Justice League Unlimited, Season 3

Lex Luthor:
What? I know. I'm going as fast as I can.

Warden:
Luthor! Don't make any sudden moves. It's over. Hold fire! Hold Fire!

Key:
Here we are, Mr. Luthor. Your benefactor is looking forward to meeting you.

Lex Luthor:
Does the mystery man have a name?

Gorilla Grodd:
No need to be insulting, Lex - I'm far superior to any man.

Lex Luthor:
Grodd! I appreciate the help, but gratitude only goes so far. I'm not interested in working with you or anyone else.

Gorilla Grood:
I think you'll change your mind once you've seen what I have to offer.

Shayera Hol:
Why would you even try to move a prisoner that dangerous without calling us?

Warden:
Maybe because we thought we could do our jobs without help from the mighty Justice League.

Shayera Hol:
And yet... here we are.

Superman:
Okay, Shayera, what's done is done. Let's see if we can pick up his trail. Aztek?

Aztek:
The wall's submolecular integrity has been compromised.

Shayera Hol:
Leptons showing residual weak-force interactions?

Aztek:
Yeah. How did you know?

Superman:
It's a common energy signature of matter-phasing technology. I assume it doesn't leave a trail?

Shayera Hol:
No such luck. Maybe Aztek could...

"King Faraday":
You guys want some coffee? Apparently I got nothing better to do here.

Superman:
Sorry, we got caught up in the work.

King Faraday:
Special Agent King Faraday. I'm the liaison between the Attorney General's office and the Justice League.

Aztek:
Uh, good to meet you. I'm...

King Faraday:
Aztek. I've been well briefed on all of you. Security on Luthor's transfer was lax because it didn't seem necessary. We haven't had a peep outta him since he was arrested for that Brainiac business last summer.

Warden:
He's a broken man. Just sits in his cell talking to himself.

Shayera Hol:
When he's not stealing police vans you mean?

Warden:
That came out of nowhere. We had no reason to think he was an active threat.

King Faraday:
Do what you can. Put out an APB, stake out airports, train and bus stations.

Warden:
Already done, for what it's worth.

King Faraday:
If he's sighted, don't approach him. Call in the League.

Warden:
My people can handle this.

King Faraday:
No, they can't. Your people are good, Luthor is better. And if you get a lead on him, I expect to be kept in the loop.

Superman:
Of course.

Grodd:
The world's most powerful supervillains, banded together with one common goal.

Lex Luthor:
They protect each other from the Justice League.

Mairzey:
Chuck?

Chuck Sirianni:
What is it, honey?

Mairzey:
Your old footlocker's beeping. At first I thought it was the smoke detector.

Chuck Sirianni:
That ain't no smoke alarm. It's a sound I never thought I'd hear again. There's trouble on Blackhawk Island.

Superman:
Aztek didn't find anything else?

Fire:
Sorry, Superman. It was a bad lead.

Superman:
Nobody's fault. When you guys do pick up Luthor's trail, call me. I want in.

Shayera Hol:
You know what? This new monitor-duty rotation isn't so bad. No more overnights unless you want them. Only one shift a week and you're done. Wally?

Flash:
Mmm.

Fire:
I'm telling you, you should let it grow out.

[Flash is staring at Fire from across the room]

Shayera Hol:
Why don't you just go talk to her?

Flash:
What, me? Talk to her No way!

Shayera Hol:
Yeah, you'd probably be wasting your time anyway. I hear she's...

Fire:
you know... [Flash looks curiously at her]

Shayera Hol:
Brazilian.

Flash:
Ha, ha.

Shayera Hol:
If you're afraid to talk to her, I'll tell her for you. [Starts walking over to Fire]

Flash:
[Stopping her] Don't!

Shayera Hol:
You are so very sad.

King Faraday:
Got something for you. Tell Hawkgirl your story, Mr. Sirianni.

Chuck Sirianni:
We met a while back, ma'am. Longer for me than for you. When you traveled in time to World War II, you fought alongside my squadron.

Shayera Hol:
You're one of the Blackhawks.

Chuck Sirianni:
Only one still kicking, I'm sorry to say.

Flash:
What's the problem?

Chuck Sirianni:
During the war and for decades after, we captured a lot of weapons. Real sci-fi stuff. We hid the worst of it on Blackhawk Island. We decommissioned the place over 30 years ago. But this morning, the old security alarm went off. Might be nothing.

Shayera Hol:
Or it might be someone raiding your armory. We'll take a look. Shayera out. Pick a third for the team.

Flash:
Um...

Shayera Hol:
Oh, Yob Shiggurath! Hey, Fire!

Fire:
Yes?

Shayera Hol:
We've got a mission. Let's go.

Chuck Sirianni:
I'm not going to argue with you about this.

Mairzey:
I didn't come to argue. It gets cold up there.

Key:
Allow me. Something of a specialty of mine.

Fire:
You haven't said a word the whole trip.

Flash:
Buh...

Fire:
I was hoping this mission would give us a chance to get to know each other a little better.

Flash:
Um, umm, something...

Fire:
I understand — you're very deep in thought, mentally preparing for the battle. No time for women — I understand. Oh!

Shayera:
Oops! Sorry. Two bogeys closing fast. I'm losing it. We're going down. Get ready to bail. Ejector pod's off-line. We're gonna have to do this the hard way. I got it.

Chuck Sirianni:
Hawk! Aah!

Flash:
That thing's gonna blow! You need both hands to help Shayera - drop me! [Fire is uncertain; Flash winks - Fire smiles and lets go] [in freefall] Sure hope I think of something before I hit the ground...

Shayera Hol:
He told you to drop him?

Fire:
He's a senior member of the team!

Shayera Hol:
You know he can't fly, right?

Flash:
[Hovering above the ground by spinning his arms] Hey ladies, check me out! I'm just like a helicopter! [Loses balance and crashes to the ground] I'm sorta like a helicopter...

Shayera Hol:
Don't you ever scare me like that again! [stalks off]

Flash :
[To Fire] She loves me. She's like the big sister I never had, only... you know. Short.

Chuck Sirianni:
Wait up. I know everything there is to know about this island. You're going to need my help.

Flash:
We've got it covered. And, no offense, but you're a little old for this kind of work.

Chuck Sirianni:
Something's activated the island's defense grid.You wanna make it outta here alive, I'm coming with you. Whoever's on the island will be headed for master control. That's in a bunker under the Blackhawk Victory Museum.

Shayera Hol:
Where you stored the weapons you captured?

Chuck Sirianni:
Yeah, there's some serious ordnance there. Even got a couple of old war wheels.

Fire:
Wasn't all that stuff destroyed in the war?

Chuck Sirianni:
Don't believe everything you see on the Documentary Channel.

Flash:
War wheels, robot condors. You got a pretty goofy security system here!

Chuck Sirianni:
Yeah. Good times.

Shayera Hol:
I see something.

Chuck Sirianni:
Somebody ain't impressed with the security.

Key:
We have to hurry.

Lex Luthor:
That should keep them occupied.

Lex Luthor:
You're the human lockpick. Why don't you do this?

Key:
Grodd's not testing me.

Doctor Polaris:
Company's coming.

Chuck Sirianni:
Whoever you guys are, you've got no business being in here.

Doctor Polaris:
Sorta goes with the territory — we're thieves.

Shayera Hol:
We going to do this the hard way, Lex? Please say yes.

Flash:
Now why is it you always find the keys in the last place you look?

Lex Luthor:
Let them go. They're pathetic, but they're with me.

[Lex is holding Chuck hostage]

Chuck Sirianni:
[to the Leaguers] I'm sorry. If I were 20 years younger...

Lex Luthor:
You'd still be ancient. Keep quiet!

Watchtower Computer:
Island self-destruct sequence initiated. Three minutes to detonation.

Lex Luthor:
Chew on that for a while. We're leaving. If you follow, you know what happens to him. What did you do? Don't bother. We got what we came for.

Flash:
Forget it. There's still time for me to run us out to the water.

Shayera Hol:
No. I'm not going to let all this history be lost. I can't crack the code, but maybe if I...

