Ouran High School Host Club

Haruhi:
The day before school started, one of the kids in my neighborhood got some gum in my hair. It's a real pain to get gum outta long hair, so I decided to cut it all off. I didn't care if I looked like a dude, you know.

Tamaki:
Hosts should never refer to ourself as a "dude!" MA-MA! Haruhi's using those dirty boy words again.

Kaoru:
I'm sorry, but who is "Mama?"

Kyoya:
Based on club position, I assume it's me.

Haruhi (sees Hikaru dressed as the Cheshire Cat leaning against a pillar):
Mr. Cat... (Hikaru disappears behind the pillar) Um...

Kaoru:
Over here. (Haruhi turns around and sees Kaoru also dressed as the Cheshire Cat leaning against another pillar) Surprised?

Haruhi:
Uh... Yeah.

Kaoru (slinking around the pillar):
I am able to disappear...

Hikaru (coming out from behind another pillar):
...and reappear like this.

Haruhi:
That's amazing. (Hikaru chuckles) So, there's something I'd like to ask. Which way do I go?

Hikaru (slinking around the pillar):
That depends...

Kaoru (coming out from the opposite pillar):
...on where you want to go.

Haruhi:
I want to go home. Back to where I was before. (Kaoru disappears behind the pillar; Hikaru appears from the opposite pillar)

Hikaru:
Going home without having an audience with the Queen... (Hikaru disappears behind the pillar)

Kaoru (appearing from the opposite pillar):
...is not allowed in this place. (he disappears behind the pillar)

Haruhi:
Who is the Queen? (Haruhi stays for a few seconds and walks away; Hikaru whirls around a pillar)

Hikaru:
The Queen... (disappears behind the pillar; Kaoru whirls around the opposite pillar)

Kaoru:
...is the one who... (disappears behind the pillar; Hikaru whirls around the opposite pillar)

Hikaru:
...you might say... (disappears behind the pillar; Kaoru whirls around the opposite pillar)

Kaoru:
...rules this world. (disappears behind the pillar; Haruhi stops walking)

Haruhi:
I can't talk to you when you won't stand still, so both of you come on out together. (Hikaru peaks out of the pillar)

Hikaru:
Both of us? (Kaoru peaks out of the pillar)

Kaoru:
What do you mean?

Haruhi:
Okay, fine. (Haruhi walks away; Kaoru and Hikaru both come out from behind the pillars and stare at each other after awhile)

Haruhi (sees Hikaru dressed as the Cheshire Cat leaning against a pillar):
Mr. Cat... (Hikaru disappears behind the pillar) Wait!

Kaoru:
Over here. (Haruhi turns around and sees Kaoru also dressed as the Cheshire Cat leaning against another pillar) Pretty neat, huh?

Haruhi:
Um... Sure, I guess.

Kaoru (slinking around the pillar):
I can disappear...

Hikaru (coming out from behind another pillar):
...and reappear anywhere.

Haruhi:
That's great. (Hikaru chuckles) So listen, I'm a little turned around. Do you mind telling me the best way to get out of here?

Hikaru (slinking around the pillar):
That all depends...

Kaoru (coming out from the opposite pillar):
...on where it is you're trying to go.

Haruhi:
Home, of course. Back to where I was before. (Kaoru disappears behind the pillar; Hikaru appears from the opposite pillar)

Hikaru:
I'm afraid leaving here without having an audience with the Queen... (Hikaru disappears behind the pillar)

Kaoru (appearing from the opposite pillar):
...is strictly forbiden. (he disappears behind the pillar)

Haruhi:
An audience with the Queen? (Haruhi stays for a few seconds and walks away; Hikaru whirls around a pillar)

Hikaru:
You might say... (disappears behind the pillar; Kaoru whirls around the opposite pillar)

Kaoru:
...that the Queen... (disappears behind the pillar; Hikaru whirls around the opposite pillar)

Hikaru:
...keeps close tabs... (disappears behind the pillar; Kaoru whirls around the opposite pillar)

Kaoru:
...on all her subjects. (disappears behind the pillar; Haruhi stops walking)

Haruhi:
This is ridiculous. If you wanna talk, come on and stand still, both of you. (Hikaru peaks out of the pillar)

Hikaru:
Both of us? (Kaoru peaks out of the pillar)

Kaoru:
What do you mean?

