Justice League, Season One

Senator Carter:
[on Mars] Would you look at that? It's a little slice of Heaven.

Astronaut:
If your idea of Heaven is a barren, lifeless rock.

Superman:
Medic!

Medic:
[wheeling a stretcher over to where Superman is landing] What happened?

Superman:
I'm not sure. [Superman lays Batman, unconscious, on a stretcher and flies away. The medic takes his pulse, then reaches for his mask.]

Batman:
[grabbing her wrist] Don't even think about it.

Martian Manhunter:
[after changing to a more human form] I am J'onn J'onzz.

[He offers his hand to Batman, who just stands there.]

Superman:
Don't take it personally, J'onn. He doesn't trust anyone.

Martian Manhunter:
[dryly] A wise policy.

[The League is in the watchtower for the first time.]

Superman:
[looking out the window]: Incredible...Do your stockholders know about this Bruce?

Batman:
A line item hidden in the aerospace R&D budget.

Superman:
I once thought I could protect the world by myself, but I was wrong. Working together, we saved the planet, and I believe that if we stay together as a team, we could be a force that could truly work for the ideals of peace and justice.

The Flash:
What, like a bunch of... super friends?

Superman:
More like a Justice League.

The Flash:
You have no idea how corny that sounds.

Batman:
I'm not really a people person. But, when you need help - and you will - call me.

Martian Manhunter:
Wonder Woman is on another case, Superman's dealing with an earthquake and Batman would only say that he's "busy".

Hawkgirl:
Typical.

[Flash catches Hawkgirl after getting thrown]

Flash:
Aren't you gonna thank me?

Hawkgirl:
Down, boy.

Flash:
Asking the fastest man alive to slow things down? Won't be easy.

Flash:
Don't you have any lawyers here?

Judges:
We solved our lawyer problem a long time ago. However, you could speak for him, if you wish. But be aware, if you lose, you'll share the same penalty as the accused.

Flash:
The same penalty? You mean... that's crazy!

Judge:
No, that's how we solved our lawyer problem.

Flash:
[buying time defending Green Lantern] Ahem. Right. Sure. But first, I'd like to say a few words about... about habeus corpus. Yeah, habeus corpus! And ipso... facto! Phi Beta Kappa!

...

Flash:
[still defending Green Lantern] Have you asked yourself, "why this rush to judgment?" If the ring wasn't lit, you must acquit, and furthermore...

Unknown Alien:
Surprise witness? He was nowhere near the crime, what kind of witness can he be?

Flash:
A big scary one.

Prosecutor:
How much more must we hear? We demand an immediate judgment!

Flash:
I object!

Judges:
[in unison] OVERRULED!

Flash:
I'm sorry. I did everything I could.

Green Lantern:
I wish you hadn't.

Flash:
[being moved toward the execution chamber] Whoa, time out! I want an appeal!

Green Lantern:
Will you show some dignity for once in your life?

Flash:
This isn't right. We can't just sit here.

Green Lantern:
We have to. Think of the others like us. We all need to be held accountable. We have too much power not to be.

Green Lantern:
In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil's might, beware my power: Green Lantern's light!!

Superman:
You know, all this could have been avoided.

Aquaman:
How?

Superman:
Come and air your grievances at the World Assembly. Negotiate for peace.

Aquaman:
You'd have me crawl to them like some beggar?

Superman:
No. Stand before them like a king.

Green Lantern:
We never should have left that sub down there. Now it's in the hands of that madman.

Wonder Woman:
Aquaman's no madman. He's a king. He only wants to preserve and protect his own kind.

Green Lantern:
So who's going to protect us from him?

Batman:
I'll take it from here. [takes Deadshot away from the group]

Deadshot:
You can't scare me, Batman.

Batman:
[grabbing him] Let me give you one word of advice...

[Batman whispers something indistinct.]

Deadshot:
Okay, I'll tell, I'll tell.

Wonder Woman:
[to Superman] What did he say?

Superman:
You don't want to know.

[N.B. In an interview, Kevin Conroy said that the words he whispered during the recording session were "I know where you live, Floyd."]

[Aquaman jumps off of a jetski and onto the back of a giant killer whale, which jumps through the air and lands on a large group of soldiers before submerging.]

Green Lantern:
I saw it, but I still don't believe it.

Batman:
There's not much time. If we can't shut that down, the entire world is doomed!

Green Lantern:
I suppose this is a bad time to say "I told you so."

