Private Practice, Season 1

Violet:
Look, I know she has the largest chunk in this practice, but we agreed to equal votes. We are supposed to vote! Sam, you ought to do something!

Sam:
What, me?

Violet:
This divorce is killing us! You need to apologize.

Pete:
Just say you were wrong for walking out, so we can get back to being a happy family.

Violet:
Yeah!

Sam:
I never... I-I didn't... I am not apologizing to her. She's the one.... Naomi hires Addison and then moves her in right next door to me. I saw her naked this morning.

Cooper:
You saw her naked?

Pete:
Did she look good naked?

Violet & Sam:
Focus!

Naomi:
You'll have Dell. He's studying to be a midwife.

Addison:
The cute boy who answers the phone?

Cooper:
[to Addison] Do you think there's something wrong with, uh, having sex with a woman who wants you to call her... mama?

Addison:
I need you to say it.

Pete:
You did not move down here because I kissed you. [Addison begins walking away] You so moved down here because I kissed you.

Addison:
[to herself] I heard that!

[In the conference room]

Violet:
We're a team. We're partners, Naomi.

Sam:
You can't just bring somebody in.

Pete:
Without asking us.

Cooper:
Yeah.

Sam:
We're a democracy. We vote.

Violet:
We vote or it doesn't happen.

Naomi:
You're right. We should've voted. I was wrong.

Violet:
Good. Okay, let's vote.

Addison:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a minute. Uh, I have been working here less than 24 hours, and in that time I discovered that I not welcome here, I learned I am a one-man gynie show, and I performed crazy McGyver surgery, and... Sam saw my booty. So, this has not been a great day for me. This day kind of sucked. But you know what I had one patient... one patient the entire day, and I loved it. So you want me gone? Too bad. I'm in. I'm putting my foot down. My foot's down. It's down. I'm not going anywhere. So... yeah. I thought I... I thought I had a big finish but... I don't. So... I'm done. No, no. I do have a big finish. If I hadn't been here today, if you'd had someone else, that girl would've died delivering her baby. I saved her life. I saved your asses. I'm a world-class neonatal surgeon. And I'm here to stay. Welcome to the new Oceanside Wellness. [Addison leaves]

Naomi:
That's why I didn't tell you she was coming.

Pete:
Addison is mad at me because Cooper hired a stripper.

Violet:
I'm ignoring the stripper. Today is a day for ignoring things. I am all business today.

Pete:
God. I am a wreck. Long day.

Addison:
I just sent a man to jail for trying to get rid of his own kid, but... your day sounds really hard.

Pete:
I didn't know.

Addison:
Oh, no. Of course not. You spent the entire day dealing with the perils of aromatherapy and uh... your stripper.

Pete:
I know you don't believe me, but I like my women real. Real skin, real breasts, real lines around their eyes that mean that they've really lived and had pain. You show me that woman, and I'm interested... and not in a slippery way. [gets up to leave, but stops] And, Addison... I think it's great that you try to take care of Naomi, but who takes care of you?

Addison:
[soaking wet] It rains in Seattle which is where I left my umbrella! It does not rain in Los Angeles!

Dell:
It rains in LA, it's raining right now.

Addison:
Really? Right now!

[Talking about Pete with Naomi and Violet]

Addison:
I don't even know if he's normal. One minute he's hot, the next minute he's arctic; I don't need that kind of damage, no matter how fancy his lips are; here he comes.

Addison:
You know this is a very serious issue. This is a woman who has needs, who has wants, who needs and wants magic in her life. This is not a dirty little joke that you can make your dirty little jokes about, dirty man.

Pete:
You don't know me at all. You think you do, but you don't, so don't call me names.

Addison:
Why has nobody, including you, responded to my invitation tonight? I invited everyone from work to my home over a week ago, a week...

Sam:
Addison, I live three feet away from your new home, If you have a party, I'm going to be there even if I don't want to be.

Addison:
What a delightful acceptance.

Dell:
Did I mention I'm a total whiz at the female anatomy? I-I-I'm acing my midwifery classes. I got it all up here.

Addison:
Yeah, yeah, keep it up there.

Dell:
[shouting in a room filled with patients] Vulva! Labium majus!

Sam:
If that's flirting, you need new skills.

Cooper:
Violet! Step away from the pee-pee!

Pete:
I barely notice your incredible breasts or your cellulite-free thighs because your brain is such an immense turn-on to a man as highly evolved as I am.

Violet:
William Jefferson Clinton.

Addison:
Huh?

Violet:
It's 2010. Bill and Hillary have grown apart. It's nothing he did, just... it happens. We inexplicably run into each other at the Lincoln Memorial and it's very late night...

Addison:
[groaning] Oh my god.

Violet:
He recognizes something in me, something that makes him feel... whole. So we talk about the Camp David Summit, some chat about how we can't possibly, the Secret Service. Next thing you know I have a presidential library in Little Rock and there's a legendary picture of me and Bill laughing and sharing sections of The Times while our child plays under the dinner table, and... orgasm.

Naomi:
You're really over Allen, aren't you?

Violet:
Oh, I got Bill now. Bill's all I need.

Sam:
I like to think that pain is what forces us to grow.

