Law & Order, Season 9

[New ADA Abbie Carmichael has just had a 7 year old boy with Attachment Disorder arrested for murdering his adopted baby sister, without consulting McCoy.]

McCoy:
I hear you're adding a children's wing to Death Row.

McCoy:
I could probably get an indictment for manslaughter.

Carmichael:
Manslaughter?! They never gave that baby a chance. They faked an identity for her. They never told anyone she needed medical attention.

Schiff:
I don't see any intent here to kill this baby.

Carmichael:
It's depraved indifference. Murder-2. They knew the baby was going to die. They didn't care one way or the other.

Schiff:
Assumption. Charge them with Man-one.

Carmichael:
We send a message that it's sort of okay to kill a baby? This isn't a couple of teenagers who killed their newborn because they were scared. These are 2 adults who went to a lot of trouble to dump a dying child and to cover their tracks. I may be the new kid here, but to me this sounds like murder.

[McCoy and Carmichael disagree on whether or not to accept a plea bargain]

McCoy:
3-6 years in a state prison is not a cake walk. How many drug dealers got a free pass from you?

Carmichael:
The ones who could give me someone bigger in return. All the Connerys have to offer is their plea bargain remorse. She's still trying to blame it on Kostov. Did you see her husband cut her off?

McCoy:
She is the least culpable of the 3.

Carmichael:
[exasperated] Oh gentlemen, please. That sorry excuse for a woman has a hole in her soul.

Schiff:
That's enough.

McCoy:
I can take care of myself Adam.

Schiff:
Then remain objective. It was Edward Connery's actions that directly caused the little girl's death; and he's an attorney. He knew what he was doing.

McCoy:
The Connerys will never do this again. Kostov has and will, over and over again.

Schiff:
Are Kostov's children better off in the new homes?

Carmichael:
All but Marianna. [beat] I have a solution that will make us all happy.

McCoy:
What's that?

Carmichael:
No deals for anybody. Let's hang 'em all.

Carmichael:
Man-1 all around. I'll start working on the pre-sentencing reports. Any suggestions?

McCoy:
You mean you should spend more time in prison, Kostov or the Connerys? Don't get me started.

Carmichael:
We can always skip the report. Take no position and leave it to the judge.

McCoy:
[wearily] Let's do that. For the sake of world peace.

Carmichael:
The Waring's filed a petition to get their son back. We have until the end of the week to file our objections.

McCoy:
[Holds his hand out] Can you and I agree that we're too busy?

Carmichael:
[Turns his hand up and slaps it] Deal. [walks off]

Briscoe:
Good old Ray-Ray. The trick was giving him a number he couldn't forget. 3: rhymes with "squeegee".

McCoy:
Your first death sentence! You OK with it?

Carmichael:
I only have one thing bothering me. Ray-Ray, the squeegee man? The cops told him which one was Fortelli.

McCoy:
I know, I told them to. Perfectly legal. We were never going to use the identification at trial anyway.

Carmichael:
Legal or not --

McCoy:
Major felonies, Abbie. Welcome to the bigs.

Rivera:
Are you gonna take the word of a dope dealer over a cop?

Curtis:
Wearing a badge doesn't make you a cop!

Curtis:
[about Rivera] Guy protects his turf.

Briscoe:
He probably pees a circle around his desk every morning.

Briscoe:
Aaron Downing, you're under arrest for the murder of Ryan Downing. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do say can and will be used against you. You have the right to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney . . .

Curtis:
Lennie, you can skip the next part, he's got a wad of cash, his passport, an airline ticket to the Fiji Islands.

Briscoe:
This way, Robinson Crusoe.

McCoy:
[about Downing] He's the man in the gray flannel suit.

Carmichael:
With a syringe in the pocket.

Allgen C.E.O.:
This is just about the Downing boy.

Carmichael:
Yeah, just one dead little boy. That help you sleep better?

[Carmichael wants to break the law to convict a serial killer]

McCoy:
The New York County District Attorney's Office can't - no, won't - knowingly convict a man of the wrong crime. What are you thinking?

Carmichael:
I'm just taking a page from the Jack McCoy playbook! Nobody gets to bend the rules but you?

McCoy:
I've bent the rules to convict the right person of the right crime. This isn't bending, it's turning the law against itself.

Carmichael:
You once hid a witness to get the result you wanted!

McCoy:
And I was wrong then. You're wrong now. Don't wait until until you're facing a disciplinary committee to realize it!

Carmichael:
A week from tomorrow, you'll be on a plane, sandwiched between 2 of Houston's finest.

Bergstrom:
[panicked] You can't do this!

