Osomatsu-san

Narrator:
Osomatsu-kun returns!

[Title card, of the same name.]

Osomatsu:
It's an emergency! It's an emergency, I tell you! Karamatsu!

Karamatsu:
Huh?

Osomatsu:
Choromatsu!

Choromatsu:
Hmm?

Osomatsu:
Ichimatsu!

Ichimatsu:
Huh?

Osomatsu:
Jyushimatsu!

Jyushimatsu:
Huh?

Osomatsu:
Todomatsu!

Todomatsu:
Hmm?

All (Except Osomatsu):
What's the matter, Osomatsu-niisan?

Osomatsu:
It's an emergency! To commemorate the 80th anniversary of Akatsuka Fujio's birth, they're reviving the anime about us sextuplets again.

All (Except Osomatsu):
Whaaaat?!

Todomatsu:
Are you serious, Osomatsu-niisan?

Osomatsu:
I am! In fact, it's already started!

All (Except Osomatsu):
Huh?

[All, except Osomatsu, yell in surprise, with presumably Todomatsu falling to the floor. They then begin errupting into cheers, with Choromatsu looking rather concerned.]

Choromatsu:
I'm worried...

Osomatsu:
What's the matter, Choromatsu?

Choromatsu:
We're an anime from the Showa era. I'm not sure we'll be popular now...

Osomatsu:
It'll be fine!

All (Except Osomatsu and Choromatsu):
Don't worry about it!

Osomatsu:
This is us! If you say something like that when we've just started, it's reaaally harsh!

Choromatsu:
Can we use that? Isn't that gag a bit old?!

Karamatsu:
Sorry about that.

Choromatsu:
Wha?

Ichimatsu:
Gachon!

Choromatsu:
What?!

Jyushimatsu:
I wasn't invited? I wasn't invited...

Todomatsu:
Well, excuse me!

[All, except Choromatsu, fall to the floor.]

All (Except Choromatsu):
D'oh!

Choromatsu:
Waah! There's no way we'll be popular like this!

Iyami:
Oh? Did you already run into some trouble, zansu?

All:
That voice!

Iyami:
Ohoooo! It's been a while, zansu!

All:
Iyami!

Iyami:
Me gags have been loved through the generations, zansu! Here it comes, zansu! Sheeeeehhh~!

[All, except Choromatsu, begin applauding, laughing and whistling.]

Choromatsu:
Wait, really? Is this really okay? Will people really get this?

Iyami:
Now, once more due to popular demand... Shee-

[The door opens, and Iyami is launched out of the way, Totoko having pushed him.]

Totoko:
Hey, wait a sec!

All:
Totoko-chan!

Totoko:
Is it true? Are we really coming back as an anime?

Osomatsu:
It's true! No doubt about it! Look!

All, except Choromatsu and Osomatsu:
Yay!

[Everyone in the room, besides Osomatsu and Choromatsu, begin cheering, with Chibita and Dayon crying.]

Hatabo:
We did it, jo!

Choromatsu, thinking:
Hatabou...

Chibita:
I never thought this day would come, damn it!

Choromatsu, thinking:
Chibita...

Dekapan:
I'm so happy, dasu.

Choromatsu, thinking:
Dekapan...

Dayon:
So happy, yon...!

Choromatsu, thinking:
Dayon...

[Choromatsu, whilst internally monologuing, begins to sweat furiously.]

Choromatsu, thinking:
Wh-What should we do? We're not okay at all. Making an anime now in this day and age with these characters... Actually, have these guys even looked in the mirror? They totally look like they're from the Showa era. Where is their confidence and happiness even coming from?

Osomatsu:
Who wants to go play pachinko?! Look! They got new machines in.

[Osomatsu begins to disturb his brothers' sleep, moving around on top of them and shaking them.]

Osomatsu:
We totally have to go. I feel like I'll get a ton of balls today. Though I say that all the time. The best part about pachinko is right before you go. It's just like porn. You're the most excited when you're trying to choose one, yup!

Osomatsu:
I've been thinking this for a while, but there are a lot of things you don't tell us. Why is that? We're your brothers, so tell us. Let's tell each other things.

Todomatsu:
Well, I didn't think I needed to tell you, since we're brothers. Not to mention, we're all adults over twenty now. It seems pretty creepy to tell you guys everything.

Choromatsu:
Yeah, I get that. I see your point. But we're talking about Mount Fuji here. I'd probably still be telling you guys about that when I got old. Isn't that normal?

Todomatsu:
Hmm...

Choromatsu:
Seriously? You don't get it?

Osomatsu:
Also, your smartphone.

Todomatsu:
Smartphone?

Osomatsu:
You just suddenly had one. You never said you were going to buy one, and you never told us after you did. Where did you even get the money? And then there's Sutabaa. Don't secretly get a job. Tell us. Besides, we're all NEETs. Don't you think it's wrong for one of us to get a job on his own?

Todomatsu:
Hmm... I don't think so.

Choromatsu:
Also, this haunted house. This is bad news.

Todomatsu:
Huh?

Choromatsu:
Scaring people who go into the house and making them scream... This is clearly bullying.

Todomatsu:
Bullying?! How?!

Choromatsu:
Well, it's very scary.

Todomatsu:
Well, it is a haunted house.

Choromatsu:
Please don't scare people inside the house, so it won't look like bullying.

Todomatsu:
But then they'll just be walking through a house! That's boring as hell!

Choromatsu:
My, my, what is this attitude? If you can't obey my orders, I'll just have to dock your pay. I'll write nasty things about you on SNS and force the cultural fair itself to be canceled.

Todomatsu:
That's bullying, isn't it? You're clearly bullying me now, aren't you?

Choromatsu:
I'd rather you call it power harassment.

Todomatsu:
That's not okay, either!

Jyushimatsu:
Let's kill him.

Karamatsu:
It's been a while.[1]