DuckTales, Season 1

DuckTales (1987-1990) is an animated series produced by The Walt Disney Company based on Carl Barks' Uncle Scrooge comic book series about the adventures of Scrooge McDuck and his three grandnephews, Huey.
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Donald:
Now, while I'm in the Navy, boys, you mind your Uncle Scrooge.

Huey:
But he's so cheap!

Donald:
Yeah. But he's family. Okay, Huey?

Huey:
Yes, Uncle Donald.

Donald:
No back talk, Dewey.

Dewey:
No, Uncle Donald.

Donald:
Louie, be good. And no stink bombs.

Louie:
Uh, yes and no, Uncle Donald.

Scrooge:
Donald, you can't be serious about this crazy idea. There's no profit in it.

Donald:
But I've already enlisted, Uncle Scrooge. I wanna see the world!

Scrooge:
So I'll buy you a globe.

Flintheart Glomgold:
[Answering the phone] Money talks, I listen. Speak!

[Surprising each other while searching for the treasure ship]

Glomgold:
Scrooge!

Scrooge:
Glomgold!

El Capitan:
Los ninos!

Huey, Dewey and Louie:
That guy!

Launchpad:
Big rubble, no trouble! Gyro tells me you need a pilot for an experimental plane.

Scrooge:
What I need is my head examined.

Launchpad:
Don't worry, Mr. McD. If it's got wings, I can crash it.

Scrooge:
I hope my medical insurance is paid up.

Launchpad:
Well, the engines are busted, but those condors gave me an idea! Trouble is... I don't know how to get 'er off the ground.

Donald:
You leave that to me!

Launchpad:
Great! You handle the takeoff!

Donald:
Okay!

Launchpad:
Things must be worse than I thought... I'm beginning to understand him!

Dewey:
Be very very quiet. We're hunting Beakley.

Louie:
[About girls] [Webby's] making friends with penguins while Unca Scrooge is lost in the snow.

Mrs. Beakley:
You know, we could backtrack the walrus' trail and find your uncle.

Louie:
Er... yeah! We were just gonna say that!

Dewey:
[To Huey] They must get smarter as they get older.

(After crashing the carrier into a river)

Dewey:
We're caught in the current!

Scrooge:
Looks like your runway is running away with us. Let's get back into the sky!

Launchpad:
Don't worry. When the going gets tough, the harder they fall.

Webby:
Gee! An escalator!

Mrs. Beakley:
No, dear. This is an older model. We have to walk up these.

Bigtime:
Thanks for sneakin' us outta jail, Magica. We was gettin' bored waitin' for our time to run out!

Magica:
How long was your sentence?

Bigtime:
Life.

Scrooge:
I didn't get rich by being stupid.

Donald:
Nobody's going to make a king out of me and get away with it!

Louie:
What are they doing to Unca Donald?

Scrooge:
Whatever it is, it will be an improvement.

Huey:
Unca Scrooge, what's wrong?

Scrooge:
Those movie people called.

Huey:
That's good.

Scrooge:
But they can't repay me in cash.

Louie:
That's bad.

Scrooge:
So instead they're giving me Duckburg Studios.

Huey, Dewey, Louie and Doofus:
That's GREAT!!

Scrooge:
If Duckburg studios is going to survive, Major Courage is going to need a major overhaul.

Major Courage:
Uh... How major?

Scrooge:
Major major, Major.

Gyro Gearloose:
You told me to make it as real as I could, so I did.

Scrooge:
You know what I like about gold? I have a lot of it!

Armstrong:
My name is Armstrong. I am your friend.

Scrooge:
Why no marshmallows in my hot chocolate?

Duckworth:
(clears throat) It's inefficient, sir.

Scrooge:
Efficiency has its place but NOT in my hot chocolate.

Scrooge:
[About newspapers] I just love looking through the Business section. My name's on every page.

Glomgold:
Scrooge McDuck, you're a low-down ruthless rat!

Scrooge:
What can I say, Flintheart? You bring out the best in me.

Huey:
It's a shadow thief!

Scrooge:
After him! Er.. her! Er.. it!

Poe:
Shadow took over, locked Magica in a closet! Free her!

Scrooge:
Free that-that-that WITCH?! Never! It serves her right! She can stay locked in 'til Doomsday and it would be just ducky with me.

Huey:
But if she gets rid of that shadow...

Dewey:
We can't keep these lights on forever.

Louie:
Think of the electric bill.

Scrooge:
You have a point. Okay, let's go.

Scrooge:
Still a cheater, eh, Glomgold?

Glomgold:
I look at it this way: Why not?

[To Scrooge and Glomgold disguised as harem girls]

Sultan:
How did two camel humps like you become part of the finest harem in the land?

Scrooge:
2-for-1 sale?

Louie:
It sure is dark in here.

Huey:
I wonder where the light switch is.

Louie:
Hey, I found a candle!

Dewey:
Anybody got a match? [The "ghost" lights it for them]

Louie:
T-t-thank you. Now we know which way to run.

Huey, Dewey and Louie:
YAAAAH!!!!!!!!

Huey:
Hey, why would a ghost need to use a door?

Dewey:
Is that a riddle or a knock-knock joke?

Webby:
You're so smart, Uncle Scrooge.

Scrooge:
Thanks, darling. And wasn't it smart of you to notice?

Launchpad:
You guys gotta think positive!

Huey:
But, Launchpad, Webby's lost, Unca Scrooge is lost, we're lost...

Louie:
...and there's a monster in these caves trying to get 'em.

Launchpad:
C'mon! There must be something positive about all this.

Dewey:
If we don't keep moving, we're going to freeze to death.

Launchpad:
There you go!... You gotta keep a stiff upper lip, Louie.

Louie:
That's easy. It's frozen.

Dewey:
Look! We know Unca Scrooge didn't steal that painting, right?

Louie:
Yeah! He only likes little paintings of presidents. The ones on dollar bills.

[Scrooge is arm-wrestling the other inmates in quick succession]

Scrooge:
[Wins] Next. [Wins] Next. [Wins] Next.

Mad Dog McGurk:
[Rubbing his hand] How'd you get so strong, McDuck?

Scrooge:
By lifting moneybags.

Prisoner:
I lifted some moneybags once... right before they threw me in here.

Scrooge:
Until tomorrow, my beautiful cash. Good night, sleep tight and don't let inflation bite.

Bigtime:
It'll take a whole night of back-breaking work, aching muscles, dirt and sweat. [Passes the shovel to his brothers] You guys better get started.

Dewey:
Go ahead, Beagle Boys, take my ray!

Bankjob:
We gotta get out of here!

Beagle Boys:
YEAH!

Bankjob:
We gotta get out of here!

Beagle Boys:
YEAH!

Bankjob:
We gotta get out of here and into Scrooge's money bin!

Beagle Boys:
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

Babyface:
[after he, Bankjob, and Bugle go flying out of Ma Beagle's car and into a paddy wagon] See what happens when you don't wear your seat belts?

Launchpad:
[talking to Doofus during a ransom call] Did they hurt you?

Doofus:
[crying] They tortured me, Launchpad! They ate my pancakes!

Launchpad:
[under his breath] Those rats!

[Launchpad decides not to tell the police anything after receiving a threatening phone call from the Beagle Boys]

Judge:
Now what were you here about, son?

Launchpad:
[quickly and nervously] I just wanted to tell you a joke: I knew a burglar who was so successful, he stopped makin' house calls. A yuk-yuk. [hurries away]

Judge:
Yuck is right.

Launchpad:
[to Ma Beagle] I'm lookin' for my friend Doofus, chubby little kid, about the size of this lamp. [motions to Doofus, who is tied up with a lampshade on his head]

Launchpad:
Surprise, Mr. McD!

Scrooge:
[happily] Launchpad, you're alive! [raises his cane] I'M GOIN' TA KILL YOU!

Viking 1:
Feeding the prisoners to the sharks isn't any fun.

Viking 2:
It is for the sharks!

Yardarm:
[to Sharky] A plan worthy of a master criminal - all you're missing is a little diabolical laughter.

Scrooge:
Your Uncle Donald's done something right for a change. By accident, of course.

Sirens:
[chanting] Pennies, nickels, quarters, dimes, come to us while there's still time. Golden ducky ever bold, look into our eyes of gold.

[referring to Glomgold's way of bailing the Beagles out of prison]

Bouncer:
"Ain't it a little early for Thanksgiving?

Huey:
(on Scrooge) I think those Beagle Boys have finally driven him nutso.

Dewey:
Knock it off! Uncle Scrooge is perfectly sane!

Scrooge McDuck:
(singsong) Yoo-hoo! Laddies! I've something to show you!

[They enter the bin, and see Scrooge has rigged a giant artillery cannon to the door.]

Huey:
Right, no mental problems here.

Scrooge McDuck:
(going crazy) No, no! Beagle Boys! Hide money! Win contests! Pretty fruit!

Dewey:
Snap out of it, Uncle Scrooge! We need you! (throws a wad of cash at Scrooge's head)

Scrooge McDuck:
Thanks, Dewey. I needed that.

Dewey:
You're all right!

Scrooge McDuck:
Yes, and I've figured out how to save my money from the Beagle Boys!

Huey, Dewey, and Louie:
You do?

Scrooge McDuck:
Yes! I'll give it to them!

Huey, Dewey, and Louie:
Say what?

Scrooge:
(upon hearing that one of his cargo boats has vanished) A sea monster ate my ice creeeeeeeam!!! (he continues to shout this again and again as he flails crazily on the breakfast table)

Mrs. Beakley:
That must've been some ice cream.

Huey:
(holding down Scrooge) No, you don't understand! This wasn't ice cream! This was half his fortune!

Security guard:
I don't care if you're Frosty the Snowman's sisters. Mr. McDuck left explicit instructions for nobody to be let in, and that means you nobodies, too!

[The ducks are imprisoned in an undersea city.]

Launchpad McQuack:
Say, why don't we find ourselves some spoons, and dig our way out of here?

Scrooge McDuck:
Launchpad, how did you ever manage to survive childhood?

Scrooge:
Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

Flintheart Glomgold:
Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes!

Captain Mallard:
My first mate Quackerbill was swallowed alive, which means he no longer is. You all sailed with good old Quackerbill! Remember what he always used to say?

Entire Room:
ARRR...

Captain Mallard:
Besides that!

Scrooge:
[About Launchpad] It's no wonder he doesn't wear a crash helmet. What's to protect?

Triplets:
Don't worry. Launchpad taught us everything he knows about flying.

Scrooge:
Now I'm worried.

[Huey restarts times after thwarting the robbery]

Babyface:
Hey, the money!

[the officer gets up and starts blasting his pistol at the Beagle Boys]

Bankjob:
Wha-?! How'd he get loose?! Eh, take this copper!

[but instead of the pistol, he has a hot dog, which splatters out of his hand]

Babyface:
Huh?!

Bankjob:
Let's get out of here!

[the Beagle boys trip and fall over due to their shoes being tied together]

Babyface:
Yow!

Bankjob:
Oof!

Babyface:
What the..!

Bankjob:
Aah!

[they squirm towards their car while the officer continues firing at them]

Louie:
Gee, they got away.

Huey:
Well, at least we stopped the robbery.

[after Scrooge explains their plan]

Bankjob:
Hey! How come we gotta be the ones to stay behind and keep 'em busy?

Scrooge:
Because you're too stupid to hook up Gyro's time tub!

Bankjob:
All right, all right, just asking.

Magica:
"Open!" says me.

Scrooge:
And to show his appreciation, old Scrooge McDuck is taking you all out to the finest hamburger stand in Duckburg!

Webby:
Can we order fries?

Scrooge:
You can even order hamburgers!

Scrooge:
(about re-hiring Duckworth) All in favor, say "yea!"

Huey/Dewey/Louie:
YAY!

Scrooge:
The "yays" have it!

Launchpad:
I can't break their little hearts, Mr. McDee - you do it!

Scrooge:
[to Glomgold] Let's just say I'll invest a million in your company if I lose, and you invest a million in my company when I win.

Director:
McDuck, if we crash, we'll sue you for-!

Carl Sagander:
Billions and billions of dollars!

Scrooge:
[on being told that a ballroom is only for "important" people] Well, I don't know about status, but I own this hotel.

Mrs. Quackenbush:
Oh, boys! Aren't you forgetting something?

Dewey:
Our teacher, Mrs. Quackenbush!

Mrs. Quackenbush:
You didn't do your homework, boys--and you know how I hate that!

(the nephews scream)

Louie:
Whose idea was it not to do our homework?

Huey and Dewey:
Yours!

Louie:
Whose idea was it to listen to my idea?

Dewey:
It's almost as if someone knows what our worst fears are and is using them against us.

Huey:
But who would know that much about us?

(The door swings open, and evil version of Uncle Scrooge stands before them)

Nephews:
Uncle Scrooge!

Evil Scrooge:
Figured it out, did ya?! Well, my worst fears came true when I got YOU three little television-leaver-oners! I never wanted you here, but that no-good Donald dumped you on me. (tosses and breaks Donald's picture scaring the nephews) I've been doing all this to scare you out of my life!

Louie:
B-but how could you do all those things?

Evil Scrooge:
I'm rich! I can do anything! (laughs evilly) And I'll be ever richer when you're out of here!

Nephews:
(crying) Uncle Scrooge!

Evil Scrooge:
Don't call me that! I don't want to be your uncle anymore! (leaves)

Seaman:
What are your orders, admiral?

Admiral Grimitz:
Somebody do something!

Webby:
If Millionara offered me an apple in the forest, I sure wouldn't eat it!

Goldie:
You say "I do," and I'll show you the breeze of my shotgun!

Goldie:
You no-good varmint! I'll teach ya to lay eyes on another woman!

Launchpad:
Oops! That darn eject button is always getting in the way!

[The Beagle Boys have followed the nephews to Scrooge's candy factory]

Scrooge:
You boys get out of here. I'll handle this.

Huey:
[turning and saluting] No sir, Uncle Scrooge!

Dewey:
[saluting] We're all in this...

Louie:
[saluting] ...together!

Scrooge:
Good lads!

Launchpad:
Real heroes don't need cameras, they just do what needs to be done.

Scrooge:
Hurry! We've got to warn them!