Chuck Sirianni:
You better let me do that.

Watchtower Computer:
Self-destruct sequence canceled.

Chuck Sirianni:
Can't fix everything by hitting it.

Flash:
What was in there?

Grodd:
The Spear of Longinus. Hitler believed that whoever holds it is invincible.

Lex Luthor:
What are you going to do with it? Sell it to the highest bidder? Keep it yourself and try to conquer the world?

Grodd:
I was thinking it would look good on the wall in my office.

Lex Luthor:
You mean you recruited me, sent me to an island full of death traps, and up against the Justice League. You made me risk my life, and all for nothing?!?

Grodd:
Essentially... yes.

Lex Luthor:
[laughs] Monkey, I like your style.

Lex Luthor:
I should kill you!

Grodd:
But you won't.

Lex Luthor:
No. Not today.

Fire:
Luthor sure didn't waste any time rounding up a crew. Who were those guys?

Flash:
Dr. Polaris and The Key? I don't know. They've never worked with Luthor before.

Fire:
All I know is Superman's going to be pretty ticked that we let Luthor get away just to keep some musty old museum from being destroyed.

Flash:
It was worth it.

Dreamslayer:
You think you can defeat me with a bubble?!?

[Dreamslayer uses his flame with more intensity in an attempt to break the bubble, the air runs out with Dreamslayer surrounded by smoke, Lantern dissolves the bubble and watches as Dreamslayer falls on top of a car]]

Green Lantern:
It's a really good bubble.

[Shayera is about to get onto an elevator]

Green Lantern:
Shayera, I wanted to - [doors open; sees Shayera in an evening gown] Judas Priest!

Shayera Hol:
Problem?

Green Lantern:
No, no, it's just, uh... I've... never seen you in a dress before.

Shayera Hol:
You don't like it?

Green Lantern:
It's, uh... fetching.

Shayera Hol:
If you want one for Vixen, I can tell you where I got it.

[Both get closer, about to kiss]

Green Lantern:
[clears throat] Listen...

[Batman gets on the elevator]

Batman:
Glad I caught you before you did something stupid.

Batman:
[on Carter Hall] Had an excellent reputation until about five years ago, when he started claiming that aliens landed in ancient Egypt.

Shayera Hol:
[sarcastic] Aliens? Well, then he must be a lunatic, because we know there's no life on other planets.

Batman:
There's more.

Shayera Hol:
What?

Batman:
Our Mr. Hall spends quite bit of time on the Internet.

Shayera Hol:
Dang, lock him up!

Batman:
He frequents the "I Hate Hawkgirl" bulletin boards.

Shayera Hol:
That doesn't mean... "Boards"?! How many are there?!

Batman:
Fifty-seven. Web rings. Unaffiliated sites number in the hundreds-

Shayera Hol:
Forget I asked!

Batman:
Hall keeps getting banned from them, for flaming the "Anti-Shayera" posters.

Shayera Hol:
So he's a fan?

Batman:
He's a stalker.

Shayera Hol:
Carter Hall has uncovered a genuine mystery, and I think it's worth investigating.

Green Lantern:
You should take backup. [Shayera glares] I meant Batman! I- we don't want you walking into a trap.

Shayera Hol:
[picking up Thanagarian dagger] I can take care of myself, thanks.

Batman:
The point is-

Shayera Hol:
The point is you don't trust me. Either of you. [Walks to elevator] Don't wait up.

Carter Hall:
The trick is the raised glyphs. If you push them in the right order, they deactivate all the traps down here.

Shayera Hol:
And if you get it wrong?

Carter Hall:
Well, we're already in a tomb, so that's handy...

[After Carter reveals that he believes he was "Hawkman" in a previous life.]

Shayera Hol:
I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at you... exactly. I just... I've got the worst taste in men.

Carter Hall:
I'm serious, Shayera.

Shayera Hol:
I know you are. And I'm in a lost Egyptian tomb with my stalker. The worst part is I'm going to have to listen to John and Batman saying "I told you so."

Shayera Hol:
How stupid do you think I am?

Batman:
Scale of one to ten?

Little girl:
Don't you talk about Supergirl! Supergirl can melt you with her eyes!

Stargirl:
Big whoop. My stepdad here is a mecha!

[S.T.R.I.P.E. waves hello]

Little girl:
Mecha's so last year.

Supergirl:
Why can't we just fly straight home?

Green Lantern:
Over the North Pole is the straightest route. Rookie.

Stargirl:
She's always "blah, blah, blah, my cousin, blah, blah, BLAH, blah, my cousin." Like we don't know who she means. "Check me out, I'm Supergirl!"

S.T.R.I.P.E.:
Ask me, Courtney, the only thing that matters is we all pulled through.

Stargirl:
Shut up, Pat. It wasn't World War III, it was a giant turtle.

S.T.R.I.P.E.:
If I was you, I wouldn't talk behind somebody's back, especially when they got super-hearing.

[A powerless Supergirl is under attack by enemies. Stargirl flies down and gloats]

Supergirl:
What are you waiting for? Zap 'em with your star-thingy!

Stargirl:
Oh, may I? 'Cause it would be such an honor to help the great Supergirl out of a jam.

Supergirl:
Come on! [Stargirl uses her Cosmic Staff and knocks out the attackers] You are so loving this!

Green Lantern:
Let's get this over with. Kara, you... [Supergirl leaps off the battlements into the fray with a sword] Fine.

Deimos:
My magic is strongest, girl!

Stargirl:
Your breath is strongest, dude. That's about it.

Deimos:
[about Stargirl] Such a pretty child. But then, they're always pretty — when I begin.

Warlord:
Deimos! You and me, pal!

Deimos:
Morgan. I was hoping to kill you today.

S.T.R.I.P.E.:
Courtney, you slow your butt down!

Stargirl:
Ow, my head.

Supergirl:
I know. Superman tried to keep me on the farm. Made me hide there for three years.

Stargirl:
Big deal. I've still got a curfew. Enough cosmic energy to trash a city and I can't stay out past ten.

Supergirl:
Three years. On a farm. In Kansas.

Green Arrow:
[wolf whistles] Lookin' good, Diana. Got a date?

Wonder Woman:
No such luck, Ollie. I'm representing Themyscira at the global warming conference.

Green Arrow:
Way to go, man. Save the planet!

Wonder Woman:
Agent Faraday - what are you doing here?

King Faraday:
Not smoking. Want some? [offers Wonder Woman gum]

Wonder Woman:
No thanks.

King Faraday:
I'm here with the Special Security Team - the Vice President is attending. But you know that already, I saw you reading him the riot act earlier.

Wonder Woman:
I'm not much of a diplomat.

King Faraday:
Don't sell yourself short, lady - you're an international incident waiting to happen. [walks off] By the way, if you raise your voice to the VP again, my men are under orders to shoot you. [he pops his gum and points a finger at her, miming a gun. She holds up an arm, showing that she is wearing her bracelets underneath her business suit, and taps her nail against one.]

Wonder Woman:
J'onn, I've got a situation.

Martian Manhunter:
Watchtower sensors have picked up the earth tremors from your location. I knew you were on the scene and assumed you could handle it.

Wonder Woman:
Well, I can't. I'm outnumbered, and I'm not feeling well.

Martian Manhunter:
We're still shorthanded. I could spare Green Arrow, and... Mr. Terrific.

Wonder Woman:
Bring who you want, J'onn, but I need you!

Green Arrow:
I think you'll make a great diplomat...leave your sword.

Killer Frost:
You are a beautiful man. [freezes the agent] I think I'll keep you.

[After escaping from an ice barrier around him]

Green Arrow:
And Black Canary said a buzzsaw arrow was self-indulgent.

Submarine Henchman:
What're you doing in here?

[Green Arrow knocks him out]

Green Arrow:
Well, for one thing, it's freezing outside.

Killer Frost:
[To J'onn] Let me go, freak! Or so help me, I'll give you frostbite in places you didn't even know you had places!

Killer Frost:
Kiss my frosty butt!

