Johnny Test, Season 4

[Babies start crying, with stink lines coming from the kitchen]

Gil:
: Johnny! The babies--they smell really, really bad, kind of like anal beads!

Johnny:
: And that's why you need to change...their diapers!

[Johnny pulls out a clean diaper and gives it to Gil.]

[Gil faints from the smell]

[Babies are on the table, crying, with stink lines coming from their diapers]

Johnny:
: (to Dukey) You gotta change them.

[Mr. Black and Mr. White have caught Johnny and Dukey and are escorting them home.]

Mr. White:
Okay, we want answers. Why did you resist a police officer?

Johnny:
Why are you police officers?

Mr. Black:
I blew up Malaysia.

Johnny:
You wouldn't last a day in my shoes.

Hugh:
YOU COULDN'T LAST AN HOUR IN MINE!!!!!

Susan & Mary:
We can arrange that.

Hugh:
Being stuffed into my own locker by Bumper is still better than toilet plunging.

[A long while after Hugh and Johnny swap brains.]

Johnny:
I can't take it. DAD WINS! I just want my horrible childhood back!

Hugh:
And I want my awful life back!

Johnny:
I'm so sorry, Dad! And, I love you, man.

Hugh:
I love you too, son. And Bumper's coming here to kick your butt. I mean my butt. I mean HELP!

[When Johnny (in Hugh's body) is about to shoot Bumper with a marshmallow shooter loaded with sprouts.]

Johnny:
You leave me... ahem... I mean, (tries to imitate Hugh's voice) my son alone!

Bumper:
Are those Brussels sprouts?

Johnny:
Boiled. No butter, no salt.

[When Johnny (in Hugh's body) shoots Bumper with a marshmallow shooter loaded with sprouts. Bumper swallows the Brussels sprouts.]

Bumper:
Ah! I give up, Test with a cold! You win! YOU WIN!!! [Runs away, crying]

Hugh (in Johnny's body):
[Notices that Lila is Home due to car skidding noises] And now, it's about to get worse.

Lila:
Why is the house smoking with burned cupcakes all over the lawn?! [Camera zooms out showing the house is smoking with burned cupcakes all over the lawn.] And why did I get a call from the Principal saying: "Johnny cuts school"!?

Johnny (in Hugh's body):
Yep, we're dead.

Johnny (in Hugh's body):
(tries to imitate Hugh's voice) Uh, uh, I mean, I have a cold.

Lila:
Someone tell me what's going on!

Johnny (in Hugh's body):
We switched places to find out who had a tougher life. And they're both pretty tough! And frankly, Mom, you should take advantage of Dad.

Lila:
You switched their BODIES?!

Susan:
No! We switched their brains.

Lila:
Oh. WELL, SWITCH THEM BACK!

Johnny & Hugh:
I'm back to normal!!

Lila:
But I'm still mad at all of you! I worked hard all day and all week, and I don't want to come home to a destroyed house. And now, (Yelling) I HAVE TO MAKE THE CUPCAKES!!!!!

Lila (in Susan's body):
[Running] AAAAHHH! GET AWAY, EUGENE, I'M NOT INTO YOU!!!

Bling Bling Boy:
But I love you, Susan Test, who clearly has a cold!

Hugh:
Well, Your mom's getting ahead of Eugene pretty good. I wonder how Susan's baking's going? [Everyone but Dukey put on their glasses]

Susan (in Lila's body):
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Johnny:
Ha! It really is like the 4th of July!

Narrator:
In an earlier experiment on Johnny Test, Johnny and Dukey were rocketed into space to find life.

Dark Vegan:
I WILL DESTROY YOU!!

Narrator:
Jillian still likes Johnny, though.

Johnny Test:
It's called Rock n' Roll. It's better when it's loud, but that's when parents start to hate it.

Jillian:
Let's try it.

Dark Vegan:
Turn that pulsating noise down!

Jillian:
[While dancing] It's called Rock 'n' Roll. We never had it on Vegandon. I like it.