Carmichael:
You'll have a speedy trial. Your lawyer will file a couple of appeals. He'll lose. And before you know it, bang, there's that pesky needle.

Bergstrom:
[to McCoy] What are you doing? You're just sitting there. Make her shut up!

McCoy:
Miss Carmichael...

Carmichael:
I'm not done. I'm going to be there, and if they'd let me do it, I'd push one of the plungers, and pray it's the one that delivers the fatal dose.

Bergstrom:
Get her out of here! Get her out!

Carmichael:
How does it feel, Mr. Bergstrom? You killed all those women, and now a woman is going to return the favor.

Bergstrom:
You won't...

Carmichael:
Pretty damn ironic, isn't it?

Bergstrom:
You won't kill me, I won't let you.

Carmichael:
Try and stop me.

Bergstrom:
I'll plead to one of the other ones. The one by the train tracks.

Lazar:
Hang on...

McCoy:
Murder-1, life without parole.

Lazar:
Mr. Bergstrom...

Bergstrom:
Yeah, okay! She doesn't say what happens to me!

Carmichael:
[pause] Fine. If you change your mind, I'll be waiting...

Bergstrom:
No, you sit! You listen to what I did to her. [with relish] I cut her, and she screamed. I burned her, and she screamed louder. I pushed my fist into her, and she passed out. I made her say she admired me. I had total control. Total!

[A fertility doctor has been murdered]

Curtis:
Who might have had a grudge against this place?

Kravitz:
The Pope.

Briscoe:
I thought my sex life was complicated when I had to wear a condom.

Purcell:
Why are they arguing about embryos when my wife is dead? Sarah was not a "potential" human being!

Pollock:
[seeing Skoda stand up] What are you doing?

Skoda:
I'm going to write my report.

Pollock:
You didn't even listen to me.

Skoda:
Oh well... trust me, I've heard it all before.

Carmichael:
It's your wife or your mother, Denny. It doesn't get any simpler than that.

[Carmichael is cross-examining an incarcerated woman who claims to have been raped by a corrections officer]

Simonelli:
I was ashamed.

Carmichael:
Why would you feel ashamed if it wasn't your fault?

Simonelli:
Have you ever been raped, Miss Carmichael? Maybe I felt stupid for being where Charlie Tyner could rape me.

Carmichael:
[taken aback] So now you blame yourself.

Simonelli:
Yes.

Carmichael:
But now, instead of punishing yourself, you punish Charlie Tyner.

Simonelli:
No, no...

Carmichael:
You had Luis Pachenko force him to his knees...

Simonelli:
He was killing me!

Carmichael:
...And beg for his life.

Simonelli:
I just wanted to go home to my daughter. Charlie knew that, he was using that! I was just scared all the time! Can't you understand that? He had all the power! I was nothing!

McCoy:
Need a lift?

Carmichael:
Go ahead. I'll call a cab. I need to... take a breath.

McCoy:
Want to talk about it? [pause] Or not. Whatever you feel comfortable with.

[Carmichael turns to leave, but suddenly turns back]

Carmichael:
I was a freshman. He was a third-year law student. We were on a date... [chokes up] I never told anybody. I blamed myself. But not anymore.

Bank Manager:
I believe you're aware the Canadian government has instructed me not to comply with this subpoena.

Carmichael:
That's nice. Are they going to send the Canadian army down here to help you carry your money and computers home?

Manager:
I beg your pardon?

Carmichael:
This bank is in New York county. [points] Those detectives are going to take it apart brick by brick to look for the documentation we've subpoenaed.

Manager:
That doesn't make sense. The transfer you're interested in originated in Ontario.

Carmichael:
These detectives are about to search every account file, every computer disk. It'll take a couple of weeks. You can close the bank down now.

Carmichael:
We got Stephanie Harker's letter request to transfer $50,000 to Doris Nichols. It came by courier from Muskoka.

McCoy:
[surprised] They caved.

Carmichael:
Morals are morals. Money is money.

McCoy:
Who are you going to shake down to get her car, the Royal Autoclub?

Carmichael:
"Nice" for Stephanie seems to mean she hasn't killed you yet.

Stymons:
We kick ass for the white race!

Willis:
Hate's not good. It's just necessary.

Carmichael:
[annoyed that McCoy is willing to plea out a murder suspect in return for secret police files] For God's sake, Jack, why don't you just start your own country? No cops, no bad guys, just sweetness and light as far as the eye can see!

McCoy:
If the police department doesn't want to be embarrassed by its behavior, perhaps it shouldn't behave that way!