[in a fury, he smashes the instrument panel with his cane]

Scrooge:
What's the matter? Don't we have a radio?!

Gyro Gearloose:
Well, yes... and no.

Scrooge:
I'm warning you, Courage! Turn that ship around and get my nephews, or you'll never work in this town again!

Major Courage:
Forget it, McDuck! Remember, I've got a five-year contract.

Scrooge:
YOU...! YOU...!

[he raises his cane, Gyro grabs it]

Gyro Gearloose:
Not the radio!

[The Cronk ship closes in on the Phoenix.]

Scrooge:
There goes the picture again!

Gyro Gearloose:
Please, allow me.

[He takes Scrooge's cane and smashes the radio.]

Scrooge:
No battery-operated tin can dictator is going to stop me!

[gets shocked]

Gyro Gearloose:
Nothing can stop him!

Shawebizad:
[after telling a long story] Hurry! They're asleep!

Scrooge:
[sarcastic] Oh, I can't imagine why.

[Scrooge and the boys walk down a secret staircase to the basement]

Huey:
Wonder where this goes.

Scrooge:
Looks like it goes around the corner. [they go through a tunnel and the fire touches his fingers; yelps as the light goes out] Curse me kilts! That was my last one!

Dewey:
Hey. What's this? [pulls a string and turns on a lightbulb]

Louie:
Looks like a lightbulb.

Scrooge:
Good work, lads.

Mr. Oink:
That is enough, Mr. McDuck?!

Dewey:
I think we came at a bad time.

Gyro:
Hi, boys. What can I do for you three?

Louie:
Uh… Nothing, Gyro. We just came by to say hi. [he and Dewey glare at Huey]

Huey:
Yeah. Hi!

Moorloon:
[tapping a magnet against a wooden table] Work, work, work!

Webby:
Uncle Scrooge?

Scrooge:
[waking up from his nightmare] Huh? What?

Webby:
You were having a nightmare in the middle of the day!

Scrooge:
Aye! And what a horrible, uh, daymare it was, darling.

Huey:
What were you dreaming about, Uncle Scrooge?

Scrooge:
Earthquakes. There was another one yesterday.

Dewey:
But none of them were anywhere near Duckburg.

Scrooge:
They were in my dream, under my money bin, to be exact.

Webby:
Aw, dreams don't mean anything, Uncle Scrooge, unless they come true.

Scrooge:
Aye, and that's why I have Gyro Gearloose dreaming up some safety measures.

Commander:
[giving him massive jewels] Is it a deal, Mr. McDuck?

Scrooge:
It's a deal.

Scrooge:
[Giving a sugar cube to Twitchy] Here you go, Twitchy. It will be our little secret.

Donald:
Stop helping me. And put in your life vests! What if the boat goes down when the babysitter's here?

Huey and Louie:
Yes, Uncle Donald.

[Huey fetches him and Louie two pairs of life vests and put them on]

Donald:
Where is that cook? [calls the babysitter on his cellphone] Where are you?! What? I didn't give you a new address. Well, what time can you get here?

Babysitter:
I… don't know.

Donald:
Crazy old bird.

Donald:
Where's Dewey?

Louie:
Sleeping.

Huey:
Who's Dewey?

Louie:
[slowly turns to look at Huey as Donald brushes between them] "Who's Dewey?"

[Donald enters the engine room and finds Dewey, hot-wiring the motor]

Dewey:
All right, boys, we'll get to Cape Suzette and back before anyone realizes we're gone. So long, Dorkburg! Hello... [notices Donald looking at him, miffed] Uncle Donald? [waves nervously] What-what's up?

Donald:
[shoves the boys into the back of the car] I can't leave you boys alone for one minute.

Dewey:
You were supposed to get him out by 10:00, Hubert!

Huey:
You were supposed to signal before you started the boat, Dewford!

Louie:
We never get to do anything.

Donald:
Boys, if we want to keep our home afloat… [sighs] we've all got to do things we don't want to do. [sets a destination course for McDuck Manor in the car's GPS]

GPS:
Destination: McDuck Manor.

Huey:
McDuck Manor?! As in Scrooge McDuck?!

Dewey:
The bajillionaire?!

Louie:
You're finally gonna sell us.

Donald:
I'm not gonna sell you. [sighs] He owes me.

Dewey:
[excitedly] We're gonna meet Scrooge McDuck?!

Louie:
That guy's amazing!

Huey:
What?!

Dewey:
I heard he's so epic, he defeated a rock giant and carved a statue of himself out of its legs!

Huey:
I heard he's so smart, he solved the mystery of the chupacabra. Turns out, it was just a shaved bear!

Louie:
I heard he's so rich, he only hunts for treasure… to swim in it!

Donald:
All right, take it down a notch. It's only a couple of hours.

Dewey:
A couple of hours with the most exciting duck in the world!

Scrooge:
Donald Duck.

Donald:
Uncle Scrooge.

Hewey, Dewey, Louie:
Uncle Scrooge?! [They gush in the back seat]

Donald:
So, you're looking good.

Scrooge:
Still living on that boat?

Donald:
Yep. Still a trillionaire? [Scrooge motions to his vast, Xanadu-like estate. A peacock flies past] Good, good. So...

Scrooge:
So... jettison that jalopy off my driveway this instant, you deadbeat!

Donald:
Oh, here we go! Giving orders like he's the richest duck in the world.

Scrooge:
I am the richest duck in the world! Now move!!

Donald [sarcastically] I would love to. It just so happens I have a job interview!

Beakley:
Talk to your nephews.

Scrooge:
So, do children still play with marbles, or…?

Huey:
Are you really our uncle?

Dewey:
How old are you?

Louie:
What's your net worth?

Huey:
What's the deal with you and Uncle Donald?

Louie:
Ooh, is that fork real silver? Can I have it?

Huey:
How come you never visit?

Louie:
Oh, 'cause you're so old and moving is so hard?

Dewey:
You owe us, like, a lot of birthday presents.

Louie:
You used to be a big deal! Whatever happened to you?

Scrooge:
[abruptly smacks his paper down on the table] BEAKLEY!

Beakley:
Please do not leave the designated play area. [gives the boys a bag of marbles] A gift from your great-uncle. You will return them upon your departure. He's counted them.

Huey:
Great. Now we've got two boring uncles.

Louie:
So, we're totally ditching this room, right?

Dewey:
Yup, and I know just how to do it.

Webby:
Huey, Dewey, and Louie Duck. Scrooge McDuck's great-nephews on his sister Hortense's side, with Quackmore Duck, twice removed.

Dewey:
And you are?

Webby:
Oh, right. Webby Vanderquack. My granny's the housekeeper. Wait! Are we friends now?

Huey:
If we say "yes", will you let us live?

Webby:
Pfft! Good one, new best friend.

[as Scrooge struggles to put on an old dive suit]

Beakley:
A little spring cleaning?

Scrooge:
Maybe. Maybe not. Read this.

Beakley:
Snow. On the Drake Barrier Reef.

Scrooge:
First time in 50 years. That weather report aligns perfectly with the Papia Prophecy. A shift in currents may present a pathway to Atlantis! Lost city under the sea!

Beakley:
This is because some children made fun of you, isn't it?

Scrooge:
Nonsense. I'm no has-been, they're the has-beens. I am an am-now!

Dewey:
I guess family is nothing but trouble, right, Scrooge?

Scrooge:
[sharply] Everybody out!

Dewey:
Any questions?

Scrooge:
Since when is Launchpad a pilot?

Scrooge:
In the short time I've known you, you've wrecked my home and my money bin, unleashed several ancient evils, and almost got me killed. Twice.

Huey:
Four times if you count each monster as an individual time.

Scrooge:
You kids are nothing but trouble! Curse me kilts, have I missed trouble. I suppose I'll have to keep an eye on you to teach you how to get into trouble properly.

Glomgold:
You're here because you're the best of the cheapest. With your help and my carefully crafted master plan, we'll find the fabled lost Jewel of Atlantis and finally make me the richest duck in the world! [laughs evilly] But first, here are your company IDs, also good for 40% off life vest rental in case of emergency. Gabby McStabberson. [Gabby comes up and takes her ID] Hack and Slash Smashnikov. [the Smashnikov brothers come up and take theirs] Donald Duck. Duck? Duck?!

[Donald tells him to give him a minute as he's on the phone with Scrooge]

Donald:
Now remember, bedtime is at 9:00. And no sugar after 7:00. Oh, and…

Scrooge:
I run a multi-trillion dollar business. I can handle a few juveniles for the weekend. You just focus on this new job of yours. Besides, I got a pretty low key day planned.

Webby:
[after Louie lies on the phone to Donald about what they've been doing] Why didn't you tell him the truth?

Louie:
You didn't tell your grandma we were going to a dangerous underwater city, did you?

Webby:
I kinda sorta... didn't tell her anything?

Louie:
Webby, that's irresponsible! She'll be worried sick! Call your grandma this instant, and tell her that you are spending the night at a friend's house, okay? Lying. It's the responsible thing to do.

Scrooge:
Launchpad, have you ever piloted a sub before?

Launchpad:
I sunk a helicopter in a wave pool once. Same thing?

Scrooge:
[sigh] I've done more with less.

Scrooge:
Mr. McQuack, chart the course. Next stop, the lost city of Atlantis!

[everybody cheers]

Scrooge:
In about 16 hours!

Huey:
[pressing play on a radio] Shanty time!

Donald:
[showing the Smashnikov brothers some photos on his phone] Ah, little Dewey's first steps. And that's Huey in the playoffs. He was the water boy. [turns to Gabby] Oh look, that's us climbing the Grand Canyon, display at the supermarket. [laughs] I miss them so much, but we need this job. So, tell me about your family.

Gabby:
I was raised by warrior monks who spoke only the language of the blade.

[when Glomgold discovers Scrooge on his boat, via surveillance footage]

Donald:
Scrooge?! What is he doing here?

Glomgold:
Strange weather patterns in a mysterious location near treasure. I knew he couldn't resist. Hack, triangulate their sub's course. We'll tail Scrooge, and steal the jewel out from under him.

[the surveillance footage reveals Huey, Dewey, and Louie]

Donald:
The boys?! Wait 'til I get my hands on- [angry squawking] I'M GONNA KILL HIM!

Glomgold:
Oh, better idea! Nab the jewel, and kill them all. Somebody's angling for employee of the month.

Louie:
Just call your grandma already! It's no big deal. [calls Beakley and gives Webby the phone] Remember, you're at a friend's house, okay? You got this.

Webby:
[speed-talking] Hi, Granny, I'm spending the night at a friend's house, so nothing is wrong!

Louie:
Oh, you don't got this.

[stuck in front of a booby-trapped bridge]

Scrooge:
We'll find another route, it's not safe for amateur adventures.

Dewey:
That sounds like a challenge.

Scrooge:
I have to stress, that is not a challenge.

Dewey:
...is exactly what you say to dissuade the weak of heart from accepting the challenge. Well, challenge accepted!

Scrooge:
There is no challenge!

Scrooge:
Maybe I could just hire some family. Then they'd have to listen to me.

Dewey:
[after Glomgold claims the Jewel of Atlantis] Who's that?

Scrooge:
Flintheart Glomgold, the poor man's version of me. Which, to be fair, still makes him insanely rich.

[as the treasure room floods with water]

Donald:
I knew it! I knew I couldn't trust you with the boys!

Scrooge:
Not the time, Donald.

Donald:
Crazy old man, all you care about is your next adventure! This is the Spear of Selene all over again!

Scrooge:
I was not responsible for the Spear of Selene!

Glomgold:
Hey team. Wanted to thank you all for keeping Scrooge's kin busy while I escaped with the jewel and blow up Atlantis with my most hated rival inside.

Hack:
But I thought employees were greatest treasure of all.

Glomgold:
Don't be ridiculous. Treasure is the greatest treasure of all. That's why it's called treasure. Glomgold out!

Scrooge:
Now Donald, don't-

Donald:
Stop. I admit, I'm a little overprotective.

Louie:
A little?

Donald:
No matter what I do, these boys will get into trouble, so maybe you could teach them how to get out of trouble.

Huey:
Uncle Donald?

Donald:
It might be okay if the boys saw you every once in a while. [Huey, Dewey, and Louie cheer] Sometimes, like birthdays, or federal holidays, nothing too- [Donald's boat explodes in the distance]

Dewey:
Ohhh, I may have left the engine running in the houseboat.

Scrooge:
I may have a dozen or so spare bedrooms in the mansion.

[Donald chuckles, and the boys cheer again]

Roxanne Featherly:
There you have it. Reclusive adventure capitalist Scrooge McDuck is back, with family in tow, solving mysteries, and rewriting history.

[after he reveals a hidden part of a portrait]

Dewey:
Mom?

Louie:
[after triggering a trap in a nerf dart game, set by Webby] You set traps? It's just a game!

Webby [hanging from a chandelier, wearing thermal goggles] If you're not a player, you're a pawn!

Dewey:
Webby, maybe take it down a notch.

Webby:
TELL THAT TO MY MEN YOU CAPTURED IN PEKING!

Dewey:
What?

Webby:
It's part of my character's backstory. Grizzled ex-special forces pulled out of retirement for revenge. What's yours?

Dewey:
My guy has a dart gun?

Webby:
Not anymore. [shoots Dewey]

[as the kids destroy the mansion in their war game]

Beakley:
Sir, this is out of control!

Scrooge:
Kids will be kids. For everyone's happiness, we've all got to make sacrifices.

[He opens the door to the bathroom, where Donald is already in the tub, taking a bath while doing his laundry at the same time.]

Donald:
[hums to himself before noticing Scrooge] Um, ocupado.

Scrooge:
[furiously] House meeting! Now!

[after Dewey invites Webby to Funso's Fun Zone]

Louie:
I don't know, Webby's great for treasure hunting and mine cart chases, but she's not exactly built for everyday kids stuff.

Huey:
I still see the darts when I close my eyes.

Webby:
I am both uking, AND puking!

Ma Beagle:
How did someone so brilliant raise such morons?

Bouncer Beagle:
[to Burger Beagle] I think she's talkin' 'bout you.

Huey:
Who are these guys?

Webby:
The Beagle Boys. They hate your uncle. Try to break into the mansion all the time.

Dewey:
Are they going to ransom us?