Dark Vegan:
Well, I despise it! [Pulls out his lightsaber and destroys the radio] And I despise you, Johnny Test, and I will destroy you, and- Oh no! I'm late for work. Darn it!

Johnny Test:
So how's your dad doing with the, you know, adjustment?

Jillian:
He's having a really hard time keeping an Earth job.

Male Customer:
Can we get some more water?

Cool Guy:
Hey, park this for me, will you, pal?

Female Costumer:
This is not the correct change.

Dark Vegan:
I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR EARTH MONEY!!! Just be happy I'll let you live.

Dark Vegan:
I'm fired, right?

Dark Vegan:
[Points at Johnny] YOU!! YOU did this to me! I was the ruler of my planet, and now I'm an UNEMPLOYABLE LOSER!!!

Dark Vegan's Wife:
Honey, you have to try this new earthly recipe. It's called toast. [Shoves a slice of toast in Dark Vegan's mouth.] Oh, and I went to an amusement park today. And you know what? I was really amused.

Johnny Test:
I told you Earth was cool.

Dark Vegan:
Earth is SO NOT COOL!! You destroyed my life, Johnny Test. [Eats toast] And I promise, I will destroy you.

Dark Vegan:
I WILL BE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCKKKKKK!!

Johnny Test:
A penguin. [Dukey growls like a lion.] A lion. [Dukey impersonates a vulture.] A vulture. [Gets lifted by the force]

Dark Vegan:
I'm through playing games, Johnny Test! [Dukey impersonates a goat and pushes Dark Vegan off a cliff.] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Johnny Test:
A Billy goat.

Jillian:
Sorry about my dad, Johnny. He really hasn't been himself since you defeated him, and he can't get us home to Vegandon.

Johnny Test:
Don't sweat it.

Dark Vegan:
I give up. You are too mighty an opponent, Johnny Test. I just miss being an evil ruler on my whole planet so much, and I just... [Cries]

Johnny Test:
Oh man, he's crying.

Dark Vegan:
Well, I guess I'm just homesick, and it's really hard adapting to a new planet and- [Eats toast] What is this called again?

Dark Vegan:
It's good. Really good.

Johnny Test:
Okay, well, Dukey and I talked about it and decided, we want to help you out.

Dark Vegan:
Yes, of course. We will join forces, Johnny, and with our powers united, we will rule the galaxy!

Jillian:
No, dad. That's not it.

Johnny Test:
We'll help you get home, but, you got to promise not to come back to Earth and try to destroy it.

Jillian:
Or destroy any other planets in the Galaxy.

Dark Vegan:
What?! Forget it!

Jillian:
Fine. Here are the want ads. [Throws a newspaper at Dark Vegan's face.]

Dark Vegan:
This is a great deal, huh?

Customer:
I don't know. I was kinda thinking about getting something smaller.

Dark Vegan:
You want smaller? Fine. How's this!? [Slices the car with his lightsaber.]

Customer:
AAAAAAHHH!!! THIS GUY IS NUTS!!! [Runs away]

Dark Vegan:
Okay. I'll stop destroying planets if you help me get back to Vegandon.

Johnny Test:
Deal. [Shakes Dark Vegan's hand.]

Dark Vegan:
And, uh, do you have any more of those warm crispy slices of carbohydrates?

Dukey:
You mean toast?

Dark Vegan:
Toast! Yes! I like toast.

Susan Test:
No, you can't borrow the spaceship. One, because you'll just destroy it.

Mary Test:
And two, we're working on a new invention that will surely get [Lovely] Gil next door, over for tea.

Johnny Test:
Well, what's the invention?

Susan Test:
We haven't thought of one yet.

Johnny Test:
Don't worry. They always say no at first.

Dukey:
Then we wear them down and they do whatever we want. [Chuckles]

Dark Vegan:
Do you choke them?

Johnny Test:
No, I schmooze them. [To Susan & Mary] Wow, this looks really nice. I love you guys so much.

Susan Test:
Forget it, Johnny.

Johnny Test:
Actually...

Dark Vegan:
[Shoves Johnny out of the way and uses the force on Susan & Mary] Enough schmoozing!

