Eastbound & Down, Season Two

Kenny:
This is me now. A man haunted by the sacrifices he's had to make. A man who ran and never looked back. A man who drank his ass all the way down to the butthole of America. I left my country to begin a new life - one where I could finally blend with those I was living amongst. Become just another face in the crowd.

Kenny:
Sometimes you gotta wash away the paint, and reveal to the world the jackass that is hiding beneath.

Kenny:
Over the course of my career, I've played on many different teams - some I liked, and some I really f***ing hated. I am not mentioning any names, but let's just say that Seattle can tongue kiss my shithole. The best way to get a new team on your side is to trash the last team you played for. Talk shit about how their fans suck, and their women have pancake titties.

Kenny:
It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass.

Kenny:
How could you do this to me? Here this whole time I thought you were a whore with a heart of gold. Instead you're just a whore with a regular old whore's heart.

Kenny's Dad:
Well, maybe I'll see you in hell then. The old Powers men tag teaming a couple of she-devils

Kenny:
I got two hard rules I live by, pop: I don't f*** with the devil, and I never do tag teams with blood relatives.

Kenny:
Truth be told, things aren't going as good for me as I led on to believe. The love of my life married some other dude, and my new girlfriend fed her pussy to the owner of the baseball team I just quit. I stole homeboy's car, and now I'm probably a wanted fugitive.

Kenny:
Down there I fought and f***ed my way to being the greatest gringo that country has ever seen.