Louie:
Scrooge will never pay for all four of us!

Webby:
Ah, you're right. He'll probably throw one of us off a cliff to send Scrooge a message.

[after Webby knocks out Big Time Beagle]

Huey:
You could slip out of those ropes the whole time?

Webby:
Well, yeah. That's like, Being Captured 101.

Louie:
So why didn't you?

Webby:
Because, I don't want you to think I'm weird. I've been stuck in the mansion for so long, and I'm trying really hard to be normal. But everything I do is, you know, not.

Dewey:
Normal's overrated.

Louie:
We need you to be Webby-normal.

[Webby smiles and unties the boys]

Webby:
[putting on her thermal goggles] I'm going to break every bone in her body. Or maybe just tie her up. We'll see how it plays out.

Louie:
[watching television] Ugh, this show is so dumb.

Scrooge:
You could always turn off the telly.

Louie:
Ah, the remote's way over there. [glances at the remote, just barely out of reach; he grunts as he tries to reach it] Oh, forget it.

Scrooge:
Any big plans for today?

Louie:
[yawns] Thought I'd move to the big TV in a few hours.

Louie:
Oh, man, my phone's dead. Guess I gotta buy a new one

Scrooge:
Just charge it!

Louie:
Eh, this one's three months old anyway. Who cares? We're rich! [throws his phone in the trash]

Scrooge:
No, I'm rich! That's it, laddie. You are coming to the office… [grabs Louie by the hoodie and drags him out of the living room] to learn the value of a hard day's work.

Scrooge:
[catching Louie before he dives into the Money Bin] Are you out of your head?! You'll crack your skull open.

Louie:
But you swim in money all the time.

Scrooge:
Yes, but I worked hard to perfect that skill, building muscles and dexterity. If you want something, you work hard to get it.

Bradford:
[after Gyro interrupts a business meeting] I'm sorry, but we-

Gyro:
Apology accepted, now try to keep up with my mind-numbing genius.

Scrooge:
Gyro, what did we say about interacting with other people?

Gyro:
[scoffs] The cards. Fine. [takes out index cards and begins reading] "Hello, Mr. McDuck... and others. Are you tired of all those single-use gadgets cluttering up your junk drawer? What a mess! There's got to be a better way!" [pulls out a small robot] Meet Lil' Bulb. A tiny, all-purpose robot that does it all.

Bradford:
Wait, what does it do?

Gyro:
It. All. Lil' Bulb is an artificially intelligent personal robot helper. He can make toast, find your keys, serve as a book light for your late-night reading. You'll never have to do anything yourself again.

Bradford:
Mmhmm. And how will you ensure this one won't achieve sentience and turn evil like all the others?

Gyro:
Only half my inventions turn evil. The other half are just wildly misunderstood.

Louie:
A robot that does everything for you? How could you say no to that?

Scrooge:
Part of hard work is knowing how to work with others. My board are the only people cheaper than I am. I trust them completely to make good financial decisions-

Bradford:
Indeed. Which is why we've called this meeting to discuss cutting your unnecessary spending here at the Money Bin.

Scrooge:
Unnecessary?! I'm Scrooge McDuck! I don't spend one penny more than I need to!

Bradford:
It says here you're spending $15,000,000 on magical defense.

Scrooge:
Do you have any idea how many vengeance curses I have on my head?!

Louie:
[inserts a dollar into the Pep soda vending machine, but isn't enough to deposit ten cents] $1.10?! Who keeps dimes on them anymore? [heads back to Scrooge's office, notices the dime resting on a red velvet pillow and takes it] Sweet! Scrooge has an emergency dime. [inserts the dime into the vending machine and gets a Pep soda can] I'll pay you back later.

[Back in the meeting room…]

Bradford:
But how do you justify spending $5,000 on a velvet pillow for a dime?

Scrooge:
That dime deserves its own velvet pillow! It's my number-one dime. The first dime I ever earned. I was a young shoeshine in Glasgow when a man came in, his boots cemented in mud. I worked, and worked until those boots sparkled. In return, he gave me an American dime. That dime inspired me to move to America and find my fortune. It means more to me than every bit of bullion in my Money Bin.

Scrooge:
Louie! Where have you been? Trying to get out of work again?

Louie:
What? No! I just, um... uh, filled up my notepad with all that precious business wisdom, so I went to go find another.

Scrooge:
Good lad! Feel free to take as many pads as you want. [to the boardroom] Or are we not allowed to use those either, ya penny-pinching buzzards?! [slams door, but immediately opens again] No, but really, make sure to use the front and back of every page. [closes the door, but opens it again] And write small.

Scrooge:
If you can find me 3000 gallons of silver polish for cheaper, I'd love to hear about it!

Quackfaster:
Foolish child! You do not know what you think you know.

Dewey:
I don't know anything, and it's really frustrating!

Louie:
Look, a distraction!

Scrooge:
You cannot get rid of the Bin. You may think they're crackpots and weirdos, but they're the ones who push innovation and creativity, and spur this company ever forward.

[the Lil' Bulb dime robot crashes into the room]

Gyro:
Just a little malfunction! Definitely not evil!

[the robot leaves]

Scrooge:
Look, they're all mad as loons, and if you fire them, they're definitely going to seek revenge.

Webby:
I don't understand. It should be here somewhere.

Dewey:
Wait, these books. They're all out of order. Quackfaster's a lot of things, but she's not sloppy.

Quackfaster:
[offscreen] Use your training. The most valuable knowledge must be earned.

Dewey:
Okay, how much of this is about us doing your work for you?

Quackfaster:
About 50%.

Scrooge:
I'm proud of you, lad. You put in a full day at the office. I think you've earned this. [gives Louie his dime]

Louie:
You're giving me your number-one dime?

Scrooge:
Ha! That's not not my lucky dime. I never let my dime out of my sight. [pulls out a necklace with the dime in it] That was just a decoy. I'm not an idiot, this place is full of lunatics.

Huey:
[double checking supplies in the boat] Compass. CB radio. Sunscreen.

Webby:
Hot dog costumes! [puts life vests covered in hot dogs in the boat]

Huey:
I'm sorry, what?

Webby:
You know, in case we get lost at sea, and one of us, probably Louie, goes mad with hunger, we'll put these on. Louie hates hot dogs, so he probably won't eat us.

Huey:
Are you saying that Louie would rather eat us than hot dogs?

Louie:
I do hate hot dogs.

Webby:
[carrying an armful of messages in bottles] I'm here to save either a sailor, group of sailors, or a shark from a sea serpent, pirate, M-agent, and or scurvy!

[after Webby does parkour to retrieve a bottle]

Lena Sabrewing:
That was actually pretty cool. Are you, like, in the circus?

Webby:
Circus acrobats keep elephant hairs in their pockets for good luck. I don't know why I just told you that, or why I'm still talking, or why I pointed out the fact that I'm still talking, or-

[after Webby opens a gate]

Webby:
Got it!

Lena:
Nice. [holds up a fist]

Webby:
[obviously very excited for the fist bump] Ohhhhh yeah! [bumps Lena's fist]

Lena:
You wanna blow it up, don't you? [Webby nods] Psssh.

[Webby proceeds to do an exaggerated fist bump explosion]

Botched Job Beagle:
This is our shot, guys. Maybe the Ugly Failures might actually become the Ugly Winners!

Bungle Beagle:
Couldn't we just be the Winners?

Botched Job:
Now, let's not get crazy.

Webby:
Lena, this is Huey, Dewey, and Louie.

Dewey:
Webby, we've been looking for you everywhere!

Lena:
Cute, with the names, and the color-coded outfits, is that, like, your thing? You're all exactly the same?

Huey, Dewey, & Louie:
[in unison] Ha! No way! We're all unique snowflakes! [beat] Well this usually never happens. This is really weird! Okay, stop talking! [beat] Antidisestablishmentarianism! SERIOUSLY?! Gah!

Huey:
Seriously, Webby, where have you been? We've been worried out of our minds!

Webby:
Well, uh, Lena and I...

Lena:
Right, you were so worried that you left her on a beach and didn't show up for four hours?

Huey:
We got lost.

Dewey:
Thanks to old Captain Lost!

Louie:
Why would you put me in charge of the map again?! This is not on me.

Dewey:
[chanting] Captain Lost! Captain Lost!

Louie:
Ooh, you change the tone of that chant! [starts strangling Dewey as Huey tries pulling him away]

Lena:
Yeah, they seem like a real tight crew.

[The Duck nephews, Webby, Lena, and Mrs. Beakley are leaving the cinema after seeing a horror movie]

Dewey:
Oh, man, that is classic cinema!

Webby:
So good!

Lena:
Oh, and remember when the surgeon tried to cut the mole queen in half but then she multiplied into a million mole babies and then they ate him?! [imitates chainsaw noises and Webby makes growling sounds]

Beakley:
[grabs Lena by the arm] You said this was an educational film. Suitable for all ages.

Lena:
Uh, it's a cautionary tale about the dangers of mole monsters. And everyone could use a lesson on chainsaw safety.

[Launchpad is the last person to leave the cinema with a horrified look on his face and looks at the movie poster]

Louie:
Lame! Where was the drama, the heart, the needlessly expensive car crash mayhem?

Huey:
Even if mole-men did exist, why attack someone in the shower? With the water running, there wouldn't be enough traction to attack anyone above the knee. Totally phony.

Webby:
What is with you guys? It says right on the poster, "based on an actual true novel."

Huey:
[pulls out his guidebook] This is the only book I trust. If it's not in the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook, then it's not a thing.

Webby:
What about were-ducks?

Huey:
Nope.

Webby:
Tri-clopses?

Huey:
Mmm, not a thing.

Webby:
Well, what about the legendary Terra-firmians of Duckburg?

Huey:
[sigh] Let's see... Pterodactyl, terror-dactyl, terrible twos, nope. No Terra-firmians. Must not exist.

Webby:
[laughing] What? Terra-firmians, the mythical underground race that live below our very city?

Huey:
No, that's ridiculous.

Webby:
No, you're ridiculous.

Lena:
Children, children. There's an easy way to settle this. Let's go find them ourselves.

Lena:
[pushing a sign out of the way] Now what's behind here?

Webby:
The old 818 train line. Famous for terra-firmian sightings. That's why it's closed off.

Huey:
The signs say "Closed for renovations."

Webby:
That's what they want you to think.

Huey:
Who is they?

Webby:
Exactly.

Huey:
What?

Webby:
[going through her diary] The Terra-firmians are an ancient race built of two warring tribes. The Terries and the Firmies. They were once united under a proud king. After the king's untimely death, an epic battle began over who would assume control. But one day, the rightful prince will reunite the two tribes and put an end to their bitter conflict.

Huey:
And what's that?

Webby:
Oh, just a drawing of a candy I wish they made. Webbi-dings.

Lena:
And that?

Webby:
Me as a superhero. Look, can we just focus on all the exciting stuff I just said?

Webby:
[when Beakley, Launchpad, Dewey, and Louie find them] Granny?

Launchpad:
Ahhhhh! Those are moles!

Dewey:
Launchpad, it's just the guys.

Launchpad:
You would say that. [to himself] Have there always been three of them?

Webby:
[nervously] I can explain.

Beakley:
You're all in big trouble. [gestures to Lena] I assume this was your idea.

Lena:
[scoffs] Sure, blame the mysterious rebel playing by her own rules.

Beakley:
No back talk! You made me come all the way down here, drag two more children and one man-child right into danger.

Launchpad:
Man-child? Where? [shudders] Easy, LP. Easy. One monster at a time.

Lena:
Aren't you supposed to be crazy adventure family? This is like an afternoon field trip for you people.

Beakley:
Well, there won't be anymore afternoon field trips for you. I can assure you that.

Huey:
Please talk some sense into Webby. You don't really believe that rock monsters are playing earthquake games.

Louie:
Huey's usually right about nerd stuff.

Webby:
Not this time. Those "aftershocks" are actually a revolt led by the lost Terra-firmian prince. He's using the games as a distraction to storm the Califermy Citadel! It's all in this artist's rendering. [shows her drawings and notes]

Louie:
Ooh, that sounds awesome. I want that to be true.

Huey:
Earthquakes are a result of shifting tectonic plates.

Webby:
But who's pushing the plates, Huey? Who's pushing the plates?!

Huey:
Other plates are pushing the plates!

Webby:
Now who sounds ridiculous?

Huey:
Louie, whose side are you on?

Louie:
Oh, neither. This is just way more entertaining than that movie. [takes out and eats a bucket of popcorn] What? I got a refill on the way out. It's encouraged.

Dewey:
Launchpad, do you think I'm a mole monster?

Launchpad:
Whaaaat? No, no. [to himself] Can't believe my best friend is a mole monster.

Dewey:
I'm your best friend?

Launchpad:
[to himself] Oh no, it can hear my thoughts. Keep it together, Launchpad. Gotta change the subject somehow. [to Dewey] Hey, you know what we should talk about? Another subject.

Dewey:
Sure.

Launchpad:
[to himself] He doesn't suspect a thing.

Launchpad:
Ahhh! Back, mole monster! You can't take me too! Mr. McDee won't give me the time off!

Dewey:
Launchpad, it's me. Dewey! [Launchpad remains scared] Your best friend?

Launchpad:
They could be anyone. They are everywhere!

Dewey:
Yes, anyone could be a mole monster, in the movie! This is real life.

Launchpad:
Classic mole monster saying he's "not" a mole monster.

Dewey:
Ugh! By that logic, how do you know you're not a mole monster?

Launchpad:
'Cause I'm not! ... Which is exactly what a mole monster would say. Wait... am I a mole monster? But I'm a good guy. Then that means mole monsters can also be good guys! [grabs Dewey] Come, mole brother! This is a new day for our people! We will show the world that we can be good!

Louie:
I can't believe Uncle Gladstone is here!

Huey:
He's so charming.

Dewey:
And funny.

Louie:
He's like the luckiest guy in the world. Uncle Donald, you must have had the best time growing up with him.

[Various scenes shows Donald's time with Gladstone while he gets $20, due to his luck; back to present]

Donald:
[sulking with jealousy] He's the worst. Just the worst.

Scrooge:
Gladstone Gander is a complete layabout. I don't know why we're responding to his call.

Webby:
It was a call for help.

Huey:
And like Uncle Donald says, "Family always helps family."

