Garfield and Friends

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"You folks have this confused. I'm real, and you're animated." [from Episode 1]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"I just checked the TV listings; I'm the only thing on right now." [from Episode 2]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Smart kids watch this show; other kids change the channel." [from Episode 3]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Maybe not as funny as pro wrestling, but a lot more realistic." [from Episode 4]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"This show is K-rated - no adults unless accompanied by a kid." [from Episode 5]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Pay careful attention, everyone; there'll be a quiz later." [from Episode 6]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"The Garfield Guarantee - no giant robots or annoying little blue people." [from Episode 7]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"So if someone wants you to change the channel, kids, just say no." [from Episode 8]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Don't forget, kids, look both ways before crossing your teacher." [from Episode 9]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Hey, Heathcliff! Eat your heart out!" [from Episode 10]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Beware of imitations, accept no substitutes. Batteries not included." [from Episode 11]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"You notice how every week I say something different here?" [from Episodes 12, 43, 61]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Hey you, the kid who missed last week's show: You'd better have a good excuse." [from Episodes 13, 46, 48, 63]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"I suppose you're all wondering why I asked you here today." [from Episodes 14 and 15]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"And remember, lasagna is an important part of your nutritious breakfast. " [From Episode 15 in syndicated airings only]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"And just remember what you paid to get in." [from Episodes 16, 17, 40, and 69]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"This show has so many mentions of pasta, it'll affect your cholesterol count." [From Episode 17 in syndicated airings only]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"In the interest of conservation, today's show will recycle most of last week's jokes." [From Episode 18 in syndicated airings only]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"A funny thing happened to me on my way to my cartoon show." [from Episodes 18 and 19]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Hey you, chewing the gum: I hope you brought enough for everybody!" [from Episodes 20 and 21]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Eat and be lazy, kids, and someday you'll have your own show too." [from Episodes 22 and 23]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Sell your remote control. I'm the best thing on." [from Episodes 24 and 25]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"I can't believe we get away with this every week." [from Episodes 26 and 27]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Today, featuring Binky the Clown, so turn up the volume, kids!" [from Episodes 28 and 29]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Don't try any of this at home, kids. We're professionals." [from Episodes 30 and 31]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"If you don't see this label, you're not watching a genuine Garfield cartoon." [From Episode 31 in syndicated airings only]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Wouldn't I make a great ventriloquist? My lips never move." [from Episodes 32 and 33]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"This offer void where prohibited. Some restrictions may apply. Batteries not included." [from Episodes 34 and 35]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"We've got to stop that chicken from writing on my logo every week." [from Episodes 36 and 37]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Garfield and Friends is taped in front of an animated studio audience." [from Episodes 38 and 39]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"And a special hello to all you wonderful Nielsen families out there." [from Episode 41]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"And pay attention; there'll be a test at the end." [from Episodes 42, 59]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Garfield and FRIENDS? Who are these friends, and why haven't they brought food?" [From Episode 42 in syndicated airings only]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Change channels and you'll never see your dog again." [from Episode 44]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Today's show is brought to you by the letter K and the number 9." [from Episode 45]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"It doesn't start until the fat lady screams." [from Episodes 47 and 55]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"My lips never move. Wouldn't I make a great ventriloquist?" [from Episodes 49. 65]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"I'd like to buy a vowel, please." [from Episode 50]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"In a moment, I'll wave my finger and the music will stop." [from Episode 51]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"I'll be back right after they sell you stuff." [from Episode 52]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Enough of this entertainment jazz; let's have some commercials." [from Episode 53]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"If any rating services call, we're spelled G-A-R-F-I-E-L-D." [From Episode 54 in syndicated airings only]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"And today, we're having a half-off sale on Odie, 'cause he's half off." [from Episode 55 in syndicated airings only; the original and DVD versions have none due to an error]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"We interrupt this program to bring you commercials. Wow." [from episode 55 on remastered Boomerang prints and the 9Story Season 3 DVD only]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Here are some commercials and then, more of me." [from Episode 56]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Garfield and Friends will be right back; at least I'll be." [from Episode 57]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"The Buddy Bears are on the show today, folks, so keep that channel-changer handy." [from Episode 58]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Just think of me as like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Pussycat." [from Episode 60]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"This show is the only possible reason for getting up this early." [from Episode 62]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Thank you. You know, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the cartoon show." [from Episode 64]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"I'm sick of those singers. Can we get some, like, Elvis impersonators for next week?" [from Episode 66]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Welcome to my world. Did you bring food?" [from Episode 67]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Hey, I'll return the favor. When you get your own cartoon show, I'll watch." [from Episode 68]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Serving cartoon watchers the world over since 1988." [from Episode 70]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"This show is the most fun you can have without marinara sauce." [from Episode 71]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"When they invented television, this is pretty much what they had in mind." [from Episode 72]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"I haven't had so much fun since Nermal fell in the mud!" [from Episode 73]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"The following is made possible by a grant from the Lasagna Manufacturers of America." [from Episode 74]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Today's show is dedicated to loyal and courageous pizza delivery persons everywhere." [from Episode 75]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"If you can find a better show on television, watch it!" [from Episode 76]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"If this show were any more entertaining, we'd be on pay-per-view." [from Episode 77]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"If you like this show, tell a friend. If you don't like it, my name is Heathcliff." [from Episode 78]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Where else can you get this much comedy for your viewing dollar?" [from Episode 79]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"The only cartoon show that comes with a double-your-money-back guarantee." [from Episode 80]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"And for my next trick, I will make the rest of the show magically appear!" [from Episode 81]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"We're environmentally sound; all of today's jokes are recycled from last week's show." [from Episode 82]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Reproductions of the accounts and descriptions of this cartoon show is prohibited." [from Episode 83]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"And make sure you stick around after the show for the big cast party." [from Episode 84]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"If you could only watch one TV show this year, this is the one to watch." [from Episode 85]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Hey, you could watch some other show, but why would you want to?" [from Episode 86]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"And don't let your dog watch this show. It's too good for him." [from Episode 87]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Today's show is brought to you in color unless the artists ran out of crayons." [from Episode 88]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"You'll like today's show, folks. No Binky, no Nermal, no Buddy Bears - just a lot of me." [from Episode 89]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Today's show is inspected for your safety by number 29." [from Episodes 90 and 95]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Don't bother checking NBC, kids. They're not running cartoons anymore." [from Episode 91, although replaced with the quote above it]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Everything else you watch on TV this week will just be anti-climatic." [from Episodes 91 and 94]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"If a tree falls while our sound effects man is at lunch, does it make a sound?" [from Episodes 92 and 93]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Penelope's back today, folks. Some women just can't get enough of me." [from Episodes 96 and 97]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Critics agree - of all the TV shows on today, this is probably one of them." [from Episodes 98 and 99]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Think of a number between 1 and 10. The number you're thinking of is 7." [from Episodes 100 and 101]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"And keep watching, or we'll have to change into a shopping network and sell bad jewelry." [from Episodes 102 and 104]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Today is Hit-a-Duck-in-the-Face-With-a-Lemon-Meringue-Pie Day. We'll explain later." [from Episodes 103 and 105]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"I was gonna do something spontaneous here, but I've been too busy to plan it." [from Episodes 106, 109, 119 and 120]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"The cartoon show to watch when you won't settle for just any cartoon show." [from Episodes 107, 108, and 113]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"The funniest show on TV that doesn't have a 1-800 number to buy cheap junk." [from Episode 110]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Today, featuring the return of the Singing Ants. Boy, they have a good agent." [from Episode 111]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Penelope is singing today, folks, so don't leave any expensive glassware near the TV." [From Episode 112]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Today, a Saturday morning investigative report - where did all those Smurfs go?" [from Episode 114]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"This show is the answer. Unfortunately, no one's figured out the question yet." [From Episode 115]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Today, a look into our writer's joke file! That's right, we examine both jokes!" [from Episodes 116 and 119]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"The longest-running show on this channel, except for the news which is unfortunately funnier." [from Episode 117]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"Today, an encore performance of our report 'Are There Too Many Reruns on Cartoon Shows'?" [from Episode 118]

