IZombie, Season 1

Liv Moore:
[voice-over] Major wanted to know if there was a chance for us. I thought shutting him down was noble. But what if there is hope? Even if it's dim and somewhere in the nebulous future, it's a hope I need in order to survive. But what about what Major's needs? Can I really ask him to wait for a day that may never come? When you die, life goes on without you. If you're among the living dead, you're around to watch. Giving up my dream of becoming a heart surgeon was depressing. Eating brains sucks beyond words. But seeing Major possibly moving on with someone else? That's my threshold. That's the soul crusher.

Liv Moore:
[voice-over] When you die, life goes on without you. If you're among the living dead, you're around to watch. Giving up my dream of becoming a heart surgeon was depressing. Eating brains sucks beyond words. But seeing Major possibly moving on with someone else? That's my threshold. That's the soul crusher.

Liv Moore:
I'm having a hard enough time pretending I'm alive, let alone throwing a performance as a psychic into my repertoire.

Ravi Chakrabarti:
Liv, you ate the girl's temporal lobe. Going to the police with her potential murderer is the least you can do.

Liv Moore:
[voice-over] It's probably wrong that every time I see a dead body I think, "What the hell am I doing with my life. I didn't map out and color code a 10-year plan for this. This is not me going confidently in the direction of my dreams. I used to have ambition. I used to be passionate, inspired... alive. Now, I'm mostly just hungry. And, and a zombie. So, there's that.

Liv Moore:
I wanted to do something with my life. I wanted to help people. Not necessarily as a zombie psychic who eats murder victim brains, but still I so nailed it today. I've spent five months bemoaning all that was taken from me. It never occurred to me that I'd have something to give. A way to contribute. A reason for being not alive. To sleep, perchance to not dream. All I needed was some hope that there's a future that I fit into somehow. At last. Sweet blissful sleep. [wakes up in a panic]

Blaine DeBeers:
Look, I get that you work here at the brain automat, but for the rest of us, meaning me, procuring brains is kind of a massive undertaking. So I was hoping, from time to time, you might be so inclined as to help a brother out.

Liv Moore:
[long stare, then finally] Okay.

Blaine DeBeers:
Jeez, that pause was like a year!

Ravi Chakrabarti:
This art show... I should probably come as well. In case you need help with the art and the open bar. And possibly the models.

Liv Moore:
(voice-over) My need to feed on brains is weird, but how many people can say that satisfying their munchies could potentially help solve a murder case? This is my contribution to society. I'm just a fake, psychic zombie trying to do her part.

Blaine DeBeers:
[to Jackie] Oh, yeah, that. Sorry. I buried the lead. You're a zombie now. Like, for real. I know. Shock. Disbelief. Confusion. Welcome to Team Z. Oh, you're the trend-spotter, I should ask you. Zombies, I heard we're finito. Is that, is that true? Has over-saturation buried us? I don't know. I think we're gonna surprise some people. I mean, what did LL Cool J say? "Don't call it a comeback," right?

Liv Moore:
[voice-over] The passionate mind is selfish. It's so focused on what it desires, reason becomes background noise. Javier's brain made me cross the line that divides what I long for and what I can never have. There were so many nights I could have been with Major that I stayed home studying. Days I could have spent sucking the marrow out of life I spent building a resume for a life I'd never have. There were parts of me that were dead even before I became a zombie. So, maybe, that means that it's possible for me to spring to life. Even now that I'm dead.

Liv Moore:
That's the thing about pain isn't it. Really feeling it it doesn't make it stop. It just shows you you're still alive.

Ravi Chakrabarti:
Okay, this is interesting. I set up a Google alert for the terms "Seattle, zombie."

Liv Moore:
Me, too. No. Uh, I signed up for Z-Date.

Liv Moore:
I am too hungry right now to work out if you're joking or not. Your skull just turned into an animated ham.

Liv Moore:
In my old life, I was a lot of things. A doctor, a fiancee, a fan of Pilates. Now, I'm only one thing. A stomach, hunger incarnate. When I'm hungry, I forget my lunch used to be a person. When the hunger's bad, I forget I used to be one, too.