Donald:
Why did I say that?

Louie:
Plus, he's easily our coolest uncle.

Donald:
[offended] Hey!

Louie:
Sorry, coolest non-trillionaire uncle.

Huey:
Hey, come on, Uncle Donald is kinda cool.

Scrooge:
We leave for the temple in an hour. Launchpad, I won't wait another 50 years to hear that cricket sing.

Launchpad:
Sure thing, Mr McD. I was just going to swing over and visit an old girlfriend from these parts. See, she's had some problems with the local crime family, and…

Scrooge:
Yes, fine, whatever. One hour.

Launchpad:
I'm coming for you, Ziyi.

Louie:
[trying on a suit] This is the best anyone has ever looked.

Gladstone:
Well, Green Bean, if you wanna be a winner, you need to look like a winner. [to the tailor] And you can bill my suit to the room, please.

Tailor:
Oh, no no no no no, Mr. Gladstone. I cannot do this. It would be such a great honor for me to know that you are out in the world wearing this suit! [Gladstone and Louie leave, Donald is about to leave, but is stopped by the tailor] Two thousand dollars, cash only.

Dewey:
[interacting with a couple jade tigers] Actual tigers?! Do the number of stripes tell you their age? Is it true if you stare at them in the eyes, they won't kill you, or does that make them want to kill you faster?

Liu Hai:
Oh, would you like one?

Scrooge:
You can't give a child a tiger. Especially not this child.

Dewey:
[coddling one of the tigers] Dewey Junior, you're coming home with us. Oh, and I already named him, oh and I'm already super emotionally attached.

Scrooge:
Oh fine, but I am not changing its litter.

Dewey:
That guy at the mall with the iguana is gonna be so jealous!

Scrooge:
I navigated myself out of the Infinitaur's Labyrinth. Freed myself from the Forever Fields of Fantoom. Why can't I find the blasted hotel exit?!

Webby:
Sorry, sir, but the only thing we're hungry for is adventure, and- IS THAT A FOUNTAIN MADE OF CHOCOLATE?!

Liu Hai:
You can dip positively anything in it.

Webby:
Strawberries?

Liu Hai:
Mhmm.

Webby:
What about my hand?

Liu Hai:
Sure.

Webby:
What about your hand?

Liu Hai:
Um, uh, fine.

Donald:
[trying to guess how many fingers someone is holding up] Twenty-seven! Twenty-seven! TWENTY-SEVEN!

Louie:
Ugh, give it up, Uncle Donald. Please.

Gladstone:
No, no, no. Let it ride. You're about to-

Casino Toad:
TWO?! We have a winner! Congratulations, you won a brand-new Thunderclutch sports car.

Gladstone:
Great, this is the second car I've won for-

Casino Toad:
Four?! You win again!

Scrooge:
Quiet. I'm in the middle of a Vision Beast battle of wills.

Dewey:
So, it's a staring contest?

Glomgold:
It's not just a staring contest! It's a-- [gasps as he catches himself drifting away from Scrooge's gaze] Nice try, McDuck, but your family bickering will never get me to look away, never!

Dewey:
It's a staring contest.

Mark Beaks:
[interrupting a staring contest between Scrooge and Glomgold] Old guys, nice club house you've got here. Got a real "I'm so rich I don't care how I look" quality about it. Rich peeps! [takes a selfie] I'm tagging us.

Glomgold:
I'm sorry, who are you?!

Beaks:
Seriously? Mark Beaks? Founder and CEO of Waddle? Soon to be newest addition to the Duckburg Billionaires' Club. Come on! And creator of the newest tech innovation, Project Tah-dah! It's everything you think it is, and nothing you're expecting. I'll flip you my Peep deets so you can follow my updates.

Scrooge:
I don't understand half those words.

Huey:
[going through his checklist] Let's see. Can Do Attitude, check. Professional posture… check. Completed checklist, check. Wow, I can't believe we get to be interns at Waddle for Mark Beaks!

Dewey:
Yeah, I'm mostly doing it to show off this bad boy. [patting a briefcase]

Huey:
What is that?

Dewey:
Oh, this? It's my super serious business briefcase. "What brilliant business secrets is he hiding in there?" Who knows?!

Huey:
You can't open the lock, can you?

Dewey:
Nurp.

Huey:
[after Beaks tells them he only has one opening for an intern] One internship? Well, heh, you didn't really want it anyway, so I'll just tell Mr. Beaks to give it to me.

Dewey:
Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Sliding my way to billions? Licking other people's stuff? It's everything I never knew I always wanted!

Beaks:
Ha! I'm about to be a billionaire. And when Scrooge tries to follow me online, I'll block him!

Scrooge:
[as Glomgold demonstrates a plan to get rid of Mark Beaks via slideshow] Do we really need a slideshow?

Glomgold:
Ha! Sweet, naive Scroogy. Leave the devious planning to the professionals. [sudden tone change] You're in MY world now, McDuck.

Scrooge:
Yeah, all right. Show me what you've got.

Glomgold:
No, you're actually on my side of the room.

Glomgold:
Behold! Our scheme to destroy Beaks begins with an invitation to a Billionaires' Convention on a yacht. We'll tell him we're going, BUT THEN WE WON'T SHOW! First slam!

Scrooge:
Seems unnecessary, especially the part about the yacht.

Glomgold:
Emotionally devastated, Beaks will seek solace and drown his sorrows at the buffet.

Scrooge:
A yacht and a buffet for one person? I'm not paying for that.

Glomgold:
Fine. We'll use my yacht. Now, distracted by delicious shrimp, Beaks won't realize he's being sailed into an active volcano, where it'll get so hot, he'll jump into the yacht's pool, which, unbeknownst to him, will be FILLED WITH SHARKS!

Scrooge:
Where did the Sharks come from?

Glomgold:
I've got a great shark guy. Beaks will be so terrified by the sharks, he'll forget he's in a volcano, and jump blindly into the lava! All while we watch from a bridge above.

Scrooge:
Wait, wait, I thought we wanted to boot him out of our club, not kill him! Although you have tried to kill me countless times, which usually ends up more annoying than deadly.

Glomgold:
That's right, I'm a genius. Now part attention, 'cause this is where it gets complicated.

Beaks:
Whoa. Is that an ironically fancy briefcase in my super chill work environment?

Dewey:
Uh, yes?

Beaks:
What's going on in there? Like, brilliant business secrets?

Dewey:
You know it!

Beaks:
Very chill. Oh, I like how you roll! You are my new vice president of fancy business. [to Huey] Intern, you report to him now. Boom. Beaks out! [leaves]

Huey:
WHAT?!

Dewey:
Yes! Faked it, maked it! I didn't even know this was my life's dream until today!

Scrooge:
I can't believe I wasted a whole day obsessing over someone I don't like, and it nearly got me killed! Who am I, you? Ugh, have fun with your new nemesis. I'm gonna go beat ya both by actually being a better billionaire.

Dewey:
We've gotta save Beaks, right? I mean, he's the worst, but it's the right thing to do.

Huey:
Why? I'm sure you're biggest, favorite friend will just fake his way through it like everything else!

Dewey:
Okay, first off, that's not what BFF stands for. And secondly, guys like him, guys like me, we have to put on a show and fake it, because smart guys like you are so good at making it. We don't need this. What we need is a checklist. In fact, here's a checklist for how to get through this. One, get a plan. Two, ask Huey for a plan. Three, do you have a plan yet? 'Cause honestly, I don't know how checklists work.

Falcon Graves:
That's it, I'm done! And I'm un-tagging myself from all those photos!

Beaks:
What's up over here?

Huey:
Uh, we saved your life.

Beaks:
Right. Hey, so obviously I have to fire you guys because you know the secret of Project Tahdah, and if you tell anybody I'll just say you're lying because you're mad I fired you. Cool? Cool-cool.

Dewey:
[snatches the phone; texting] "My face looks like a butt." And… sent.

Beaks:
Seriously? That's your big plan? Who even cares about what--

Huey:
It already has 1,000 likes.

Beaks:
What? No, no! I can't delete it now! Give it back, give it back!

Launchpad:
Hey, if those are mummies, I'd hate to see daddies. Am I right?

Amunet:
[after Toth-Ra gives them a few seconds of sunlight] Great day everyone! If we skip meals, and start harvesting right now, maybe he'll give us a full hour of sun tomorrow!

Huey:
You know a mummy doesn't actually bring you the sun, right? The Earth spins on its axis, creating-

Amunet:
Awww, not the sharpest sickle in the shed, are you, kid?

Huey:
I got a Junior Woodchuck badge in sickle sharpening that says otherwise!

Webby:
[as Louie indulges himself in the treasure room] You should really leave that alone. Basic rule of treasure hunting, if it might be cursed, don't touch it.

Louie:
You said you weren't sure what the prophecy meant.

Webby:
No, but I am sure it said the golden reward is for those who serve Toth-Ra.

Louie:
I am serving him, by cleaning up. This place is a mess of treasure!

Scrooge:
Isn't there some way you can help us?

Amunet:
[chuckles] I suppose we could just rise up against the all powerful Toth-Ra, bringer of the golden sun. [the followers laugh]

Huey:
Yes, that! Do that!

Amunet:
Why? We've got food, water, fresh bandages in lieu of pay, a kind and merciful god-king. What's the outside got that we don't?

Scrooge:
Toth-Ra has got you working night and day, while you barely got enough to scrape by.

Huey:
He doesn't bring you the sun, he keeps it from you!

Amunet:
Sorry, it's just not our way.

Scrooge:
Don't you want to feel the sun on your face?

Amunet:
[the followers shrug] Meh.

Scrooge:
The wind in your hair?

Amunet:
Not really.

Scrooge:
Don't you want freedom? Or glory? Or- [Launchpad bites into a burrito] Launchpad!

Launchpad:
Oh, sorry. I didn't want my belly to grumble and interrupt your big speech. Like I am right now. [takes another bite]

Scrooge:
It's bad enough you goof around during the greatest archeological find of our time, but... [realizes the Followers of Toth-Ra are mesmerized by the burrito]

Amunet:
Ohhh, what is that?

Launchpad:
Oh, this burrito? Just rice, beans, cheese, your choice of meat, wrapped in a delicious tortilla. [the followers taste the burrito] Mmmm mmmm mmm, delicious!

Amunet:
Where do we get this bo-rrito?

Scrooge:
Outside where freedom is!

Follower 1:
Bo-rritos are outside?

Follower 2:
We must have bo-rritos!

Amunet:
Rise up against the mighty Toth-Ra!

Scrooge:
Seriously? That's what- oh, never mind. Let's break into the temple!

Toth-Ra Guard:
[holding Louie and Webby over a pit of spikes] Prepare to scream, eternally! Or until you hit the bottom.

Louie:
Wow, that was quick thinking on that phony sacrifice stuff.

Webby:
Oh, that was all real.

Louie:
Wait, you were trying to help him kill us?!

Webby:
If I'm gonna be sacrificed, I'm gonna do it right.

Scrooge:
Where are we going?!

Followers of Toth-Ra:
The Pharaoh's throne room!

Scrooge:
And what are we going to do?!

Followers of Toth-Ra:
Anything he asks!

Scrooge:
[as Launchpad gives a rousing speech about burritos] This is the dumbest rebellion I have ever been part of.

Scrooge:
Mt. Neverrest, the highest peak in the world! Most prized of the seven summits, Neverrest has claimed the world's finest explorers. It is said to be completely unclimbable. But now, that smug stack of stalagmites has to deal with Scrooge McDuck!

Louie:
Okay, so instead of spending Christmas in a billionaire's mansion, waiting for Santa Claus...

Scrooge:
That man is not allowed in my home. He knows what he did.

Louie:
... we're following an old man up Mt. Certain Doom, here?

Huey:
Oh, Mt. Neverrest is three times deadlier than Mt. Certain Doom.

Huey:
[looking at a tourist's map of Mt. Neverrest] This map isn't accurate at all! Mountain goats aren't native to this region, and why is the sun wearing sunglasses? Is he looking at another brighter sun?

Scrooge:
Don't pay any attention to these tourists, my boy. Nothing not tchotchkes, and cheese puffs. We are real explorers!

Huey:
Like George Mallardy!

Louie:
Who?

Huey:
Only the greatest mountaineer of the 20th century! Legend has it that Mallardy made it farther up the mountain than anyone, but was lost, trying to rescue an incompetent fellow climber, famously known as the Neverrest Ninny.

Louie:
[reading a plaque] "George Mallardy. He died as he lived. Freezing."

Scrooge:
Ah, stop your hatering. That's just a load of nonsense to sell T-shirts to tourists. We're gonna outdo that quitter Mallardy by making it to the top!

Louie:
You realize there's a difference between quitting, and dying, right?

Scrooge:
Not to me.

Scrooge:
Alright, true explorers! Now this mountain is gonna throw everything she's got at us.

Louie:
But it'll be worth it when we find the treasure of Mt. Neverrest.

Scrooge:
There is no treasure of Mt. Neverrest.

Louie:
.... Nope! Louie out! Already gone. Have fun!

Launchpad:
First the ice fever takes your vision. Then it makes you feel all warm and toasty, even though you're freezing to death. Then it makes your limbs all heavy.

Scrooge:
Ah, it's just a bit nippy. How did you afford all that gear anyway?

Launchpad:
Louie put it on his corporate credit card.

Scrooge:
Louie doesn't have a corporate credit card.

Launchpad:
Oh. Louie gave me your credit card.

Huey:
Junior Woodchuck Rule 727. Sometimes the bravest thing an explorer can do is walk away.

Scrooge:
Plenty more adventures where that came from, eh lad? Now, where in blazes is that cocoa stand? I'm freezing.

Launchpad:
I always say, better safe than... whatever the opposite of safe is. Yeah. I do say that.

Huey:
[after Zeus reveals himself] THE KING OF THE GODS?! GET OUT!!! Oh, so many questions! Do you control all storms, or just lightning? Does being immortal also make you impervious to pain? Do you cry?

Zeus:
Ithaquack was the secret vacation spot for gods and heroes, and I was the God of Hospitality, the King of the Beach. Everyone loved me. Then Scrooge showed up, defeated the unkillable Gorgon, found the lost treasure of Troy, was really good at building sand castles, bah!

