NCIS: Los Angeles, Season 3

Vance:
You're a long way from home, Agent Callen.

Callen:
Heh. A couple of days ago, I would've agreed with you. Right now I'm not so sure.

Vance:
How's your team?

Callen:
Not my team.

Vance:
Hetty's team then.

Callen:
We're fine.

Vance:
Agent Callen do you have a plan?

Callen:
[sighs] I gave up being an agent when I turned in my badge.

Vance:
You didn't turn in your badge. You mistakenly left it on Hetty's desk. I put it in her desk for safekeeping. Do you have a plan?

Callen:
Yeah.

Vance:
Enlighten me.

Callen:
Save Hetty.

Vance:
Carry on, Agent Callen.

Eric:
No food or beverages in Ops.

Nell:
Who says?

Eric:
Doesn't seem right.

Nell:
She's not here, Eric.

Eric:
No, she's not.

Nell:
She resigned.

Eric:
Yes, she did.

Nell:
She's somewhere in Eastern Europe.

Eric:
Most likely.

Nell:
She has zero control over what you do. What you say or what rules you choose to break. [puts a bag of cookies down]

Eric:
And yet... [sips his coffee] Did you say "Oreos?"

Sam:
You hear anything?

Callen:
She's still recuperating - like she was last month - and the month before that.

Sam:
You think something is going on? Of course. It's Hetty. Something else is going on.

Kensi:
Have we heard any news on Hetty's condition?

Sam:
According to Nell, Hetty's still keeping an eye on things.

Callen:
Big Brother is watching.

Deeks:
Or in Hetty's case - Little Mother.

[Everyone stares at Deeks]

Deeks:
What? You guys have been doing this too long. You're getting paranoid.

Hetty:
[From Deeks's computer] A healthy dose of paranoia can keep you alive in this business, detective.

Deeks:
[yells out startled and slams the computer shut] Whoa! Did you just see that?

Sam:
I saw you slam Hetty's face shut.

Eric:
Detective and Agents, can I have your attention? Acting Operations Manager Hunter requests your presence in the Operations Center. ASAP. Thank you. [goes back to Ops]

Callen:
What the Hell was that?

Kensi:
That was Hunter - forbidding Eric from whistling.

Kensi:
I'll go in as a tutor. Deeks can go in as a dog walker or something.

Deeks:
Okay. Why can't I go in as a tutor and you go in as a dog walker?

Sam:
It's called a mirror.

Deeks:
How dare you, sir! Has anyone here gone to Law School? Huh? Anyone passed the Bar Exam in the State of California? Anyone?... Anyone?

Kensi:
This coming from a guy who learned how to tie his shoes at... 12.

Callen:
Really?

Deeks:
I'm from L.A... I grew up in sandals.

Callen:
[Eric starts showing some video footage] Can you read what she's saying, Kens?

Eric:
I ran the footage through a lip reading program.

Kensi:
[Offended] Excuse me? [scoffs] A computer program can't duplicate a skilled human lip reader.

Eric:
Well, the software suggest she's saying something about gambling.

Deeks:
Gambling?

Kensi:
[scoffs and watches the footage] ... It's possible.

Lauren:
Your hostility towards me is affecting the team.

Callen:
No it's not. The team is doing just fine. Whatever hostility I have is not about them. It's about you. I can't trust anybody who witholds information about my past - my life.

Lauren:
And yet you trust Hetty?

Kensi:
But how much do we really know about each other? We've always had Sam or Deeks act as social buffers. And I know you don't like to open up to anyone, but still...

Callen:
You don't exactly open up to anyone either.

Kensi:
Yeah, but I'm willing to try for the good of this partnership.

Callen:
Okay.

Kensi:
Okay.

Callen:
I'm listening.

Kensi:
Heh. [Long pause] Just stick to the case.

Callen:
It's comparing apples and oranges.

Sam:
Lethal injection or firing squad.

Kensi:
Not really fair to either of them.

Deeks:
I'm just saying comparison begs to be made.

Callen:
Hetty or Hunter?

Deeks:
Pick your poison.

Deeks:
Okay, that's my face you just stepped on. Please do something stupid so my partner can shoot you.

Sam:
Why'd you run?

Charles:
Bomb.

[the shack explodes]

Hetty:
You asked me why I went off on my own to face the Comescus. I did it... because of your mother.

Callen:
You knew my mom?

Hetty:
Sit down. I'll tell you everything I know.

