Law & Order, Season 12

[during Sherri's testimony, the Quinns' dog King is brought in on a leash with a muzzle on his mouth; King growls and barks rabidly]

Behrens:
Your honor!

Judge Scholl:
Mr. McCoy?

McCoy:
The defendants claim the dog is gentle, your honor. We think the jury has a right to decide for itself.

Judge Scholl:
Bring the dog into the well.

[the court officer brings King closer]

McCoy:
Care to pet your dog, Mrs. Quinn?

Behrens:
Objection!

McCoy:
[to Roger] How 'bout you, Mr. Quinn? Shall we take the muzzle off and you can pet your dog?

Behrens:
I move for an immediate mistrial, your honor!

Judge Scholl:
That's enough! The show is over! Mr. Quinn, take your seat. You too, Mr. Behrens. Mr. McCoy, remove that dog right now.

[after the Quinns have agreed to a plea]

Southerlyn:
I just got off with animal control. The dog was put down.

McCoy:
The Quinns' trial was the only thing keeping it alive.

Lewin:
Abused, tortured, and now destroyed.

Southerlyn:
Almost makes you wish you could reverse the sentences.

Melissa:
How could you have killed him?

Lorraine:
The man was a thug! Every time I turned around he was there with his hand out.

Melissa:
I'm not talking about Buck, I'm talking about Allan. I thought you loved him!

Lorraine:
Sweetheart, you didn't have to sleep with him. Let's just drop this whole subject, okay? That part of our lives is over with!

Melissa:
You're wrong.

Lorraine:
What are you talking about?!

Melissa:
Look at the dock, mother.

[Briscoe and a sound technician are standing there, recording their conversation]

Lorraine:
You little bitch!

Melissa:
I had a good teacher.

Briscoe:
Vega hasn't had a gig in 10 years and he socked away millions of dollars. Maybe I should get a manager.

Green:
Singing in a karaoke bar doesn't count.

Lt. Van Buren:
I'm fine, Lenny...

Briscoe:
I just wanted to make sure...

Lt. Van Buren':
You know, you nudge a witness in the right direction at a lineup...the gun - was in plain view, not under the seat...we do that all the time.

Briscoe:
You wouldn't have passed off those prints to the DA unless she told you there was a match!

Lt. Van Buren:
Closin'...that case got me noticed, Lennie. And I used to hear the whispers and the chatter behind my back: 'She got it because she's black'...'She got it 'cause she's a woman'. And I never listened to any of that crap...because I knew...I had earned it!

Briscoe:
You made Lieutenant because you're a great cop! All the drug collars you made, all the killers you put behind bars - this one case isn't gonna undo all of that!

Lt. Van Buren:
I'm not so sure, Lennie...I'm not so sure!

Rochet:
I don't regret anything I do, Mr. McCoy. I hope you never do. [leaves]

McCoy:
Letting that man walk out the door is a start.

[An expert witness for the defense of a racist murderer argues that racism is a mental disorder]

Freeman:
I know first-hand what it is to be discriminated against. But as long as we treat it as a social problem instead of as an illness, we lose all chance of treating it.

McCoy:
No, sir. As long as we provide an excuse, we lose all chance of punishing it.

Lewin:
I wonder if Burrows will still have a problem with minorities once he gets to prison and finds out he is one.

[Southerlyn blurries legal ethics to resolve a hostage situation]

Lewin:
And I appreciate what you did, but if you wanted to save people, you should've become a doctor.

Griggs:
I want a lawyer.

Briscoe:
All right. Just try not to shoot this one.

Briscoe:
[while interrogating Jensen] We'd offer call a lawyer for you, except that you are one.

Briscoe:
You were dealing out of the same club, and you were seen arguing about money. In our neck of the woods, that's called a drug deal gone bad.

Sheila:
That's insane!

Briscoe:
Uh, if I were you, that defense never works.

Nicky:
[to his son, Tommy, who has just testified against him] Better watch your back, Tommy.

[Bailiffs lead a frightened Tommy away]

Southerlyn:
Some people pass down pocket watches.

McCoy:
Tradition.