Martian Manhunter:
[to Luthor] So much for your image as a benevolent businessman. This is the end of an era.

Lex Luthor:
The end of your era, maybe.

[Luthor interrupts the Ultra-Humanite's opera program]

Luthor:
Humanite! How can you stand that caterwauling?!

Ultra-Humanite:
Music is one of the meager pleasures I'm allowed in here, along with a few other necessities. You should try the culture channel. It might improve your disposition.

Luthor:
There's nothing wrong with my disposition that a little freedom wouldn't cure.

Ultra-Humanite:
That's not what I hear.

Luthor:
... I need your help. And I can make it worth your while.

Ultra-Humanite:
What do I need with money?

Luthor:
Everyone needs money. The only question is, how much?

Hawkgirl:
I'm used to being thanked when I save someone.

Batman:
I'm not used to being saved.

Shade:
Lex Luthor? Well, the plot thins.

Flash:
And I had those flames out before the firemen even stepped off their trucks.

Hawkgirl:
That's fast.

Flash:
Fastest man alive.

Hawkgirl:
Which might explain why you can't get a date.

Flash:
Yeah...Hey! What's that supposed to mean?

[Luthor is knocked back during the battle with the Justice League]

Ultra-Humanite:
There goes our paycheck. [catches him] I'd hate to see anything happen to you, Lex.

Luthor:
I'm sure (!)

[About Copperhead, who was captured after biting Batman]

Superman:
I'm going down to interrogate him.

Batman:
Alright. Let's go.

Superman:
No, you're staying here. That venom almost killed you.

Batman:
So?

Superman:
So, you're staying here.

Batman:
[watches Superman leave] Right. [sits up and removes wrist IV]

[Batman, recovering from being poisoned, is typing at a computer.]

Martian Manhunter:
You really should be resting. [Batman keeps typing] I know this must be hard for you, feeling vulnerable. You're the only one of us without special powers, but you don't need to prove yourself. You're a valued member of this team, and we're only trying to--

Batman:
[Gets up] I'm taking the shuttle. Unless you want to try and stop me.

Martian Manhunter:
[pauses] No. [moves out of the way]

[After the Injustice Gang fail to defeat the Justice League]

Luthor:
"The best at what you do". What was I thinking?!

Cheetah:
We did everything we could.

Luthor:
Did you? Did you fight like your lives depended on it? Did you fight to the last man?

Shade:
You get what you pay for, Luthor.

Luthor:
Are you saying you want more money? You want to be rewarded for failure? I oughta take the whole bunch of you and--

Solomon Grundy:
[grabs him around the neck] And what?!

Luthor:
Go ahead! Do it! You'll be saving me months of bedpans and feeding tubes! And you'll also guarantee that none of you will ever see a penny from me!

Solomon Grundy:
[pauses, then drops Luthor] You're crazy.

Joker:
[entering] And what's wrong with that? It's done wonders for me!

Luthor:
[annoyed] Get out of here!

Joker:
Oh, Lexy, I'm hurt! How could you have this little party without inviting me?

Joker:
But seriously, Lex, you need me.

Luthor:
Like I need skin rash.

Joker:
Maybe so, but I know something you don't know: I know how "the bat" thinks!

Joker:
[to Luthor, who has imprisoned Batman] You're not going to leave him like this, are you?

Luthor:
Why?

Joker:
Hello?! He's still alive.

Luthor:
[stern] And he's staying that way until I say we don't need him anymore.

Joker:
Lex, Lex, listen to someone who knows. [whispering and pointing to Luthor's gun] Don't wait. Do it now.

Luthor:
You don't like my decisions? Leave! [pushes him away]

Joker:
And they say I'm crazy...

[Superman and Flash interrogate Copperhead]

Copperhead:
I keep telling you, I don't know anything! I'm just...

Flash:
[at the same time as him] ... "an innocent victim of circumstances". Yeah, we know.

[Superman grabs Copperhead and pushes him against a wall]

Superman:
Copperhead, when are you going to get some sense and tell us where Luthor is?!

Copperhead:
[not intimidated] Oooh, this must be the part where I get so scared, I spill my guts (!)

Superman:
I'm warning you...

Copperhead:
What are you gonna do, boy-scout? Short my sheets? Give me a wedgie?

Superman:
[drops Copperhead, and turns to two guards] Take him back to a holding cell.

