Moonlighting, Season 2

Orson Welles:
Tonight, broadcasting takes a giant leap... backward.

Orson Welles:
Gather the kids, the dog, grandma... and lock them in another room. And sit back and enjoy this very special episode of Moonlighting.

David:
[...] I don't know about you, but I for one, I for one, hit my knees every night and thank the man upstairs that there is a little bit of dishonesty left in this otherwise sunny world. You just think about that. That's all I have to say.

David:
Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second, there's a page missing out of my copy of the script.

David:
You look at everything like... a woman first and then a person second.

Maddie:
What does that mean?

David:
I said what I meant and I meant what I said.

Maddie:
You're an animal.

David:
And you're a sexist.

Maddie:
What?!

David:
A sexist!! You know what a sexist is?

Maddie:
Of course I know what a sexist is, I am looking at one.

David:
So am I!!

Maddie and David:
(overlapping) I am not speaking to you - Are too!- I am not. -Are too!!!- Am not!!- Are too!!- Am not!!!

Maddie:
Not another word, not another sound, not another beep until we get back to the office!!

David:
Beep.

David:
(on the telephone) Men's room?

Maddie:
I am not a sexist!

David:
Not only are you a sexist, but you are the sexiest sexist that's ever been in my good fortune to satirize.

Maddie:
Satirize?

David:
Satirize, scrutinize, fantasize, etc etc etc. (Maddie slams down receiver)

David/Zach:
Name's Chance... Chance Cash Johnny Rick Lonesome Shane McCoy. You can call me Zach.

Maddie/Rita:
We have to get back to the real world!

David/Zach:
No, never. I'll never give up my dreams. 'Cause if you stop dreaming you're just wasting eight hours a night.

Zach/David:
That was the fist time I saw Rita. She was the kind of dame that makes a man grateful he's a man. She looked like she was misunderstood. Me, I wanted to understand her, like I've never understood any woman before. Come to think of it, I never have understood any woman before.

Rita/Maddie:
You were pretty hot tonight.

Zach/David:
You, too.

Rita/Maddie:
You got a great lip.

Zach/David:
You got, too.

Rita/Maddie:
Drink?

Zach/David:
Absolutely. Eat, too. (in voiceover) That night was the beginning. We would see more of each other, then all of each other. But this is television, so we won't get into that.

Zach/David:
(in voiceover) I always play my horn with my shirt off. Late at night, by an open window, next to a flashing neon light. I know I look good that way.

Rita/Maddie:
I guess the only way to get rid of Jerry is... to get rid of Jerry. You know what I mean?

Zach/David:
(in voiceover) I didn't wanna say No, she'd think I was stupid. But I didn't wanna say Yes either, 'cause she'd think that I wanted to. Besides, I really wasn't listening, I was too busy trying to look down the sheet.

Zach/David:
(in voiceover) And then she was gone. I couldn't believe she'd walk out. But I knew she'd be back. She left her clothes behind.

Zach/David:
(in voiceover) And that's when we started to plan the murder. What to wear, what to bring. In murder, as in life, planning is everything.

Zach/David:
(in voiceover) I walked the streets for hours that night, my mind was reeling. I felt alone, adrift, I had never murdered anyone before. I had so many questions. How long was I supposed to walk the streets? How much guilt was I supposed to be feeling? How long will those signs float over my head?... (walks into a bar, still in voiceover) I wasn't ready to stop talking to myself yet, so I figured I might be better company if I had a couple of drinks.

Zach/David:
[being walked to the electric chair] I ain't worried, don't you know you can't dream your own death?

Guard:
Didn't you hear? There's a new rule...