[Briscoe and Green are arguiing about the "war on terrorism"]

Briscoe:
Hey, take a look, partner. There's supposed to be 2 towers standing over there.

Green:
Look, man, I know, but it's that kind of thing that gets me pulled over on the turnpike every other month. You forget, I lived in the Middle East. Not every guy wearing a kufi is the enemy.

McCoy:
In World War II, we put Japanese Americans into camps. I'm sure everyone concerned at the time thought it was right. But that didn't make it right. Or legal.

Tinsdale:
[about the war crime he committed in Vietnam] I had a split second to make a decision. I don't like the way it turned out, but I did the job they told me to do.

McCoy:
I think there were mitigating factors.

Serena:
Based on what they did, or who they are?

McCoy:
They were kids. Kids armed to the teeth and put in a place where, most of the time, they couldn't tell who was for them and who was against them. We need to be careful how we judge.

Green:
You got an alibi for last night night?

Gallo:
Penelope Cruz.

Green:
Penelope Cruz?

Gallo:
Yeah. I was home sleepin', she was in my dreams.

Green:
Found this under the front seat of her car.

Briscoe:
A parking stub from A&M.

Green:
The lot where Ronnie Buck was killed.

Lorraine:
You didn't find that in my car, you put it there!

Briscoe:
I knew those fake parking stubs would come in handy some day.

Briscoe:
[holds up Gasana's machete, which he used to kill someone] It's a jungle out there, huh?

McCoy:
Don't pretend your hands are clean, Mr. Girard. Not unless you're willing to risk losing them.

Dr. Rodgers:
[on what blade made the stab wounds] Probably pinking shears.

Briscoe:
I'm not even going to ask what pinking is.

McCoy:
$362 a month for a 3-bedroom apartment? I'd kill for it.

Vega:
Grand jury is just another audience.

Van Buren:
I want to know why you did it. Those were people's lives you were playing with,

Russo:
You know, I don't recall you crying so hard when you made first grade off this case.

Van Buren:
I never knew you lied!

Russo:
Oh, please! You people come in, you give me the evidence. You tell me, "See what you can come up with, Lisa." And I gave you exactly what you wanted. And you know what? You are the worst kind of hypocrite. And are you really gonna sit there and tell me that you don't blur the boundaries? Go home and look in the mirror, Anita. And when you do, you ask yourself is it right that I'm in here and you're not?

Quigley:
We're losing our wetlands, our wilderness! Every day, we are paving over nature!

Briscoe:
Aw, you think Manhattan's a wasteland? Wait 'til you see Riker's Island.

[G-Train's fans are protesting his trial]

Serena:
Do they really think he's innocent?

McCoy:
I don't think they care.

Serena:
In a weird way, the dismissal hurt Collins more than the indictment. When his fans found out he wasn't the killer, his CD dropped 10 places in the charts.

McCoy:
At this rate, he might have to go out and actually shoot somebody.

Father Paul:
People go to confession to seek forgiveness, to express regret for whatever it is that they've done. I don't know of any priest who would absolve a murderer without that, or without their agreeing to come forward to accept whatever punishment he or she might deserve.

McCoy:
Well, this kid is letting an innocent man do his time for him, and he tried to kill the priest to keep him quiet.

Father Paul:
The Grady case.

McCoy:
A patient threatens his shrink, a client threatens his lawyer, any confidentiality there is gone.

Father Paul:
Religion and the law don't always speak the same language. That being said, on these facts I wouldn't have much trouble revealing what he told me.

McCoy:
So what's stopping this priest?

Father Paul:
He must still have hope. Hope that he can get this kid to come forward and save his soul. My guess is, as long as this priest has that hope, you're not going to get him to talk.

McCoy:
So my job is to take his hope away from him.

Father Paul:
[smiles] Don't worry, Jack, I'll still put in a good word for you.

Bishop Durning:
If Father Evans refuses to testify, the court could hold him in contempt. If he violates his conscience or the precepts of the Church, there may also be consequences. In either case, it's no place to be. Find another way, Mr. McCoy. For all our sakes.