Copperhead:
[being taken away] Hasta la vista! [hisses]

Flash:
[sarcastically] That went well.

Superman:
How does Batman do it?

[Cheetah is supposed to be guarding Batman, but they end up talking about her past]

Batman:
So what happened then?

Cheetah:
My research opened up whole new worlds. There was so much to do...

Batman:
But so little funding.

Cheetah:
You know about that?

Batman:
You didn't have enough for research subjects, so you used yourself.

Cheetah:
And now I'm a freak.

Batman:
That's not what I see. I see someone who was willing to sacrifice everything for a cause she believed in.

Cheetah:
[softens] How do you know so much about me?

Batman:
Let's just say, cats aren't the only creatures who are curious.

Cheetah:
[sidles up to him] Too much curiosity can be dangerous.

Batman:
Maybe I like danger.

Cheetah:
Do you?

Batman:
[whispers] Try me.

[She kisses him]

[While Cheetah "guards" Batman]

Joker:
She's been down there too long...

Luthor:
Forget it. There's no way I'm going to leave you alone with him.

Joker:
But, Lexy, where's your sense of fun? Besides, it won't cost you a cent!

[Luthor stumbles, clutching his heart]

Shade:
Maybe we should get paid now...

Luthor:
[as the villains desert him] No! We can still win if we lure them here! I have a plan, but we've got to stick together.

Solomon Grundy:
Grundy not that dumb.

Luthor:
[attacking Superman with Kryptonite radiation] Why so surprised, Superman? It's a basic rule of business: turn every weakness into a strength. Of course, that's a lesson you won't live to appreciate.

Ultra-Humanite:
Neither will you, Lex. [electrocutes him from behind]

Luthor:
[dazed] Et tu, Humanite? [passes out]

Joker:
How did you get free?!

Batman:
I could have escaped any time. But I thought I'd hang around to keep an eye on you clowns. [punches Joker]

Joker:
[dazed] You're dethpicable!

[Joker passes out. The corner of Batman's mouth turns up in a slight smile.]

Wonder Woman:
[practicing to return to her mother] "You look more radiant than ever, Mother...!" No. "Gone, mother? I didn't go anywhere. I was in my room... alone... for eight months..." Definitely not. "The world was in peril! Would you have me stand by and do nothing...?!" Hera, give me strength.

[On a museum plaque:
] 6th century BC Earliest known example of a red-figured amphora Artist: Unknown

6th century BC

Earliest known example of a red-figured amphora

Artist:
Unknown

Wonder Woman:
Menalippe! Good for you. I always said your work was museum-quality.

Wonder Woman:
I am Diana, Princess of the Amazons! I won't be denied!

Flash:
Picture it - The sun. The sea. Hundreds of women just like her running around, and me: the first man they've seen in... oh, maybe forever. Oh, and look what I brought: Iced mochas for everyone! Sweet.

Martian Manhunter:
I fail to see the attraction.

Flash:
Man, you really are from Mars.

Wonder Woman:
[walking through a mall] It's like some kind of temple.

Superman:
Yes, for those who worship their credit cards.

Batman:
Don't touch that!

Flash:
Oops.

Batman:
Don't touch anything! We don't know what kind of powers we're dealing with.

[Descending to the gateway to Tartarus]

Flash:
Ugh - what's that smell?

Wonder Woman:
Don't ask.

Mongul:
Rebellion? There's not going to be any rebellion. Not if I can keep giving them fights - good ones. Enough to take their minds off their troubles.

Mongul:
The people have spoken. LONG LIVE DEMOCRACY!

Green Lantern:
Relax. All we want is information about our friends. You can talk to me... [points to Hawkgirl] Or you can talk to her. [Hawkgirl slaps her mace into one hand]

Mongul:
Are you ready, Kryptonian?

Superman:
I won't fight for your amusement, Mongul.

Superman:
Draaga, we don't have to do this!

Draaga:
You don't have a choice - neither of us does.

[Security robots are attempting to destroy Superman as the crowd (and the Martian Manhunter) look on.]

Martian Manhunter:
No! The Kryptonian won! Don't you want to see him fight again?

Spectator:
I gotta admit, he's a real champ!

Martian Manhunter:
He's more than that - he's a Superman!

Superman:
You've earned a chance for a whole new life.

Draaga:
What's life without honor? I'm not worthy.

Superman:
Draaga, the real test of honor isn't how you die. It's how you live.

Solovar:
Get your stinking paws off me, you dirty human!