King Faraday:
Attention, unidentified craft. This is Special Agent King Faraday. Your vessel is currently surrounded by three United States Navy Seawolf-class submarines. While I strongly suggest that you surrender immediately and prepare to be boarded, I really enjoy firing Trident missiles at tiny little subs, so the decision's entirely up to you.

Mirror Master:
Gentlemen, we live in brutal times. Last week, to make ends meet, I was reduced to hijacking a tractor-trailer full of sports cars.

Captain Cold:
That is so beneath you. At least knock over a bank.

Trickster:
You gotta visualize.

Captain Cold:
Visualize? What the heck does that mean? If I don't "visualize" a mortgage payment soon, the wife will have me bagging groceries for a living.

Captain Boomerang:
She's always been an Ice Queen, that one.

[After quickly dashing into a janitor's closet]

Flash:
[as Wally West] Watchtower, table for one.

Captain Boomerang:
Well, at least he didn't make me eat my own laser kaleidoscope...

Mirror Master:
That's a rumor! A complete exaggeration. And anyway, it was a laser pistol.

Captain Cold:
It's like that time I stole an entire train while it was moving. The way people tell it, you'd think the Flash shoved my cold gun-

Mirror Master:
So, we're the hardest men in town-

Waitress:
[clears throat] What'll it be, boys?

Captain Boomerang:
Arnold Palmer.

Trickster:
Cherry cola!

Mirror Master:
Decaf soy latte.

Captain Cold:
Milk. [the others stare at him; sheepishly] My ulcer's been acting up.

Flash:
Oh right, uh, cause it's Flash Appreciation Day. Yeah, it'll be great. I understand if everybody's too busy to come, no biggie. My mom's gonna be there. Let's see, my uncle's flying in. Be great if one of the original seven made it. I mean, okay, yeah, it's the Flash Museum, but to me, the whole League deserves the honor, all of us, like I said no biggie... [sighs sorrowfully]

Batman:
What time?

Flash:
Six o'clock. [realizes] Nooooo... You're really coming?! Awesome! You're a stand up guy, Bats! Don't ever let them call you a crazed loner. [leaves]

Orion:
[to Batman] I can't believe you let that buffoon manipulate you. You'd never catch me at one of those museum openings. [Batman glares at him] ...It's not black tie, is it?

Flash:
Mirror Master!

Mirror Master:
You’re quick as ever.

Flash:
Yeah? Well, you’re... you’re not really all there!

Mirror Master:
Oh, nice try. If you'd had another minute you’d probably think of a decent comeback. [the disco ball starts firing random lasers at Flash, who evades] Sadly you don't have the time. [one of the blasts takes Flash down] In another minute you'll be dead!

Flash:
While you're waiting for me to come arrest you, why not take the time and reflect on your mistakes? [walks away] Hey, that was pretty good.

[Flash is tied to a giant rocket-powered boomerang]

Flash:
[To Captain Boomerang] I swear, when I get outta this, I'm gonna find you and hurl all over you!

Captain Boomerang:
Touch of dizziness. You might find it useful to fix on one point on the horizon. For instance, that mountain you're set to crash into.

Orion:
Flash?

Flash:
Hey, guys.

Orion:
You're tied to a very large boomerang.

Flash:
Yeah...?

Flash:
Listen, I need to go home and change before the opening tonight.

Batman:
We're coming with you.

Flash:
You really don't have to.

Batman:
We're coming... With you.

Flash:
[sighs] OK! You guys are so slow!

[After hearing the Trickster's overly elaborate plan]

Captain Cold:
You know what? Taking turns is dumb. Let's just all jump him at the museum.

Mirror Master:
Brilliant!

Captain Boomerang:
Good deal.

Trickster:
But come on. It'll be great. [the other Rogues leave as Trickster continues] Okay, you don't like the barf? I can make do with 50,000 rotten eggs and a chainsaw. Well, if that's the way you're gonna be, forget about it! I quit! Nobody gets me.

[Flash, Batman, and Orion enter a bar to confront the Trickster. The Rogues spot them and dash out.]

Trickster:
I mean what's so special about a "disco of death?" Heck with 'em! I'm an artist! They're just robbing banks. Captain Cold, Captain Boomerang... Probably would have gone for it if I was a "Captain"...

[Flash clears his throat.]

Trickster:
Got ya!

[Trickster fires a gun with a nose-shaped barrel. Batman slaps it away, and the blast hits the pool table behind them.]

Trickster:
It's a snot gun. Ha ha.

Batman:
Where are the others?

Trickster:
Those crabby hacks can go plug a hole for all I care. But I'm not about to rat 'em out!

Batman:
Orion?

Orion:
[grabs Trickster] Talk, while you still have a jaw!

Flash:
Hey hey! Would you guys please take it down a notch? Let me handle this. [leads Trickster back to the bar and sits with him] James, you're off your meds, aren't you?

Trickster:
Better off without 'em. Take 'em if I start feeling down.

Flash:
You know that's not how the medicine works. You're not well!

Trickster:
I'm fine. You wanna throw some darts?

Flash:
No. Listen, James. You're wearing the suit again!

Trickster:
I am? [examines his clothing] Well, whaddaya know?

Flash:
Here's the deal, buddy. Tell me where those guys went, and I'll come see you in the hospital. We'll play darts...! The soft kind.

Trickster:
Okay, they're gonna ambush you at the Flash Museum.

Flash:
See? That's all we needed! [gets up to leave with Batman and Orion] Come on, we better get over there.

Orion:
What about your enemy?

Flash:
Oh, right! [Calls to Trickster] Dude, soon as you finish your drink, turn yourself in!

Trickster:
[raising his mug] Got me again, Flash!

Linda Park:
When we come back, I'll try to get with him... Get to him... For an interview... Are we off? Geez. He's a total babe. Like the entire track team at once. I can't believe you're not into him, Marla.

Marla:
Okay... Now you're off. [Linda face-palms with her notes in embarrassment]

Orion:
[about Flash] Central City builds statues to this... fool. Who makes bad jokes. Who concerns himself with pitiful men like the Trickster. I don't understand.

Batman:
No... you don't.

Captain Cold:
That's it? I was all set to crack some bones.

Orion:
Then brace yourself!

Orion:
Now I understand. You play the fool to hide a warrior's pain.

Flash:
Dude. Bad guys went down, and no one got hurt. You know what I call that? A really good day.

The Master:
I know you are here, Boston Brand.

Deadman:
[Appears] What's the point of being a flippin' ghost if you can't even sneak up on people?

The Master:
And yet, here you are.

Deadman:
“Here you are”? What kind of lousy wisdom is “Here you are?”

[In the Himalayas]

Devil Ray:
Grodd never sends us to any place nice...

Taj Ze:
This humble one begs your forgiveness, but to enter this sacred place, the right must be earned.

Devil Ray:
[Shoots him] Keep the change.

Lex Luthor:
Bizarro, you despise me right?

Bizarro:
Uh-huh. Bizarro hate Luthor. Me do anything for he.

Lex Luthor:
Good—I mean, bad. Anyway, take care of those monks.

Bizarro:
Okay.

Superman:
Come on, Bruce. I know a burger place in Metropolis that has the best fries on the East Coast. And the milkshakes are so thick- [is possessed by Deadman]

Deadman:
I NEED YOUR HELP!

Wonder Woman:
That's pretty thick.

Batman:
[From the Watchtower] Solovar, this is Batman.

Solovar:
What a coincidence. I was just about to call you.

Batman:
We wanted to give you a heads-up. We got reason to believe... [Solovar is shown crouching behind rubble, holding a gun. Sounds of battle] ...Grodd's coming your way.

Solovar:
You don't say! That would explain the armies of supervillains attacking the city!

Deadman:
[Possessing Superman] Gorilla City?

Wonder Woman:
A hidden city of talking, hyper-intelligent gorillas, with technology far beyond anything humans have developed.

Deadman:
No, really!

Wonder Woman:
You're a ghost from the Himalayas, having trouble believing this?

Deadman:
Point.

Deadman:
[Possessing Superman] You know, when they beam down on that TV show, they never miss...

Deadman:
[Possessing Superman] Looks like a job for Superman!

