

Roger:
[about to climb ladder to the window] It is the sun! And... and... Judy is the East!

Doug:
Psst! Roger... Roger!

Roger:
[climbing ladder] It is my lady! O, it is my love! O, that she knew she were! Won't you come to the window, my love?

[Mrs. Dink lifts the window blind]

Mrs. Dink:
Nice try, Romeo. But you're about thirty years too late.

[Roger screams and falls off the ladder into the bushes]

Doug:
Our house is over there, Roger.