Downton Abbey, Series One (1912, 1913, 1914)

Lady Edith Crawley:
I thought it was supposed to be unsinkable.

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
Every mountain is unclimbable until someone climbs it; so every ship is unsinkable until it sinks.

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
I'm very sorry about poor Patrick, of course. He was a nice boy.

Cora Crawley, Lady Grantham:
We were all so fond of him...

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
But I never cared for James. He was too like his mother, and a nastier woman never drew breath.

Cora Crawley, Lady Grantham:
Are we to be friends, then?

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
We are allies, my dear, which can be a good deal more effective.

Daisy:
Seems like a lot of food, when you think they're all in mourning.

Mrs. Patmore:
Nothing makes you hungrier or more tired than grief. When my sister died, God rest her soul, I ate my way through four plates of sandwiches at one sitting and slept round the clock.

Daisy:
Did it make you feel better?

Mrs. Patmore:
Not much, but it passed the time.

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
Don't you care about Downton?

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
What do you think? I've given my life to Downton. I was born here, and I hope to die here. I claim no career beyond the nurture of this house and the estate. It is my third parent, and my fourth child. Do I care about it? Yes, I do care!

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
You seem very informed on this family's private affairs. But you ought perhaps to know that I do not intend to fight the entail. Not any part of it.

Duke of Crowborough:
You can't be serious.

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
It pains me to say it, but I am.

Duke of Crowborough:
You'll give up your entire estate--your wife's money into the bargain--to a perfect stranger? You won't even put up a fight?

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
I hope he proves to be perfect, but I rather doubt it.

Duke of Crowborough:
A very odd thing to joke about.

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
No odder than this conversation.

Matthew Crawley:
Mother, Lord Grantham has made the unwelcome discovery that his heir is a middle class lawyer, and the son of a middle class doctor.

Isobel Crawley:
Upper middle class!

Cora Crawley, Lady Grantham:
It's a cottage hospital, of course, but quite well equipped.

Isobel Crawley:
Who pays for it?

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
Oh, good, let's talk about money.

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
My father gave the building and an endowment to run it. In a way, he set up his own memorial.

Isobel Crawley:
But how splendid!

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
And Mr. Lloyd George's new insurance measures will help.

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
Please don't speak that man's name; we are about to eat.

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
You do know I mean to involve you in the running of the estate?

Matthew Crawley:
Oh, don't worry, there are plenty of hours in the day. And of course I'll have the weekend.

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
We'll discuss this later, we mustn't bore the ladies.

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
What is a weekend?

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
[About Matthew Crawley, Lord Grantham's new heir] I thought you didn't like him?

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
So what? I have plenty of friends I don't like.

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
You do not love the place yet.

Matthew Crawley:
Well, obviously, it's...

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
No, you don't love it. You see a million bricks that may crumble, a thousand gutters and pipes that may block and leak, and stone that will crack in the frost.

Matthew Crawley:
But you don't?

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
I see my life's work.

Mrs. Patmore:
Daisy! What's happened to you? I said you could go for a drink of water, not a trip up the Nile!

Mr. Bates:
I saw this advertisement for a limp corrector. What does it do exactly?

Salesman:
It corrects limps.

Mr. Bates:
Does it work?

Salesman:
Well, as I make it and I advertise it, is it likely I'd say no?

Cora Crawley, Lady Grantham:
Where's he staying?

Lady Mary Crawley:
He says he's found a pub that caters for hunting.

Cora Crawley, Lady Grantham:
We can improve on that, he must come here! He can send the horses up early if he wants.

Lady Mary Crawley:
He'll know why you're asking him.

Cora Crawley, Lady Grantham:
I can't think what you mean. His mother's a friend of mine; she'd be pleased at the idea.

Lady Mary Crawley:
Not very pleased. She's dead.

Cora Crawley, Lady Grantham:
All the more reason then.

Cora Crawley, Lady Grantham:
It's not of my doing. It's all Mary's own work. But I think we should encourage it.

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
Branscombe's a dull dog, but I don't suppose that matters.

Cora Crawley, Lady Grantham:
Did you know his wife had died?

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
He only ever talks about racing.

...

Cora Crawley, Lady Grantham:
Is the family an old one?

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
Older than yours, I imagine.

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
Old enough.

Cora Crawley, Lady Grantham:
And there's plenty of money.

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
Really?

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
Mama, you've already looked him up in the stud books and inquired about the fortune, don't pretend otherwise. Are you afraid someone will think you're American if you speak openly?

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
I doubt it'll come to that.

Mr. Bates:
You can change your life if you want to. Sometimes you have to be hard on yourself, but you can change it completely. I know.

Mrs. Hughes:
Mr. Bates, what's the matter?

Mr. Bates:
Nothing, not a thing. I'm fine.

Mrs. Hughes:
Let me help you.

Mr. Bates:
I'm perfectly alright. Thank you, Mrs. Hughes.

Mrs. Hughes:
Are you sure? You're as white as a sheet.