Batman:
You're wasting time! Go in as a ghost. Find the central control and shut down the shield generator. We'll follow as soon as we can.

Deadman:
[Possessing Superman] Yeah, okay!

[Deadman leaves Superman's body]

Superman:
...you have to eat them(i.e. the milkshakes at Superman's favorite burger restaurant) with a spoon! [looks around] What am I doing in Africa?

Deadman:
[Possessing Wonder Woman] You killed my teacher, my friend!

Devil Ray:
You'll have to be more specific, lady. I've killed a lot of people.

Wonder Woman:
[angered because Deadman possessed her to fight Devil Ray] Next time, ask permission!

Wonder Woman:
[turned into a gorilla] Oh, come on!

Superman:
Is everything okay?

Wonder Woman:
Well, I’m sort of missing Flash’s obligatory joke about how Grodd made a monkey out of us.

Superman:
Just couldn’t let it go unsaid.

Wonder Woman:
Obligatory.

[After Gorilla Grodd's plan has failed]

Lex Luthor:
Since there's only one monkey left around here, I'm assuming that the Justice League found a way to stop the carrier wave.

Gorilla Grodd:
There's more than one way to peel a banana. Next time-

Lex Luthor:
I wasn't going to do this for another couple of weeks, but seriously... [rises from table and draws a gun] Turning all of humanity into apes? [aims weapon at Grodd] That was your master plan?! [Shoots Grodd, then turns to the other villains] Listen up! From now on, I'm in charge of this operation. Anybody got a problem with that?

[No one challenges him; Tala sidles up to him]

Tala:
No problem at all... baby.

Amanda Waller:
Wade. You know better than to dwell on the past.

General Wade Eiling:
I'm talking about right now. The Justice League is still the single greatest threat to global security.

Amanda Waller:
I used to believe that too. But remember: we used to say the same about the Soviets. Our enemies are never as evil as we imagine... and maybe we're never quite as good.

General Wade Eiling:
Nuts. Don't tell me the bleeding hearts in Congress got to you.

Amanda Waller:
I'd eat them alive.

General Wade Eiling:
You would too. You've got some onions, Amanda.

Amanda Waller:
Then listen to me. I'm not the League's greatest fan, but their intentions are good. I can work with them.

General Wade Eiling:
What if you're wrong, though? Turns out the metahumans aren't on the side of the angels? We won't have any way to defend ourselves. Look what happened last year: Superman walked into Cadmus and tossed our best men like a salad.

Amanda Waller:
Oh, for heaven's sake.

General Wade Eiling:
What's to stop him from doing it again? They're all orbiting us with a space weapon, supposedly decommissioned. That's a much bigger threat than the Russians ever were. If we'd rolled over like this with the Soviet Union, given up our nukes-

Amanda Waller:
We'd all be living under a red flag?

General Wade Eiling:
Yes, ma'am, you'd better believe it. After all our work, what did Cadmus accomplish? You get a reprimand, I'm pushing pencils, and the League gets another base here on Earth, that Metro Tower. When one side loses ground and the other side gains, that isn't a truce - it's a surrender!

Amanda Waller:
It's a different world, General. Learn to live in it.

Soldier:
[in General Eiling's grip] Don't kill me!

General Wade Eiling:
I wouldn't kill you, soldier. You're just doing your job. And now I'm going to do mine...

Vigilante:
Ha! The exact second the movie's over, we get a mission. Dang if that ain't lucky!

Shining Knight:
I still say this Clint Eastwood dishonored himself when he refused to - what was it? "Play by the rules"?

Vigilante:
Partner, your medieval upbringing has done left ya' unschooled in the ways of the movin' picture.

Shining Knight:
No, his proper duty is to his police captain. I see why they call him "dirty." He besmirches his order.

Vigilante:
Sir Justin, if you're gonna be watchin' stuff on my big TV with the 5.1 surround sound, you had best watch what you say about Mr. Clint Eastwood.

Shining Knight:
I'd slay the ogre Blunderbore all over again rather than put myself on display in this manner. Even though that ogre turned out to be-

Vigilante, Stargirl, S.T.R.I.P.E. and Green Arrow:
Morgaine le Fey.

S.T.R.I.P.E.:
We've all heard it.

Shining Knight:
...'Tis a good story.

Stargirl:
So, what? Since we don't have superpowers it takes five of us to replace one Superman?

Police officer:
Excuse me. I just want to thank you Justice League guys for turning out in force. It means a lot to us.

Green Arrow:
Hey, we can't thank you enough. You're the real heroes.

Shining Knight:
It's you the people come to honor.

Stargirl:
Great. Now I'm petty.

Green Arrow:
See where it says "Heroes one and all"? That's what it's all about. The crowd doesn't care who can bench press a mountain, or shoot lasers out of their ears.

Old lady:
Where's Superman?

Man:
How come none of the good ones are here?

Kid #2:
I didn't come here to see some stupid cowboy!

Man #2:
I don't think vigilantes are good role models, especially ones with guns!

Woman:
I came to see Superman!

[the now-superpowered General Eiling crashes the Metropolis parade]

General Wade Eiling:
Where's Superman?

Green Arrow:
Busy. Can I help you?

General Wade Eiling:
Yeah. Hold this for me! [hurls a cart at Green Arrow]

Stargirl:
We're taking this someplace else. Haven't you ever heard of innocent bystanders?

General Wade Eiling:
You ever hear of acceptable losses? You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. This country is halfway down the toilet because of you super-powered types.

Stargirl:
For the record, I don't have powers, pottymouth. It's the staff!

General Wade Eiling:
[slamming Stargirl into the ground] In that case, miss, then you're just another egg.

Vigilante:
You hit 'im high, I'll hit 'im low!

Green Arrow:
Whatever!

Green Arrow:
You wanted Superman? Now you've got-[Speedy and Crimson Avenger teleport in]- The Crimson Avenger and my ex-sidekick.

Speedy:
Ex-partner.

Green Arrow:
Speedy, we gotta do this now?

General Eiling:
Oooh, now I'm scared.

General Eiling:
You spoiled, rich little twerp!

Green Arrow:
I think he means me.

Speedy:
Oh. For a second, I was all mad.

Green Arrow:
You still got your quantum arrow?

Speedy:
Yeah, but you said...

Green Arrow:
This is an emergency!

General Wade Eiling:
Superman, you coward! All your men are down, and you won't even show your face!

Shining Knight:
He cannot hear even your bellowing, monster. As we speak, Superman rescues an entire star system a universe away. Do your worst - I'll not let you harm another.

General Wade Eiling:
I do what I do in service to my country.

Shining Knight:
Once, at the word of my lord King Arthur, I was ordered to lay waste to an entire village. I knew my king's heart could not be so unjust, so I spared them all.

General Wade Eiling:
Then you're a lousy soldier.

[Eiling punches the Shining Knight in the jaw]

Shining Knight:
There it is...the creeping moral decay of the past thousand years.

[Shining Knight swings his sword at General Eiling, who dodges easily]

Shining Knight:
Arthur thanked me, oaf! Had I been wrong, I would have handed over my sword and left the court in shame!

[Eiling slams Shining Knight into the ground]

General Wade Eiling:
Save yourself a hospital stay and stand down. That magic armor won't help you.

Shining Knight:
Have at thee!

[Shining Knight tries to punch Eiling, but is slammed into the ground again]

General Wade Eiling:
You're a relic. In this world, power is the only thing that matters. You and those other no-name heroes, you're just people. In the great scheme of things, nothing you do has the least bit of significance. [Shining Knight rises again, but Eiling punches him again] I'll waste you and a billion like you before you before I allow any power to rival America's. It's my duty.

Shining Knight:
You don't know what the word means!

General Wade Eiling:
You can't win.

Shining Knight:
I'll die as befits a knight, defending the weak. [falls to his knees]

General Wade Eiling:
Why don't you give up?

Shining Knight:
Why don't you?

[General Eiling kicks Shining Knight, then lifts a car]

General Wade Eiling:
Superman and your Justice League are a threat to a safe and stable world.