Briscoe:
[about Affirmative Action] You wouldn't have gotten any complaints from me; it came in after I joined the department and it'll still be there when I'm gone.

Curtis:
Well you wouldn't have liked my answers. When I was filling out my application, when it asked about race, I checked 'none of the above'.

Carmichael:
Well I'd like to think I got where I am on my own merit.

Lt. Van Buren:
So would I, but I got 2,000 pages of legal documents that say contrary.

Schiff:
This kid killed the man that was helping him. Until you can tell me why, you can have all the forensic evidence in the world, you won't get a conviction.

Difka:
Always eatin' our dust, huh, Briscoe?

[Briscoe punches him]

Briscoe:
Don't even think about it!

McCoy:
No crime, no cover up. 3 people dead, and no one's accountable.

Schiff:
Justice on a budget. What'd you end up charging them with?

Carmichael:
Tampering with evidence. An E felony.

Schiff:
Oh.

Carmichael:
We arraigned them, they posted bail. $2,000. Then they walk away from 3 murders.

McCoy:
We can always hope they jump bail.

Munch:
I don't believe a woman is gay until she personally rejects me.

Woman in bar:
You must know a lot of lesbians!

Munch:
Place is negative for condoms, or any kind of contraceptive devices. Ditto peekaboo bras, Merry Widows, any Doc Johnson products. This lady had no discernible sex life!

Briscoe:
Maybe she enjoyed solitaire

Schiff:
Whatever happened to sending the kid to her room?

Carmichael:
They tried that. The mother kept her chained to a radiator.

Carmichael:
There's no church here! Rose Hallacy was a loose cannon!

McCoy:
Who didn't take a dime from Margot Gracen or anybody else, ministered to these people out of the goodness of her heart, gave up worldly things to do the work of God.

Carmichael:
Spoken like a parochial schoolboy.

McCoy:
6 years at St. Ignatius.

Carmichael:
Did they teach you how to do exorcisms, Jack?

McCoy:
They taught us to have a healthy respect for the devil.

Carmichael:
The only devil in this case is the woman we're trying for murder.

Carmichael:
Doctors. I can't believe my mother wanted me to marry one.

McCoy:
It may be time to make the best deal we can with all of them. 2 years probation, a fine.

Carmichael:
Oh, a fine! Ouch! Those poor doctors might have to hock one of their Porsche's.

McCoy:
Abby, there isn't much of a case left.

Carmichael:
But there's still a victim! Jack, she went in a healthy woman, she came out a corpse!

McCoy:
Between the 2 of us, depraved indifference is a reach. Criminally negligent homicide is a gift! I wouldn't squander it.

Carmichael:
You make excuses, I'll make the case.

Defense Attorney:
Ms. Carmichael, we'd like to discuss a deal.

Carmichael:
Why should I cut your client a break?

Defense Attorney:
Well, you haven't proven negligence yet.

Carmichael:
But here you are.

Carmichael:
Did Pelham ever complain to internal affairs about her? That she assaulted him or was stalking him?

IA Lieutenant:
We don't have anything on file like that. We got reports she spends a lot of time in the gym with her fellow female officers.

McCoy:
Your point?

IA Lieutenant:
Maybe she's got a problem with men.

Carmichael:
Thank you for dropping by, lieutenant. Careful you don't get carpet burns on your knuckles.

Carmichael:
After 6 years, I still don't know what cops are about.

McCoy:
I grew up with one. I don't know, either.

Carmichael:
Well, they're real good at circling the wagons to protect themselves from the likes of us.

McCoy:
And who protects them from each other?

McCoy:
Andrew Hampton accepted our offer. Attempted Man 1, 6-12 years in jail.

Carmichael:
Well hopefully his sister will be joining him.

McCoy:
You don't think he can convince a jury Nicole put him up to it?

Carmichael:
I think she'll toss her hair back a few times and convince them she didn't.

McCoy:
Really cynical, Abby.

Carmichael:
Your honor, the defendant was identified by the witness and can be linked to the weapon. It's a matter of luck he's not here facing a murder charge. The People request half a million dollars bail.

Andrew's attorney:
Something more reasonable, your honor?

Judge Torledsky:
150, cash or bond. [to the stenographer] That's thousands, Arthur. May 15th. Next.

McCoy:
It's Jonestown without the Kool-Aid.

Briscoe:
I'd hate to have somebody track me by what I read.

Curtis:
You read, Lennie?

Ludlow:
The line between charming someone out of $1,000,000 and being perceived as a charity whore sometimes gets blurred.

