Men in Trees, Season 1

Marin Frist:
Here I've been telling single women to go to sports bars. I should've been telling them to go to Alaska.

Theresa Thomasson:
Yeah, well, the odds are good, but the goods are odd.

Marin:
What is this?

Jack Slattery:
Observation hut.

Marin:
What are you observing?

Jack:
I was looking for a nocturnal bear, but instead I found a relationship coach.

Marin:
Almost as dangerous.

Patrick O'Bachelorton:
...Patrick wheels out an old 3-speed bike towards Marin...

Patrick:
The front brakes don't work. And you'll need this.

Patrick:
...He pulls out a canister and hands it to Marin...

Patrick:
Bear spray.

Marin:
...Marin reacts, then sprays it all over herself like hair spray or perfume...

Patrick:
Actually, you spray it on the bear. But that'll work.

Marin:
Thanks for sleeping with me, Elmo.

Jack:
I'm not exactly sure what kind of date you're expecting for $13,000, but I was thinking picnic.

Marin:
Oh, that sounds sweet, but I actually have some other ideas.

Jack:
Okay. What do you got in mind?

Marin:
Let's start with the bed.

Jack:
The--the bed?

Marin:
Could you uh, move it...back against the wall?

Jane Burns:
So what's the latest? Did the new town leave the old town for a younger town yet?

Patrick:
Personally, I don't think you need all that therapy. You're not crazy.

Marin:
[Marin doesn't answer]

Patrick:
Are you?

Marin:
[Marin shakes her head]

Marin:
[to Jack] It's hot...

Marin:
Can you think of a better way to celebrate this new chapter in our relationship?

Jack:
We, uh, we have chapters?

Marin:
Mm-hmm. Chapter one, 'strangers,' chapter two, 'sex'... chapter three, 'friends.

Liza Frist:
Mmm, smell that?

Marin:
What?

Liza:
Mmm, man scent. Flannel and...Mmm, man!

Ben Thomasson:
Yeah, some of these guys don't shower too regularly.

Marin:
The only person I trust to cut my hair is Serge, and he's 4,000 miles away. He's been doing me for 10 years. Longest relationship I have ever had.

Jewel:
Thank you, Elmo. Everybody knows there's no place warmer than Alaska.

Marin:
You don't have to say everything you feel. I know this because I met Jack...the first real man I've ever known.

Amanda:
I mean, I'll be honest. I've read your previous relationship books--cute, popular, like a...like a...

Quentin:
The head cheerleader in high school.

Amanda:
Exactly. But this new book--it could be like a...

Quentin:
The girl who smoked behind the bleachers.

Jane:
Honey, why in God's name are you on a pay phone? You know, they have more germs than a toilet seat.

a guy:
Can I buy you a drink?

Annie O'Donnell:
How do you feel about your mother?

guy:
She--she's dead.

Annie:
Okay. Sure.

Guy on the air:
Um...and who's out there putting 'will you marry me?' into a random fortune cookie? That's like emotional terrorism.

[Final part]

Marin:
History can be messy and painful but it's not our destruction. If we're lucky, it's our foundation. You just have to work your way through the mess to find what matters, to find the pieces of your past you still want to carry with you, and sometimes, if you have just the right view and just the right castle, you can build the foundation for your new history, all by yourself.

[Marin calls Jane]

Jane:
Hello? Marin?

Marin:
Did I wake you?

Jane:
Mmm, not exactly.

Marin:
Oh, man. Were you having sex?

Jane:
Oh, don't be silly.

Marin:
Okay, I'm fine. Uh, no worries. Bye.

[At the Chieftain]

Jerome:
Will you quit bragging about all this phone sex you're having?

Marin:
Have you been listening this whole time?

Ben Thomasson:
We all have.

Marin:
Ugh!

Buzz Washington:
You say the word 'sex' around here, and ears perk up. It's like church bells ringing.

Cash:
I'm not a stranger. We've had two conversations. Three, if you count the last two minutes. That's enough to marry people off in some countries.

Marin:
Oh, thanks for the offer, but no.

Marin:
Oh, wow. I'm moving out. I have been through a lot in this room.

Annie:
I know! You broke your engagement, slept with Jack, broke up with Jack, had phone sex with Stuart.

Marin:
How do you know all that?

Patrick:
Thin walls.