Law & Order, Season 18

[Detective Lupo returns from abroad when his brother dies under mysterious circumstances.]

Det. Cormack:
Hey, there was another hooker rip-off 2 weeks ago at the McGarrick on 12th. It's almost enough to make a man swear off infidelity.

Rodgers:
Serial suicide artist.

Green:
Try not to look so excited.

Cutter:
Jack, you grew up with Woodward and Bernstein. I grew up with Geraldo.

Rubirosa:
So you were just the dumb muscle?

Barkin:
You can kiss my dumb muscle.

Judge Bradley:
Just because the power's out doesn't mean we unplug the Constitution.

[Detective Lupo has obtained evidence in a way that might be unconstitutional]

Lt. Van Buren:
Tell me you were tying your shoe when he did that.

Green:
I was tying my shoe when he did that.

[A doctor involved in the case was investigating a genetic marker for homosexuality]

McCoy:
I hear Pandora's box creaking open

McCoy:
That's one area where science has been no help- how to keep decent people from making lousy decisions.

McCoy:
When's the last time we offered a plea bargain?

Cutter:
My summation's ready. I can win this.

McCoy:
Famous last words.

Vargas:
I used to think law was exciting, but politics, campaigning... it's like holding the beating heart of America in your hand.

[Green and Lupo stare]

Vargas:
[Grins sheepishly] That must sound pretty terrible.

[ D.A McCoy convinced politician Melanie Carver to wear a wire to gather evidence on her former aide. He later talks to her privately about some things Vargas said during the trial. ]

McCoy:
Victor said something about more of the tape. But there was no more on the tape. Did you stop recording?

Carver:
[chuckles quietly] Primary's on Tuesday. Don't forget to vote.

[McCoy has accused Lethem of sabotaging the case against Rodchenko for political reasons]

Lethem:
So... there it is. Some of us were wondering how long it'd take the real Jack McCoy to rear his shaggy, hippie liberal head. You know, when Arthur left, the Attorney General told me he wanted me sitting in that chair.

McCoy:
And the mayor wanted somebody else... But I was the guy next in line for the job. This way, everybody's hands are clean... And I don't have to grind anybody's axe.

Lethem:
Except your own.

McCoy:
Josh, I think you've said enough.

Lethem:
It's too much power for you, Jack. You can't be trusted.

McCoy:
If you really believe that you shouldn't be working for me. You can resign or I can fire you. Either way, clean out your desk tonight. You're done here.

McCoy:
What an idiot! Where did I get the idea I could do this job without the politics and stay above the fray? Now I know why Adam Schiff was so grumpy.

McCoy:
If there's a law, I will enforce it. If there's a crime, I will prosecute it. And if there is a victim, I will speak for that victim.

Rubirosa:
[about one of their witnesses] Timmy came off as an opportunistic, criminal piece of crap.

Cutter:
He is an opportunistic, criminal piece of crap.

McCoy:
Jurors are people. So are prosecutors. They have reactions. We could put you in a Burqa. Or have robots try cases. Until then, we use what we have.

[A woman's alibi witness is her 12 year old daughter, who suddenly changes her story]

Cutter:
[to McCoy] I'm going to do something about her alibi witness. You don't want to know.

[Lupo is unhappy with Cutter for browbeating a young witness into testifying against her mother.]

Lupo:
Is this some sort of sport to you?

Cutter:
[pauses] Stick with your law books, detective. On the page, the law is a much purer thing.

McCoy:
[to Dr. Olivet] You're working for the other side now. The gloves will have to come off.

Cutter:
'People v. Fisher.' He smashed his fiance's head in with a hammer. A dozen people saw him do it, he was covered in blood, brain matter... he was acquitted. It wasn't my first case, or my tenth. It happened 4 years ago. There is no such thing as a slam dunk.

[McCoy gave Cutter information about Dr. Olivet that he used to try to discredit her during the trial]:

Dr. Olivet:
Not your finest moment, Jack.

McCoy:
Nor yours.

Waxman:
I am a rock in a sea of chaos I will not be bullied or broken.. I'm a rock in a sea of chaos...

Rubirosa:
Would you sleep with a suspect to get a conviction?

Cutter:
[smiles] I might go on a date.

Rubirosa:
[to Cutter, about Talley] You know, if she she weren't such a lying slut and a disgrace to her profession and, y'know, an accessory to murder... you two might have really hit it off.

McCoy:
My God... A training camp for religious fanatics.

Cutter:
One that isn't in the Middle East.

Pastor Hensley:
What do we say to blasphemers who pollute the Kingdom of God?

Children:
THIS MEANS WAR!

Bernard:
I hate dogs.

Lupo:
Oh yeah? Why's that?

Bernard:
A stupid nickname I had in Catholic school.

Lupo:
Saint Bernard. [Bernard glares at him] Lucky guess.

McCoy:
[about Green] The man's been in my office a hundred times. I just kind of assumed he wasn't a murderer.

[Green is leaving the 27th Precinct]

Green:
I've been a cop, a gambler and 12 other things that don't necessarily go together that well. How do you do it?

Lt. Van Buren:
One foot in front of the other, for 30 years.