Ludlow:
You don't get it, Curtis. 100 years from now we're all ashes and dust, and no one will remember who slept with whom, or who was naughty and who was nice. They'll look up at that incredible piece of steel and concrete and know that I was a part of it.

Curtis:
The first public building named after a convicted murderer.

Ludlow:
Hardly the first. The Parthenon, the Temple of the Vestals - they have names of emperors on them. And talk about murderers.

Curtis:
Pro bono publico?

Ludlow:
Relax, detective. The empire isn't going to fall tonight. Go home to your wife.

Stripper:
Can you guys make it quick? I gotta cram for my psych exam before the happy hour crunch!

Curtis:
Wouldn't you do better in a library?

Stripper:
Hey, I'm covering my tuition and fulfilling a public service.

Briscoe:
Oh, which one's that?

Stripper:
Read the literature. Clubs like this, they boost a man's testosterone level. He leaves here feeling confident. More productive...

Briscoe:
...and broke.

Stripper:
Then everybody's happy!

Briscoe:
You recognize this girl?

Pizza guy:
She an actress?

Briscoe:
She moonlights at a hooter bar when she's not playing Lady Macbeth.

McCoy:
Any indication it's Clemente?

Carmichael:
The cops asked him for a DNA sample, he refused.

McCoy:
Did he have a reason?

Carmichael:
Outrage. He says the suspicion of him is racist.

Schiff:
Only Hispanic professor on a white campus. Could be he's right.

Carmichael:
Could be he did it.

McCoy:
Let's make sure we're not trashing this man's reputation just because he's uncooperative.

Carmichael:
But let's not let it go just because he's screaming racism!

Carmichael:
Peter Kelly's been expelled.

McCoy:
What does he care? Probably go into the family business.

Carmichael:
As long as it doesn't require a conscience.

McCoy:
Tell Mr. Margolis he can stuff his motion to dismiss.

Carmichael:
Malenkov's gotta be making a quarter of a million a month by massaging sore muscles.

McCoy:
Ain't America grand?

Carmichael:
You've gotta hand it to him, though. He's been here 6 years, he's working the system like a slot machine. I'm still trying to figure out alternate side of the street parking.

Maletkov:
You think because we have an accent, we're stupid? When I was 14, at a state school in Moscow, I was reading Anderson, Faulker, Hemingway. I was studying John Caines, Milton Friedman...

McCoy:
[impatiently] Mr. Maletkov, I...!

Maletkov:
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah. I made a lot of money in Russia. You think that's easy? You try it. So, when I come here... [scoffs; snaps fingers] America's like a big baby. We're taking candy out of your hand. Out of your mouth. So... [speaks Russian] Save your deals for the pipe heads in Harlem. I have appointment to play chess. Okay?

[after the murders of a witness' mother and ADA Ricci]

McCoy:
I wanna know how this disaster happened.

Briscoe:
Best guess, Ricci was followed from work.

McCoy:
Why wasn't a police officer stationed in the apartment?!

Lt. Van Buren:
In a one-bedroom? That would've been cozy. We tried putting someone downstairs in the vestibule, but the tenants complained!

McCoy:
Lieutenant, I don't have to tell you...!

Lt. Van Buren:
No. You don't. We're treating this like Ricci was one of our own. What are you gonna do about this retrial?

McCoy:
I don't know.

[Briscoe and Curtis enter the apartment of two sisters concerning Gabriel]

Louisa:
I don't know where Gabriel is. He's driving a cab.

Briscoe:
That's why we need to talk to him. He ever lend it to anybody?

Louisa:
No! I don't know. Look, I don't got time to talk to you!

Briscoe:
[shows Louisa photos] Hey, did you ever see him with either of these 2 people?

Belinca:
She don't hardly see Gabriel, except to make another stupid baby!

Louisa:
Cállate!

[both sisters argue in Spanish]

Curtis:
Hey! Hey! Hey! Did Gabriel mess with you? Is that why you don't like him?

Belinca:
I take care of myself. I don't like him, but she lets him beat her when she's all pregnant like that.

Curtis:
Well, you show us where he is, we make sure he doesn't mess with your sister again. All right?

Volsky:
[after he and his fellow mobsters have been sentenced] Go ahead. Try and kill me. I'm not afraid. I'm tough. I'll survive.

