Hercules, Season 1

[When Hercules is going on a secret spy mission]

Hercules:
I've got to go. Remember, don't tell a soul.

Icarus:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Mum's the word, buddy. If anybody asks I never heard of ya. OK! GOOD LUCK WITH THE SPYIN'!

Athena:
Smartly done, Hercules. I meant for him to do that.

Ares:
You did not! You're alway- wait. Hercules? That's... He's... Sport is Zeus' little boy?

[Athena nods]

Ares:
I was gonna execute Zeus' kid?

Athena:
Mm-hm.

[She laughs and vanishes. Ares looks up in fear as Zeus throws a thunderbolt at him]

[Hercules is trying to dissuade Icarus from kissing Cassandra]

Hercules:
It's great that your relationship is just friendly, you know, platonic.

Icarus:
Oh, Plato's a prude!

Cassandra's mother:
Cassie! There's an armed youth and a flying horse here to see you!

[After Cassandra kissed Icarus to wake him from the eternal sleep]

Cassandra:
First and last, Icarus! First and last!

Icarus:
Oh, come on! One more! I was asleep the first time!

[Hades is choosing tortures for all the students]

Hades:
All right. How about an eternity spent punching out your best buddy? Nice, huh?

Hercules dummy:
Come and get me, sissy face.

Icarus:
[assaults the dummy without hesitation, to Hades' shock] You want a piece of me? Ooh ooh! You swine! Hyah, hyah! Teach you to call my dad useless! Get up! Get up!

Zeus:
We need to get to know each other better. Sit next to me at dinner.

Trivia:
On the left or on the right? Did you know that sitting on the right hand of a god signifies power, while sitting on the left means you pass the condiments.

Zeus:
Er, I just remembered, I already ate.

Hercules:
Well, where do we find these apples?

Oracle at Delphi:
Sorry. You'll have to go to the back of the line if you want to ask another question.

Phil:
Take care of that heel!

Achilles:
Take care of that kid, huh?

Fear:
Say dad, okay, who is the god of war?

Ares:
Me, you idiot!

Fear:
Ha ha! The answer is "Me, you idiot!"

Member of POOTLS:
We are the Peoples' Organisation Of Titanic Liberators. And you boys and girls are our hostages.

Icarus:
Ooh! I always wanted to be a hostage! It's so edgy! The bewilderment! The unspeakable mind bending terror!

Cassandra:
Actually, it's a lot like hanging out with you.

Cassandra:
The truth is that...that... [gets an actual vision] Atlantis is going to sink.

Croesus:
That is so incredibly completely not what you were supposed to say!

Adonis:
Only a small cash payment to him saved my unblemished hands from the scars of manual labor.

Cadet:
[cutting potatoes] Baked potatoes, mashed potatoes, sweet potato pie...

Adonis:
Get me out of here!

Hades:
[imitates Jafar] Good for you, you big scary booger-head, you! Ooh, boogah-boogah-boogah...Get him outta here, will ya, boys?

Phil:
Hey let me go, I- [sees how hot Jasmine is] I'd like to introduce myself. Philoctetes, trainer of-

Jasmine:
I'm married.

Hades:
[receiving his Roman name] They want to name me Pluto? What kind of name is that? Pluto, that's a name for a god? What is that? I wouldn't name my dog Pluto!

Hercules:
[opening Meg's yearbook] Oh, well lookie here. Our little Meg was [gasp] a cheerleader!

Meg:
Give me that!