Callen:
Why now?

Hetty:
Because you're safe from the Comescus now. And because I can't hold on to these secrets any longer. Please Mr. Callen.

[Callen sits down]

Hetty:
Where do I begin?

Callen:
What was her name?

Hetty:
Clara... Her name was Clara.

Deeks:
Eric, I need you to run a plate for me. 2, S as in Slayer, M as in Metallica, A as in Anthrax, 5-6-4, P as in uh, parsnip.

Eric:
Parsnip? Your lettering system is Heavy Metal bands, and you're giving me a root vegetable for P?

Deeks:
I don't know, man. I drew a blank.

Eric:
Pantera? Hello.

Deeks:
Oh. Cowboys from Hell. What was I thinking?

Kensi:
Have you ever considered that maybe Monty just likes the sound of voices coming from the radio? That it doesn't really matter what we're listening to?

Deeks:
Wait for it.

[Deeks changes the station. Monty whimpers then barks]

Deeks:
Okay. Changing it back, buddy. Changing it back. Therapists explained it to me. Monty's uh archetypal canine subconscious...

Kensi:
Okay. Stop.

Deeks:
It's actually Pavlovian.

Kensi:
No. You have to stop. This is getting far too weird.

Sam:
He was saving his furry butt, that's what he was doing. That why they retired him?

Deeks:
Actually the vet that did his psyche eval said he had a nervous condition. It's kind of like canine PTSD.

Sam:
Puppy Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Kensi:
[to a pair who are trying to get surveillance tapes] Federal Agents. Stop!

[the pair run only to encounter Deeks]

Deeks:
STOP!

[the pair turn around encountering Sam]

Sam:
Like she said. Federal Agents. Stop!

Deeks:
Why don't they ever stop? It amazes me that they never stop.

Nell:
If it's on the road, it'll show up. I mean you can't hide from Kaleidoscope... You have started a Kaleidoscope search.

Eric:
Not exactly. I plugged into the LAPD database. As soon as the car is found, I will get an alert.

Nell:
You're right. That's not exactly a Kaleidoscope search. So... what are we waiting for?

Eric:
We?

Nell:
You.

Eric:
Hetty told Sam no use of Federal resources for personal matters.

Nell:
Is this the same rebel Eric Beale who completed Level 5 of Warrior Quest on the big screen in Ops? The same rebel who dared to eat Oreo cookies in Ops without a napkin. The same rebel who broke the Internet.

Eric:
But it's Hetty.

Nell:
But it's Sam.

Eric:
I feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place.

Nell:
Mmm... you are.

Eric:
While Hetty scare me intellectually. I fear Sam on a more physically visceral level... All right, Beale, let's do this!

Callen:
Charlene is a 1970 Challenger Sam's been restoring for the last 10 years. It was stolen last night.

Kensi:
Oh that's horrible.

Callen:
Yeah, big guy's heart broken. He was up all night questioning everyone in a 2 mile radius of the storage unit. Working on that car was Sam's theraputic refuge. Honestly, I don't think he ever wanted to finish it.

Kensi:
Car like that is either in a chop shop, or being driven really hard south of the border. That's not good.

Sam:
Whoever stole Charlene better hope LAPD catches them before I do.

Callen:
You don't mean that.

Sam:
Yeah, okay.

Callen:
Stage 2.

Sam:
What?

Callen:
Anger. It's the second stage of grief.

Sam:
I'm not grieving. I just want my car back!

Callen:
You good?

Sam:
Why do you ask?

Callen:
So far, you've done a car, a gun and I believe that's a dead body. Amazing detail.

Sam:
I'm good.

Callen:
It's okay to be depressed.

Sam:
I'm not depressed.

Callen:
You will be. Stage 4.

Sam:
Look, I'm not depressed, bargaining, angry, or in denial. But I *am* getting a little irritated.

Callen:
Are you hungry?

Sam:
Hunger's not a stage.

Callen:
It's true. But loss of appetite is a sign of depression.

Sam:
Keep it up.

Eric:
[Finding Sam's car has been torched] Who's going to tell Sam?

Nell:
Technically he asked you to find it.

Eric:
It was your motivational speech that got us out here in the first place. Maybe it's a sign.

Nell:
What? That we both tell him?

Eric:
No. that neither of us tell him.

Nell:
Ooo.

Eric:
I mean, no good can come from this, Nell.

Nell:
All right, what he doesn't know can't hurt him.

