Numb3rs, Season Four

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Charles, the monks do not appreciate FBI agents knocking on their doors, especially during the morning contemplation.

Charlie Eppes:
Don, you have a big ego.

Don Eppes:
Thanks.

Charlie Eppes:
No, you have a ginormous ego.

Don Eppes:
Thanks.

Charlie Eppes:
I know math is full of absolutes; unfortunately, the rest of the world isn't.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
You can contemplate silence, but you can never find it.

Megan Reeves:
It's hard to believe people line up to get into this place.

David Sinclair:
Lots more line up to get turned away. Don't ever say I don't take you to the hottest places.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Other things keep thinking me.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
[in reference to darts] Unfortunately, my bird keeps trying to nest in the hallway.

Alan Eppes:
Look at this workload of mine. How do these kids do it?

Charlie Eppes:
They're kids.

David Sinclair:
Manager says he's a model tenant. Quiet, pays his rent on time.

Colby Granger:
Yeah, and the Son of Sam's the Employee of the Month.

Colby Granger:
Not to diss his decorating sense, but I've definitely seen obsession done better.

Charlie Eppes:
You're right.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
About what?

Don Eppes:
I told you they got me seeing a therapist?

Lt. Gary Walker:
Who isn't these days?

Lt. Gary Walker:
I've gotten used to not understanding what the hell you're talking about.

Charlie Eppes:
It's great to see you too, Lieutenant.

Charlie Eppes:
The two great adult influences in my life are heading off to blow up pumpkins.

Lt. Gary Walker:
Scotch always tastes better if someone else is buying.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
That page is blank.

Charlie Eppes:
Not after I sign it.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
I'm the only one here who has visitors. Even the vow of silence guys are grumbling.

Amita Ramanujan:
I got it! I stole his mojo bag!

Charlie Eppes:
[to Megan and Colby via phone] She just stole his mojo.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Charles, you look like someone just stole your chalk.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Who is this person that belongs to this mess?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
I sense a big hairy "but" coming. Ooh, pardon my terrible pun.

Charlie Eppes:
I know how to trap this guy.

Colby Granger:
Yeah? Does it involve your deceptive upper body strength?

Binky Moore:
The nerds love me.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
[to Alan] You can move in with me, but I don't live anywhere.

Charlie Eppes:
I have the willpower of a field mouse!

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
But in that field you are a very popular mouse!

Don Eppes:
Let me ask you something not about this.

David Sinclair:
About Liz?

Don Eppes:
Yeah, how did you know?

David Sinclair:
You asked permission to ask.

Amita Ramanujan:
If we had a DTMF decoder … that's a Dual-tone multi-frequency. It's touchtone.

David Sinclair:
Why couldn't you have just said that to begin with?

Amita Ramanujan:
Yeah, but it wouldn't have been as much fun.

David Sinclair:
Any hunch from Charlie is like a hunch plus.

Don Eppes:
Megan's on a bit of a timeout.

David Sinclair:
Again?

Charlie Eppes:
Knocking on the door from 300 miles above Earth.

David Sinclair:
Well, we're about to knock a lot harder.

Megan Reeves:
Hugh Jackman in a Wolverine outfit. Now, that was hot.

Ross Moore:
Justice? Kid, you read too many comic books.

Charlie Eppes:
Galactus? That's the guy who ate planets.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Yeah, but he was stellar Darwinism. He was necessary to the survival of the universe.

Charlie Eppes:
What?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
He was the third four, along with eternity and death.

Charlie Eppes:
Larry, he wanted to eat the Earth.

Megan Reeves:
Naked carjacking. That's the worst kind.

Alan Eppes:
Charlie sees math as beautiful, and he wants everyone else to love it the way he does.

Don Eppes:
You gotta give up on this one, buddy.

Charlie Eppes:
I didn't get where I am by giving up on being right.

Charlie Eppes:
[watching the elevators] If we were to stand here for several hours …

Alan Eppes:
Saved by the bell!

Charlie Eppes:
He's Warspying.

Liz Warner:
Just when I'm convinced you can't come up with something new.

Alan Eppes:
What? So we'll just wait?

Charlie Eppes:
Until they need me.

Alan Eppes:
What are they gonna need you for?

Charlie Eppes:
There's always something.

Ben Blakely:
It's the human urge to light up the dark corners for answers in other people…but at the end of the day, there are no answers there. Just more lives as sad and singular as our own

Charlie Eppes:
There is nothing wrong with my driving.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
So the chorus of car horns that follows in your wake … what is that? A spontaneous phenomenon?

Charlie Eppes:
Dad, you called a tenured university professor to come fix the koi pond?

Amita Ramanujan:
Charlie, you really can't be too careful.

Charlie Eppes:
You're wrong. This is proof right here you can be too careful.

Colby Granger:
You can't just keep going around telling everybody you're fine.

Charlie Eppes:
Well, obviously, I'm not fine.

Colby Granger:
That's why you got to do something about it. It doesn't matter how scared you were. It doesn't matter if you wet your pants, man. There's nobody out here who's gonna hear it.