Flash:
I can't think - I'm tired and hungry...

Detective:
Maybe some coffee will help. How do you take it?

Flash:
Cream and 37 sugars. [the detective starts, then looks at him incredulously] Really.

Flash:
Let's see, after I caught the gorilla, he told me that...

Green Lantern:
He talked to you?

Flash:
Yeah, right after I stopped his car.

Green Lantern:
I'm supposed to believe this?

Flash:
Hey, we've both got a Martian's phone number on our speed dial. I think I deserve the benefit of the doubt here.

Solovar:
Was that really necessary?

Green Lantern:
Okay, so he can talk.

Dr. Corwin:
[fires at Flash, only to suddenly find him next to her] How...

Flash:
You blinked.

Gorilla Grodd:
My apologies for the hasty exit, but I have a city to destroy!

Gorilla Grodd:
People of Central City! The age of hairless, simple-minded humanity is over! Today, a new age dawns. Today, Grodd rules.

[Crowd cheers]

Gorilla Grodd:
Humans are slow, ugly, immoral, and have an unpleasant body odor!

Flash:
Hey, who you calling slow?!

Green Lantern:
Flash, don't heckle the supervillain.

Grodd:
You're a bigger fool than I thought.

Flash:
Oh yeah?! Well, you're... naked!

Grodd:
[preparing to don his helmet] The world will miss your sparkling intellect. Goodbye, Flash.

[About Aresia]

Copperhead:
I like her style.

Shade:
A definite improvement over Luthor.

Saleswoman:
It's the latest scent! You wear this, and you'll have to beat the men off with a stick.

Wonder Woman:
Believe me - I don't need a stick.

Wonder Woman:
Amazons don't steal. It's against our code. And we never leave the island.

Batman:
Never?

Hawkgirl:
But who wants to live in a world without men?

Wonder Woman:
They can't possibly be that essential to your life.

Hawkgirl:
Don't knock it 'til you've tried it, Princess.

Wonder Woman:
If only Aresia could have learned to see the noble qualities of men.

Flash:
[eating a donut] I definitely could have taught that bad babe a thing or two about guys. Too bad we never met. [washes it down with a soda; burps]

Wonder Woman:
Maybe it's... just as well.

Sergeant O'Shaugnessy:
Music Master! Put up your hands and drop the Stradivarius!

Music Master:
Sorry, Sergeant - I don't take requests.

Hawkgirl:
[strained, to Black Siren] So, you fight crime and bake cookies. How do you do it?

Green Lantern:
I know it sounds corny, but those comics taught me what it meant to be a hero. Without them... well, maybe I wouldn't have this ring today.

Flash:
Oh-kay.

[Hawkgirl walks by with a tray of cookies.]

Flash:
Hey, Cookie.

Hawkgirl:
One word and you'll be the fastest man alive with a limp.

Green Lantern:
It's an honor to fight beside you.

Streak:
The feeling's mutual. You're a credit to your people, son.

Green Lantern:
Uh... thanks?

Flash:
Is it just me or they're the only cops around here?

Streak:
[after Sir Swami escapes] A pity he uses his talents for evil, rather than entertain children at birthday parties.

Music Master:
Badaba to the fat lady - may she keep on singing!

Flash:
Like I said, you never had a snowball's chance in-

Black Siren:
Flash, look!

[Flash sees a truck full of dynamite on a collision course with a bus full of nuns, who gasp and cross themselves.]

Flash:
You've gotta be kidding.

Dr. Blizzard:
Ha! You can't escape my killing chill.

Flash:
I'm just getting warmed up!

The Sportsman:
What's this? New player? No matter, watch the birdie.

[Explosion throws Catman forward]

The Sportsman:
Game, Set, Match.

[The Justice Guild watch as Ray brutally attacks and defeats the Justice League]

Black Siren:
WAIT! What if J'onn's right? That means that if Ray goes, so do we.

[The Justice Guild linger for a moment, wondering what to do.]

Streak:
We died once to save this Earth. And we can do it again.

[The Justice Guild attack Ray]

Ray:
What is this!?

Tom Turbine:
In Seaboard City, crime doesn't pay.

Ray:
You can't! I made you!

Justice Guild in unison:
Let justice prevail!

Hawkgirl:
Are you okay?

Green Lantern:
It's stupid really - why should I feel like this? I mean, they weren't even real.

Hawkgirl:
They gave their lives for us. That's real enough for me.