[He turns to crush Shining Knight, only to find several civilians standing protectively around him]

Old Woman:
Drop the act! You think killing Superman would make the world safe? Or killing this boy? Or us? Tell me - how many of us do you have to kill to keep us safe?

General Wade Eiling:
They're the ones I'm after, not you. I'm not the menace, metahumans are. Superpowered beings.

Boy:
You're the only one around here with superpowers.

[After a tense silence, Eiling drops the car]

General Wade Eiling:
All right, I've become what I hate, I'll give you that. But in the long run, you'll see I was right. You'll see you need the likes of me to protect you from them! [bounds away across the city's buildings]

Shining Knight:
Hold. [To old woman] I have yet to thank you.

Old Woman:
No need to thank me, son. You just get better. World still needs protectin', you know.

Grodd:
It must pain you to see me like this, after what we've been to one another.

Tala:
My taste in boyfriends has evolved.

Sinestro:
After Grodd tried to turn the world into apes, you can imagine how seriously we take something like that. What are you going to do, make everybody bald?

Flash:
Just be careful with my head — it's where I keep all my one-liners.

Lex-in-Flash:
Beam me out of here, or I'm going to vibrate these fingers and scramble your brains.

Flash-in-Lex:
[looks in a mirror] Aaah, that is just wrong!

[The Flash (in Lex Luthor's body) walks out of a bathroom stall.]

Doctor Polaris:
Ahem.

Flash-in-Lex:
What?

Doctor Polaris:
Are you gonna wash your hands?

Flash-in-Lex:
No! 'Cause I'm evil!

Flash-in-Lex:
My fellow bad guys, I, Lex Luthor, your leader, will speak now about my, Lex Luthor's plan. My... villainous, villainous plan. Question the plan at your peril. Uh... Any questions?

Angle Man:
We all get a cut, right?

Flash-in-Lex:
Watch your step, my evil minion. You presume too much! One of these days, you'll go too far.

Bizarro:
[Raises his hand] Me got answer.

Flash-in-Lex:
Ah, excellent. Do enlighten us.

Bizarro:
Ever since you plug into monkey's head, you act perfectly sane and rational. Am you Bizarro mommy?

[Lex-as-Flash hides in a bathroom in the Watchtower to escape the pursuing League members]

Luthor-in-Flash:
[Panting] Lex, you're having a difficult day. [Lex looks in the mirror] Hmm... If nothing else, I can at least learn the Flash's secret identity. [Unmasks and looks in the mirror, then frowns] I have no idea who this is.

Tala:
Just rest in here.

[pulls "Lex" into a closet]

Flash-in-Lex:
Hey - that's not restful.

Flash-in-Lex:
Me, the Flash? You've, like, totally lost it, Grodd. I'm Lex Luthor!

Grodd:
And I'm Charlton Heston.

Grodd:
Ah, Tala, my old groupie. I so miss bending you to my will.

Tala:
Go eat a banana. Lex is my man now. [Leaves with Lex]

Grodd:
If you say so.

Flash-in-Lex:
You, evil-head guy! What's your part in this plan?

Evil Star:
I'm not in the plan.

Flash-in-Lex:
[pause] Exactly! Pop quiz! Everyone tell me his or her part in the plan.

Flash-in-Lex:
Lex Luthor is pleased.

Lex-in-Flash:
Attention! The man you think is Luthor is actually a Justice Leaguer disguised as me. Repeat: he is not Luthor.

Flash-in-Lex:
...I, Lex Luthor, find that preposterous.

Mr. Terrific:
Dr. Fate, your patient just anesthetized himself.

Flash:
Guys! I was starting to think I was going to go out as the bottom of a supervillain dog pile!

Green Lantern:
It sounds like Wally, but is there any way to be sure?

Flash:
You want proof? Until he went off into the Marines, GL's nickname was-

Green Lantern:
Stop! It's him. Man, you promised never to repeat that story!

Flash:
I know, I was just messing with your head.

Mister Terrific:
Well, can you tell us anything about Grodd's Secret Society? Where's the headquarters?

Flash:
I don't know. In a swamp?

Tala:
Lex? Is that really you?

Lex Luthor:
Of course it's me, you twit.

Tala:
[Disappointed] Ooh.

Roulette:
Lex, darling. I'm having some serious financial problems, and I'm afraid you're to blame.

Lex Luthor:
Well, don't look at me to bail you out, Roulette. I'm the one who skims you!

Roulette:
You're playing with fire, witch!

Tala:
Who's playing?

Roulette:
The new Meta-Brawl! All girl fights, all the time! We'll call it "The Glamor Slam" or "The Belles of the Brawl"!

Sonar:
"Chickapalooza"!

[Huntress is watching Black Canary while talking on a cell phone with The Question, who is searching a cold storage area]

Huntress:
I'm telling you Q, Canary's totally off her game. Think she's moonlighting? Maybe she's stepping out on Green Arrow...

The Question:
The deeper mystery here is why do you even care? Isn't this the woman who beat the snot out of you a few months back?

Huntress:
She got a lucky shot in! Okay, five or six lucky shots. Anyway, that's not the poin-

The Question:
[takes the lid off of a container] Aha! As I suspected - thirty-two flavors.

Huntress:
There's something wrong here, Q, I can feel it.

The Question:
I'm the conspiracy theorist, and even I don't see anything.

Huntress:
[pauses; sighs] So... what are you wearing?

The Question:
Blue overcoat. Fedora.

Huntress:
[scoffs] You really stink at this.

The Question:
...Orange socks?

[Huntress hangs up]

Huntress:
You sure you're okay?

Black Canary:
Worried?

Huntress:
Curious.

Roulette:
Let the pain begin!

Huntress:
They've had you up every night working the arena. No wonder you've been fighting like a girl. [pause] You know what I mean.

Roulette:
Of course, you two aren't under my control any longer, which means I'm going to have to eliminate you. In the ring, of course. Why just shoot you when I can sell tickets and lay odds?

Huntress:
You're scum.

Roulette:
No, no, my dear. I'm an entrepreneur.

Roulette:
Huntress and Black Canary versus two new contenders! Vixen, the beauty with the beast powers, and the Thanagar thrasher... Hawkgirl!

Vixen:
I don't want to hurt you, Shayera.

Shayera Hol:
But I wanna hurt you!

Vixen:
Just when we were starting to get along.

Huntress:
Looks like we're in this together.

Black Canary:
If you call me "girlfriend", I'm gonna dropkick you into the next county.

Huntress:
Now, don't go all sentimental on me.

[Vixen pulls the League communicator out of Shayera's ear, freeing her from Roulette's mind control]

Shayera Hol:
I don't think I want to know...

Vixen:
We're in a cage match fighting to the death!

Shayera Hol:
Yeah, see?

Roulette:
Yes, that's really Wonder Woman, ladies and gentlemen! It is on! Can even these four beautiful bruisers stand up to the Amazon powerhouse herself?

Vixen:
Anybody got a plan?

Shayera Hol:
Yeah, try to stay alive.

Huntress:
Anybody got a good plan?

Sonar:
In another thirty seconds your brains will be so scrambled I'll be able to serve 'em up with bacon.

Huntress:
Do I kill the signal or you?

Black Canary:
You know, if you want, I can talk to the League and get you back in.

Huntress:
Nah, I do fine on my own.

[silence]

Black Canary:
Thank you, Helena. If you hadn't...

Huntress:
You would have done the same.

Huntress:
You know, I was totally whipping your butt back when they caught us.

Black Canary:
Pff. In your dreams!

Huntress:
Like I'd waste my dreams on you...

Bouncing Boy:
I know you're a level 12 mega-genius, but you are seriously out of your mind.

Supergirl:
Well?

Green Lantern:
Well what?

Supergirl:
Aren't you gonna give me notes on how badly I screwed up?

Green Lantern:
No notes, Kara. I've got nothing left to teach you.

Superman:
[discussing Supergirl] I'm very proud, but... don't tell her.

Green Arrow:
No! That's a job for Superman.

Brainiac 5:
My name is...

Supergirl:
[angrily] Brainiac!