Addison [about Charlotte]:
Fascinating. She's been here all night?

Pete:
She snores...

Naomi:
God, asleep, she looks almost harmless.

Addison:
Hm, like a sleeping tiger.

Pete:
Shh. Don't wake the tiger.

Naomi:
You do a lot for the practice.

Dell:
You are the practice. And you keep it running; the way you deal with the patients, the way you care. Your dream is what started it in the first place.

Naomi:
And Sam's.

Dell:
And Sam's. [moves in closer to Naomi] But I do it for you.

Dell:
[excited about monitoring a birth] I'm here to monitor your contractions.

Sara:
Alright.

Dell:
Uh, any questions or concerns, anything I could do to help?

Sara:
Oh, no, nah. I've done three of these, I just say a little prayer, and go. You just sit there and catch the baby like it's a football, okay?

Addison:
And you are a thinker. So, what do you think? About me and Pete. Come on, Nay, you're my friend.

Naomi:
Okay. Fine. You said you want change, and you pick Pete. What, a cute doctor boy with nice eyes. That's not change, that's your MO. You're just... you're rushing into something new.

Addison:
I'm not. I'm... making a decision to take a chance on something that feels right.

Naomi:
Because you're afraid to be alone.

Addison:
So what if I am?! Surprise, Naomi, I'm susceptible to the human condition. Look through our other men, I mean there are men in uniform I cannot be alone with right now. I did not pick Pete because I'm desperate and lonely. Pete is my choice

[Violet and Cooper are getting ready to have sex. Violet has just disrobed]

Cooper:
[looks up from taking off his trousers] Oh, you're... wow, you're naked.

Violet:
Yeah, it makes the sex easier.

Cooper:
It's just, ah, I've never seen you naked. In the office, you always have your clothes on.

Violet:
Well, yeah, I try to be a professional.

[Cooper stands there with his arms crossed in front of him]

Violet:
[indicating to his underwear] Rip off the bandaid, Coop. I did.

Cooper:
[after a long pause] Yeah... can't.

Violet:
Y... you have to... you've already seen me naked.

Cooper:
I know, and you're... beautiful. I'm sorry, I... thought I could but... [starts putting his clothes back on]

Violet:
You can't reject me, you have low standards... you have no standards!

Cooper:
It's different, Violet.

Violet:
No, it's not different! I... I am offering you uncomplicated, unemotional sex.

Cooper:
No! I... You're... you're not some random girl from the Internet, with you it doesn't mean nothing... it never will...

[Sam walks into the cafeteria. Pete and Cooper are there]

Sam:
They're behind closed doors.

Cooper:
Who?

Sam:
The women... If they're gonna talk about us, we should talk about them.

Cooper:
Yeah, let's talk, let's talk smack.

Addison:
I was humiliated.

Violet:
Were you completely naked? Did you stand in front of him like a peeled banana while he looked over your best parts? Because I have good parts and Cooper passed on them. I have good parts!

Addison:
Damm right you do and so do I!

Violet:
I like your breasts.

Addison:
You have a good ass.

Violet:
Thank you! I like it.

Naomi:
Hey, hey, hey! The point is, we should not be having sex in the office.

Violet:
Who's having sex in the office?

Naomi:
No one. No one! That's the point! It gets complicated, you just... you don't know where you stand.

Naomi:
God's trying to tell us something.

Sam:
It's a coincidence.

Naomi:
No, we have sex and then the day after our priest summons us. It's the fires of hell, Sam. We had sex!

Sam:
Just don't mention we had a divorce, I don't need a lecture.

Naomi:
Huh?

Sam:
Play it cool.

Naomi:
Yeah, that's cool.

Father Mark:
Thank you so much for coming.

Naomi:
We had sex and, and we're divorced.

Sam:
What about sleepwalking? You bumping into things?

Wendell:
What am I, an idiot?

Nate:
You are kind of a klutz.

Wendell:
Watch it.

Nate:
Or what? You're going to come over here and fall on me?

Dell:
What did you do to her?

Sam:
Excuse me?

Dell:
You heard me. What did you do?

Sam:
I don't think that's any of your business.

Dell:
No, it is, okay?

Sam:
No, it's not! Dell, I know that you're upset about Wendell...

Dell:
This is nothing to do with him! Okay? Every time she walks away from you, she's miserable. And I care about how she feels, okay? I care!

Sam:
Dell...

Dell:
No, I know what you think, but this isn't just a crush. Okay? Maybe after so many years you just don't see it. You know how many women think like that, and, and look like that and laugh like that and care? One. So far I've met one. And yeah she's, she's out of my league in every possible way, but I don't care. She... dazzles me, and I'm not stupid enough to hope that one day I'll meet someone like her when the time is right because I won't. I love her, okay? And I guarantee you, I wouldn't make her cry.

Sam:
Okay, uh, Dell, I know that you're under a lot of stress right now, so I'm going to pretend you didn't just say those things about my wife.

Cooper:
Who kicked your dog?

Pete:
I think I'm helping some other guy win over Addison.

Cooper:
Good job.

Pete:
It'd be weird to punch him out now, right?

Cooper:
Yeah, a little bit.

Charlotte:
[to Cooper] Sex is best when you feel like you want to kill the other person.