Blaine DeBeers:
Why'd you stand me up last night? You were bringing me some of your bountiful brain supply, remember? I guess you got busy and forgot. You know, since that's the sort of thing that slips people's minds. Buy milk, take out the garbage, feed the starving zombie. Who can keep track?

Ravi Chakrabarti:
Is that gonna be weird for you, by the way? You being Liv's ex-fiance?

Major Lilywhite:
Yeah. No?

Ravi Chakrabarti:
Are you sure? It seems like you're a little off about it. Like that "no" kind of had a question mark at the end.

Major Lilywhite:
I'm pretty sure I'm okay with it.

Ravi Chakrabarti:
Okay. Good?

Liv Moore:
What a pleasant surprise it might have been if Chinese brains or Spanish brains or Italian brains tasted like the cuisines for which their regions are famous. No such luck.

Liv Moore:
What's that old zombie saying? Today is the first day of the rest of your half-dead life.

Liv Moore:
[narrating] I know it's not a different sun that came up this morning. But somehow, it looks sunnier. Ravi is hitting it off with Major, who seems willing to give me another shot at this friends thing. The "pretending to be something I'm not" isn't over, but at least Sammy's brain is out of my system, finally. I'm so ready to start looking forward instead of constantly watching my back. What's that old zombie saying? Today is the first day of the rest of your half-dead life.

Ravi Chakrabarti:
Her life is, um, like the whorey version of that movie, Memento.

Liv Moore:
If you live each day like it's your last, someday you'll be right.

Ravi Chakrabarti:
What if our hot zombie boy's name's on our fax and he's our murderer?

Liv Moore:
I don't think it will be. I have a good feeling about him.

Ravi Chakrabarti:
Mmm. And where exactly is this feeling originating from?

Ravi Chakrabarti:
Uh, I think you've got company.

Liv Moore:
It's him.

Ravi Chakrabarti:
Ooh.

Liv Moore:
Shut up or I'll eat you.

Lowell Tracey:
Okay, uhm. So, here's the speech. The zombie thing is a bitch. Your world shrivels down to a dot. You know this. And, all you can think about is how to get your next meal, and keeping your secret. And no-one can really know you now. Kissing, touching, sex, love, yelling at someone for stealing the blankets. Uhm, out of the question, forever. But then one day I see this (pause) beautiful woman. She's the only thing in colour. Odd, 'cos she's so pail. And then suddenly there's hope again. That's what I'm saying. Who knows if we even like each other. But, I like everything I've seen so far and, ah, what have I got to lose.

Liv Moore:
I am free this weekend, and I have your number.

Lowell Tracey:
I'll only hover by the phone for the next 72 hours or so. After that, I'm on to the next zombie girl.

Liv Moore:
[voice-over] Lowell could turn out to be nothing. Or everything. He may even break my heart, but, any of that sounds good to me. I'm ready to feel again. Anything, good or bad, I want to be alive, now, more than ever.

Ravi Chakrabarti:
[sewing stitches] Easy. You're lucky you're not dead. Although, if you were, this would come much more naturally to me.

Major Lilywhite:
You know what you're doing, right?

Ravi Chakrabarti:
I mean, theoretically. Sure. But did you consider a trip to the ER?

Major Lilywhite:
I'm a social worker. My insurance covers, like, one Band-Aid a year.

Liv Moore:
[entering] Major? What the hell?

Ravi Chakrabarti:
It's nothing.

Liv Moore:
Those are y-incision stitches. They need to be closer together, unless you're going for that Frankenstein look.

Ravi Chakrabarti:
The man's too good-looking. I'm giving him character.

Liv Moore:
Must have donuts. Great, I have Homer Simpson's brain.