Brainiac 5:
[oblivious] That's right, how did you... [realizes] uh-oh!

[Supergirl attacks him]

Brainiac 5:
Yes, I am a Brainiac, but I'm not a machine. I'm organic. The universe-conquering Brainiac you knew is my distant ancestor. Over time he learned to pass down his code biologically. I am Brainiac 5. Think of me as the black sheep of my family, dedicated to doing good to make up for my ancestor's legacy of evil.

Green Lantern:
And you demonstrated that by kidnapping us?

Green Lantern:
Time travel, swell.

Bouncing Boy:
It's a real thrill for me to meet you, sir. You're the famous John Stewart, father of...

Green Lantern:
You wanna shut up before you create a time paradox?

Brainiac 5:
We needed help, so we sent the Time Bubble to bring back some of Earth's greatest heroes.

Supergirl:
But why us?

Brainiac 5:
It... it was random, we'd have taken anyone.

Supergirl:
Just because he's seriously cute, doesn't mean we can trust a Brainiac!

Green Arrow:
I'm not getting a bad vibe off the kid.

Green Lantern:
[to Supergirl] And neither are you apparently. "Seriously cute", huh?

Bouncing Boy:
You know, Brainiac, being organic and having a heart - not the same thing.

Brainiac 5:
[caught by Supergirl] That was unnecessary; my belt protects me from any impact.

Supergirl:
Maybe I was just trying to cop a feel.

Emerald Empress:
A Green Lantern! That's a rare sight in this galaxy these days.

Persuader:
Take a good look! He won't be here long.

Supergirl:
[Fighting the Fatal Five] So what's your power? Super strength? Speed?

Brainiac 5:
I have a 12th level intellect...

Supergirl:
Great, you can knock 'em out with your diploma.

Supergirl:
Back on Argo we used psionic technology for our remote controls. When we lost one, you'd just have to think at it and it'd beep. Don't know why we bothered — they were always in the couch cushions.

Supergirl:
[To Brainiac 5] So, I have to know. Why did you save me first?

Brainiac 5:
My decision was based on pure logic.

Green Arrow:
Really? Because Green Lantern's the most powerful.

Brainiac 5:
No offense, but I don't think you can follow the reasoning of a 12th level intellect such as my own.

Green Arrow:
...Guess not.

Green Arrow:
[to Brainiac 5 about Kara] Admit it, genius - you're in love with her.

Brainiac 5:
Ludicrous. We just met. Moreover, as a Coluan, I'm ruled by intellect, not emotion.

Green Arrow:
So in love with her...

Brainiac 5:
[stops to analyze himself] Increased sweat gland production, shortness of breath, inability to concentrate - I thought it was guilt, but I am in love. How did you know?

Green Arrow:
Just call me Cupid, junior. I never miss. [Kara comes in] I'm gonna raid this dump. See if I can upgrade my arrows with some future tech. I'll be gone for a long time, so you two are stuck with each other... alone... for a long time.

Supergirl:
[About the Legion Flight ring] What's that?

Brainiac 5:
The Legion Flight ring, all of us have one. [Hands the ring to Supergirl]

Supergirl:
So does this mean we're going steady?

Brainiac 5:
Eeerrr....

Supergirl:
Trust me, a thousand years ago, that joke was hilarious.

Supergirl:
Nice ship!

Brainiac 5:
It's strictly no frills, but it's fast. What do you pilot back home?

Supergirl:
Usually just a pickup.

Brainiac 5:
A pickup — is that a type of Starcruiser?

Green Arrow:
Yes. Yes it is.

[Breaking into the Fatal Five's HQ]

Brainiac 5:
Shoot.

Green Arrow:
I know. I was hoping they'd be out looking for us.

Brainiac 5:
No, shoot! [Green Arrow shoots an arrow at the Fatal Five catches Brainiac 5 in mid-air]

Supergirl:
There's still a planet full of people down there who need our help. Do your job, and I'm gonna do mine.

Brainiac 5:
But... [Supergirl kisses him]

Supergirl:
In case I don't see you again.

Superman:
So, this boy Kara likes so much, does he have a name?

[nervous looks from Green Lantern and Green Arrow]

Gentleman Ghost:
I like it. Very imaginative. But your ring is useless against me, Lantern.

Green Lantern:
Then why are you running from it?

Vixen:
Well, I’m surprised you haven’t made your move before now.

Shayera Hol:
I'm still trying to figure out the right Earth protocol for this situation. It's not like I can assassinate you in your sleep, or poison your water...I miss Thanagar.

Shadow Thief:
For decades their ever-growing empire was a utopia. But nothing lasts forever. At least, nothing good.

[after Ashari cuts a flower off of a tree with a knife]

Chay-Ara:
You didn't have to do that. I can fly.

Bashari:
When we're together, so can I.

Hawkman:
You always were good with that thing.

Shayera Hol:
Just hit him!

Hawkman:
Right!

Shayera Hol:
Don't say you don't love me.

Green Lantern:
I'll never say that.

Shayera Hol:
Tell me about my son.

[At the Legion of Doom's base, Lex Luthor is attempting to reactivate the sole piece of Brainiac. Tala enters approaches him as the computer room is overloading]

Tala:
Lex! Stop it! You'll blow us all to pieces!

Lex Luthor:
Not now, Woman! Something's happening... It's... [but the stone's energy overloads and destroys the machine, failing to recreated Brainiac] it's... just one more steaming flop! [screams in anger and wrecks the control panels with his hands]

Tala:
Baby...

Lex Luthor:
Nothing works! [continues wrecking the tools]

Tala:
Lex, forget bringing back Brainiac.

Lex Luthor:
I don't need input from some crystal-gazing parasite! One who's confused a winch's grip on power with the real thing!

Tala:
[takes the stone] This is the real trouble-maker for us. It's pure wild goose chase. Look, I will prove it. I will show you what is in there.

Lex Luthor:
Don't be stupid. [takes the stone] This is science. What good is your sorcery? Unless you plan to turn stone into gold? Or maybe a frog?

Tala:
Such ignorance. Transmutation is what you want to do!

Lex Luthor:
Transmutation is...[pauses] what are you waiting for? Do it! [hands the stone to her]

Tala:
Okay!

Lex Luthor:
Okay!

Tala:
[performing her Transmutation Sorcery] By the slaughter of the innocent, by pestilence and plague, reveal the hidden unto me. [she uses her powers to view the stone's origins. She finds nothing] There, you see? Just a rock. A worthless piece of... [she sees something from it] oh.

Lex Luthor:
What?

Tala:
It's not important.

Lex Luthor:
Show me!

[she uses her magic to give Luthor a vision of the past, when the Brainiac Asteroid was destroyed]

Brainiac Computer Voice:
Critical system failure in three seconds. Two seconds. One second. [the asteroid explodes. Tala, almost unable to keep up with the image, screams as the vision nearly fades]

Lex Luthor:
No! Keep the image! [Tala struggles until Luthor sees enough] There is still Brainiac in the universe.

Tala:
There is no way to tell where it happened.

Lex Luthor:
Wrong. I saw enough of those stars to determine the explosion's coordinates. It should be a simple matter.

Tala:
You saw the wild goose again. Concentrate on us, baby. Space is too far. Together, we can rule this world. [Luthor pushes her aside] Oh!

Lex Luthor:
If you like this world so much, keep your fool mouth shut. Then maybe I'll let you keep it. Me? I'm going to be a god again. [sometime later, the Society members make changes in their headquarters] Speed it up! Sinestro, don't forget the floor. I want radiation shielding from every direction. Rampage... [interrupted when Bizarro has trouble with his work] [annoyed] Help Bizarro. [to Weather Wizard] Don't distort the metal, moron!

Weather Wizard:
I don't even know why we're doing this.

[Luthor pins him next to the hot molten metal in the wall]

Lex Luthor:
Killer Frost, if Weather Wizard here doesn't shape up, I'm holding you accountable.

Killer Frost:
Whatever.

Lex Luthor:
Structural integrity is crucial.

Killer Frost:
Okay, got it. Jeez.

Grodd:
Why is my headquarters moving? Hey, What's going on?! [no answer] I demand to know what's going on!