Louie:
Seems pretty fun.

Storkules:
'Twas!

Zeus:
No, it twasn't! Scrooge showed up like he was so cool and ruined it!

Scrooge:
Ugh, jengs. Leave it to an immortal to whine about the good old days.

Zeus:
[trapping the Scrooge, and the Ducks in a lightning cage] You're not going anywhere.

Huey & Louie:
Whoo!

Scrooge & Donald:
Ah, phooey.

[after Huey and Louie beat Storkules at the first trial]

Storkules:
Well done, nephews of Donald! What ingenuity! From henceforth, you shall be known as Hubert, Tamer of Winds, and Llewellyn, Fighter of Storms!

Huey:
Awesome!

Louie:
Please do not say my real name out loud.

Dewey:
[as he and Webby battle a sea monster] You hideous monster! I will avenge my mother by killing you with the very spear you're sworn to protect!

Sea Monster:
You shall never get the Spear of Poseidon!

Dewey:
I'm sorry, the Spear of who, now?

Sea Monster:
The Spear of Poseidon!

Dewey:
Man, we got the wrong chamber again!

Webby:
We're looking for the Spear of Selene.

Sea Monster:
Ohhh, huh. [sets them down] You're gonna wanna go back down the hall, past the Harpy Aviary, third door on your left. Garden of Selene. Can't miss it.

Webby:
Oh, hey thanks!

Dewey:
Sorry about calling you a hideous monster before. I'm sure you're very attractive by sea monster standards.

Sea Monster:
Not really. Thanks though.

Dewey:
So where's the Spear of Selene, Selene?

Selene:
What spear?

Dewey:
The one Della took from your garden.

Selene:
You mean the Sphere of Selene?

Dewey:
Why does no one get what I'm saying? The Spear of Selene!

Selene:
I've never had a spear. Do you mean the Sword of Selene? That's down the hall-

Dewey:
No! The Spear of Selene! The one my mom took! The one that's our only clue to finding her!

Selene:
Ah, you're Della's kid! I shoulda realized, you're just like her. I'm sorry, I haven't seen her in years, and I don't know what the Spear of Selene is.

Dewey:
So we're back to "she stole Scrooge's spear and betrayed the family" then. Great.

Selene:
What? No way. She loved her family more than anything in the world. Oh, Della wasn't just a good person, she was the greatest, and she made everyone around her better.

Webby:
Maybe the spear isn't an artifact. Maybe it's something else.

Selene:
Your mom did love a good mystery. [gives Dewey her Sphere] Here. It's not a spear, but it is a treasure even Della never found. Don't give up, young duck. Your mother never did.

Darkwing:
I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the little roller skate at the base of villainy's staircase. I am Darkwing Duck!

[Dewey is watching an episode of Darkwing Duck on the TV in Launchpad's garage]

Launchpad:
[holds up two shirts with mustard and ketchup stains] Big day, Dewey. Mustard stain or ketchup stain?

Dewey:
Mustard-- looks less like blood. What is this weird show?

Launchpad:
Whoa, what? Darkwing Duck? The greatest TV show of all time?

Dewey:
Ha! Maybe when you were a kid. This hero guy doesn't shoot lasers or anything.

Launchpad:
That hero guy is Jim Starling. He was an old-school actor who did all his own stunts. Sure, he got a little banged up in later seasons.

Darkwing:
Keep rolling.

Launchpad:
But that just made him even more heroic.

Dewey:
Why didn't he just use CGI?

Launchpad:
[chuckles] Real heroes don't need high-tech special effects or basic safety precautions. So, how do I look? [Dewey gives him a thumbs-up, later they get in the limo] Remember, Dewey, a true hero thinks with his gut or not at all. [to his Darkwing bobblehead] Right, D.W.?

Darkwing Bobblehead:
Let's get dangerous.

Dewey:
What's the special occasion, anyway?

Launchpad:
I finally got my driver's license!

Dewey:
Uh, wait, what?

Dewey:
How have you been a driver without a driver's license?

Launchpad:
Hey, come on. I've got a pilot's license, don't I? [realizes] Wait, don't I?

Dewey:
Ugh. Aren't you worried Scrooge will find out?

Launchpad:
You kidding? I had them mail the license straight to him so he'd be first to know. [tears up] Ah, he's gonna be so proud of me. [chuckles] Wow.

[They approach the Money Bin and into the parking lot]

Dewey:
The Bin, The Bin, The Bin! Slow down!

Launchpad:
[hits the breaks and the Limo spins around and stops in a parking spot] I bet Mr. McD's got some kind of party planned for my big day. Wouldn't want to ruin the… [enters Scrooge's office] Surprise! [the office is empty] Huh. [bursts into the meeting room] Surprise! [the meeting room is also empty; opens a janitor's closet] Supplies? Boy he's really getting my hopes up. The payoff is gonna be amazing.

Gyro:
Intern, try to think.

Fenton:
But that's all I do all the time.

Gyro:
Well, do it better.

Launchpad:
Eh, you probably couldn't fit a driver in that tiny train anyway. Uh, say, speaking of drivers…

Scrooge:
Gyro, the board needs results. Ever since Bulb Tech backfired, you need an invention that, well…

Dewey:
Won't turn evil and kill us all.

Gyro:
Due respect, sir, innovation doesn't work that way. I can't just wake up one morning and say…

Dewey:
How about a self-driving robot car?

Launchpad:
A what now?

Gyro:
Too many variables. A self driving robot car would turn evil like that. Nobody could…

Dewey:
Well, Mark Beaks did. He just posted that he's having a demo later today.

Gyro:
What?! That hack couldn't even program a microwave. We'll see about this.

Launchpad:
Okay, cool. I'll just tell you my big news later.

Scrooge:
Launchpad, I almost forgot.

Launchpad:
Yeah?

Scrooge:
Stop having mail delivered to my office. That's for incoming checks and death threats only.

[Everyone is gathered at Waddle headquarters]

Beaks:
Crushed it! It's a hectic world, posting things online, checking to see who liked your post. Couldn't you use a little time for yourself? Couldn't you use a B.U.D.D.Y.? That's the "Beaks-Un-manned-Driver-Drone-Yay!" B.U.D.D.Y. will drive you anywhere quickly, efficiently and cheaply! B.U.D.D.Y. is compatible with any vehicle, making traditional drivers a thing of the past. The Waddle B.U.D.D.Y. system. Because machines are the new man. And hold for applause!

Launchpad:
Can you program a robot to brave the unknown and laugh at danger?

Beaks:
Yes.

Launchpad:
Can a robot greet you with a kind word at the end of a long day?

Beaks:
Yes.

B.U.D.D.Y.:
That's a nice. Gray. Cardigan. Mr. Beaks. You are. Killing. It. Today.

Launchpad:
Yeah, well, can a robot pull you from the wreckage of a crash with a reassuring smile that tells you everything's gonna be okay?

Beaks:
Well, no, because it can't crash.

Launchpad:
Wait, what now? I'm sorry, what was that?

Fenton Crackshell:
Forgive Dr. Gearloose. He's a little more deranged than usual trying to figure out how Beaks beat him to the self-driving car.

Launchpad:
That won't be a problem once I put that tin can in its place. In the recycling, where the garbage goes.

Dewey:
Woof. We'll work on smack talk later. Right now, we need something to help Launchpad get the edge on B.U.D.D.Y.

Fenton:
Step into my laboratory.

Dewey:
Your lab is in the bathroom?

Fenton:
Dr. Gearloose says this is the perfect place for my work. I'm just now realizing that remark may not have been entirely complimentary. No matter!

Scrooge:
Impressive display, Beaks. You have really built something here.

Gyro:
Or did he?! [pops up from behind a standee of himself] I couldn't be sure until I saw how it performed under pressure. The precision, the deadly grace. Oh, yes, I've seen it before. Ha ha! Beaks Tech is actually Bulb Tech! That's how he beat me to the punch! He stole my technology! [to a police officer standee] Officer, arrest this man!

Scrooge:
Is this true?

Beaks:
Of course not. I didn't steal it from him. I stole it from a public online forum, then "Beaks'd" it up.

Gyro:
How would one of my inventions end up online? [spots Fenton and gasps]

Fenton:
[examines Lil' Bulb] Oh, wow!

Gyro:
[enraged] You!

Fenton:
You circumvented the kill switch. Why didn't anyone else on the message board figure that out?

Gyro:
[furiously] You posted my top secret plans on the INTERNET?!

Fenton:
You were having so much trouble keeping your inventions from turning evil, so I, turned to the Net to crowd-source a solution?

Beaks:
[as B.U.D.D.Y. goes haywire] Oh, we need a logic puzzle to fry its circuits! Uh, robot! What is love?

Gearloose:
That's stupid! Robot, could I invent an element so heavy even I couldn't lift it?

Beaks:
Ha. I definitely could.

Gearloose:
No, you couldn't!

[as the B.U.D.D.Y. car malfunctions]

Launchpad:
I may not be Mr. McD's driver for much longer, but he can still count on me to get him where he's going. I'll keep him busy. You figure out a way to get them out of that car.

Fenton:
I think I got something for that. You try corralling them into a ravine, or-

Launchpad:
I'll probably just crash into it.

Fenton:
Isn't that really, really unsafe?

Launchpad:
Tried playing safe, old friend. Didn't work. [takes out his Darkwing Duck bobblehead figure] Let's get dangerous.

Fenton:
Operating passcode, "Blathering blatherskite!"

Scrooge:
Who the blazes are you?

Gizmoduck:
Call me... [the B.U.D.D.Y. car crashes into him] Gizmoduck!

Launchpad:
Have a good day, Mr. McDee.

Scrooge:
Nice work today, Launchpad. See you tomorrow.

Launchpad:
You're not gonna replace me?

Scrooge:
Replace you? Don't be daft. Where would I ever find a driver as crazy and dangerous as I am? Oh! Dewey told me about your driver's license. Congratulations.

Launchpad:
[hugs Scrooge] Awww, your approval is all the driver's license I need! [tries to tear the license] Come on!

Scrooge:
You should really keep the license.

Beaks:
Gizmoduck... I must have him!

Huey:
[in a calm tone] Precision. Excellence. Men in funny hats. Welcome to the Duckburg Billionaire's Club Golf Invitational. The only golf tournament to take place on the world's most exotic and expensive courses. This year sees Scrooge McDuck facing off against Flintheart Glomgold, here at scenic Moorshire, the birthplace of golf. I'm Huey Duck, attempting to earn my Junior Woodchuck Merit Badge for Sports Commentary. I'll be here all day providing nuanced analysis-

Launchpad:
ARE. YOU. READY FOR SOME GOOOLF?!

Huey:
[sigh] The badge does require a co-commentator.

Launchpad:
Two combatants. One hole. No rules.

Huey:
That's not actually- WATCH OUT!

Scrooge:
Get excited, kids! Golf is in our blood! Your ancestor, "Black Donald" McDuck, actually invented the sport. Of course he lost so badly that the ensuing temper tantrums caused King James to ban golf across all of Scotland.

Louie:
And we're... proud of that in some way?

Dewey:
I don't know, man. Go-karts? Hitting things really hard with sticks? Not being grounded for said hitting? Sounds kind of awesome!

Louie:
It's a sport where you try not to score points to make it end sooner. Hard pass.

Scrooge:
Trust me, you'll love it.

Launchpad:
This lake will be used for the swimming portion of the competition.

Glomgold:
Practice all you want, McDuck! You won't be winning this year!

Scrooge:
You say that every year, Flinty. And every year, you go home crying.

Glomgold:
My eyes dry out very easily! But this year, I'll prove that I am the best Scottish billionaire golfer. I've hired the world's best player to be my caddie!

Tiger Golfer:
Okay, if you want to be a winner, just follow these three rules-

Glomgold:
[gasp] I'm already a winner! Nobody tells Flintheart Glomgold what to do! You're fired!

Glomgold:
Alright, boy. How would your uncle play this hole?

Louie:
[clearly uninterested] Uh, just- why don't you hit the ball in the hole? I guess.

Glomgold:
Hit the ball... in the hole? Of course! I've been overthinking it this entire time! [drives the ball] Holy haggis! It stayed on the course! It went forward! I'm not on fire! That might be the best shot I've ever taken!

Huey:
Scrooge, the returning champion, approaching the first hole.

Launchpad:
He's probably worried Glomgold will use his one free tackle before the speed round in the third quarter.

Huey:
What do you think is happening here?

Launchpad:
One heck of a game!

Huey:
Welcome back to the Billionaire's Club Classic, where in a bizarre turn of events, the players have become trapped in some sort of mystical faerie realm.

Launchpad:
For more, we go to two tiny horses.

Huey:
What are you- ah!

[two soaked colorful horses walk up]

Briar:
Greetings! We're Briar, and Bramble, the keepers of this realm.

Webby:
Talking animals wearing clothes?!

Dewey:
Oh no, did we die? Are we in Webby heaven?

Briar:
First to complete this course will win the priceless Druid's Cup.

Bramble:
Thus proving them to be the finest golfer in every plane of reality.

Glomgold:
Ooh!

Louie:
Uh-huh. Okay. Well, anyone else think we should ignore the murder ponies and go home?

Huey:
There you have it. Another brash young upstart destined to surpass his aging mentor.

Scrooge:
Is the commentary still necessary?

Huey:
It helps me feel in control during a, frankly, insane situation.

Launchpad:
[in a nuanced tone] I like talking this way, 'cause it makes everything sound important. Baloney trampoline.

Louie:
I don't think Scrooge wants a party.

Huey:
That's crazy! There've been a few bumps, but he'll come around. Louie, no schmoozing. Just serve punch. Dewey. Dewey. [sighs] DJ Daft Duck? Here's a list of pre-approved songs with a 90% enjoyment rating. Play these.

Louie:
Listen, I know planning is your thing, but you're cramping our style. You gotta relax and just ride the party wave.

Huey:
A party is a celebration of a life, bringing people together to let the guest of honor know how much they're loved. Uncle Scrooge has done so much for us! This is our chance to do something for him!

Louie:
By forcing him to have fun at a party that he doesn't want to be at?

Huey:
I knew you'd understand.

Dewey (DJ Daft Duck):
Say whaaat?

Huey:
We gotta solve the mystery and find Scrooge so he can experience the true joy of a flawless birthday party.