Eric:
Agreed... We never saw this.

Nell:
Saw what?

Kensi:
Have you guys seen Deeks?

Callen:
Uh, good morning to you, too.

Kensi:
Hi. Have you heard from him?

Sam:
It's only 9:00.

Kensi:
I know, but he was supposed to pick me up at the airport this morning and he never showed.

Callen:
That's right. How was Hawaii?

Kensi:
It was fine.

Sam:
Meet anyone? Go to any luaus? Solve any crime?

Kensi:
It was fine. Back to Deeks. I called his house number, I called his cell. No answer anywhere.

Callen:
He's probably just hungover.

Sam:
Or surfing.

Callen:
Or he forgot.

Sam:
Or all of the above.

Kensi:
He has flaked on me before, and I suppose he does sleep through his alarm on a regular basis. So, yeah, you guys are right. Of course. Whatchya eating?

Callen:
Bacon, eggs, mine.

Deeks:
Really? That's it? No phone calls to the hospital or the morgue? I mean, I could be lying in a ditch someplace.

Kensi:
What are we talking about?

Deeks:
Nothing! We're talking about absolutely nothing.

Callen:
Someone called into a talk radio show last night, sounded exactly like Deeks.

Kensi:
Did he now? What was he calling about?

Callen:
Oh, he just wanted to talk about his feelings... for a co-worker (Kensi smiles)

Kensi:
Speaking of partners, where's Sam? Mr. Always 5 minutes early is late - again.

Deeks:
And he's taken 3 long weekends this month.

Kensi:
You know what that means?

Deeks:
He's in rehearsals for an off Broadway revival of Cats.

Callen:
I'll tell him you said that.

Deeks:
Don't you think it's strange that Callen's a talk radio guy?

Callen:
Why's that?

Deeks:
I don't know. I've always kind of considered you more of a - you know a - TV static white noise type of guy.

Callen:
I have no idea what you're talking about.

Deeks:
Well, I am a man of mystery.

Kensi:
Mystery or misery?

Hetty:
Where's Sam?

Callen:
He went home to spend time with his family.

Hetty:
Ah, that's good. He needs that... especially now.

Callen:
[Long pause] What about you? You ever regrett not settling down - and having a family?

Hetty:
I think about it sometimes. Maybe when I'm older. [chuckles] And you?

Callen:
I think I'll keep looking for mine first. Good night, Hetty.

Hetty:
Good night, Mr. Callen... Good night, Walter.

Hetty:
The waltz was revolutionary in the late 18th century because it was the first time couples faced each other when they danced. It was a scandalous display of public intimacy.

Deeks:
Public intimacy-- I like it.

Kensi and Deeks:
One, two, three. One, two, three.

Kensi:
He's stepping on me.

Deeks:
That's not true. You just keep putting your feet underneath mine when I lift them.

Kensi:
You know where I'm gonna put my foot?

Hetty:
I would love to teach the two of you the traditional Viennese Waltz with each other as partners.

Sam:
[chuckles] She's kidding.

Callen:
...No, she's not.

Hetty:
Agent Hanna, take your partner by the waist - back straight. Do I need to repeat myself.

Deeks:
[Kensi's captive. Deeks passes by holding a painting seemingly oblivious] Are you digging the art in this place as much as I am? I mean it's cool. It's bold. Why aren't there more cool, you know? Oh there's another one! I wannna show you this one. This is my favorite [goes off screen] It's the perfect combination of girls and guns. [returns with his weapon drawn] Let me make this perfectly clear. If you harm her, this is gonna be your last day on Earth.

Michael Saleh:
Who are you?

Sam:
[Entering from behind with weapons drawn] Federal Agents! Drop you weapon!

Michael Saleh:
[In recognition] Agent Sam Hanna.

Sam :
Turn around - slowly.

Nell:
I mean, I know why I sent the flowers to myself, so what's your excuse?

Eric:
When I saw that someone else had given you flowers, I I-I felt...um...

Nell:
Competitive?

Eric:
Competitive. I felt competitive. Competitive with you. That's a good word for it. So, I took the flower from Hetty's desk.

Nell:
You took a flower from Hetty's desk.

Eric:
Yeah. She cuts them herself. It's a big bunch. Hetty will never miss it.

Nell:
Hm-hmm.

Eric:
I'm doomed, aren't I?

Nell:
You sacrificed yourself to compete with me.

Callen:
And there's a third body. Nell, please read the C.I.A. report - verbatim.

