Extended Family

Jim:
Julia, hey.

Julia:
Jim. Are you here for Sunday brunch?

Jim:
No, I'm here to see you.

Julia:
What? How did you know I was here?

Jim:
What do you mean, how? Duh.

Julia:
Duh, what? What am I looking at?

Jim:
Oh, family sharing. That blinking green dot, that's you.

Julia:
You're tracking me?

Jim:
No. No, I don't have to track you. You're sharing your location with me. I just have to look at my phone. Again, the blinking green dot...

Julia:
I know what the blinking dot is, Jim. But tracking me is not the intended use of that application.

Jim:
It's entirely the intended use of that application. You share your location with your family so your family knows your location.

Julia:
You and I are now ex-family.

Jim:
Tell that to your phone. You're the one who opted into the sharing.

Julia:
When we were married.

Jim:
And just like we opted out of that, you gotta opt out of this, but that's not important.

Julia:
Yes, it is. As of this moment, I am opting out of the family tracking. I am opting. I am scrolling. I am searching. I am... God, where the hell is it?

Jim:
Go to Settings.

Julia:
I'm under Settings.

Jim:
Okay. Take a deep breath.

Julia:
Don't tell me how to breathe. There! I am no longer sharing my location. I am no longer a blinking dot. I am a no dot. I have disappeared.

Jim:
I can still see you.

Julia:
You can't just track me down in person anymore, Jim. We gotta reboot our boundaries conversation.

Jim:
OK. I am sorry that I used the quite common, quite useful family-sharing feature that was invented so that when people are kidnapped, they can be rescued. But I guess you would rather don some magical cloak of invisibility so that you can vanish without a trace whenever somebody close to you needs you. Noted.

Julia:
Anything fun planned for the week?

Jim:
Well, what's the STN stand for?

Jimmy Jr.:
Stab the neighbors.

Jimmy Jr.:
Oh, yeah. Look what I rigged.

[first lines]

Jim:
You're early.

Julia:
Where are your kids, by the way?

Julia:
(over phone) I think it's just a skin tag. Hack it off!

Jim:
3, 2, 1. Ow! That was so stupid.

[first lines]

All:
♪ Don't show up. Don't come out. Don't start caring about me now. Walk away. You know how. Don't stop caring about me now. ♪

Officer Schramn:
I'll be back in 2 seconds.

Trey:
Hey, kids. Go on!

All:
♪ Breakin' rocks in the hot sun. I fought the law, and the law won. I fought the law, and the law won. I needed money 'cause I had none. I fought the law, and the law won. I fought the law, and the law won. ♪

[final lines]

[first lines]

Jim:
Nothing?!

Bobby:
So no Golden Girls?

Jim:
Anything but Golden Girls.

[final lines]

Jim:
Keep the change.

Bobby:
Big tipper here! We got a big tipper!

Jim:
Oh, it'll still fit.

Jimmy Jr.:
So, this is about you, not me.

Bobby:
Don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move!

Jim:
Nobody gasps just to gasp.

Jim:
Sure. Have fun.

Bobby:
I was trying to be discreet.

[first lines]

Jim:
Okay, St. Patrick is up.

Woman:
I don't want to be Irish anymore!

Jim:
Please stand aside.

Julia:
We just, we just want to be sure.