Haruhi:
Never mind. (Haruhi walks away; Kaoru and Hikaru both come out from behind the pillars and stare at each other after awhile)

Hikaru:
(about Tamaki and Haruhi)Are you sure it's a good idea--

Kaoru:
--to leave the two of them alone?

Kyoya:
She's with our prince, Tamaki. What could possibly go wrong?

Hikaru and Kaoru:
(Opening the door to the room Tamaki and Haruhi are in) Hey, Boss! We're coming in!

Tamaki:
With the blindfold on you can't see anything, and the earplugs help muffle any sound!

Haruhi:
Wow! You're right!

Hikaru:
...You nasty pervert

Tamaki:
AH!!

Kaoru:
What kind of foreplay is that?!

Tamaki:
It's...not like that! IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!!

Hikaru:
You better watch your back Haruhi.

Kaoru:
I never would have pegged the boss as an S&M pervert.

Tamaki:
I told you! It wasn't like that at all!

Haruhi:
(Sitting in the car) I see. Well, now I know what S&M is. (While rolling up the window) I can't believe I almost let you get away with it.

Tamaki:
I wasn't doing anything freaky! I was trying to help you.

Kyoya:
Let's go.

Tamaki:
HEY!!! Don't leave without meeeee! Wait you guuuuys!

Tamaki:
What good are dreams, if all you do is work? There's more to life than hitting the books, I hope you know.

Haruhi:
But I have to study to do well.

Tamaki:
That's all fine but what about having a good time?

Haruhi:
Having a good time?

Tamaki:
Having a good time.

Honey:
Having a good time.

Mori:
Having a good time.

Haruhi:
...Having a...good time...

Hikaru:
And another thing, how come this stupid script portrays Kaoru as the pitcher?

Kaoru:
Yeah...

Haruhi:
What does that mean?

Hikaru and Kaoru:
If you don't know, nevermind.

Kasanoda:
M-m-mah?!

Hikaru and Kaoru:
You're a big ol' perve!

Tamaki:
Shut up before I beat both of your faces in!

Honey:
Picking on my friends is bad, got it?

Nekozawa:
But I thought you were against the occult.

Renge:
It's okay for fiction. It's NOT okay for fashion.

Tamaki:
Daddy. Says. NO!

Hikaru:
Sex Pixie!

Kaoru:
Sicko!

Hikaru and Kaoru:
YOUR MOMMA WEARS TOO MUCH MAKE-UP! THAT'S IT! WE'RE OVER!

Tamaki Suoh:
And? Why does a human weapon like you want to be Mori-senpai's apprentice?

Kasanoda:
No. I'm not a human weapon. I was just born with this scary-looking face.

Hitachiin Twins:
So you're aware of it, Casanova.

Kasanoda:
It's Kasanoda!

Hitachiin Twins, Tamaki Suou:
Bossa-Nova?

Kasanoda:
[eyes glow red as he makes evil, scary face] I said it's KASANODA, damn it! You guys wanna die or something?

Hitachiin Twins, Tamaki Suou:
[Tamaki and the Twins cower behind sofa] That is a pretty scary face...

Host Club:
Haruhi-chan! Please come out to play!

Ranka:
(opens door, no make up on, obviously annoyed at having been woken up)

Host Club:
(run away)

Tamaki?:
Sorry. Wrong house.

Tamaki:
Kyouya, do you have any lotion? This sun burn is- (sees Kyouya shirtless and Haruhi on the bed, screams like a maniac)

Kyouya:
Here. Use as much as you want, you big goof.

Tamaki:
Mommy Haruhi's using thoes dirty boy words again!

Hikaru:
Who's Mommy?

Kyoya:
By club posstion I would assume it's me

Tamaki:
Mommy

Kyoya:
What is it Daddy?