Nell:
"At approximately 1730 the remains of a black male approximately 40 years of age were found in a field 20 kilometers outside of Khartoum. The body was badly burned preventing immediate identification."

Hetty:
The body is a match for Sam - in height and weight.

Hetty:
Mr. Callen, it appears that Agent Salleh is right. There is a leak in the C.I.A.'s chain of command.

Callen:
I understand.

Hetty:
[Callen leaves Ops. To Kensi and Deeks] Find that leak.

Callen:
There's a leak.

Sam:
If Khaleed knew about me, I'd be dead already.

Callen:
Doesn't mean it's not gonna happen.

Sam:
I'm staying in, G.

Deeks:
Rand's dead. Gunshot wounds.

Eric:
Are you sure he's dead?

Deeks:
Eric, I'm looking right at the body.

Eric:
Well,that's really weird.

Hetty:
Why?

Eric:
Because there's another email being composed right this second from Rand to Khaleed's compound.

Hetty:
Crash that network *now*! Whatever you have to do. Bring it down. Do not let that get email get out!

Eric:
It's part of the C.I.A.'s network. It's not going to be easy.

Hetty:
Deeks, Kensi, you have to get to Rand's computer *now*!

Deeks:
[Kensi enters the back of Deeks's car] Did anybody ever tell you how cute you are when you're homicidal angry?

Kensi:
I'm not angry. In fact, I could slit your jugular vein 11 different ways from where I'm sitting and wouldn't lose my temper.

Deeks:
I'm sorry I had to lie to you. I was protecting you.

Kensi:
You were protecting me?

Deeks:
Us

Kensi:
Us?

Deeks:
Our...Our thing

Kensi:
Whoa! So there is a thing?

Hetty:
Detective Deeks.

Deeks:
Yes?

Hetty:
The LAPD has cut its ties with NCIS. Liason duties are discontinued effective immediately... I'm sorry. [leaves]

Kensi:
Wh-what does that mean?

Deeks:
Hetty just fired me.

Bates:
You regret it?

Deeks:
I thought the lowrider was going to kill the girl then kill me. I made a judgement call. I'll live with it.

Bates:
I meant NCIS. I thought they'd fight a lot harder to keep you. Apparently, you don't belong there either.

Bates:
Not easy losing partners, is it?

Kensi:
Partners come and go.

Bates:
I wasn't always a cop, you know?

Kensi:
You served as an intelligence officer for the Army, conduction several interrogations during Desert Storm.

Bates:
And you just lied to my face. Partners like Deeks don't just come and go. What's the story with you and him?

Kensi:
Well, if he ever decides to call me, I'll be sure to ask him.

Kensi:
Hey, Nell, whatever happened to that file I asked you for? The one on the aryan low rider that Deeks shot at the park.

Nell:
Oh right, um, I'm sorry I guess I forgot.

Kensi:
You never forget anything, Nell.

Nell:
Um, yeah. I told them this wouldn't work.

Eric:
Okay, so right after you guys left Monica Lee's office, she called a pay phone located two blocks away from the LAPD Precinct. I'm seeing a dozen other incoming calls to her PDA over the past few days, all from pay phones within walking distance of the same area.

Callen:
So the mole's definitely a cop or someone who works closely with them.

Sam:
And he's making life way too easy for Fisk. If we don't find him, that RDX is as good as gone.

Kensi:
[Entering Ops] You kept me in the dark!

Callen:
Please tell me you didn't waterboard Nell.

Kensi:
The guy Deeks killed this morning, he isn't dead. He's an undercover NCIS agent working out of D.C. , who, in fact, just landed in Dulles Airport alive and well. You stuck fake tattoos on him and made me believe that my partner shot an unarmed man. Why would you do that?

Sam:
Had to be convincing for LAPD and Bates or else they never would have taken Deeks back.

Nell:
Sorry guys.

Callen:
The woman Deeks rescued is also one of ours.

Sam:
The whole thing is a setup.

Kensi:
That is why you stationed me and Deeks so far away from Fisk and the Aryans. The op this morning wasn't about them. It was about your ruse. I knew something was off. I knew it!

Callen:
We suspected Fisk had a mole. It was a ploy to force Bates to cut ties and take Deeks back from us.

Kensi:
Do you guys have any idea what I've been through today?

Sam:
It was Hetty's call, Kensi.

Callen:
All right. There must be other toy ponies.

