Hawaii Five-0, Season 6

Danny:
You just bailed on the proposal?

McGarrett:
No, I didn't bail. I've been planning the op.

Danny:
The op???

McGarrett:
Yeah. I secured a ring. I reconned a location. Now I just got to execute.

Danny:
[sarcastic] Wow. [deadpan] I mean, it just, it sounds so romantic the way you say it, you know? I mean, I could see it now...you and Catherine in matching camouflage cargo pants on some very exotic shooting range, and you get down on one knee, and you say, "Babe, I want you to join my unit for a lifelong mission." I mean, it's every girl's fairy tale.

Danny:
I'm going to the crime lab. You want to come with me?

Kono:
Isn't it Eric's first day?

Danny:
It is. That's why I'd like you to come, so I don't punch him in the mouth.

Nahele:
[about Steve's ring] It don't seem too right to spend all that money on an allotrope of carbon.

Steve:
[smirks] An allotrope of carbon? Glad you haven't been ditching your science class.

Nahele:
I mean, look, you could spend all that money on a new truck.

Steve:
Yes, I could. But, uh, I wouldn't trade what I got for anything.

Nahele:
Before you go all mushy on me, I'm gonna get outta here.

Steve:
You'll know what I'm talking about one day, buddy.

Nahele:
[grins] And here I thought you were a car guy.

Gerard Hirsch:
Can I at least wear a bulletproof vest?

Kono:
Why? If they shoot you, it'll be in the head.

[Chin and McGarrett interview the suspect Ahe]

Ahe:
The guy you're looking for is Iceman.

McGarrett:
"Iceman"? Like from Top Gun?

Ahe:
What's Top Gun?

[Chin and McGarrett exchange looks of dismay.]

McGarrett:
[to Chin] Did he say "What's Top Gun"? I should arrest him just for that.

Danny:
We been walking for, like, a half a mile already.

Steve:
More like a klick.

Danny:
A klick?

Steve:
Yeah, a kilometer. 0.62 of a mile.

Danny:
Oh, thank you, G.I. Jerk, for the pedantic, uh I know what a klick is.

Kono:
People pay good money to spend the night outdoors while a bunch of actors in masks scare the hell out of them chasing them around.

Danny:
Uh-huh. I know a couple streets in Camden where you get the same experience, free of charge.

[Jerry enters a clinic dressed as Count Dracula to donate blood.]

Nurse:
Fill this out. I'll need to check your iron level and your blood pressure to make sure you're safe to donate.

Jerry:
Is that 'cause I'm a heavy guy?

Nurse:
[deadpan] No, because you're a vampire.

Chin:
I don't suppose we can just head down to campus and fingerprint all of his students?

Steve:
Maybe we can.

Abby:
How?

Steve:
Well, it seems to me that there's now an opening for a new economics professor at OSU, and it just so happens that one of our own minored in business at Seton Hall.

Danny:
How could you possibly know that? That's not even in my personnel file.

Steve:
You think I'm gonna take you on to be my partner this whole time without doing my homework?

Kono:
Wait. Boss, you've been sitting on that for six years?

Grover:
That means he's probably got something on all of us.

[After closing the case]

Jerry:
Hey, did you know the Naval Investigative Service kept Musaka under surveillance even after the war was over?

Steve:
No, I didn't know that.

Jerry:
Check it out. Obviously, they only knew him as Youshi Tamuro, but they considered him a person of interest. Kept tabs on him for years. But the guy was a model citizen, put down roots, even married a local girl-- Olina Hoku. They actually met before Pearl Harbor, but they stayed in touch the entire time he was in the internment camp.

Steve:
Wait a minute. She's the reason he changed his mind. Look, Musaka came here for one purpose, and that was to do us harm, right? Then he falls for this girl. And in the end, his love for her outweighed his loyalty to his country.

Jerry:
Love's a pretty powerful thing.

Steve:
Yes, it is.

[The team is scattered in three different locations on a stakeout and are guessing (over their comms) how Steve got a black eye.]

Danny:
You selfishly punched yourself in the eyeball so that I didn't get to do it. Is that right?

Steve:
No. Not even close.

Danny:
You know, buddy, if it's something that's, uh, embarrassing, something you don't want to share with us, you know, we understand.

Chin:
[smirks] Yeah, we totally understand, Steve. The last thing we would want to do is make you uncomfortable.

Kono:
Yeah. You can tell us when you're ready, boss.

Steve:
[unimpressed] You guys suck at reverse psychology.

Lou:
Well, then tell us the damn story, why don't you?

Steve:
All right, you all know that I've been trained by the U.S. government to resist interrogation, right?

Danny:
That's fine. So we'll just keep taking bad guesses, then.

Steve:
What are you s–– I'm not a romantic? Is that what you're saying?

Danny:
Buddy.. [clears throat] when I was, um, about 12 years old, I saw, uh, two sea lions mate at the, uh, Turtle Back Zoo in West Orange.