Green:
I'll let you know where I land. [shakes her hand] Thank you, Lu.

Lupo:
Dr. Landry, you're under arrest.

Dr. Landry:
Arrest? For what?

Lupo:
Let's start with steaming a kid like a hot dog and work from there.

Lt. Van Buren:
[about Landry's self-help book] How did I get through life without reading this?

Lupo:
Well, I couldn't get through it without aspirin.

Sanderson:
I'm innocent! I'm innocent! I'm innocent!

Lupo:
We heard you the first time, Ted.

Cutter:
You know he killed Dresner.

Rubirosa:
As Jack always says, I only know what I can prove in court.

Governor Shalvoy:
Jack, we need to talk. I just got served a subpoena signed by Michael Cutter.

McCoy:
I know, I told him to do it.

Gov. Shalvoy:
You told him?! What the hell were you doing?!

McCoy:
Helping to convict a murderer. You have maybe 10 days before this goes public. Now go home to your family, to -

Gov. Shalvoy:
My family is none of your business! My personal life is not anybody's business! You worry, Jack. You worry how you're going to get elected without me. It's thanks to me that you have this job in the first place. Nobody wanted you!

McCoy:
I'd rather be an unemployed lawyer than a well-fed pet.

Gov. Shalvoy:
[angry] You're a fool. I had high hopes for you.

McCoy:
I had high hopes for you! How could you do this?! To the people who work for you, the people who elected you?! How could you be so reckless with their trust? [hoarse, emotional] I respected you, Donald... respected you.

Green:
Piece of cake. We just look for a black guy and a white guy together in New York City.

Lupo:
Well, there's us.

Lupo:
Four years overseas chasing terrorists, now I'm the pants police.

Lt. Van Buren:
Jonas, both children were killed by the same gun, by the same man. Someone from the neighborhood. But no one's talking to my people.

Durning:
Self-preservation. In case you haven't noticed, the neighborhood's turning white and rich. Families are being forced out.

Lt. Van Buren:
My officers can't afford to live in the city anymore.

Durning:
That's your community, Anita. My community's just trying to hold on to its own.

Lt. Van Buren:
Well, if "don't snitch" is how you define your community, maybe it's not worth saving.

Cutter:
My summation's ready. I can win this.

McCoy:
Famous last words. I've even said them myself from time to time.

Lupo:
Is it customary to shoot your partner, or does that fall under "going the extra mile"?

McCoy:
I called Cassidy's boss. Every response from him consisted of a verb, a subject and 9/11.

Cutter:
Now that we can establish Yost's motive, the defense is likely to do something unconventional.

McCoy:
Such as?

Cutter:
Putting lethal injection on trial. An appeal to the jury's political beliefs.

McCoy:
It shouldn't be a problem.

Cutter:
[sarcastically] Because Lord knows something like that never works!

Cutter:
I'm sorry for your loss, Mr. Yost. I can't imagine what you've been through. But it doesn't justify what you did. [facing the jury] The defendant coolly and deliberately tracked Dr. Garrison down, filled with a rage he knew might easily spark to violence. This wasn't post-traumatic stress. This was a thirst for revenge, the revenge he couldn't have against Lionel Hartigan. Now, we all saw what's left of Mr. Hartigan in this courtroom. Wasn't that enough retribution? Did killing an innocent man bring back the defendant's family? Or is it just another wasted life? Mr. Yost knows better than anyone in this courtroom the person responsible for the pain and the sadness inflicted on Dr. Burns' family should pay. And pay dearly.

[Lupo is unhappy with Cutter for browbeating a young witness into testifying against her mother.]

Lupo:
You learn that in law school?

Cutter:
Right out of law school. Nothing but drug cases for five years. Would you feel better if I offered her a lollipop?

Lupo:
I'd feel better if you hadn't roughed her up.

Cutter:
How do you think her mother got her to lie? I'm playing to win, detective, and winning means Katherine Waxman in jail.

Lupo:
Is this some kind of sport to you?

Cutter:
[pause] Stick with your law books, detective. On the page, the law is a much purer thing.

[McCoy gave Cutter information about Dr. Olivet that he used to try to discredit her during the trial]:

Dr. Olivet:
That hurt, Jack.

McCoy:
I warned you.

Dr. Olivet:
You betrayed a confidence.

McCoy:
You went to bat for a woman who shot her husband in cold blood, and who would have killed anybody else she found in his office. If I had to betray a confidence to ensure that she goes to jail, so be it. These are the rules we live by.

Dr. Olivet:
This isn't your finest hour, Jack.

McCoy:
Nor yours.

Bob:
I didn't steal those. I got them at a flea market.

Lupo:
A flea market. Wow. My dog has fleas that are smarter than you if you think that's going to hold up.

Gov. Shalvoy:
It's a big state, Jack. Be glad you're only responsible for a small part of it.

Bernard:
Sara Shipley, 24 years old, and according to her B Friends page, is an aspiring performance artist.

Lupo:
According to a bellboy we talked to at the hotel, she services clients for Excalibur Exclusives.

Lt. Van Buren:
Excalibur Exclusives?

Lupo:
Mmm-hmm. It's an escort service for guys with really big swords.

Lt. Van Buren:
They wish.