Jillian:
Daddy, STOP!!

Dark Vegan:
Now, give me the keys to the spaceship or I will destroy you!

Johnny Test:
I wasn't done schmoozing!

Johnny Test:
The only way we're going to get you home is with the girl's ship.

Jillian:
I will not go up against your sisters. They scare me. [Walks away]

Dark Vegan:
Uh, wha-what is this?

Dukey:
It's jelly. It makes toast even tastier.

Dark Vegan:
That's not possible. [Eats toast] It is, Dukey! [Eats toast again] Oh, I have never enjoyed such a confection.

Johnny Test:
Blah, blah, blah. Enough with the toast! Now, we're going to need to sneak into the lab and steal the spaceship. It's not going to be easy, but it's our only hope.

Dukey:
Right, but we'll need a plan, a really good plan.

Johnny Test:
[Short pause] RUN FOR IT!!

Jillian:
I told you not to go up against your sisters.

Dark Vegan:
We're here from the Environmental Protection Agency. And we understand you have a spaceship we need to inspect?

Susan Test:
Sure. It's right over there.

Dark Vegan:
I was never really good at that.

Johnny Test:
You're telling us this now!?

Johnny Test:
I'm out of ideas.

Dark Vegan:
And worse, we're out of toast. GET ME SOME MORE!!!!

Dukey:
[Annoyed Growl] We're out of bread.

Dark Vegan:
What's bread?

Johnny Test:
Bread is what goes in the toaster that cooks the bread to make toast.

Dark Vegan:
[Grabs the toaster] Fascinating! And, how do you get more of this bread?

Johnny Test:
Um, my dad buys it.

Hugh:
[Grabs the toaster] Yes. And I'm not getting any more, because you guys have already gone through three loaves. [Puts down the toaster, then gets mind-controlled.]

Dark Vegan:
I will get you some more bread.

Hugh [Mind-controlled]:
I'll get you some more bread.

Dark Vegan:
I will go to the store right now.

Hugh [Mind-controlled]:
I'll go to the store right now. [Goes to the store to buy more bread.]

Johnny Test:
How did you do that?

Dark Vegan:
That's an old vegan mind trick.

Dukey:
Why didn't you use it on Johnny's sisters?

Dark Vegan:
It only works on dumb people.

Johnny Test:
Oh, I know how to get that ship.

Susan Test:
What about just tying Gil up, and dragging him here?

Mary Test:
It's good, but if we let him go, we could get arrested.

Susan Test:
OK! I am done messing around with Johnny and Dork Vegan!

Mary Test:
You get the door, I'll get the lever. [Goes for the lever.]

Susan Test:
YOU'RE NEVER GETTING THE SHIP, JOHNNY AND- [The door reveals Gil, who is mind-controlled.] Gillllll Next Door...

Dark Vegan:
Why, I'd love to have tea with you, Susan and Mary.

Gil [Mind-controlled]:
Why, I'd love to have tea with you, Susan and Mary.

Dark Vegan:
Hold my hands, and let us dine on tea, and Goofy Triangle Sandwiches.

Gil [Mind-controlled]:
Hold my hands, and let us dine on tea, and Goofy Triangle Sandwiches.

Susan & Mary:
Ohhhhhhhh, Gillllllllll... [Gil tries to drink the tea, but due to him being mind-controlled, he lets the tea fall on the floor.] Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Johnny:
Hey, we need the keys to the...

Dark Vegan:
[Victorious] Yes! We're going home!

Dark Vegan:
Dear, Vegandons, I have returned once again to be your leader.

Dark Vegan's Wife:
But, I liked it on Earth.

Jillian:
I already miss Johnny, and rock music, and video games and...

Dark Vegan:
SILENCE!! Now, let us celebrate with an amazing Vegandon feast!

Dark Vegan:
Uh, where's the toast? I want toast!

Vegandon Waitress:
There's no toast on Vegandon, sir.

Dark Vegan:
What? Why not?

Vegandon Chef:
Uh. The crunchy, Earth delicacy you described, it cannot be created because Vegandon lacks uh, bread.