McCoy:
(his closing argument) Following the rules does not put you above the law. Just ask the Swiss bankers who appropriated the unclaimed accounts of Holocaust victims. Following the rules does not explain how someone who runs a bank could be so incompetent, so gullible. There can be only one explanation. Mr. Radford willingly turned a blind eye to what was obviously a criminal enterprise. And the Russian mob didn't have to cut off his uncle's hands to get him to do it. All they had to do was wave a fat commission in front of him. Now, some might think that money laundering is just some white-collar crime far removed from our everyday concerns. Let me remind you what money laundering is really about. Mr. Radford made his commission on the backs of these people. This country has always been a beacon to the world for liberty and justice. That's why we keep our borders open. But we're also a beacon for another kind of people, for criminals and con men. We rely on the law to protect us from them. Sometimes, that's not enough. Do we need more law, less freedom? Do we cross out parts of the Constitution? I've learned that's not the answer. The answer is that each one of us is responsible to everyone else. Not one of us can afford to turn a blind eye. By respecting the laws we do have, by living up to the true meaning of the word "citizen," we preserve our common good. Through his deliberate ignorance, Mr. Radford allowed a criminal enterprise to flourish. Innocent people to be killed. He allowed a cancer to grow. This is where it has to stop. Here in this court room, with you.

Judge Randall:
You're charged with murder in the first degree. How do you plead?

Alice:
Not guilty.

Pinsky:
The defendant is serving state time, so bail is moot.

Judge Randall:
She's remanded. Any other business?

[Alice confides with Pinsky; Randall and Abbie overhear their conversation]

Judge Randall:
What is it, Mr. Pinsky?

Pinsky:
My client is asking me to make an application I feel is clearly inappropriate.

Judge Randall:
Spit it out, please.

Pinsky:
Well, she wants to disqualify Miss Carmichael.

Alice:
Aren't you gonna say anything?

Pinsky:
Judge, I am not going to waste the court's time with this.

Alice:
Could I represent myself? 'Cause this lawyer's worthless.

Judge Randall:
Talk to me, Miss Simonelli.

Alice:
[points at Abbie] She should not be prosecutin' this case. She's prejudiced against me.

Abbie:
That's ridiculous.

Judge Randall:
Let her finish.

Alice:
She locked me up three years ago, just 'cause I couldn't help her. She's got a grudge against me.

Abbie:
Your honor, this woman has some kind of persecution complex.

Judge Randall:
Save your breath, Miss Carmichael. [to Alice] I'm sorry. I can't disqualify an ADA from a case simply because she...

Alice:
All I want is a fair trial. This BITCH is out to get me!

Judge Randall:
[bangs gavel] Enough! Take her out.

Petoskey:
First of all, I am not a drug dealer...

Carmichael:
Right. You just collect rare cocaine.

McCoy:
Your good friend Wendy told us that you'd been dumped before. Is that right?

Stephanie:
It happens.

McCoy:
By a rich boy who treated you like trash. Your father owned a souvenir stand, right?

Stephanie:
Yes.

McCoy:
Is that why the boy dumped you?

Stephanie:
There is nothing wrong with the souvenir stand.

McCoy:
Then why were you so desperate to get out of there?

Stephanie:
I had some bad memories.

McCoy:
Of being dumped because you were poor trash?

Stephanie:
Look, I was an idiot! He wanted one thing: My body, and he got it!

McCoy:
You weren't gonna let that happen again, were you?

Stephanie:
No!

McCoy:
From then on, you were going to be the one using people.

Stephanie:
I don't use people!

McCoy:
How 'bout the used car king? How 'bout your husband?

Stephanie:
I helped my husband in a lot of ways!

McCoy:
The chairman of a multi-million-dollar software company? How exactly does a drug-whacked daughter of a souvenir stand owner help him?!

Stephanie:
There were plenty of things my husband didn't understand. Him and his friends. Jane Austen, like that matters.

McCoy:
He understood you, though, didn't he?

Stephanie:
What do you mean?

McCoy:
He finally understood that you were just a hick town party girl who didn't belong here.

Paulsen:
Objection! He's harassing the witness.

Judge Manheim:
Sustained. Watch it, Mr. McCoy.

Stephanie:
I belong here as much as any of them!

McCoy:
Did he tell you he was shipping you out?!

Stephanie:
Nobody ships me anywhere!

McCoy:
He'd be able to face his friends again, wouldn't he?

Stephanie:
Bunch of snobs!

Paulsen:
Your honor, may we have a recess?

McCoy:
It's not being a snob if they're really better than you!

Stephanie:
The women were jealous of me! The men all wanted to get me in bed!

McCoy:
And you were happy to oblige!

Stephanie:
No! Not anymore! Nobody takes advantage of me anymore!

McCoy:
You were on your way back to that souvenir stand, weren't you?! Where you belong?

Stephanie:
I am smarter than all of them! They had it handed to them! I had to work for it! They think I was trash! They don't know anything!!