Liv Moore:
Hey Lowell, so sorry to do this on a message, but I have to cancel. I'm literally seconds away from puking, it hit me out of nowhere, and I'm calling you from the bathroom floor right now. Hope you understand- oh my god, I'm such an idiot, I totally forgot you're a zombie. I can just tell you. I had a bad batch of agoraphobe brain, and I can't get out of my apartment. Okay, bye.

Lowell Tracey:
So... did you run out of napkins or were you just fondled by an Oompa Loompa?

Liv Moore:
That is... so incredibly unfair and awful.

Lowell Tracey:
Umm, it's...you know, it's funny, I, I...I didn't think that I was the type of guy who wanted people to feel bad for me, but...you just said the exact thing I've been dying for someone to say to me.

Eva Moore:
Pediatric medicine. Now that's a wonderful application for your talents.

Liv Moore:
Questioning my life choices… a familiar application of yours.

Eva Moore:
I'm your mother, it's part of the deal.

Liv Moore:
Things were so great between us last week. Like, buy new underwear great.

Ravi Chakrabarti:
Can we just talk about you being a zombie? Brain-eating, being undead, these are things you can discuss at length with me. But I can't give you the Girlfriend Experience.

Liv Moore:
I don't think that means what you think it means.

Liv Moore:
When I was your age, we valued hard work.

Evan Moore:
Yeah, back in the hardscrabble world of '04. All those CD_ROMs that needed burning.

Lowell Tracey:
All right Liv, I didn't wanna have to tell you like this, but I'm gay. But not to worry, it's only until I eat my next brain.

Liv Moore:
Oh, thank God.

Lowell Tracey:
Yeah, I knew something was up but I didn't really get it until I saw a magazine with Idris Elba on the cover, and the phrase "big piece of yum" popped into my head. I'm mildly afraid of heights, but I would not hesitate to climb that mountain.

Ravi Chakrabarti:
Do you think this is how Oppenheimer felt staring down at the A-bomb?

Liv Moore:
Like a drama queen? Or are you talking about his need for self-aggrandizement?

Liv Moore:
Major doesn't get dumped. There are literally two reasons to end a relationship with Major, zombie-ism and full-on death.

Liv Moore:
Straight talk? I don't think you and Peyton work. True, you like a challenge and Peyton is certainly that, but she dates guys you'd find in a "most eligible bachelors on the planet" catalog, if such a thing existed.

Ravi Chakrabarti:
And you don't think I'd be featured in the pages of Hunks Quarterly?

Liv Moore:
Ravi, she's a lawyer who looks like Victoria's Secret model.

Ravi Chakrabarti:
Liv, I'm a tall doctor with fantastic hair and a British accent. But to hear you tell it, she's out of my league. I mean, I don't even need to be this attractive. It's just icing. Besides, Peyton and I, we had a moment.

Liv Moore:
I'm sure that's how it seemed, but I've known Peyton since college, and literally, every man who's ever met her thought that they had a moment. I've been a witness to all those poor guys who liked a challenge. I've watched them approach her table, full of hope. I've seen her turn them into dust. She's been asked out so much, she doesn't bother with niceties. Just trying to help.

Ravi Chakrabarti:
Thank you. You know, I, uh, I rescind all inquiries into the subject. You know, I'm a grown man who knows a moment when he experiences one. Oh, and my "distant parents"? They're fairly certain I put the moon in the sky. This brain you're on? She's a bit of an arse. Thanks for the straight talk.

Liv Moore:
[voice-over] Every time Major calls me his friend, I ache. I miss the "girl" modifier. But the truth is, we were practically besties from the moment we met. That's why we were so great together. Underneath all the love and the desire to tear each other's clothes off, was the person I wanted to share every detail of my life with. Without that, it's not really a relationship, is it? Is it just sex? Is that who you are? A zombie booty call?

Liv Moore:
Maybe I'm too reticent on the advice front. What would I say? Ravi, never listen to me again. You are too selfless, too wrapped up in saving me. Chill out. Slow and steady wins the race. I can't have you burning out. Because without you, I'm nothing. And, Major, don't lose sight of who you are. You are sweetness and light. That's who I fell in love with, the next girl will fall in love with. Don't pile tragedy on tragedy. And what advice would you give yourself, Liv? Would you even take it? How about trying to live in the moment for once? Being grateful for the simple pleasures. You don't need to know why you feel good. Just enjoy the ride.