Mr. Bates:
It's my wonderful complexion, inherited from my Irish mother.

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
Oh, my dears! Is it really true? I can't believe it. Last night he looked so well! Of course, it would happen to a foreigner. It's typical.

Lady Mary Crawley:
Don't be ridiculous!

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
I'm not being ridiculous. No Englishman would dream of dying in someone else's house, especially someone they didn't even know.

Lady Sibyl Crawley:
Oh, Granny, even the English aren't in control of everything.

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
Well I hope we're in control of something, if only ourselves.

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
You are my darling daughter, and I love you, hard as it is for an Englishman to say the words...If I had made my own fortune and bought Downton for myself, it should be yours without question. But I did not. My fortune is the work of others, who labored to build a great dynasty. Do I have the right to destroy their work, or impoverish that dynasty? I am a custodian, my dear, not an owner. I must strive to be worthy of the task I have been set.

Dr. Clarkson:
Mrs. Crawley tells me she's recommended nitrate of silver and tincture of steel.

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
Why, is she making a suit of armour?

Daisy:
I was only trying to help.

Mrs. Patmore:
Oh, Judas was only trying to help I suppose, when he brought the Roman soldiers to the Garden!

Lady Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
You are quite wonderful, the way you see room for improvement wherever you look. I never knew such reforming zeal.

Isobel Crawley:
I take that as a compliment.

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
I must have said it wrong.

Lady Mary Crawley:
How many times am I to be ordered to marry the man sitting next to me at dinner?

Cora Crawley, Lady Grantham:
As many times as it takes.

Anna:
I love you, Mr Bates. I know it’s not ladylike to say it, but I’m not a lady, and I don’t pretend to be.

Mr. Bates:
You are a lady to me. And I never knew a finer one.

Mr. Carson:
Gwen, may I ask why you are sitting on Lady Sybil's bed?

Gwen:
Well, you see, I had a turn, like a burst of sickness, just sudden-like. I had to sit down.

Anna:
It's true.

Mr. Carson:
Well, you'd better go and lie down. I'll tell Mrs. Hughes.

Gwen:
No, I don't need to interrupt her morning. I'm sure I'll be fine if I could just put my feet up.

Mr. Carson:
How many bedrooms have you still got to do?

Anna:
Just one. Lady Edith's.

Mr. Carson:
And you can manage on your own.

Anna:
Well, she's no use to man or beast in that state. Go on. Shoo.

Mr. Carson:
Daisy, may I ask why you are holding Lady Sybil's biscuit jar?

Daisy:
Em...I was just...Polishing it...Before I put it back.

Mr. Carson:
See that you do.

Branson:
Politicians often can't recognize the changes that are inevitable.

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
What, are you canvassing, too?

Lady Mary Crawley:
I was only going to say that Sybil is entitled to her opinions.

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
No, she isn't until she is married--then her husband will tell her what her opinions are.

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
But it's Sybil's first season.

Cora Crawley, Lady Grantham:
Robert, believe me. Sybil is not your problem now. We got to support Mary this year. It's time Mary was settled. High time.

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
Poor old Edith; we never seem to talk about her.

Cora Crawley, Lady Grantham:
I'm afraid Edith will be the one to care for us in our old age.

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
What a ghastly prospect.

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
How dare you! How dare you obey in this way!

Cora Crawley, Lady Grantham:
Robert can we do this in the morning? Sybil needs rest.

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
Are you so knowledgeable about the great world that my instructions are to be set as nothing!

Lady Sybil Crawley:
Papa, I'm sorry I disobeyed you! But I'm interested! I'm political! I have opinions!

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
Of course I blame Branson!

Lady Mary Crawley:
I don't think that's fair.

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
We had none it! None of it until he set foot in our house! I suppose I should thank God he hasn't burned the place down over our heads!

Lady Sybil Crawley:
Branson didn't know anything about it until we arrived there!

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
He leaves tonight!

Lady Sybil Crawley:
If you punish Branson, I'll never speak to you again- Never!

Lady Mary Crawley:
I really don't think this is Branson's fault, truly, Papa.

Lady Sybil Crawley:
Blame me.

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
I do blame you!

Lady Rosamond Painswick:
There's nothing like an English summer, is there?

Lady Mary Crawley:
Except an English winter.

[The newly installed telephone is ringing]

Mrs. Patmore:
Oh my Lord, listen to that! It's like the cry of the banshee! [Branson walks in]

Branson:
That's Mr. Carson's telephone ringing. [the phone rings again] Is someone going to answer it?

Mrs. Patmore:
I wouldn't touch that thing with a ten foot pole!

Branson:
Well, I will then.

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
Well, Rosamund, I'm afraid your meddling has cost Mary the only decent offer she'll ever get.

Lady Rosamund Painswick:
I'm sorry, Mama, but you know me. I have to say what I think.

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
Why? Nobody else does.

Mr. Carson:
I know you have spirit, my lady, and that's what counts. It's all that counts in the end.

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
Silence! May I ask for silence?! It is my great regret to say...that we are at war with Germany!