Louie:
And you know, not possibly die?

Huey:
Yes, of course, and that, but if we succeed and have a good time doing it, Scrooge may have experienced the most amazing party of all time!

Louie:
Shouldn't we call somebody?

Huey:
But who can you call when everyone is a suspect? Come on, boys, the party game is afoot!

Louie:
Oh, I hate this already.

Dewey (DJ Daft Duck):
Oh yeaaah!

Louie:
You can't get that helmet off, can you?

Dewey (DJ Daft Duck):
Oh nooo!

Black Arts Beagle:
Behold, my abyss box. May it rest in pieces. Someone opened it the moment before Scrooge disappeared!

Huey:
Someone who hates Scrooge more than anyone.

Everyone:
Flintheart Glomgold!

Beaks:
Hey, my rich brother from another mother!

Glomgold:
Wait. How did you know it was me?

Louie:
It's always you.

Glomgold:
And it always will be! [evil laugh]

Huey:
So you took Scrooge!

Glomgold:
Took Scrooge? No, I was trying to kill Scrooge! That's like, my whole thing.

Beaks:
FYI, you're terrible at your thing.

Ma Beagle:
If he were ever gonna do it, he'd have to do it while Beakley's gone.

Glomgold:
Ugh. I hate that woman!

Ma Beagle:
Me too. She's the absolute worst.

Glomgold:
You know who I miss?

Glomgold & Ma Beagle:
Duckworth!

Ma Beagle:
Aw, he threw the best parties.

Glomgold:
Ooh, that man was an artist. He never would have let us in here.

Beaks:
Nemeses memories! [takes a selfie with Glomgold and Ma Beagle]

Huey:
Stop bonding! This is a crime scene!

Huey:
I should've listened to Uncle Scrooge when he said, [imitating Scrooge] "Spit on me spats, I hate parties." But I just had to do it.

Louie:
[whispering] And right now you have to stop talking.

Huey:
I was trying to throw the best party, but wound up with the worst party! Or… was it the best party for someone who hates parties? That's it! I know where Scrooge is!

Louie:
Stop yelling!

Beaks:
Don't kill me! I barely lived! #YOLO #FOMO #Aaaah!

Duckworth's Ghost:
Mrs. Beakley. How nice of you to return after abandoning your post. Thankfully, I was here to pick up your slack. Tell me, do you typically keep the house this shabby?

Mrs. Beakley:
I preferred it when you were dead.

Scrooge:
[holding an armful of treasure] Ha! Remember the old saying, kids. "Beans, beans, the magical fruit, just plant your beans, then grab some loot."

Dewey:
Man, I've been saying that rhyme all wrong.

Scrooge:
[sulking as he practices for an interview] So, Roxanne. I suppose my greatest weakness is that I care too much.

Beakley:
Fascinating. Well, Mr. McDuck, I can assure you that you will not come off "likable" doing any of that. Unfold those arms, drop the frown, "When dealing with the press, S.O.S." Be sincere, open, and smile.

Scrooge:
Some find my scowl very appealing.

Louie:
[as the three boys overlook Scrooge's money] Up next to the diving board is Dewey Duck, representing the proud country of Dew-donia. When asked if he was concerned about the possibility of injuring himself on the cold hard cash below, he simply replied, "Nurp!"

Magica De Spell:
Ha ha! I would never have thought to feed Scrooge's family to the Hunter Stone before it ushers about his destruction. Well done Lena!

Lena:
Next time you give me an amulet that turns into a monster, I'd appreciate a little heads up.

Magica:
Uh, that monster has a name. Show Tiffany some respect!

Huey:
[as the money shark swims around them; reading from his guidebook] Did you know that sharks never run out of teeth? They have the most powerful jaws on the planet. On average, there are about 100 shark attacks a year.

Louie:
Dude, now is not the time!

Huey:
Facts comfort me when I'm nervous!

Roxanne Featherly:
Now don't worry, this interview is just the two of us having a conversation. [Scrooge gives an assuring wink ar Beakley] I'm here with multi-millionaire menace Scrooge McDuck...

Scrooge:
Eh?!

Roxanne:
...who values profit over people's lives. I'll take your awkward smile as a confirmation that you enjoy feeling superior to everyone in the now-ravaged town of Duckburg.

Scrooge:
No! I-

Roxanne:
Now, Mr. McDuck, I can't quite place your accent. Tell me, what part of Ireland are you from?

Scrooge:
[growls]

Scrooge:
I have done far more good than harm for Duckburg! Ask anyone!

Roxanne:
Will do. Joining us for comment via satellite from his office that was recently ravaged by Scrooge's blameworthy beanstalk, Flintheart Glomgold.

Glomgold:
[appearing on a screen] CURSE YOU MCDUCK! Roxanne, good to see you.

Roxanne:
And you.

Scrooge:
You can't believe this team o'shanter-wearing terror!

[Glomgold and Roxanne gasp]

Roxanne:
Oh, shameful.

Glomgold:
We can't all afford top hats, you rich snob!

Scrooge:
You're rich too, you malevolent mountebank!

Glomgold:
You'd best believe it, Scroogey! I'm rolling in it!

Scrooge:
Then what is your point?! I'm glad that beanstalk crushed your office!

Webby:
Lena, I've found something. According to this, to stop an enchanted force, you must remove its power source, or beat it with a stronger magical totem. We can use our friendship bracelets! Friendship is the greatest magic of all!

Lena:
That's... not how magic works.

[as the money shark escapes the Money Bin]

Scrooge:
Ah! Me money! ... And the safety of the fine citizens of Duckburg.

Dewey:
[as they attend a Glomgold event at the museum] So what are we doing here anyway?

Scrooge:
As upstanding citizens of note, it's our responsibility to support Duckburg's cultural institutions. [approaches the buffet] And these cocktail weenies are on Glomgold's dollar.

Louie:
Aren't you rich? Why do you need free food?

Scrooge:
I didn't get rich by wasting money. I got rich by besting my enemies. Stock up, lads!

[as Scrooge gasps upon seeing Goldie]

Louie:
What is it? A cursed villain?

Dewey:
A villainous curse?

Huey:
A... um... Man, I hate going third.

Scrooge:
Worse. It's my ex!

[as Scrooge and Goldie tango]

Scrooge:
You're looking younger than the last time I saw you.

Goldie O'Gilt:
Found a fountain of youth in Wronguay. You?

Scrooge:
Stuck in a timeless demon dimension.

Goldie:
Which one? Pandemonium or Demogorgona?

Scrooge:
Demogorgona. Went to stop an uprising.

Goldie:
Get out! I caused that uprising! Nabbed the Eye of Demogorgon. Makes you impervious to burns. I must have just missed you.

Scrooge:
Back during the Gold Rush, when I was prospecting for my fortune in the Klondike-

Huey:
Gold Rush? Wait... [does math on his fingers] How old are you?

Scrooge:
...

Goldie:
Fine. We team up. With our two halves of the map, we can finally find the Golden Lagoon.

Scrooge:
And why should I trust you?

Goldie:
Because it's gold, because it's a treasure you never found, and because you're Scrooge McDuck.

Scrooge & Goldie:
You think you know me so well.

Huey, Dewey, & Louie:
[entering the room] Date! Date! Date!

Scrooge & Goldie:
It's not a date!

[coming upon a mine shaft elevator]

Goldie:
Looks like it's only big enough for one. I'll go down first, and send it back up to you.

Scrooge:
So you can get the jump on me?

Goldie:
Fine, you go down first.

Scrooge:
Oh, so you can cut the rope?

Scrooge:
You could have freed me, but even after all that you still abandoned me and left me for dead.

Goldie:
You were supposed to follow me! That was our whole thing.

Scrooge:
I was frozen in a giant glacier!

Goldie:
You're Scrooge McDuck!

Scrooge:
Wh-wh- That can't be your reason for everything!

Goldie:
Scroogey, it's the only reason that matters.

Scrooge:
You loved gold more than you loved me.

Goldie:
And that's why you loved me.

Scrooge:
Aw, Goldie. I was so busy looking for treasure, I ignored the one staring me in the face... and stabbing me in the back.

Webby:
Wait, where are Huey and Louie?

Dewey:
Who?

Webby:
Um, your brothers?

Dewey:
Uh, Webby, I don't have brothers. I'm an only child.

Webby:
Don't be ridicu- [gasp] Oh no! We must be in some sort of dystopian alternate dimension!

Dewey:
Calm down, everything is fine.

Webby:
Exactly what an evil Dewey-doppleganger would say! [tackles Dewey] Give it up, Dew-pelganger! Where is Dewey?!

[Huey and Louie walk rush in]

Huey:
Webby, stop! That is Dewy!

Louie:
He's just doing a Dewey thing!

Webby:
Oh. [lets go of Dewey]

Dewey:
[to Huey and Louie] Thank you, good Samaritans. You restored my faith in the kindness of random strangers.

Huey:
Not even one hour in, and your stupid "Only Child Day" has already almost gotten one of us killed.

Webby:
Only-what-now?

Dewey:
It's a beautiful holiday!

Huey:
That he made up.

Dewey:
Where for a whole day, we get to be sibling-free and do all the amazing things that an only child gets to do! Make our marks on the world!

Louie:
Not have to answer to anyone!

Huey:
Be horribly alone?

Dewey:
For once!

Huey:
What do you mean I can't go? If I don't participate, I'll never get my commemorative Cookout Badge. That means a lopsided sash, Launchpad. A lopsided sash!

Launchpad:
Sorry, but it's the Three-Man Cookout. I didn't get to be a Troop Leader by bending the rules. I got it by crashing the bus during a camping trip, and the other leaders quitting.

Bouncer Beagle:
Uh, Big Huey, sir? We kidnapped someone for you. [points to Big Time Beagle, who is tied in a tree]

Huey:
You did what?!

Bouncer Beagle:
Well, he was gone kidnap you first.

Huey:
N-No!

Bouncer Beagle:
A Junior Woodchuck looks out for his fellow Woodchucks, whatever the cost.

Huey:
He's gonna get killed! He's your brother!

Bouncer Beagle:
We like you better, New Big Time. You'll love it back at the junkyard. You'll never be lonely again.

Louie:
Wow, it's like he gets whatever he wants!

Mr. Drake:
No one says no to Master Doofus. [leans uncomfortably close to Louie] No one.

Doofus Drake:
Geememama!

Louie:
So, you're his butler, huh? Uh, my butler's a ghost. Yup. Yeah, he's dead.

Mrs. Drake:
We're dead inside.

Dewey:
[pretending to host his own talk show] That joke crashed so hard, you'd think it was Launchpad!

Dewey:
Comedy, action, and heart? Who wouldn't want to watch this show?

Dewey:
[after Webby crawls out of the Security-bot] How did you get in there?

Webby:
Oh, I just jammed it open and ripped out a bunch of wires to make room. What were you doing?

Dewey:
[nervously] What? Me? Nothing! [closing the closet door, the light fades on the Louie Lamp; impersonating Louie's voice] She knows. [to the lamp] Shut up, Louie!

[when reunited with their individual problems]

Huey:
Beagle Boys.

Louie:
Psycho rich kid.

Dewey:
Haywire robot.

Huey, Dewey, & Louie:
[in unison] Brothers again? Brothers again! Triple threat!

Louie:
[who, as Beakley fights a hooded figure in the kitchen, enters to take soda from the fridge and leaves without noticing anything] Getting low on Cherry Pep, Mrs. B.

[as Webby and Scrooge enter the kitchen in a trashed state]

Scrooge:
Great sacks of delirium!

Webby:
Maybe Donald tried to make an omelet again?

Scrooge:
Impossible. He still hasn't figured out how to get out of the pantry.

[Donald yells in anger and fury, pounding from behind a nearby pantry door]

Scrooge:
[to the boys as they watch television] I'm off for a little trip. Uncle Donald's in the pantry if you need anything. If I don't come back, it's been a pleasure knowing you all.

Huey, Dewey, & Louie:
[uninterested] Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. Sure.

Louie:
Shhhhhh...

Launchpad:
We'll be arriving in a couple hours, Mr. McDee.

Scrooge:
Remember, this trip needs to remain a secret, Launchpad. No one should know where we're going.

Launchpad:
Way ahead of you. [puts a blindfold on]

Auctioneer:
Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, let's start our bidding with the last page from the Great Book, a priceless artifact for medeival enthusiasts.

Mrs. Beakley (Agent 22):
So, what's on it exactly?

Scrooge:
Alchemy. Formulas for potions and elixirs. Legend has it that the high priests of Castle Dunwyn were mentored by mystical creatures from the nearby glen, creatures of untold powers.

Mrs. Beakley (Agent 22):
Untold powers?

Scrooge:
Yes, if you believe that sort of thing. FOWL seems to.

Mrs. Beakley (Agent 22):
How do you know so much about all this?

Scrooge:
Untold chaos, dark artifacts, a man has his hobbies.

[after Mrs. Beakley puts a tracking beacon on Black Heron]

Scrooge:
And now we can steal it from her for free! I just saved SHUSH a lot of money. You're welcome. [Mrs. Beakley punches Scrooge]

[as Scrooge and Webby face a giant cave, Webby is visably excited]

Scrooge:
What is it now?

Webby:
Should we have a battle cry to strike fear in our enemies?

Scrooge:
What do you have in mind?

Webby:
[to the cave] Get ready to lose bad, baddies!

Scrooge:
... Eh, what she said.

Black Heron:
Good afternoon, world leaders. This is Black Heron of FOWL. Regrets if you haven't heard of me, but I've gotten very well acquainted with your Agent 22. After meticulous-

Mrs. Beakley (Agent 22):
My back molar is rigged with a distress signal. SHUSH will be coming for me, and you, Heron.

Black Heron:
Excuse me?! I'm in the middle of filming my declaration of harmful intent. Where was I? [pulls out index cards] Oh yes! After meticulous, frankly ingenious planning, I have obtained history's greatest biological weapon. With the completed formula, I will breed an army of super-soldiers that will bounce to the highest peaks of corruption!

Scrooge:
[enters the frame, laughing] Did you just say "bounce"?

Black Heron:
Who is this? Is he with you?

Mrs. Beakley (Agent 22):
Unfortunately.