Tala:
Quiet, Grodd!

Grodd:
You! Come to gloat at me again? I'm not some monkey in a zoo, throwing-

Tala:
[Shushes him] Listen, I've been very, very bad. I picked the wrong pony. It should have been you.

Grodd:
Ooh, you've finally sussed it out. That hairless sweetheart of yours isn't a leader. He's a thug.

Tala:
And how! I don't like to compete for Lex with a dead computer. I want you to be the man in charge, like before. So, baby, [strokes him seductively] what do you want?

Grodd:
Why, only you, my dear. And Luthor's fat head on a plate! [Tala smiles]

[the Society members are in their working places as Toyman is navigating]

Atomic Skull:
That's one Mother of a laser show.

Lex Luthor:
Toyman?

Toyman:
We should be reaching the Brainiac Remnants soon. By the way, thank you for making me your navigator, Luthor. I've aways loved learning a new controller.

Lex Luthor:
Just keep us on course. The slightest error and we're dead.

[suddenly, Grodd breaks through with a laser cannon]

Grodd:
I wouldn't worry about it, neanderthal. The way I see it, You're dead either way. [Approaches Luthor along with the villains who follow him] I'd like to complete this transaction with as little blood shed as possible, Lex. Now, put your hands up and have Toyman turn us around.

Tala:
Don't look at him, big boy. Grodd is leader.

[Giganta grabs Grodd]

Grodd:
Giganta, you're out of jail! How's your head?

Giganta:
Pretty good, considering you tried to fry my brain! [begins to squeeze Grodd]

Tala:
Don't get grabby, Thunderthighs! Grodd is mine now! [Blasts Giganta]

Killer Frost:
[Prepares to freeze Toyman] One creep-cicle coming up! [Toyman headbutts her and runs away] You are so annoying!

Tala:
Trapped like a rat. It's very weird. You have never had so much fun when we were together. [Tala fires a magic spell at Luthor, but it bounces back and knocks her unconscious. He pulls an amulet from under his shirt]

Lex Luthor:
You wouldn't believe what this cost me.

[scene shifts to Toyman, who is walking the stair with a deadly Yo-Yo in his hand as Killer Frost approaches him surfing in a ice wave]

Toyman:
Around the world... [wipes Frost's ice construct with his Yo-yo, knocking her in the ground] Rock the crater... [Frost creates an ice wall to protect herself, but Toyman uses his yo-yo to break it through and knock her unconscious] Sleeper.

Grodd:
Give up, Lex! You're only delaying the inevitable.

Lex Luthor:
You're right.

Grodd:
[shoots a blast of his gun at Luthor, who deflects with his gloves] If it's all the same to you, I'd rather snap your neck with my bare hands. [Luthor tries to attack him, but Grodd counters and singlehandedly beats him up again and again] You know, this mutiny was easy. The Secret Society hates you.

Lex Luthor:
Like they love you! [runs towards Grodd, who knocks him away with a kick] Idiotic simian. Half-baked objectivist.

Grodd:
[grabs Luthor] You're ill-equipped to lead, Lex.

Lex Luthor:
[choking] A lower primate masquerading as an intellectual.

Grodd:
I'm the more accomplished, both physically and mentally. [uses telepathy on Luthor, who overrides it with his power-belt and puts Grodd under his control]

Lex Luthor:
Took you long enough. I was beginning to think I'd figured you wrong. Now bow down to me. [Grodd struggles not to, but does so] Who is master here?

Grodd:
[weakly] You... are...

Lex Luthor:
Get up. [Grodd obeys] Take six steps forward. [Grodd does so and opens the door in front of him] Get in. [Grodd does so again and Luthor closes the door and deactivates his power-belt]

Grodd:
[trying to break through the door in anger] I should have let you rot in jail!

Lex Luthor:
Goodbye, Grodd. It could have gone the other way.

Grodd:
It really could have, couldn't it?

Lex Luthor:
No... But why speak ill of the dead? [punches a button and opens airlock]

Grodd:
You twisted little pink rat-hole of a hominid, I'm not done with you! I'll get out of this, and when I do...!

[Grodd is sucked out of his headquarters to his death]

[Lex Luthor's team has beaten Grodd's rebels]

Lex Luthor:
Can any of you give me one good reason to let you live? [Killer Frost steps forward from the rebels, then freezes her comrades without a word] Killer Frost... you've got a future. Get rid of the rest.

Killer Frost:
You got it.

Toyman:
We're here.

[the headquarters reaches Brainiac's coordinates]

Tala:
[To Luthor] Darling, Grodd must have used mind-control!... Okay, maybe not. But baby, you don't ever doubt that I love you, correct? I-, I-, I know I did something bad, I'm a sick person. You don't know what it's like to be me.

Lex Luthor:
Don't be afraid, darling. You still have a big role in my plan. In fact... I can't do this without you. [Volcana knocks Tala out, then, she wakes up being used as a mystical conduit to reassemble Brainiac.] I used to think magic was unknowable, unpredictable, and not to be trusted. You've taught me so much, Tala. Even my wealth of scientific knowledge would never have been up to this task. You will be the mystic conduit that will siphon Brainiac's essence from the debris. I'll be able to reconstitute him from that energy. But I doubt you'll see it.

Tala:
You planned this all along! Even before I-

Lex Luthor:
I'm a sick person too.

Toyman:
Luthor, the collection panels are in place.

Tala:
[panicked] Lex! Please! I beg you!

Lex Luthor:
Hold that thought. [to Toyman] Do it. [Toyman is about to obey, but time stops] I said do it!

Metron:
[appearing behind Luthor] He cannot hear you, Lex Luthor. Time has stopped. We exist between two ticks of the clock. In my travels through the myriad paths of infinity, I have seen the first and the last. But what you do today threatens the entire universe. Past, Present and Future.

Lex Luthor:
I should hope it does. Look, I didn't catch the name.

Metron:
Metron. Scientist and chronicler.

Lex Luthor:
Well, Metron, I'll soon be ready for anything the universe can throw at me. I'm about to become a god.

Metron:
You don't know what a god is. Or what you are unleashing.

Lex Luthor:
"Tampering with forces beyond my ken", and so forth? Nice try. Look, if you want my power, make your move, otherwise you can get lost.

Metron:
You will regret your decision. We all will. [Metron disappears as time turns back to normal]

Toyman:
Twinkle, twinkle, Brainiac, Tala's gonna bring you back! [activates the machine]

Tala:
[last words] Lex! Lex! LEX!

Lex Luthor:
Brainiac! I'm coming! [the machine drains Tala's energy until it creates a mysterious figure which appears with the smoke] People, meet your new lord and master!

[He becomes shocked as, instead of Brainiac, the figure is revealed to be Darkseid, who is now fused with Brainiac and given a new look]

Darkseid:
It seems I have you to thank for my resurrection. Though your world will suffer slowly, I grant you a quick death.

[Darkseid uses his power to destroy the base. Scene shifts to Apokolips, where factions of the Apokoliptans are having a civil war]

Stick:
That rodent, Vundabar, thinks he can rule Apokolips in Darkseid's stead. We'll be the ones who deliver his pestilent corpse to Granny Goodness. [the two sides begin the battle, but before they can, Darkseid emerges and all bow to him] Welcome home, oh, mighty Darkseid.

Darkseid:
Arise, my children. Let this meaningless battle for control end today.

Sting:
Of course, my Lord. We had thought ourselves bereft forever.

Darkseid:
Only the slimmest of chances has allowed me to overcome my death at the hands of Superman. But let the universe howl in despair, for I have returned! [The Apokoliptan armies cheer triumphantly]

Stick:
What is your will, my lord?

Darkseid:
As ever, to search for the Anti-Life Equation, that I might bring order to this aimless universe. But first, Superman must suffer for killing me. His adopted world will die screaming. Only then will I seek the ultimate end.

Kanto:
Forgive me, lord, but to attack Earth would violate your pact with Highfather. New Genesis would doubtless retaliate.

Darkseid:
[smiles] Where do you think I'm going next?