Sam:
You don't get it. She talks. She flaps her wings. And she responds to 30 commands.

Kensi:
OH! Five more than Deeks.

Deeks:
[enters] How's that? Talking about me?

Nell:
Ugh. It's my mom again. She's wondering why everyone's home but me.

Eric:
What do you tell them?

Nell:
Working. I'm a TV News Editor. What about you?

Eric:
Professional Blackjack Player.

Nell:
Really?

Eric:
True until I got banned from Vegas.

Eric:
Did I just meet your parents?

Nell:
Guess so.

Eric:
What have they heard about me?

Nell:
Well,

[Eric's station beeps]

Nell:
Ooo, you got a hit. Better call Sam.

Hetty:
Mr. Callen, Mr. Hanna, should you find yourselves on the roof, there will be no air support. A helicopter would drop like a stone in an EMP. I hope you have a Plan B if you can't stop this thing from firing.

Callen:
Sam's working on Plan B.

Sam:
I'm working on Plan A. You're working on Plan B.

Callen:
We're still working on Plan B.

Hetty:
Is that so? Well, I hope it doesn't involve me identifying both of you from your dental records.

Callen:
Well, maybe Santa will bring it to her.

Sam:
Maybe I'll tell her Uncle Callen said he'd get it for her. "It's okay baby girl, Uncle Callen didn't mean to let you down."

Deeks:
That's messed up!

Callen:
You wouldn't.

Kensi:
You shouldn't!

Sam:
Ho ho ho.

Granger:
I was referring to your ability to mesmerize your staff into believing your the second coming.

Hetty:
My staff is a complimentary group of independent thinkers. And you would be wise to not let your personal vendetta cloud your judgment of them - or me.

Granger:
Is this where you quote Sun Tzu in a thinly veiled threat?

Hetty:
I'll leave the cliches to you, Owen.

Granger:
Your remaining time would best be spend getting your affairs in order, Henrietta... I'm not afraid of you. [leaves]

Hetty:
That was your first mistake.

Callen:
[about Granger] He's here to stay ,isn't he?

Hetty:
He's here definitely. How long he stays remains to be seen.

Callen:
Should I be worried about you?

Hetty:
Not as much as he should be.

Callen:
I don't suppose you want to tell me the story of you two.

Hetty:
It's still being written.

Callen:
I hope it has a happy ending. [leaves]

Hetty:
...Not bloody likely.

Deeks:
You uh, you missed a - button.

Kensi:
Oh. You heard the guy. He was this close to giving up his partner. I had him eating out my hand.

Deeks:
How's that?

Kensi:
Just drive.

Granger:
Special Agent G. Callen.

Callen:
Who are you?

Granger:
The direct approach. You know, that's an interesting approach, unless of course, you're walking into a trap.

Granger:
That's great. You brought your entire team with you. Unfortunately, it makes it so much easier to blow you all up.

[Callen tackles Granger. Sam points his weapon at Granger]

Sam:
Twitch - I shoot.

Granger:
Is that a catchphrase?

Deeks:
The real question is: do you think you were born a tomboy or did you become one because your father really wanted a son?

Kensi :
You did not just say that!

Sam:
What are former French Operatives doing in our country, period?

Deeks:
You'd think they'd have learned their lesson after Kensi kicked one of their ferers in the croissants.

Kensi:
You know it.

Sam:
Scuttlebutt is Granger's gone.

Hetty:
Oh that.

Callen:
Do we need t check your trunk?

Hetty:
I wish. No, I think this is a temporary reprieve. I think he's off tormenting some other division. He'll come back when he grows bored making their lives a living Hell.

Nell:
You get a hit on the SUV?

Eric:
Kaliedescope's got nothing. You'd think that a car with front end damage and bullet holes in the windshield would make this easier.

Nell:
This is L.A...

Callen:
He's got a grenade!

Deeks:
Oh come on! Who does that?

Alex:
I appreciate your help, but I can't come in with you. I only have *12 hours* to find my family!

Kensi:
What if you don't?

Deeks:
I don't have much of a choice.

Sam:
Are you really prepared to kill Jada?

Deeks:
...Please don't try to follow me. I'm sorry.

[Alex puts down the grenade and runs away]

Deeks:
I'm not talking about what they want, alright? Forget what they want. I'm talking about us. Alright, I'm your partner what makes you think I'm gonna let you do this by yourself?

Kensi:
Because you're my partner and this is my mother and you're the only person I trust.