Luta:
Dibs!

Blaine DeBeers:
No, Julien will handle delivery.

Luta:
Ah, come on.

Blaine DeBeers:
You do not purge your bowels in the powder room of a man with a helicopter pad in his backyard.

Luta:
You squealed? That's rude, man!

Clive Babineaux:
Do you have time to look at a couple of Youtube tutorials?

Ravi Chakrabarti:
Of failed twerking tutorials? Yes.

Liv Moore:
But no one lip-syncing to Frozen.

Julien 'Candyman' Dupont:
Now, answer me straight, or I'm gonna take you on a guided tour through a world of pain.

Major Lilywhite:
I don't know anything!

Julien 'Candyman' Dupont:
Ahh. Then I guess it's all aboard the pain train. First stop, Hand Francisco.

Liv Moore:
There are monsters in this world. People who do unspeakable things. When I graduated med school, I took an oath to consecrate my life to the service of humanity, to respect and value the lives of all persons. But now that I'm half-dead, I can see that some life is like a virus. One that can't be allowed to spread.

Liv Moore:
I said some life is like a virus. But if you kill a virus, you're a doctor. If you kill a person...If I kill this person, I know who I'll be. I'll be a killer. I'll be him.

[first lines]

Liv Moore:
[in shock] He was like that when I got there.

Detective Flynn:
You said you arrived just before 10:30. Neighbors heard a shot in Mr. Tracey's apartment 10 minutes before. Where were you then?

Liv Moore:
Driving.

Detective Flynn:
Great. What streets? We can check the traffic cameras.

Ravi Chakrabarti:
I, uh, I taught him a trick. See, when I raise my hand like so and says, "Prance, zombie," he sort of rears up on his little hind legs and prances about.

Liv Moore:
Really?

Ravi Chakrabarti:
Yeah. I also taught him to declaim Hamlet soliloquies. He holds a tiny skull. It's quite something. We're doing Fallon tomorrow.

Liv Moore:
Shut up.

Vaughn Du Clark:
Live to the max, Miss Moore. Just do it somewhere else.

Clive Babineaux:
Liv, you're off the case...

Liv Moore:
I'm never off the case! The case is in here. [pointing at her head] I'm the freakin' murder victim whisperer.

Liv Moore:
I haven't been an alcoholic that long, but I can tell you that the only time I woke up before 10 am was when Peyton needed to use the toilet I was passed on.

Ravi Chakrabarti:
Thank you for the mental image.

Major Lilywhite:
You want to feel better about your mental health? Spend a couple days with some clinically insane people.

Peyton Charles:
I do it every Thanksgiving.

Major Lilywhite:
I got a giant Indian to throw a sink through the window and jumped to freedom. Nah, I'm just kidding. I checked myself out.

Liv Moore:
Careful! Don't open yourself up to the classic reverse Sicilian gambit. That's a chess thing, right?

Major Lilywhite:
Sounds more like something a call girl would make you pay extra for.

Blaine DeBeers:
In the future, remember that I like my information the same way you like your brains.

Lieutenant Suzuki:
Unconditional?

Blaine DeBeers:
Fresh.

Major Lilywhite:
[to Liv] It's the world that's crazy, and I've got proof. Zombies are real, Liv. These coolers are full of brains. Now, it's a lot to absorb, I know, but I will explain everything. And don't worry, 'cause I'm gonna kill them. I'm gonna kill them all.

[first lines]

Kimber Cooper:
[their car just struck a pedestrian] Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Nate:
Oh my God! What the hell? He came out of nowhere!

Teresa:
Everything comes out of nowhere when your headlights are off, dumbass!

Nate:
Hey, man, you okay?

Teresa:
Does he look frickin' okay, Nate?