[scene shifts to the Watchtower as a Watchtower employee runs desperately into the room where Superman and the League are]

Employee:
Superman! You better get outside quick!

[The League goes outside and confronts Luthor and the remaining members of the Legion of Doom]

Lex Luthor:
We have a little problem...

Lex Luthor:
Darkseid took Brainiac away from me. I can't hear his voice in my head anymore!

Giganta:
Enough of the crazy talk, Lex.

Shayera Hol:
Send us first — give the others the chance to get their pants on.

Superman:
Okay, let's get these people locked up. Sounds like we've got a fight on our hands.

Giganta:
If you think you're locking us up while the whole world's under attack, you've got two fights on your hands.

Batman:
She's got a point. We'll need all the bodies we can throw at this.

Superman:
Oh, come on! It's Lex flippin' Luthor! Why should we trust him?!

Atomic Skull:
Hey, it's our world too!

Lex Luthor:
Let's be clear about this. We're not here to help you save the world. You're here to help me get revenge on Darkseid. When this is over, it's back to business as usual.

Superman:
[glares at Lex] Wouldn't have it any other way.

Batman:
Search through the telemetry on the attack groups; find the best-protected mother ship. That's where Darkseid will be.

Superman:
And that's where I want to go.

Mr. Terrific:
I imagine so— it's in Metropolis, hovering over the Daily Planet. Stand by.

Lex Luthor:
Was there a plan here?

Batman:
Take out the small fries until we attract the big fish's attention.

Lex Luthor:
Ha! With everything going on, I bet he never notices us!

[Darkseid appears]

Batman:
You're on.

Superman:
I'll take some of that action.

Darkseid:
I hope you appreciate, Kal-El, that everything that happens from this point is on your head. The skies will rain fire, the oceans will boil, the streets will run red with the blood of billions. Only then, after your last pitiful hope is extinguished, will I end your life. Let's go.

Lex Luthor:
You destroyed Brainiac! I'm gonna make you pay!

Darkseid:
Unlikely. [blows Luthor away]

Darkseid:
I'm more powerful than I've ever been, and the last time we met, you barely managed to hold your own.

Superman:
Funny. That's not how I remember it.

Darkseid:
Allow me to refresh your memory. [Darkseid picks up the Daily Planet globe and uses it to slam Superman through every floor of the building]

Green Lantern:
We gotta find a way to take this out for good!

Flash:
Why don't you just throw it into the sun? [pauses and stares at Green Lantern] Yeah, I guess that's a pretty stupid idea.

Green Lantern:
No, maybe you're on to something. But I'll need more leverage. And a trench!

Flash:
On it! [he runs around and around in a circle, creating a trench around the drill] Now what? [Green Lantern creates a catapult with his ring] Aw, cool! [Green Lantern flings the drill]

Green Lantern:
Doesn't look like it quite made escape velocity. [The drill hits a ship, which explodes]

Flash:
Good effort, though.

Darkseid:
Don't leave us yet, Kal-El. I want you to see your adopted homeworld bow down before me. Only then will I allow you death's sweet release.

Wonder Woman:
Get away from here! It's not safe!

Elderly Chinese Man:
Don't worry. I'm here to help.

Wonder Woman:
I appreciate your inten- [Sees the old man easily defeating Parademons] Hera! [The man suddenly changes into a Chinese dragon, defeating more Parademons. He then changes again, becoming the Martian Manhunter.] J'onn! [hugs him]

Martian Manhunter:
Good to see you, Diana. I've got a lot to tell you about.

Wonder Woman:
We'll catch up later.

Martian Manhunter:
Wouldn't miss it. First things first...

[The team flies off towards one of Darkseid's magma towers]

Lex Luthor:
Problem?

Batman:
I'm out.

Lex Luthor:
[holds up his gun] Take my extra.

Batman:
Not my style.

Lex Luthor:
Suit yourself. I'm planning to live through this.

Darkseid:
Flee. [Batman dodges Darkseid's Omega Beam and it hits a Parademon] Impressive. No one has ever avoided my Omega Beam. I wonder if the other one is as agile. [Powers up his Omega Beams; Lex Luthor runs away] Excellent strategy.

Darkseid:
Super or otherwise, you're merely a man. And I am a god.

Lex Luthor:
You! Metron! You knew this was going to happen!

Metron:
This outcome was the most likely possible result of your foolhardy actions.

Lex Luthor:
You can help me! I demand that you help me!

Metron:
You are in no position to make demands of anyone. I warned you that you were dabbling in forces beyond your comprehension.

Lex Luthor:
You'd be surprised what I can comprehend! For instance, if you know so much about Darkseid, I'll wager you know how to beat him!

Metron:
There is one possibility. One thing in all the universe that might... but no. The risk...

Lex Luthor:
I know a little something about risk myself. [aims his pistol at Metron] Care for an object lesson?

Metron:
Very well. I will take you where you want to go.

Darkseid:
You still try to fight. Can't you see that it's hopeless?

Superman:
[Pins Darkseid against a wall] Batman won't quit so long as he can draw breath. None of my teammates will. Me? I've got a different problem. [Punches Darkseid through the wall] I feel like I live in a world made of cardboard. Always taking care not to break something, to break someone. Never allowing myself to lose control, even for a moment, or someone could die. [Punches Darkseid again] But you can take it, can't you, big man? What we have here is a rare opportunity for me to cut loose, and show you just how powerful I really am. [Punches Darkseid across the city with a single blow]

Darkseid:
It's called the Agony Matrix. Direct neural stimulation of pain receptors - all of them. Imagine the worst pain you've ever felt in your life, times a thousand. Now imagine that pain continuing. Forever. Oh, that's right... you don't have to imagine.

Metron:
Behold the Source Wall. Beyond it is the single greatest secret of the universe. This is as far as I dare to go. I warn you one final time: only a 12th level intellect has the slightest hope of surviving what you are about to experience.

Lex Luthor:
Then I'm overqualified.

Darkseid:
Still alive. You impress me, Kryptonian. More... your valor has touched my heart. Oh yes, there is still some small part of me that knows mercy. I will end your pain... with something special I've been saving for just this occasion. [Darkseid draws a Kryptonite knife] I'm going to carve out your heart and put it on a pike in my throne room.

[Lex Luthor appears in a business suit]

Lex Luthor:
As much as I'd enjoy seeing that, first you have some business with me. Sorry it took me so long - I had to go get my "power suit".

Darkseid:
You dare challenge me? Insanity!

Lex Luthor:
Oh, I'm not here to challenge you, Darkseid. Quite the contrary. I've got something you want. The only thing you want.

[Luthor holds up his hand, revealing a dazzling shard of energy]

Darkseid:
[astonished] The Anti-Life Equation!

Darkseid:
It's beautiful, isn't it?

Lex Luthor:
Yes...yes, it is.

[After Lex Luthor and Darkseid vanish through the Anti-Life Equation]

Martian Manhunter:
In many ways, Lex Luthor represents the worst of what mankind has to offer.

Superman:
But he died saving us all.

Batman:
I doubt that either of them died.

Superman:
But we saw it this time!

Flash:
You saw it last time too.

Green Lantern:
What's that old saying? "Believe half of what you see..."

Shayera Hol:
"...and none of what you hear." They'll be back.

Martian Manhunter:
And we'll be ready for them.

Wonder Woman:
It's past time that Luthor's partners in crime were locked up.

Atomic Skull:
Wait a minute – we help you guys save the world, and we don't even get any consideration?

[Batman looks at Superman, who shrugs]

Batman:
You're right. Five-minute head start.

Atomic Skull:
Five minutes? Are you kidding?!

Wonder Woman:
Four minutes, fifty seconds.

[The villains promptly flee; Giganta gives the surprised Flash a kiss on the cheek before joining the others]

[Last lines of the series]

Martian Manhunter:
[on the cell phone to his wife] I should be back in time to dinner. I love you too.

Flash:
These are the end times.

Superman:
[to Batman] A head start? You're getting soft in your old age.

Batman:
[smiling] Don't you have a tall building to go leap?

Wonder Woman:
And the adventure continues...