Law & Order: UK, Series 8

DI Wes Layton:
[about Joe, Ronnie's new side kick] He could teach you a few things, Ron...

A Black Suspect:
[winding up DS Joe Hawkins, a mixed race officer about the colour of his skin and his 'loyalties'] It's easier for you, detective sergeant. You're higher up the pigmentocracy. Shading has its benefits.

CPS Prosecutor Kate Barker:
[After Ronnie has described what has happened to a child murder victim] You can't say that, Ron. It's too emotional!

DS Ronnie Brooks:
Too real is what it is, Kate!

DS Ronnie Brooks:
Dale Horgan shot the kid then stood there and watched her die!

CPS Prosecutor Kate Barker:
You can't let your feelings get in the way.

DS Ronnie Brooks:
She was 8. What was she going to do? Set Tigger on him?

DS Ronnie Brooks:
I'm being down with the kids.

DS Joe Hawkins:
... I don't even know where to start with that.

DS Joe Hawkins:
[about a dead body missing its teeth and hands] So no dental records. No fingerprints.

DS Ronnie Brooks:
Nice easy one to start you off with.

DS Joe Hawkins:
Phone is registered to a Ranya Habib, and I've got an address.

DS Ronnie Brooks:
Good. How's your Arabic.

DS Joe Hawkins:
Ah, [speaks in Arabic]

DS Ronnie Brooks:
Blimey, not too shabby.

DS Joe Hawkins:
Eh, means "my hovercraft's full of eels". [off Ronnie's look] Muslim lad. Hendon. Big Python fan.

DS Ronnie Brooks:
So where are we going?

DS Joe Hawkins:
Highgate.

DS Ronnie Brooks:
Right. No dead-parrot jokes

DS Ronnie Brooks:
Do you know who (Mrs. Habib) was with?

Mr. Moss:
It was in Arabic. It was kind of like listening to burning cats.

DS Ronnie Brooks:
[discovering a mini-fridge in a cabinet] Ooh, look at this lot.

DS Joe Hawkins:
[teasing] Bit early for lunch, isn't it, Ronnie?

DS Ronnie Brooks:
Cheeky.

[Jake and Kate are arguing over an issue involved in the case.]

CPS Prosecutor Jake Thorne:
I know we don't always see eye-to-eye, Kate, but you've lost your objectivity on this.

CPS Prosecutor Kate Barker:
Oh, funny, 'cause I think I'm seeing things pretty clearly.

CPS Director Henry Sharpe:
[irritated with both of them] Do I need to knock your heads together?

CPS Prosecutor Kate Barker:
I need you to build a case against Yafeu Elsayed.

DS Joe Hawkins:
"Oh, hey, Joe. How's it going?" "Not too bad, Kate. What can I do for you?'"

DI Wes Leyton:
[holding up a sheet of paper] Okay, this is a memo from above, striving towards the paper-free office

DS Ronnie Brooks:
Shouldn't they send an e-mail? [Joe snickers]

Lily:
Okay, I fast-tracked that test, and you were right, Ron. There's amniotic fluid in the mattress, so someone's given birth in that room.

DS Ronnie Brooks:
Well, that's the source of the blood, then.

DS Joe Hawkins:
Ugh. Remind me never to have kids.

DS Ronnie Brooks:
It's okay. I've had two. Never felt a thing.

DS Ronnie Brooks:
There you go. Bitten by her own sound bite. She's being a plonk and she knows it. Come on.

{DI Elisabeth Flynn enters, unoticed by Ronnie and Joe.]

DS Joe Hawkins:
You mean "plonker".

DI Elisabeth Flynn:
No, DS Hawkins, he means "plonk". "Person of Little Or No Knowledge." It's what his generation called us Dorises before they realized we had brains as well as tits.

DS Ronnie Brooks:
Well, I was just saying--

DI Elisabeth Flynn:
Yeah, I know exactly what you were saying. And fighting knife crime, that's not just a sound bite, not for me. [to Joe] Uh, Joe, could you nip downstairs and get the rest of the eyewitness reports? [to Ronnie] Oh, and when you finish your game of darts, there's a murder of a young woman to solve. [leaves]

[brief pause]

DS Joe Hawkins:
I like her.