Etrigan:
For the past generation she has hidden from me, but I will never rest until her soul burns in the Eternal Pit.

Flash:
And I thought Bats was creepy.

Etrigan:
The witch has an amulet which can sense when I'm drawing near.

Flash:
With that stench, who needs an amulet?

Etrigan:
Heed me. She will tap into your deepest desires, and dangle them like a carrot in front of your nose. She will give you everything you dream of - but only until she gets what she wants.

Batman:
The voice of experience?

Etrigan:
[grumbles] Don't say I didn't warn you.

Morgaine le Fey:
[after draining the Hall of Records clerk of her life energy] Youth is so wasted on the young. [looks around at the computers] Don't these people believe in books anymore?

Etrigan:
I still don't trust that Martian. He's damaged goods.

Batman:
I trust J'onn with my life.

Etrigan:
I'll send flowers.

[Flash and Wonder Woman try to get into Harv Hickman's Halloween party]

Flash:
Harv Hickman? The magazine publisher?

Wonder Woman:
You know his work?

Flash:
I, uh, only read it for the articles.

Flash:
[elbowing through crowd] Sorry, official world-saving business.

Bouncer:
Are you on the list?

Wonder Woman:
This is an emergency. We're with the Justice League.

Bouncer:
Heh. Sure, lady. [gestures to costumed party-goers, some dressed as superheroes] So are they.

Martian Manhunter:
[to Batman] I know what I experienced was an illusion, but it felt so real. The urge to embrace it was more than I could bear. Sometimes I believe I would do anything to see my loved ones again. You can't imagine how that feels.

Wonder Woman:
Let me understand this - you possess the most powerful object in the world, and yet all you wished for is money and women?

Harv Hickman:
What else is there?

Flash:
[putting the Philosopher's Stone in the Watchtower vault] Ha. I'd like to see her try and get it now.

Etrigan:
Be careful what you wish for, little man.

[After Morgaine le Fey successfully uses the Martian Manhunter to steal the Stone from the Watchtower]

Etrigan:
You stupid, ignorant, pathetic excuses for heroes!!

Wonder Woman:
It can't be....

Etrigan:
Oh, really, your highness?! Take another look! I pursued that witch for centuries, and yet you've blindly ignored my warnings and doomed the world!

Wonder Woman:
Enough! [slaps him.]

Etrigan:
[rubs jaw] The truth hurts, doesn't it, Princess?

Wonder Woman:
Why don't you go straight to--

Flash:
[rushing in] More bad news!

Flash:
Go find some other house to haunt!

Wonder Woman:
He didn't mean that.

Etrigan:
Do you think I care?

Flash:
[After teleporting through dimensions] Ding! Fifth floor, hardware, sporting goods, evil sorceresses!

Oil Driller:
870 feet. We drill much deeper, and we'll hit New Zealand.

Rex Mason:
Still in uniform, I see - though it's not exactly standard Marine corps issue.

Green Lantern:
I signed up with a new unit.

Rex:
So I heard.

Bank robber:
[riding in armored car, sees Justice League] Uh-oh. Long-Johns at 10:00.

Superman:
Prepare the landing bay. We're coming in.

Batman:
Just when I was starting to enjoy the peace and quiet.

Superman:
Same old Bats.

Stormtrooper:
Let's see your identity papers. Now!

Flash:
Sorry, but my identity's a secret. Chicks dig that whole "man of mystery" thing.

Flash:
Bats, you're starting to scare me.

Alternate Batman:
I know, I scare a lot of people.

Martian Manhunter:
You understand that if we do change the past, you - this version of you - will never have existed?

Alternate Batman:
Nothing would make me happier.

Vandal Savage:
[seeing Martian Manhunter] Who would have thought the Übermensch would be green?

Vandal Savage:
I'm not from the future... [gestures to a laptop computer] but this is. Sixty years from now, it will be a child's toy. But today, it's the most powerful weapon on Earth.

Martian Manhunter:
Observing the recording of Vandal Savage's future self You age gracefully.

Vandal Savage:
You have no idea.

Wonder Woman:
You're a strange one, Steve Trevor. You have no special powers, yet you're willing to risk your life here. Aren't you afraid of dying?

Steve Trevor:
Some things are worth dying for, Angel.

Superman:
Batman! It's really you! [hugs him]

Batman:
...Am I missing something?

Superman:
Sorry, it's just that... well, it's a long story.