Vegandon Waitress:
And, we haven't invented the toaster.

Dark Vegan:
NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Dark Vegan:
We're back!

Johnny Test:
WHAT!? We worked our butts off to get you guys back to your planet!

Jillian:
Yeah, but there's no toast there.

Dukey:
You came back for toast?

Dark Vegan:
YES!! [Goes to the house to get his toast.] With jelly! [Eats toast]

Jillian:
Personally, I'm glad we're back.

Dark Vegan:
And now that I'm staying my earlier vimit as void. And I promise, TO DESTROY EARTH, AND YOU, JOHNNY TEST!!!

Jillian:
You might wanna run, Johnny.

Johnny Test:
Way ahead of you.

Dark Vegan:
Toast! Toast! I like toast.

Principal:
Johnny, here's what I'm thinking...

Johnny:
Please, don't give me a detention! My Dad'll send me to military school! That means uniforms! Atomic wedgies!... Awkward pauses!

Principal:
I like you, Johnny.

Johnny:
So I'm free to go?

Principal:
No. But I'm gonna cut you a deal. If you perform 99 good deeds to make up for your 99 bad deeds, I'll forget every one of your detentions and erase them from your permanent record.

Johnny:
Couldn't I just write something on the chalkboard a zillion time like 'I promise not to blabeddy, blah, blah, blah.' Huh? (smiles hopefully, but the principal shakes his head.) 99 good deeds it is!

Principal:
And no cheating. Remember, I'm the principal. I know everything!

[Johnny tries to help an old lady cross the road. He takes her arm.]

Johnny:
Hello, Ma'am. May I assist you?

Old Lady:
Oh, I get it. I'm an old lady. Well, I'm also independent, lonely, but independent. BACK OFF!

Johnny:
Yeah? You forgot CRAZY!

Johnny:
WHAT D'YOU MEAN NONE OF MY GOOD DEEDS COUNT?!!

Principal:
Solving a problem that you create is NOT a good deed. Returning the wallet was a good deed, but your dog swiped it. And giving someone their I.B. bag back is nice, but your dog shouldn't have taken it in the first place.

Johnny:
Um... how did you know it was my dog?

Principal:
I know everything. Plus, I have access to the city's traffic surveillance system.

Johnny:
Wow. I look so guilty on camera.

Lila:
I'm calling Wendell, Tyler, Sissy and Bumper's moms again! You need a best friend, mister!

Johnny:
I have a best friend, ok! A best friend who plays catch with me outside, skateboards with me and eats my table scraps. Dukey.

Hugh:
Dukey is a great dog, son. But... you need to talk to someone other than yourself.

Johnny:
(to Dukey) Say 'hi'. Go on, say it. Say it before they destroy me with friends!

Lila:
Johnny, dogs don't talk.

[Johnny gives a gesture for Dukey to speak.]

Dukey:
[Standing on his hind legs] I talk. (Mom and Dad gasp) Yeah, I'm like a really great dog. (Laughs, and Mom and Dad faint.)

Susan:
Eh, they'll be fine in about 2 hours.

Hugh:
Uh, is there anything you like to say, Dukey?

Dukey:
Well, I've been dying to say that if you really want to increase sales you need to establish better relationships with your clients.

Lila:
That makes sense.

Dukey:
And Dad, your meatloaf is overcooked. Lower the temperature to 415, cook with foil on top for the last ten minutes and it's missing cumin and barbecue sauce.

Hugh:
He's right. By golly, he's right! Let's cook a meatloaf right now, boy!

Lila:
Dukey, wait! I want more business tips.

Johnny:
Ok, I think this is going well.

[Johnny gathers the friends Mom and Dad tried to get him to play earlier with to help him.]

Bumper:
Why am I helping you? I should be beating you up!

Johnny:
Because I need someone who can scare people. And Bumper, you are amazing at scaring people!

Bumper:
You... you think I'm amazing? (tearfully) Nobody's ever said that to me. (Hugging him) I am so there for you, buddy!

Sissy:
What do we do now, Test?

Johnny:
Well... what do friends do?

