Queer as Folk, Series 1

Unfinished Business [1.02]:
Can you believe it? They've got toilets in which no one's ever had sex! Vince, talking about straight bars.

Unfinished Business [1.02]:
Vince, talking about straight bars.

Unfinished Business [1.02]:
It's the exact opposite of childbirth. First you have the baby, then you get fucked. Stuart, who has donated sperm to help a lesbian couple have a baby, on discovering their financial demands.

Unfinished Business [1.02]:
Stuart, who has donated sperm to help a lesbian couple have a baby, on discovering their financial demands.

Constant Craving [1.05]: Nathan: Donna, you don't know her! You don't know anything! Cos you're straight! Right? You're part of the system! Right? You're part of the fascist heterosexual orthodoxy! Donna: I'm black. And I'm a girl. Try that for a week. Nathan talking to his classmate and friend Donna (played by Carla Henry).

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Nathan talking to his classmate and friend Donna (played by Carla Henry).

Constant Craving [1.05]: Stuart: Give him six months and he'll be able to name all the Doctor Whos, in order – William Hartnell, Patrick Troughton, Jon Pertwee, Tom Baker, Peter Davison, Colin Baker, Sylvester McCoy. Vince: What about Paul McGann? Both Together: Paul McGann doesn't count! Stuart comments on Vince's obsession with Doctor Who and its effect on his new boyfriend.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Stuart comments on Vince's obsession with Doctor Who and its effect on his new boyfriend.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: Says he’s 36, the liar. I’m sitting here with an old man. It’s like the auditions for Cocoon 3.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Stuart: Tell him that story about the broken leg, that always works.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Nathan: [barges in] Is that Vince? Say hello for me.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Stuart: Uh, some twat says hello.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: is that Nathan? Stuart, listen, his mother had a rag on me. Do us a favor and keep an eye on him?

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Stuart: Never mind him, just think about yourself for once.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Cameron: We could go somewhere afterwards, I dunno. There’s pubs open, you’re the expert.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: Yeah. Listen, I’ve gotta make this call, there’s this boy and no one’s looking after him. Bit of a crisis, you don’t mind?

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: Stuart, seriously, it’s your fault he’s left home. He could wander off at anywhere.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Stuart: Hold on, call waiting. [Answers it] Yeah?

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Marie: [sarcastically] Thank you Stuart, thank you so much. I’ve had Ben crying his eyes out, that’s all he needs, another man to abandon him.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Stuart: I did phone Marie, I left a message. It’s just, it’s an emergency, I’ve gotta work.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Marie: You’re in a bar, I can hear it! How many dates do you think I get anyway, a mother with two kids?

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Stuart: Hold on, call waiting. [Answers]

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Sandra (Stuart’s PA): Are you with Martin Brooks? Cause his mobile’s switched off. His wife’s on the phone, the roof falling or something.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Stuart: Martin, it’s your wife.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Martin: I’m not here.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Stuart: He’s not here.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: Call waiting. He’s a busy man.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Cameron: Look, I really don’t mind, but can you put the phone down? Just for a minute.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: Yeah... Sure. Sorry.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Cameron: Right. Cause if you wanna go clubbing, I could uh...

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: I’m sorry. It’s this boy, I promised his mother. [Answers] Hello?

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Marie: You’ve kept me waiting long enough, now put him on the phone!

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: I’m not with Stuart.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Marie: You’re always with him! I was supposed to be on a date and he’s ruined it!

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: I’m not. Honestly, I’m not. Hold on, call waiting again. [Answers] Yeah?

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Sandra: Vince, put him on. I know full well he’s taken Martin Brooks to some godforsaken dive.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: I’m not with Stuart!

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Sandra: His wife’s going mental.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: Whose wife?

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Sandra: Martin Brooks’!

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: Who the hell is Martin Brooks? Hold on, call waiting. [Answers] What?!

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Stuart: You hung up on me.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: Are you with Martin Brooks?

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Stuart: How do you know Martin Brooks?

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: I’ve got Sandra chasing Martin Brooks.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Stuart: I’ve never heard of Martin Brooks.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: [Switches calls, accidentally answers Marie’s instead of Sandra’s] He’s not with Martin Brooks.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Marie: Who the hell is Martin Brooks?

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: Sorry, wrong woman, hold on. [Switches calls again to Sandra] Sandra, no Martin Brooks.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Sandra: He is with Martin Brooks! And his roof has fallen in!

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: Whose roof’s fallen in?!

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: Hold on. [Switches calls] Marie. Is your date with Martin Brooks?

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Marie: Who the fuck is Martin Brooks?!

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: I don’t know. But he’s got a wife and a dodgy roof.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Cameron: [exasperated] Wait a minute, I know Martin Brooks, give me the phone.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: Oi, that’s my phone!

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Cameron: [Grabs Vince and kisses him] Call me.

Constant Craving [1.05]:
Vince: What with?!

Married .. with Children [1.06]: Nathan's dad: He's fifteen years old. He's fifteen. That boy is fifteen! Stuart: So? That Jeep's only six months, and you've still gone and buggered it! Nathan's dad deliberately rams Stuart's jeep and confronts him over his relationship with Nathan.

Married .. with Children [1.06]:
Nathan's dad deliberately rams Stuart's jeep and confronts him over his relationship with Nathan.

That'S What Friends Are for [1.07]:
Stuart: Here she is! Rosalie, have you met Cameron? Let's go say hello. Cameron! This is Cameron, he's Vince's boyfriend. They've been going out for ages! Cameron says Vince shags like a rabbit! He's bought him a car! He's the perfect boyfriend – they're practically married! Stuart has invited Rosalie, one of Vince's co-workers who does not know he is gay and has a crush on him, to his birthday party.

That'S What Friends Are for [1.07]:
Stuart has invited Rosalie, one of Vince's co-workers who does not know he is gay and has a crush on him, to his birthday party.

1.08: Nathan: I'm still gonna go out, to the Village. Nathan's dad: Not on school nights you're not. Nathan: And I'm not gonna change. You know that, don't you? Cos it isn't a phase. I'm not gonna grow out of it. I'm gonna be gay forever. Nathan's dad: You've made your mind up. It's obvious there's no stopping you. It's Helen I'm worried about. She's ten years old. She's a child. I don't want her head filled with notions. Nathan: Like what? Nathan's dad: As far as Helen's concerned, the anus is for shit. Got that? The next night, Nathan and Donna run away to London.

1.08:
The next night, Nathan and Donna run away to London.