Alan Eppes:
Oh, come on, no. The house is fine - it's old, but it works … you know, mostly … I mean, it's a lot like me.

Ray Galuski:
No offense, but if you got to get a FBI bodyguard, why not get that hot one we worked with, Agent Reeves? Pretty sure she was diggin' me!

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
You know, actually, Ray - Agent Reeves - or Megan - and I, we're kind of involved.

Ray Galuski:
[laughs] … You're serious?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Yeah, I am. And a little less incredulity on your part would be appreciated.

Ray Galuski:
No, Larry, sorry. It's just that how often do women like that get involved with guys like us? Nice going!

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Okay, well - thank you!

Alan Eppes:
[to Don, about Charlie] He's not one of your agents! You know that, right?

Alan Eppes:
They're having an all-night math-a-thon in the living room.

Rapist:
It's just sex, guys.

Colby Granger:
We'll see how you feel when you become someone's cell block bitch.

Charlie Eppes:
We're going to need dry-erase boards. Lots of dry-erase boards.

[David asks Colby to climb up the trellis]

Colby Granger:
Yeah. Colby, go down the elevator shaft. Colby, jump in the bay. Hey, Colby, climb the Sixth Street Bridge.

David Sinclair:
I went out on the bridge with you, okay?

David Sinclair:
What's the deal with the waffles, man?

Amita Ramanujan:
I think it's Charlie's way of saying that your family is whoever you want to eat waffles with.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
That's a worthy sentiment.

Megan Reeves:
And one that's even better with syrup.

David Sinclair:
[talking to Colby] You, my friend, are a prisoner of high standards and low social skills.

Robin Brooks:
You can be a real bastard sometimes.

Don Eppes:
Yeah! My shrink said something like that!

Robin Brooks:
This shrink - has he taught you how to say "I was wrong" yet?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
When I'm stuck, I've always found the work pattern of a certain Englishman to be inspirational.

Amita Ramanujan:
Sir Isaac Newton?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
No, Sherlock Holmes.

Charlie Eppes:
According to my instructor, in the event of a firefight my best course of action is to get into a fetal position and call for my mama.

Megan Reeves:
At least it's not porn.

David Sinclair:
That would be Granger's computer.

Colby Granger:
Only on Saturday nights.

Don Eppes:
All right, so where is the "I told you so"?

Liz Warner:
You made the call you thought was right. It sucks being the boss. But you know what? It's not a democracy.

Liz Warner:
Okay, so you're thinking if Ferraro and Porter are trained to act in a certain way, we'll be able to predict what their next move will be?

Colby Granger:
Yeah. Maybe Charlie will be able to slap it into one of those algorithmic, geo-profiling, hot-zone hot-pocket deals.

Don Eppes:
Put it just like that when you ask him.

Alan Eppes:
[to Larry] Not everyone has the emotional and intellectual resource to search for God in a supercollider.

David Sinclair:
I hate to break this up, but I was about to pass out from the marker fumes.

Amita Ramanujan:
Ah, yes, that would be the lemon. I told you it was too much.

Charlie Eppes:
[sniffing the pen] I like it.

David Sinclair:
It smells like a urinal cake.

Charlie Eppes:
Oh boy, that's the fourth security camera we passed since they buzzed us through the gate.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Extremist in Orwellian paranoia as well as stunted religious beliefs.

M.E. Ridenhour:
We all have normal levels of heavy metal like arsenic or mercury in our bodies. Hair shows abnormal dosages.

David Sinclair:
Even a year later?

M.E. Ridenhour:
They dug up Napoleon and it worked on him, so yeah, I think we still got a window here.

David Sinclair:
"Was gonna wait for the fire department to get here, but uh Granger made me look bad by running in there."

Don Eppes:
"Ah."

Colby Granger:
"Right the reluctant hero, hey, at least you got to carry the girl."

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Her parents were both schooled here. They raised her here. I'm sure they're very intelligent, cosmopolitan people.

Charlie Eppes:
They tried to arrange a marriage for her.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Yeah, that had slipped my mind.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
I haven't heard of any of these artists, and it's not like I've been living in a cave.

Charlie Eppes:
No, just a space station and a monastery … and - oh yeah! - the steam tunnels.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Point taken.

Amita Ramanujan:
I didn't say it was rational, it just feels weird.

Charlie Eppes:
My Dad knows you spend the night. That's never been weird.

Alan Eppes:
Well, it's weird now, thank you very much.

Charlie Eppes:
Hey, Larry. How was the departmental breakfast?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
It was less than stellar. I was running late, and the only available seat was next to Professor Heinslose.

Charlie Eppes:
The slurper.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
You know, all he had was the fruit plate, and he was deafening.

Charlie Eppes:
I'm in!

Alan Eppes:
Oh yeah, you're in. But you must realise of course, that now you have to marry her.

Charlie Eppes:
[to Don] You and I have two very different world views, and that's fine. But now you're crossing into my world and making assumptions about how people like me can or should work.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
I have to confess, this whole business of rearranging DNA to suit human needs, I find very exciting; in this rather … life-threatening, world-ending sort of way.