Bumper:
Er... I think they play Tag.

Johnny:
Play Tag.

[After Susan and Mary are too scared to ask Gil out on a date.]

Johnny:
You guys are pathetic!

Dukey:
No, totally pathetic!

Susan:
We know.

Johnny:
You know, the only thing missing is my dad telling me that I have to have them back to normal by dinner or I'm in big trouble and- he's standing right behind me, isn't he?

(Dukey nods nervously and Johnny turns around.)

Johnny:
I'd like to start this conversation with; I didn't do it.

Dad:
I don't know what "it" is, Johnny, but you better have Susan and Mary home and normal by dinner or you're in big trouble, BIG!

[When explaining to Johnny about the King's Madness.]

Susan:
People go looney when they get power.

Mary:
It happened to George III, Henry VIII and Napoleon. And he was short and crazy just like you.

Susan:
You'll get the power, enjoy it way too much and try and take over Europe. So forget it!

Johnny:
Europe? I'm not gonna take over Europe today.

Susan:
I knew I was gonna regret this.

Johnny:
And now my chess army... LET'S TAKE OVER EUROPE!

Johnny:
Way to go, my army! We have captured Spain, and their flan!

Dukey:
Freeze, King Johnny! Your reign and this game are over!

Johnny:
I say when the game is over and PAWNS ATTACK!

[When Agents Black and White try and storm the Toy Castle Johnny has taken over.]

Black:
Attention, crazy person!

White:
Come out with your royal hands up or massive force will be... used... on... you...

(They notice Susan, Mary and Dukey.)

Black:
Oh, for the love of... is that Johnny in there?

Susan, Mary & Dukey:
Yep.

White:
Why can't you guys be like normal kids and play board games?

Dukey:
That's kind of what we're doing. (Laughs.)

Johnny:
You think you can stop me?! The king with your blasters?!

Dukey:
Actually we're gonna use the turbo soaker. Check and mate!

[Shoots cold water at Johnny. He splutters and shakes his head.]

Johnny:
Who? What? Where? What happened?

Dukey:
You went crazy with the King Madness and took over the Toy Castle.

Johnny:
Did we have fun?

Susan & Mary:
We had a blast!

[When cartoon characters Dawg and Bone enter the real world.]

Johnny:
OW! You hit us with frying pans!

Dawg:
Since when does that hurt? [He and Bone hit each other with frying pans and their faces are completely flat. They shake their heads and they return to normal.] That is always funizle!

Dukey:
Oh, no. They're from a squash and stretch cartoon!

Johnny:
And that means?

Dukey:
They can't get hurt in our world, but we can!

[When Dawg and Bone are about to be blown up with dynamite.]

Dawg:
This is a new one.

[Johnny and Dukey hit Dawg and Bone with frying pans to which onlookers laugh.]

Woman:
Hey, that was kinda funny!

[Dawg and Bone shake their heads to return normal and then pull out large laser guns.]

Woman:
Not funny anymore! Run!

[When Johnny, Dukey, Susan and Mary enter the cartoon world.]

Dukey:
And you still don't see anything familiar about this cartoon?

Johnny:
Nope. Ok, Dawg. Do it!

Dawg:
You got it, Johnny.

[He and Bone hit Johnny and Dukey with frying pans and their faces are completely flat.]

Johnny & Dukey:
Awesome!

[When Johnny and Dukey are mutated back into Johnny X and Super Pooch. Dukey opens his mouth furiously.]

Johnny:
If you don't have anything nice or encouraging to say, then don't say anything.

[Dukey covers his mouth resignedly.]

Johnny:
Good boy. Now, to Pork Belly!

Johnny:
What do these mutant dorks look like anyway?

[An explosion blasts away part of Johnny's room, revealing two mutant agent robots.]

General:
They look like that. Oh, and the capes were their idea, not mine.

Johnny:
Knock, knock?

Super Mutant:
Who's there?

Johnny:
Super Duper Power Poots!

Super Mutant:
Oh, crud!

Johnny:
Ok, everyone say "Power Poots!"

Everyone:
POWER POOTS!!!