Garfield'S Introductory Lines:
"After seven seasons, we've pretty much said everything you can say in this spot." [From the final episode]

Garfield:
Garfield (Voiced by Lorenzo Music)

Garfield:
Jon Arbuckle (Voiced by Thom Huge)

Garfield:
Odie (Voiced by Gregg Berger)

Garfield:
Nermal (Voiced by Desiree Goyette)

Garfield:
Binky the Clown (Voiced by Thom Huge)

Garfield:
Herman Post (Voiced by Gregg Berger)

Garfield:
Dr. Liz Wilson (Voiced by Julie Payne)

Garfield:
Cactus Jake (Voiced by Pat Buttram)

Garfield:
AI G. Swindler (Voiced by Carl Ballantine)

Garfield:
Penelope (Voiced by Victoria Jackson)

Garfield:
The Singing Ants (Voiced by Ed Bogas)

Garfield:
Ludlow (Voiced by Don Messick)

Garfield:
Irving Burnside (Voiced by Gregg Berger)

Garfield:
Rudy (Voiced by Gregg Berger)

Garfield:
Moe the Cat Burglar (Voiced by Gregg Berger)

Garfield:
Madman Murray (Voiced by Gregg Berger)

Garfield:
Demented Dave (Voiced by Gregg Berger)

U.S. Acres (A.K.A. Orson'S Farm):
Orson (Voiced by Gregg Berger)

U.S. Acres (A.K.A. Orson'S Farm):
Roy (Voiced by Thom Huge)

U.S. Acres (A.K.A. Orson'S Farm):
Wade (Voiced by Howie Morris)

U.S. Acres (A.K.A. Orson'S Farm):
Bo (Voiced by Frank Welker)

U.S. Acres (A.K.A. Orson'S Farm):
Lanolin (Voiced by Julie Payne)

U.S. Acres (A.K.A. Orson'S Farm):
Booker (Voiced by Frank Welker)

U.S. Acres (A.K.A. Orson'S Farm):
Sheldon (Voiced by Frank Welker)

U.S. Acres (A.K.A. Orson'S Farm):
Mort (Voiced by Frank Welker), Gort (Voiced by Thom Huge), and Wart (Voiced by Howie Morris)

U.S. Acres (A.K.A. Orson'S Farm):
Fred Duck (Voiced by Frank Welker)

U.S. Acres (A.K.A. Orson'S Farm):
Worm (Voiced by Howie Morris)

U.S. Acres (A.K.A. Orson'S Farm):
The Weasel (Voiced by Gregg Berger)

U.S. Acres (A.K.A. Orson'S Farm):
The Fox (Voiced by Howie Morris)

U.S. Acres (A.K.A. Orson'S Farm):
The Wolf (Voiced by Gregg Berger)

U.S. Acres (A.K.A. Orson'S Farm):
Edward R. Furrow (Voiced by Frank Welker)

U.S. Acres (A.K.A. Orson'S Farm):
Aloysius (Voiced by Kevin Meaney)

U.S. Acres (A.K.A. Orson'S Farm):
Plato (Voiced by Frank Welker)

U.S. Acres (A.K.A. Orson'S Farm):
Newton Duck (Voiced by Frank Welker)