Red Dwarf, Back to Earth (Series IX)

Cat:
I'm walking through the cargo deck, right? Minding my own damn business. When all of a sudden, you know that big tank on G deck?

Lister:
He means the water tank.

Cat:
Suddenly there is a disturbance on the surface of the tank and this massive testicle shoots out of the water and grabs me by the throat.

Lister:
He means tentacle.

Rimmer:
I hope so.

Lister:
You were supposed to be manning the sonar, Rimmer! You could have gotten us all killed!

Rimmer:
Is this about you again? It is, isn't it? Can't you see right now I need some me time? My heart is still hammering. I don't know how I got through that.

Lister:
You wasn't even there!

Rimmer:
I was nearly there. That's close enough for me.

Katerina:
Something is not right! It's saying we don't exist! How can this be possible? "Taking to nearest valid reality". Makes no sense at all.

Katerina:
You think you outsmart me, yes? But you don't, I here. Cut a second hole.

Rimmer:
Science officer, excellent. So pleased you've caught up with us.

Katerina:
You gave me slip, I know. You not want to be erased. But you won't defeat me, I too smart.

Rimmer:
Erase me? I thought it was murder to kill a hologram.

Katerina:
No, hologram already dead. Morally, ethically, hologram killing fine!

Rimmer:
Fair enough. [Rimmer suddenly pushes her into oncoming traffic, and her image shorts out] Come on, we haven't got all day.

Kryten:
She didn't see that coming, did she? I did.

Lister:
(About Craig Charles, his actor) I'm so glad I'm not him. The guy's a wreck. And pretending to be someone else all day, that's no way to make a living. Smeghead.

Cat:
Whats going to happen to everybody in the reality we left? The guys all watching us on T.V?

Kryten:
Well, they will continue to exist as a consequence of us creating them in our hallucination, sir. Its quantum mechanics, every decision that is made creates a new universe, as do all dreams and hallucinations, its multi-verse 1.0.1.

Rimmer:
But those sad suckers will live out the rest of their lives convinced they're the real ones and we are characters from a T.V show.

Lister:
And you know if you tell them the truth, you know what they would probably do?

Rimmer:
Laugh.

Lister:
Yeah. [They all sn*gger] They probably would.

Driving with Kochanski, Lister stops Carbug abruptly and walks into woods

Hallucination Kochanski:
Where are you going?

Lister:
I have to leave and get you back.

Hallucination Kochanski:
The real me? You'll never get me, I'm way out of your league!

Lister:
I thought that too, but I was wrong.

Hallucination Kochanski:
You were right.

Lister:
Nah, I'm pretty cool. I don't take any smeg. And even though I'm disgusting, sometimes I can be quite brave.

Hallucination Kochanski:
You'll never get me.

Lister:
Yeah, I will.