Scrooge:
You're making a bounce serum? The untold powers of the ancient creatures is bouncing?

Black Heron:
Yes! There'll be bouncing here and there and everywhere! Mass destruction that's beyond compare! [Scrooge laughs] Stop laughing! I have wasted an entire reel of film, and you're not even entirely in frame!

Webby:
I can't believe I'm now part of an actual McDuck-Agent 22 adventure! Thank you, Mr. McDuck!

Scrooge:
Call me Uncle Scrooge.

Webby:
[hugs Scrooge] I'm Webby.

[during a bank robbery]

Bouncer Beagle:
Why are we wearing masks over our other masks again?

[as Gizmoduck tests the suit features]

Gyro:
You're gonna overload the core processor and kill us all!

Gizmoduck:
Oh, I'd say that's overkill.

Bulby Operating System:
Initiating overkill.

Gizmoduck:
[after saving Mark Beaks from his own missile] Mr. Beaks, I am so sorry-

Beaks:
Sorry? You saved me!

Gizmoduck:
But the missile actually came from-

Beaks:
Pfft. Come on! I have an island where I blow up helicopters for fun. It happens!

Beaks:
[answering his phone] Hey, I'm stuck on the roof. Gonna need you to send up another helicopter. [beat] Stairs?!

[answering Huey's call for help]

Waddleduck:
You? What do you need?

Huey:
[angry] I need you to toss that in the trash! [points to a piece of paper]

Waddleduck:
[picks up the paper] "My faith in you". I don't understand.

Huey:
Waddleduck?! Really?! You're not a hero, you're a sellout. So go ahead, throw away my faith in you! [Waddleduck sadly drops the paper in the trash] In the recycling! You monster.

Beaks:
WD, what's the word, man? I'm seeing a lot of bad reviews on the app. Talk quick, got my daily press conference in a few-

Waddleduck:
I need control! A person plummeting to their untimely death doesn't have time to open an app!

Beaks:
Oh, it's possible. The WaddlePhone is super-fast.

Fenton:
[after Mark Beaks initiates the suit detonation protocol] Cancel the order! It'll explode!

Beaks:
Too panicked! Can't process! Save me, amigo!

Fenton:
I am not your amigo!

Fenton:
I'm not a mascot, or an intern, out a fancy tool! Blathering blatherskite! I! Am! Gizmoduck!

Huey:
The suit is not Gizmoduck, you are. That's a Robotics Badge, and a Philosophy Badge right there.

Fenton:
[waking up in the hospital] M'ma?

M'ma Cabrera:
Pollito!

Fenton:
I think I was fired. I was definitely fired.

M'ma:
Just rest right now. Someone sprung for the VIP hospital suite.

Scrooge:
[offscreen] Need a word with you.

Fenton:
Mr. McDuck?

M'ma:
Scrooge McDuck?! Ooh! I'll leave you two alone. [quietly to Fenton] See if you can get money out of it. He's loaded.

Scrooge:
You know, I spend a lot of time abroad. I won't always be here for Duckburg. I need someone to make sure this place is still standing when I get back.

Scrooge:
Looking good, lad. You work for me now. I just need a name to write on the paychecks.

Fenton:
Call me... Gizmoduck!

Scrooge:
[dreaming] Get your filthy chimney hands off my hard-earned milk and cookies, you... [wakes up] Gaaah!

[Webby shines a light on Lena]

Webby:
What were you doing in Scrooge's room?

Lena:
[shines the light on Webby] What were you doing there?

Webby:
Oh, nothing. Definitely not collecting drool samples while he sleeps. [an empty vial rolls across the floor]

Scrooge:
I'm telling you, something is off in the mansion.

Mrs. Beakley:
Mr. McDuck, I assure you, nothing strange is going on here.

Scrooge:
Then how do you explain this? [pulls out his Number One Dime, showing the cord slightly cut] My Number One Dime has been tampered with.

Mrs. Beakley:
But the filament is made from un-cuttable enchanted quadriamond. Anything that could cut it would-

Scrooge:
Would have to be supernatural. Hmm. There's something afoot in this house, and I'm gonna find out what.

Huey:
[on hiding Tenderfeet in their room] We gotta keep him a secret! Uncle Scrooge is on the hunt!

Louie:
Which is why we should hand him over. The last thing I need is Scrooge snooping around and finding any number of my devious, yet delightful schemes.

Huey:
You mean all those schemes we know about?

Dewey:
Sure would be a shame if Uncle Donald found out about that "charity" he's been donating to for the past three years.

Louie:
Hey, "Louie's Kids" takes Uncle Donald's donations for children in need. Children like me. Children exactly like me. It's for me.

Scrooge:
[finding a sandwich that Tenderfeet prepared] Hmm. Still warm. Dill pickles and salted ham. An excellent pairing of flavors. Clever girl!

Louie:
How do you keep losing a giant monster?

Huey:
Just because we like him better than you doesn't mean you have to hate him.

Louie:
Wait, what? I am your brother! You met this thing like a day ago!

Dewey:
Well, he never tricked me into doing his laundry. Yeah. I know about that.

[after Louie finds out that "Tenderfeet"'s secret]

Louie:
Can't out-down a con, bro. Oh, Uncle Scrooooge!

Gavin:
So, you figured out the Bigfoot in your house is scamming you. Problem is, the Bigfoot in your house is scamming you. [cracks knuckles] And, yeah, bro. He lifts.

Louie:
Oh, Bigfoot, you just poked the bear.

Scrooge:
Ah-ha! A bigfoot! I knew there was something strange....afoot.

[as the boys say goodbye to "Tenderfeet"]

Huey:
[sad] When we first met, there was a thorn in your paw, but now...

Dewey:
[places hand over his heart] ... It's in here.

[the boys hug "Tenderfeet"]

Louie:
[leans in close; whispers] I win. [dramatically] Now go back from whence you came! This is for your own good. [repeatedly hitting him] Go on! Get out of here! Go! Go! Go! ["Tenderfeet" leaves] Bye, Tenderfeet, I love you, have fun living in the gross woods and not our awesome mansion anymore!

Scrooge:
[seeing Lena and Webby in the Other Bin] What the blazes are you two doing in here?!

Webby:
[realizing Scrooge kept his Dime in the first vault] Oh, of course! The Number One Dime was in the number one chamber. Duh!

Scrooge:
No one thinks to check the first one. But you shouldn't be checking at all! The Other Bin is far too dangerous.

Lena:
It's on me. We wanted to see your dime, and we overheard you were keeping it in here, and...

Webby:
Sorry, Uncle Scrooge.

Scrooge:
You should know by now that if you want to know something, all you have to do is ask. Be straight with me, lassie. What if you were lost, or hurt, or eaten by the dragon?

Webby:
[hugs Scrooge] Aw man, there's a dragon in here?

Huey:
We are beyond lost, and- Is this compass a sticker?

Launchpad:
Ha ha! Stickers are for kids! Grownups call them decals.

Huey:
Then how do you navigate?

Launchpad:
Instincts. A keen eye. Quick thinking. [panics as he nearly crashes into a mountain, only to dodge at the last moment] ... And a cool head.

Dewey:
A cool head needs a cool hat. Not unlike this bold and daring chapeau. And the story behind it is equally bold and daring.

Huey:
Do you mind doing whatever it is you're doing later? I'm trying to get us home safe, and... This radar is an ant farm?

Scrooge:
Yearly polishing of the money in the Bin is a necessary expenditure. I may be filthy rich, but I'm not unsanitary.

Don Karnage:
This is your fearsome Pirate Captain, Don Karnage, welcoming you to our friendly skies. [threateningly] Prepare to be boarded!

[Dewey gets himself captured by the sky pirates as he was trying to get his hat back]

Don Karnage:
Well, well. What have we here?

Pirate:
A stowaway!

Don Karnage:
[sighs; annoyed] Yes, obviously. I meant as a rhetorical menacing! We have a special punishment for stowaways. Peg Leg Meg, how are those sky sharks coming?

Peg Leg Meg:
Not great, Captain.

Don Karnage:
Does Don Karnage have to do everything himself?! You two, watch him while I concoct an appropriately dramatic demise.

Don Karnage:
[in disguise] I am Dr. Tom Kar...nage? An attractive and charming plant scientist.

Huey:
You mean a botanist?

Don Karnage:
You dare correct the fierce Captain... of the Plant Sciencing Committee?

Scrooge:
We all know that's Don Karnage, right?

Launchpad:
He seems to know a lot about plants.

Huey:
You know, he might be able to help us find that pirate ship faster.

Don Karnage:
Yes! I will lead you to the ship so I can kill... -ect that flower? Oh look! Leaves! [grabs some leaves on the ground, and the Caterpillar fake moustache crawls onto them]

Scrooge:
Just get on the plane, and don't steal anything this time.

Dewey:
Listen, this has been great, but I should take my hat and go. Everyone will wanna hear about where I've been.

Ugly Mug:
Or you could have this bigger hat... Captain Dewey.

Dewey:
Wait, what now?

Ugly Mug:
You've taught us to be our own pirates, and stand out. Now it's our turn to stand out, behind you.

Peg Leg Meg:
So, Captain. Who will be the first to witness the talents of the Dread Pirate Dewey?

Ugly Mug:
It's into Davy Jones' Upper Cabinet with ye!

Webby:
You still haven't told your brothers what we found out about your mom?

Dewey:
Tell them what exactly? She took the Spear of Selene? We have no idea what that means. We don't even know what it looks like. Why get them in a panic when this could all be a dead end?

Webby:
Because... honesty?

Dewey:
[looks deep in thought] Mmm... mhmm... mhmm... mhmm...

Webby:
Why do you always do that?

Dewey:
Do what?

Webby:
Whenever you want to ignore something, you stare into the distance and pretend you're thinking.

Dewey:
I'm trying to protect my brothers from finding out something that could upset them.

Webby:
And keeping an earth-shattering secret from them that could destroy your brotherhood wouldn't upset them?

Dewey:
[looks deep in thought] Mmm... mhmm... mhmm... mhmm...

Scrooge:
Brace yourselves, kids. Primordial menace lurks here. The most treacherous terror I've ever faced.

Fergus McDuck:
Oi! Jettison that jalopy from my driveway this instant, you deadbeat!

Scrooge:
Daddy. Mummy.

Huey:
Your parents are alive?!

Louie:
I can't believe you're still alive.

Fergus:
He put a curse on us.

Scrooge:
That is not fair! I very kindly rebuilt our ancestral castle for them. And I may have used some discount mystical Druid stones that accidentally granted them immortality. I didn't know it would buy me an eternity's worth of criticism!

Fergus:
So, he admits he wants to be rid of us!

Scrooge:
Uch! Would you rather I'd let you pass, or made you immortal?

Fergus:
Neither is satisfactory. A thoughtful son would know that.

Downy McDuck:
[showing family portraits] Oh, and look here! Little Scroogey and Whiskers!

Huey:
Whiskers?

Downy:
Little Scroogey always wanted a dog, but we were too poor, so we all pitched in to buy a clump of hair from the local barber. Oh, how Scroogey loved his Whiskers!

Fergus:
Aye. And who ended up having to walk him and feed him?

Scrooge:
It was a ball of hair!

Fergus:
How dare you talk about Whiskers like that?! He was family!

Dewey:
[in a room full of golden keys] Oh man! How are we gonna find one gold key in all this? Well, good try everyone. You should head back. Way to go.

Louie:
[popping up from the keys, examining one key] Found it. Real gold weighs more than Fool's gold, so you just search the bottom of the pile. You know, check the luster, and the karat quality, and boom. Pure gold key. [beat] What? You like nerd stuff, I like gold. Come on.

Scrooge:
I take great care of my family!

Fergus:
You avoid us like the plague!

Scrooge:
Oh come now, that's unfair... to the plague!

Fergus:
That's it! Go to your room!

Scrooge:
I never lived here!

Fergus:
Then pick the one furthest away from my line of sight!

Scrooge:
Fine by me!

Huey:
[as the Demon Dog claws at the door] We need a distraction! [grabs the bag from Dewey]

Dewey:
Hey, give it back!

Huey:
[emptying the bag's contents on the ground] Louie, hold the door open! I'll set the scarf on fire and throw it out as a decoy!

Dewey:
[taking the scarf away] No! You can't!

Huey:
What is wrong with you?!

Louie:
Why are you being super weird?! This is a bad time to be weird!

Dewey:
... Because it belongs to mom!

Huey:
How do you know this is mom's?

Dewey:
I've, uh, kinda been researching her on my own. A little. I mean, I just searched a forbidden library, crashed the Sunchaser, talked to the goddess Selene- okay, you know, hearing it out loud, it comes off way worse than it sounded in my brain.

Huey:
How could you keep this from us?!

Dewey:
I was trying to protect you from a potentially devastating revelation.

Huey:
Or you just kept it to yourself so you can feel special! Classic Dewey! She's our mom!

Dewey:
Okay, it's just- First, I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to get hurt. Then I couldn't tell you because I found out all this stuff and I didn't want you to hurt me! I'm sorry, okay?

Huey:
You're only sorry, 'cause you got caught!

[they notice Louie holding the uniform, visibly upset]

Dewey:
Louie, you okay?

Louie:
You kept a secret about mom. That is not okay.

[Dewey shifts his head down sadly]

Scrooge:
Just stop! I don't need you! [holding his dime] Everything I earned, I earned through my own hard work. You never gave me anything!

Fergus:
I gave you that. [pointing to the dime]

Scrooge:
Ugh... my Number One Dime? Burt the ditch digger gave it to me. Back in my shoeshine days, I worked for hours on Burt's boots. He paid me with an American dime.

Fergus:
Who do you think gave him the dime?

Scrooge:
What?

Fergus:
Aye. I muddied his boots, and sent him your way.

Scrooge:
Wait, what? But why?

Fergus:
We were poor. I couldn't provide for you myself, so I had to give you a different gift, self-reliance. Teaching you to work hard, and fend for yourself, so that you'd become the man you are now. But you learned that lesson so well, we hardly saw you again. If I'm hard on you, lad, it's 'cause I miss you, is all.

Scrooge:
Oh, Daddy... I miss you too.

Dewey:
I should have told you from the beginning. Good or bad, we're all in this together. [grabs the note] Well, I guess we're all starting from scratch.