Kimber Cooper:
I kinda learned CPR at Seeds of Faith camp. Somebody needs to do chest compressions to the beat of "All for the Best" from Godspell.

Teresa:
Yeah. Let me just rub my DNA all over him. I think not!

Liv Moore:
I heard about this missing girl. She went to my old high school. My brother Evan's a junior there.

Clive Babineaux:
Did he know her?

Liv Moore:
Only in the way that every boy knows the prettiest girl in high school.

Ravi Chakrabarti:
So, from afar, yet intimately.

Liv Moore:
Can we not talk about high school right now? It's hard not to feel like you've peaked, when you're doing shots of two-week-old liquefied prom queen brain in cold Mexican hot chocolate.

Blaine DeBeers:
I don't need this right now, you guys. I'm under enough stress as it is. Especially with the Health Inspector showing up twice in as many months.

Julien 'Candyman' Dupont:
The Health Inspector came back around?

Cissie:
Yeah, you should've seen this guy. Came in here looking like a catalog model. Was trying to flirt with me. Thinks I'm going to melt because he's got blue eyes and broad shoulders.

Julien 'Candyman' Dupont:
Did he have good hair?

Blaine DeBeers:
What is this bizarre segue that's happening right now?

Sebastian Meyer:
I'm normally not that much of a cook, but I seemed to have picked up a few things from my Aunt Edna. Guess what I had for lunch yesterday?

Liv Moore:
I'm thinking Aunt Edna.

Sebastian Meyer:
That woman practically raised me! She thought I had potential! So, yesterday, she slices her head open on the freezer door and asks me to bandage it. And I'm there, with the bandage. And there's blood. And I'm just so hungry. I couldn't stop myself.

Liv Moore:
Funny. I've never eaten anyone I didn't want to eat.

Blaine DeBeers:
[to Major in the deep freeze] This has got to suck. So I've been doing a bit of online research trying to figure out how long you'll survive in here before body parts start falling off, and guess what I discovered? Most of the pertinent data comes courtesy of the Nazis. Yeah. Those Nazis. Great minds, huh? They wanted to know if there was something in Russian genetics that allowed those commie bastards to survive Stalingrad winters. Spoiler alert, there wasn't. Turns out we all freeze to death roughly the same way. But I digress. The point is, they kept meticulous notes. And thanks to those notes, I can keep you in here alive and suffering as long as I want. As long as it takes to get the information I need.

Major Lilywhite:
[shivering] Why are you doing this?

Blaine DeBeers:
Daddy issues. Megalomania. Greed. Wow, that felt really good to get off my chest.

Blaine DeBeers:
What a waste. All this sound and fury. And for what? Nothing. I've got friends in high places. Tomorrow's headline, 'Crackpot shoots up butcher shop'. Kill my crew, I'll make more. Kill my customers, I'll make more. You cost me money. I'll make -

[Liv stabs Blaine with the zombie cure]

Liv Moore:
Make more now, bitch.

Blaine DeBeers:
Oh, man. He doesn't know? Dude, you are about to go out with one large dose of irony. Seattle's preeminent zombie hunter, not realizing the entire time that his own beloved - I mean, the hair, the eyes, the complexion. You thought those were, what? Just questionable style choices?

Major Lilywhite:
It's not what fate dealt me, Liv. You did. The same person who let me check myself into a mental hospital, let me think I was crazy. But when you had a chance to play God and-and decide whether I died or became this, did you decide based on what you wanted or what you thought I wanted? If it's what you thought I wanted, then you don't know me as well as you think you do.

[last lines]

Surgeon:
Your brother has-has lost a lot of blood, and he's going to need more in order to survive. Unfortunately, he's O-negative, and we don't have any.

Eva Moore:
Liv is O-negative. Remember? That time you sliced open your head on that nail. Evan was a match for you. Oh, thank God you had your phone on.

Surgeon:
We don't have much time. Can you come with me, Miss Moore?

Eva Moore:
Liv? Did you hear him? There's more. Liv. Liv. Go with the doctor!

Liv Moore:
No.