Steve:
[grins] Oh, yeah?

Danny:
Yeah. And I'm pretty sure that there was more romance in that encounter than any date you've ever had in your entire life.

Sang Min:
You must be some lawyer, huh? What, are you going all out for casual Friday?

Odell Martin:
[looks at Steve] You sure you don't want this guy locked up for life? 'Cause I do.

Steve:
He grows on ya. I promise.

Odell:
I bet he does. Like a bad fungus. And if this is gonna happen, first thing I'm gonna need to do is cut whatever that thing is growing out of his head...

Sang Min:
[stands up, indignantly] You touch my hair, and I'll be going to jail for your murder!!!

Steve:
This is gonna work out great. I can feel it.

Sang Min:
[teasing] Every king needs his queen and here she is. You know, I didn't realize you cared so much about my safety. I'm, um, I'm deeply touched. You know, I'd feel a lot safer if you were by my side until the trial starts.

Kono:
[deadpan] Okay. You know what? I'm glad your lawyer's here, because I'm gonna hit you, and I want proof that it was provoked.

Sang Min:
Oh, you know, give me your best shot, Spicy. You know, because it's been a long time since I felt a woman's hands on my body.

Odell:
Is he always this creepy?

Kono:
Yes.

Steve:
Yeah, pretty much the whole time we've known him

[Danny is having lunch with his kids Charlie and Grace, who is pouting because Danny banned all electronics.]

Danny:
I don't understand, what's so good about your phone that you'd rather sit staring at your phone than having these moments with us? This is a father-daughter moment. We should cherish this.

Grace:
Well, that's why I need it-- to Instagram the moment and preserve the memory.

Danny:
Oh, preser–– See, 'cause, listen, when I was a kid, I didn't even have a phone, and despite this handicap, I still have vivid memories. You know, the brain does a lot of very interesting things. You know, remembering stuff is one of the things it does. You should give it a shot sometime.

Grace:
Moani Rose says if it's not Instagrammed, how do you know if it happened?

Danny:
Huh. Is this Moani, uh, a philosopher?

Grace:
No, she's in my jazz tap class.

Danny:
I see. [looks at Charlie resignedly] Charlie, I got to tell you, this entire generation-- the phone is everything. They-they sit at a restaurant, they stare at their phone. They go to a movie theater, they stare at their phone. You know, if you picked your head up out of your phone every once in a while, you might see a much bigger, better picture out here in the world.

Lou:
I'm having no fruit on top of pancakes. The only fruit I'm putting on top of my pancakes is coconut.

Steve:
Coconut's not a fruit. It's a drupe.

Lou:
It's a what?

Steve:
A drupe. It's any fruit with an outer skin and pulp in the middle and––

Lou:
Oh I remember. I don't care, 'cause I'm eating pancakes and not writing a dissertation.

Lou:
If my wife asks you, don't tell I had this stuff. You tell her that I had the diet plate. That's the turkey burger with no bun and a scoop of cottage cheese.

Steve:
Why would your wife ask me that question???

Lou:
Why the hell would the Red Sox sell Babe Ruth for $5000? I don't know. Don't ask me to explain marriage to you.

McGarrett:
[sees the combat suit on Danny's desk] What are you gonna do with a $80 million piece of hardware?

Danny:
I'm gonna wear it.

McGarrett:
You're gonna wear it?

Danny:
Yeah! Because this thing is, you know, completely McGarrett-proof. It's been designed for your partner to wear.

McGarrett:
Oh, we're doing that. Still with it? Six years. Since the day I've met you you've been telling me I'm trying to kill you.

Danny:
What's your point?

McGarrett:
What's my point? My point is it's getting old. You're very much alive! You're very much alive, which means I have your back. I've always had your back.

Dr. Bergman:
I do have to admit I am perplexed by the name that Kamekona has chosen for her. [everyone looks at the boat's side, on which "SS Thong Magnet" is painted in bright pink]

Kamekona:
I didn't pick it, Doc. This boat is from a HPD property forfeiture auction. Re-painting wasn't in the budget.

Adam "Toast" Charles:
[sees Steve and Danny] Hey...Jersey, McGruff. What a coincidence.

Danny:
[after finding out Toast created the game his kids play] Let me explain something to you, my kids, Charlie and Grace, they play this game non-stop. Must have spent $100 on it just last month.

Toast:
Yeah, that's the beauty of in-app purchases.

Danny:
Yeah, I don't think there is anything beautiful about it. I think that it is a scam. You're ripping off children is what you're doing. I mean, you give them the app for free, and then they got to pay if they want to keep playing for the power-ups and the boosts or whatever you call it. You're like a drug dealer pushing dope. First taste is free, then they're hooked for life.

Toast:
Don't hate the player, hate the game.

Danny:
I hate the game, I do very much.

Patrick:
[looks at Toast] I can't believe you narc'd me out.

Toast:
I can't believe you're still running Linux on a 32-bit Samurai stack. Get out of the dark ages, dude.