Huey:
Wait. Did you rub a pencil over this?

Dewey:
Buh?

Huey:
Have I taught you nothing? Junior Woodchuck Rule 217, rub all documents with a pencil.

[rubs the note with a pencil to reveal a strange design]

Dewey:
[gasp] The Spear of Selene! Now we know what it looks like!

Louie:
Is that a date circled?

Huey:
April 15th, 20- guys, this is the week we were born!

Dewey:
What does that mean?

Huey:
We'll find out together.

Huey:
Come on, Uncle Donald! You can fix the houseboat when we get back.

Donald:
Uh-uh. I'm almost done. We'll be on the water again in two days!

[an offscreen crash is heard]

Donald:
Seven days...

[an explosion is seen from behind the mansion]

Donald:
[sighs] I should get started...

Dewey:
No rush!

Launchpad:
[setting up a lawn chair] Sorry, Mrs. B. Only chair I could find.

Mrs. Beakley:
Seatbelts?

Launchpad:
Oh... um... [puts a flotation ring around her] When we crash, it can be used as a flotation device.

Mrs. Beakley:
When we crash?

Scrooge:
Long time since you've been in the field, eh, Agent 22?

Mrs. Beakley:
And this plane would have been dangerously outdated even then. I'm counting one, two, three... 14 safety violations.

Launchpad:
Aw, come on. Every time the Sunchaser goes down, she always gets right back up in the air.

Mrs. Beakley:
"Every time?" I allow the children to travel with you because I assume you're keeping them safe.

Scrooge:
Ah, jengs. Launchpad, give the old bird, a tour of the old bird to show her there's nothing to worry about. I'll take the wheel-stick thingie.

Mrs. Beakley:
Sorry, when did you learn to fly a massive cargo plane?

Scrooge:
Please, I'm Scrooge McDuck. If Launchpad can do it, how hard can it be?

Launchpad:
Not very!

Huey:
[looking at a shredded document] Somewhere in these pieces are the answers Scrooge doesn't want us to find. What is the Spear of Selene? Why didn't Scrooge and Donald talk for years?

Dewey:
What happened to our mom?

Mrs. Beakley:
We have to get out, and figure out how to get down.

Scrooge:
And pass up the adventure of a lifetime?

Mrs. Beakley:
And risk all our lives?

Scrooge:
Ah, you're safe as houses. This is nothing! The plane could be on fire, or we could be on fire, or this could be a volcano! Everything could be on fire!

[as Huey counterbalances the plane as Dewey tries to get the piece of paper they need]

Huey:
Junior Woodchuck Rule 18: Every action, has an equal and opposite reaction.

Webby:
I thought that was Newton.

Huey:
Where do you think he got it from?

Webby:
Science?

Scrooge:
[as he slowly chases Dewey through the plane] I'm trying to save your life, now come back here, or I will end it, young man!

Mrs. Beakley:
[discovering the drawing of the Spear of Selene] Oh, children... what have you been up to?

[as Dewey goes outside the plane to get the piece of paper]

Scrooge:
No. Not again.

Webby:
[through the radio] Dewey, this is crazy! The mystery's not worth it!

Louie:
[through the radio] I get it, but you can't give up the rest of us to find the one person we lost!

Launchpad:
[through the radio] Dewey! The Darkwing Duck video is still running! Do you want me to pause it until you get back?

Huey:
[through the radio] Give me that. Dewey, our family is amazing! We're enough! Let it go!

[after Scrooge tells them how their mother vanished]

Dewey:
[angry] Cool... so you're the reason our mom is gone!

Scrooge:
[shocked] What? No! I..I--

Launchpad:
[the plane begins to lean forward] Um, guys?

Dewey:
You built her a crazy dangerous super rocket!

Scrooge:
Which she stole early!

Huey:
Then you encouraged her to keep flying through a cosmic storm? You could have called her down, there were too many variables!

Mrs. Beakley:
Now boys, you don't know....

Louie:
And you're the richest duck in the world! Why didn't you send up more ships to look for her?

Scrooge:
[growing frustrated] I spared no expense!

Dewey:
[coldly] Yeah, right. Cheap old Scrooge probably bailed as soon as it put a dent in his money bin.

Launchpad:
[the plane leans further] Um, guys?

Webby:
Take it easy Dewey, he may have a point. Even if gifting an experimental rocket to a mother of three was clearly a terrible idea!

Scrooge:
This is a family matter! You are not family!

Mrs. Beakley:
See here, McDuck. You will not speak to my granddaughter that way.

Scrooge:
You will not speak to me that way! None of you! After everything I do for you, you're all nothing but trouble!

Webby:
Isn't he gonna say goodbye?

Mrs. Beakley:
We're taking those vacation days if that's alright with you... sir.

Scrooge:
[bitterly] Fine.

Mrs. Beakley:
[as Webby sadly leaves] Well, you've successfully pushed your family and everyone who cared about you away... again. I hope you're happy.

[as Scrooge remembers his efforts to find Della after her accident, as well as everyone's accusations after he told them]

Louie:
...you're the richest duck in the world! Why didn't you send up more ships to look for her?

Huey:
Then you encouraged her to keep flying through a cosmic storm? ... You'd could have called her down, there were too many variables!

Dewey:
...so you're the reason our mom is gone! ... Cheap old Scrooge probably bailed as soon as it put a dent in his money bin

Mrs. Beakley:
Well, you've successfully pushed your family and everyone who cared about you away... again. I hope you're happy.

Scrooge:
[tearing up] ...I am.

Donald:
Wait... where's Dewey?! [about to rush off, only to see him sitting on the stairs]

Dewey:
[bitter] Nope. Right here. Not stealing the boat. [puts on his life vest]

Donald:
Oh.

Dewey:
Yep. Back to the good ol' days. Woo-oo.

Magica:
[in Lena's body] Big day, Magica, real big day. The eclipse is at hand, my plan is flawless! [retches and exits Lena's body]

Lena:
Let me go!

Magica:
Oh, that's right. I forgot you were here.

Lena:
I won't let you do this!

Magica:
Yeah, uh-huh, oh except at the moment of the eclipse, my powers will finally unleash, and I'll be an invincible juggernaut of DARK MAGIC! So, you know...

Launchpad:
[pulls up to McDuck Manor's gates, and rings the gate buzzer] Howdy, Mr. McDee! Don't worry, I'm not here to check on you on account of everyone moving out, because the boys blamed you for launching their mom to space and orphaning them. I'm here to take you out for ice cream! Mmmm, sounds good, right? Family crisis- I mean, ice cream!

Scrooge:
[through the speaker] Go away.

Magica:
[in Lena's body] Out?! Moved?! Ice cream?! Without those kids to let me in, how am I supposed to get my evil, evil vengeance?!

[as Webby and Launchpad discuss their plan to stop Donald and the boys from moving away]

Webby:
Step one. We throw the boys a farewell party to convince them they don't want to move.

Launchpad:
Step two. Reveal surprise guest, Scrooge, and remind them how much they all miss each other!

Webby:
Step three. There is no step three, because we just nailed it in two steps!

[McDuck Manor is absolutely trashed with pizza boxes, empty soda cans, and other trash]

Lena (Magica):
Uh, how long has your housekeeping staff been gone?

Scrooge:
[in his dirty underwear] Three days. So how are my so-called "kin"? Miserable, no doubt, living on that disgusting boat. I'm obviously doing much better than they are. [spots a possum under a pizza box] Pesky possum! Keeps eating my anchovies! [chases it with a broom]

[Scrooge discovers a hidden stash of treasure in Louie's bedroom, along with a bag of marbles]

Scrooge:
Sweet, playful marbles. Three to a bag. Red, green, and that rascal blue marble, always rolling whichever way it wants... and ungrateful the lot of them at every turn! After all I did for them, and they just throw it in my face!

Lena (Magica):
Yeah, there's nothing worse than marbles. Tea?

Scrooge:
I'm talking about family.

Lena (Magica):
Ugh, tell me about it. They disobey you, run you ragged, don't follow through on elaborate revenge plots...

Scrooge:
They spend your money, take over your home, cause trouble, worm their way into your head with fond memories that you cannae get out, no matter how hard you try!

Lena (Magica):
Cheers to ridding fond memories!

Scrooge:
[sits on a throne of pizza boxes] And then they leave without as much as a "thank you"!

Lena (Magica):
Forget family. Who needs 'em?

Scrooge:
I'll drink to that! [about to drink Magica's potion, only for a box to fall on his head and cause him to spill it]

Lena (Magica):
Of all the idiotic- I mean, I'll go make you another.

Launchpad:
[bringing in drinks] Mmmm, the Family-tini. Old family recipe. Tastes like the loving embrace of family.

Huey:
[looking at the drinks] Are these melted popsicles in cups?

Launchpad:
The stirrer has a riddle on it.

Magica:
[as she's freed] Feed my power, Dark Eclipse. Free my form from the abyss. Dormant magic now unchain, the Shadow Queen be whole again!

Mrs. Beakley:
[presenting the boys with pie] Apple shortbread pie, with a scoop of sea salt ice cream. A common farewell dessert in certain parts.

Dewey:
Finally, some real food.

Mrs. Beakley:
[takes the pie away] Oh, I'm so sorry. This was Scrooge's favorite dessert. I don't want to remind you of that horrid man who lost your mother all those years ago, even if it was an accident that tore him up for ten years, propelling him into a desperate search attempt that left him broken, and nearly bankrupt.

Louie:
Wait, bankrupt? Really?

Mrs. Beakley:
But I understand. You're upset because you lost one family member, which was terrible and painful, so you decided you should go ahead and lose another. Brilliant. Makes perfect rational sense.

Dewey:
[angry] Yeah. Nailed it, Mrs. B.

Mrs. Beakley:
Yes. Distance yourself even further from his life and forsake family altogether. That will definitely fix it.

Launchpad:
No! It'll do the opposite of that!

Mrs. Beakley:
Perhaps it's worth considering that the reason Scrooge closed himself off was because the loss of Della was the hardest thing he'd ever faced. Harder than any adventure. It's not that he didn't care, it's that he cared about family more than anything in the world. And perhaps he still does. But I'm just the housekeeper. What do I know?

Launchpad:
A LOT! THIS LADY KNOWS A LOT!

Scrooge:
You wee tenebrous traitor. We welcomed you into our home, only to have you unleash this repugnant beast-monger.

Lena:
She's my aunt! She made me do it.

Scrooge:
Hmmm. Family! Good for nothing! Left me completely vulnerable to this.

Lena:
Please. Magica only got in here because you threw your family out. My family's good for nothing. Your family is amazing. You fight, and get into trouble, but it doesn't matter, because you, I don't know, love each other or something. Dude, I wish I had your family.

Scrooge:
... You're right lass. Help me get my family back, and you'll have a place in it. We're all stronger together. Ready?

Lena:
I'll see what I can do.

[as Magica De Spell magically takes everyone's shadow]

Glomgold:
[fighting to hold onto his shadow] Where are you going?! You're my shadow! [the shadow drops him into the sea] CURSE YOU, ME!

Donald:
Everybody listen up! [unintelligible jabbering]

Everyone:
[beat] What?

Launchpad:
Did anyone get any of that?

Huey:
It's mostly just context clues.

Louie:
We get like every third word.

Dewey:
Nope. Completely unintelligible.

Donald:
I'LL SHOW YOU UNINTELLIGIBLE!!!

Donald:
[after Gyro forcefully gives him the voicebox] Hands off of me [voice is suddenly much clearer] you mad scientist! [beat]

Dewey:
Whoa. He sounds so normal.

Donald:
Rubber baby buggy bumpers, rubber baby buggy bumpers, rubber baby buggy bumpers! [chuckles] Wow! Never been able to say that before! [clears throat] As I was saying, Uncle Scrooge is in trouble, and it's up to us to help him. And adventure is in our blood! We face down perilous foes and endless danger every day, but we always prevail, because these Ducks don't back down!

Mrs. Beakley:
Thank you, Donald. Now, we need to-

Donald:
-stage a coordinated attack. Gyro, you and your team will charge the bridge to distract Magica's shadow forces. Launchpad. Head up the air attack to draw her attention. Do you think you can crash into the bin? All right, all right, all right. (clears throat) And Beakley, while the others are distracting Magica, you and I will sneak around back in my newly fixed-up houseboat.

Mrs. Beakley:
Alright, just like when I led that uprising in Eagleslavia. I'll take the wheel, you-

Donald:
Uh-uh! My house, my rules!

Mrs. Beakley:
[impressed] Aye-aye... sir. [gives Donald a spear gun] Get ready for the storm.

Donald:
I am the storm.

Mrs. Beakley:
... Seriously, have you been saying things like that this whole time?

Launchpad:
[starting up the Sunchaser] Pilot to co-pilot, we are ready for launch. Could be dangerous. Suggested flight path?

Darkwing Duck Bobblehead:
Let's get dangerous.

Magica:
[as the family begins their attempt to rescue Scrooge] Ooh, looks like your family is coming to play. Say goodbye, McDuck. [laughs and begins to attack] Fore! Home run! Tennis thing! Sports!

Donald:
Go save your uncle. I'll keep these palookas at bay!

Huey:
Hey, couple questions for you. If you were caught in the dime, how come we never saw you in it? Also, Scrooge isn't exactly magical, so how did he manage to trap you in it? Follow up. How does the lunar eclipse factor into all this?

Magica:
Well, you see, I channel my powers- [beat] It's just magic, okay?!

[after Magica destroys a mirror in the Bin]

Louie Oh no! You broke the Mirror of Tyche!

Magica:
[worried] The what now?

Louie:
Ancient artifact? Terrible curse if you break it?

Magica:
I've never heard of it, and I am versed in all magics. Gaelic, Demogorgan, Sumerian!

Louie:
Sumerian? You were in that dime a long time. Well, good luck with the curse.

Magica:
What kind of curse?!

Louie:
Grave misfortune, increased gullibility, a swift kick in the ribs.

Magica:
A what? [Webby kicks her] My ribs!

Magica:
Curse you, McDuck! You haven't seen the last of me!

Scrooge:
Huey, Louie, the third one... curse me kilts have I missed you.

Roxanne Featherly:
And so Duckburg is saved, thanks to Scrooge McDuck, and his family.

Della Duck:
[gasp] Boys?

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