Briscoe:
Guy goes out for a stroll, ends up at his own wake.

[Briscoe and Green pull Reggie away from a homeless shelter]

Reggie:
Hey! I'm gonna lose my spot!

Briscoe:
Don't worry - we serve pancakes at our house too.

Reggie:
You got syrup?

McCoy:
If nobody ever pushed the limits, no one would know where they are.

Green:
Looks she said the hell with her stuff and just took off.

Briscoe:
I don't blame her. Isn't moving one of the 7 major traumas? Death, divorce, colonoscopy?

[McCoy finds out that Mrs. Weldon killed Lisa and framed her husband]

McCoy:
Your husband underestimated you, Mrs. Weldon.

Mrs. Weldon:
Like he said, he's not a perfect man. He's made mistakes.

Briscoe:
[reading a movie poster] "Les Artistes d'Armour. A painter shows how passion is the highest form of art."

Green:
Sounds like a date movie.

Briscoe:
Sounds like I'm home watching the Knicks game.

Dr. Skoda:
Your shrink was trying to predict antisocial behavior by looking at her subjects' early childhood experience.

Green:
Did she predict someone would grow up and murder their therapist?

Dr. Skoda:
You'd have to get into her session notes. That's where any clues would be.

Briscoe:
What kind of clues?

Dr. Skoda:
First thing I'd look for would be some sort of physical abuse, possibly sexual. And because the nature of your murder was particularly vicious, I'd focus on someone who felt betrayed by their therapist.

Briscoe:
At 150 an hour, that would be practically everybody, wouldn't it?

McCoy:
If people have to choose, they'll trade safety for privacy every time.

Lewin:
That's the problem, though. If you trade one for the other, you could end up losing both.

Lurie:
Our fourth field trip this semester. We're lucky to have involved parents.

Briscoe:
We're looking for the kids who may have skipped out on that show.

Green:
Must be hard to keep track after the lights go down.

Lurie:
None of them were involved in this girl's murder, if that's where you're going.

Briscoe:
You seem pretty sure.

Lurie:
These are good kids.

Briscoe:
So were Leopold and Loeb.

[McCoy has just found that out that Weston murdered Paula]

Weston:
I am 42 years old! I'm entitled to a life.

McCoy:
She was 11. What was she entitled to?

Briscoe:
He told us he was out running, he just didn't mention it was from the crime scene.

Alicia:
I got on the floor with her. She wasn't breathing. She was just lying there with this soft look on her face, and I remember thinking, 'This must be the way she looks when she's asleep...'

Lewin:
What choices does a woman in that situation really have?

Serena:
If someone hit me, I would leave, and if I couldn't, I'd hit them back.

Lewin:
Well, not everyone takes Tae Bo.

McCoy:
You were tired of being his punching bag.

Leslie:
Yes. Anybody would be.

McCoy:
And the way to get all that to stop was to stay. To stay, and get him. [Leslie says nothing] Only that's not self-defense, is it?

Briscoe:
[while handcuffing a murder suspect] Just once, I'd like to make one of you bastards break the news to the parents!

Talbot:
I run a business, Mr. McCoy. Everyone loves a perfect product, but if it's too expensive or inconvenient, no one buys it. The airlines could hand-search every passenger on every flight, but the delays would put them out of business. Cars could be made as safe as tanks, but how many people could afford a car that costs as much as a house? Risk-return analysis isn't reckless. It's responsible business.

McCoy:
So is keeping your customers alive.

Green:
That's the trouble with you AA types. You see an alcoholic behind every bush.

Briscoe:
Which is where they are.

Briscoe:
Home alone's a movie, not an alibi.

[Serena arrives in a basketball court where McCoy is playing with other attorneys]

Serena:
What's the score?

McCoy:
Legal Aid's up by six. All free-throws. You know defense attorneys. They like to complain they've been fouled every chance they get.

[Briscoe and Green arrest Leahy at a baseball game]

Green:
Frank Leahy, we have a warrant.

Leahy:
A warrant?

Green:
You're under arrest.

Leahy:
What for?

Briscoe:
It ain't for stealing home.